Work Text:
Sometimes Mark questions himself the difference between platonic and romantic love. There are days where he lays on Donghyuck’s bed and stares at the glow in the dark stars that are slowly peeling off from the ceiling as Donghyuck does his homework by the study table and wonders if this feeling—this rush of overwhelming feels—when he’s around Donghyuck is simply platonic or more than just that.
What he knows though, is that he wants to hold Donghyuck’s hand even if the other would scrunch his nose and lie that he hates hand holding, and cradle the younger’s face gently and tell him that everything will be okay in the end if Donghyuck ever feels like the world is against him. It’s so disgustingly cheesy, the way Mark just wants to love the younger and make sure that he feels it. It’s so disgustingly cheesy, that Mark just so happens to feel this amount of love, whichever it is, for his best friend.
He also knows that Donghyuck feels the same. Mark may be oblivious sometimes, but this—whatever this is between them—they both know. They don’t say anything about it though. Donghyuck is also probably trying to figure out whatever this is between them. There isn’t a need to rush. They have time. They understand each other.
He still remembers when he had first met Donghyuck. He remembers the younger boy sulking in the empty sand box one fine summer afternoon with no one to play with. Mark had frequently played in the sand box as the others were occupying the swings, the slides and the see-saw. No one really paid attention to the sand box, though he remembers that there was a time, when they had just built it; the sand box was too packed for anyone to actually build a sand castle. But they all had fun nonetheless.
It surprised him when he saw another boy who was close to his age in the sand box he frequently played in by himself. His Johnny hyung used to play with him but during that time when Mark had met Donghyuck for the first time, Johnny was getting a little too old for that, so Mark usually had fun by himself as his mother went grocery shopping or ran some other errands. Mark had never seen Donghyuck in his neighbourhood before and he looked like he was bored as he didn’t have anyone to play with.
Like the little angel Mark was (and still is), he joined Donghyuck in the sand box and asked if he wanted to play with some of the toys he had brought as well. The younger had looked a little afraid and reluctant to say ‘yes’, but Mark gave him an assuring smile, as if to tell him that it is okay for them to play together and Mark isn’t a bad person, and Donghyuck agreed.
Mark remembers the sudden spark in the younger’s eyes as he excitedly accepts the toys that Mark had offered to share. Mark still sees the same spark in those brown orbs, though they are rare to see now. But those times, those times when he sees the spark in Donghyuck’s eyes are his favourite.
Mark had introduced himself first, voice gentle and soft so that Donghyuck could feel safe around him and that he was trusted.
“My name is Minhyung but people also call me Mark and I’m turning six this August. What about you?”
“I’m Donghyuck! Five this June!”
Donghyuck decided to just refer the older as Mark instead of Minhyung because he found it weird to say ‘Minhyung hyung’ although the ‘Mark’ in ‘Mark hyung’ had felt awkward as it rolled on his tongue at first. Donghyuck also had a cute lisp when he talked, and it was one of the most adorable things Mark had seen. It isn’t obvious now that Donghyuck is sixteen but Mark will always remember the cute little Donghyuck with a lisp.
But anyway, that was how they had met. And ever since then, they were best friends—each other’s constants in their respective lives, and Mark hopes that it’ll stay that way forever because who else can take such an important role in his life if it wasn’t Donghyuck, the one who occasionally tells him to stop breathing so damn loud or stop breathing entirely?
:::
There are times when Donghyuck hates that Mark is so nice and likable because Mark is so popular and well admired in school. Sometimes the older is pulled away from him and Donghyuck would be left alone for the entire lunch. He knows that it isn’t Mark’s fault for being such a nice, thoughtful person but would it really hurt to say ‘no’ to others?
It isn’t like Donghyuck is jealous or anything whenever Mark is being taken away from him (read: Donghyuck is in fact, very jealous) but they were always together and never really did anything without each other. Donghyuck knows that he shouldn’t be selfish, and that Mark does not belong to him or to anyone, especially now that Donghyuck managed to be in the same class as him as he was smart enough to move up a grade and they’re spending even more time together.
But Donghyuck is just human, and he really can’t help it that he’s a little selfish and wants Mark more to himself even though they already spend a lot of time together. Sometimes Donghyuck also worries if Mark would ever find someone better than him, someone who could replace his best friend title. Because it really isn’t that impossible, considering how Donghyuck has a sharp tongue and could say some not very nice things to Mark and the older male is liked by so many others that it isn’t very hard to find another best friend.
Sometimes Donghyuck wishes that he could be a little nicer, just like Mark, so that he wouldn’t have to worry about losing his own best friend, but it can’t be helped. He was already like this since he was very young, especially after being hurt a couple of times. Although Mark had constantly assured him that he could never find anyone better than Donghyuck or anyone who fits the role of his best friend other than the younger. But again, Donghyuck is only human, and he has many doubts.
Tonight just so happens to be one of those nights where he doubts his best friend role and he desperately needs to be assured. Donghyuck hates it whenever he feels this way. He hates being needy and in constant need of attention and assurance. Donghyuck doesn’t like relying on people, but somehow, he always finds himself relying on his Mark hyung even when he doesn’t want to.
Donghyuck
Are u busy?
Mark
Not rlly
Why??
Donghyuck
Come over?
Mark
Be there in 5
Do u have ice cream
Donghyuck
Yes u loser
Hurry
Donghyuck leaves the comfort of his bed and his room to head to the kitchen. Mark is always asking if there is ice cream whenever he comes over even though he knows that Donghyuck will always have it (because Mark comes over almost every day and he practically lives at Donghyuck’s now) and he always stocks up the ice cream. Donghyuck opens the freezer and takes out two ice cream pints for each of them. Mark loves the chocolate mint flavour (which Donghyuck finds absolutely disgusting), while he loves the classic cookies ‘n cream flavour, so they never share their ice cream.
He takes two spoons before heading back to his room with the ice cream pints and places them on the bedside table. Donghyuck also takes more pillows from the bottom of his wardrobe because he knows that Mark will stay overnight. Donghyuck’s mother would always make a fuss over them taking so many pillows because most of the them will end up on the floor anyway as the bed doesn’t have that much space to contain so many pillows with two teenagers, but Donghyuck just ignores her.
Just as he finally settles down on his bed, he hears his bedroom’s door creak open. He looks up to see Mark by the door. Donghyuck reminds him to close the door and pats on his bed as he also tells Mark to hurry before the ice cream melts.
“What are you upset about tonight?” Mark asks as he takes his chocolate mint ice cream pint and the spoon placed on Donghyuck’s bedside table and plops down on the bed.
“Why do you always assume that when I call you over at night it means that I am upset about something?”
“Because my assumption has never been wrong,” Mark says though it’s slightly muffled because of the ice cream he had stuffed in his mouth. Donghyuck wipes the ice cream that had dribbled down slightly from Mark’s mouth with his thumb. “So, tell me, what’s bothering you?”
Donghyuck swallows the ice cream, and sighs contentedly at the taste of cookies ‘n cream. “Nothing much.”
Mark raises an eyebrow and snorts. “Really? Nothing much? Did you just want to hang out then?”
“Yeah.”
“Y’know you can’t fool me, right?”
“Hyung, you’ve been fooled so many times by me.”
“Just tell me what’s going on. I don’t want you to go to sleep feeling like shit.”
Donghyuck heaves a sigh. There really is no use arguing with Mark about this because at times like this is when he can get stubborn and pester Donghyuck about it until he spills. The thing is, Donghyuck doesn’t want to tell Mark about how he’s doubting himself (again) because there have been so many other nights where the older male comes over to clear his doubts about the same damn thing. He doesn’t want to bore Mark and he personally finds himself absolutely ridiculous. Donghyuck doesn’t get how Mark still puts up with him.
“You’ve heard this many times. I don’t want to bore you by making you listen to the same things over and over again.”
Mark frowns. “Is this about you being afraid of losing me as your best friend again?”
The younger male shamefully nods and stuffs more ice cream in his mouth. Mark still thinks that there is no need for Donghyuck to be so afraid because Mark doesn’t want to lose him either, and Donghyuck will always have a special place in his heart just like Johnny does. But nonetheless, Mark understands, and he doesn’t mind making sure that Donghyuck is wanted and is very important to him.
Mark sets the pint on the table again and Donghyuck follows suit. The older male holds Donghyuck’s face with both hands and squishes it, making the boy look like a fish. Mark laughs when Donghyuck whines and pushes his hands away from his face and then laces his fingers together with Donghyuck’s. The boy scrunches his nose but he doesn’t pull his hand away from Mark’s, which in return makes him smile.
“I won’t get bored of listening to you even if it’s about the same things over and over again. I never have and I never will. I think that it’s my fault for making you doubt yourself. It shows that I haven’t made you feel important enough and I’m sorry for that. But y’know, there really won’t be anyone else who could replace you. You and I... We’ve been best friends for so long. Have some faith in our friendship. And have some faith in yourself. You’re greater than who you think you are which means that you’re really, really great, because most of the time you think that you’re the best out of everyone in the whole world.”
Donghyuck laughs a little and he doesn’t disagree. It is true that most of the time he finds that he’s better than everyone else out there. It’s just that sometimes he thinks a little too much and starts to feel this way.
“I don’t think... I could ever find someone like you. You’re the only one who’d kick me off my own bed.” Donghyuck grins, clearly gaining some more of his confidence back because the grin tells Mark that he doesn’t feel bad about it at all.
“Okay. I’m sorry. I’m just being ridiculous. I don’t know why I’m like this sometimes.”
“Don’t be sorry. Everyone has those days. You’ve comforted me when I felt this way too. Though I think I’m a little better at picking nicer comforting words.”
“Shut up. Just love me.”
:::
“Hyung! How come you’re back?”
Mark is pleasantly surprised to see Johnny on his couch, eating some chips as he watches the television. He sees an unfamiliar drama showing on the television, but then again Mark rarely watches the television anymore and he doesn’t know any of the current ongoing dramas.
Johnny turns his head to look at the younger by the door with Donghyuck next to him. He gets up from the couch and heads towards them with arms wide open, ready to engulf them in a bone crushing hug. Donghyuck always whines whenever he does it and Johnny always finds it funny. Mark just laughs along with him whenever it happens.
“It’s semester break so I thought I’d come and visit you guys.”
Mark rarely ever sees Johnny anymore because the male is already in college, and the campus is so far away from home that he just stays at the dorms there now. The two, along with Donghyuck, have always been spending their time together. Johnny has always been the closest cousin to Mark and they were inseparable since they were so young. They don’t even think of each other as cousins anymore—just brothers.
The seventeen year old boy still remembers those times when Johnny had used to drive both Donghyuck and Mark to school early in the morning before he heads to his own school. They’d all have kimbap that Mark’s mother had prepared in the morning, although they were too sleepy to eat and most of the times Mark and Donghyuck fell asleep with kimbap stuffed in their mouths. Sometimes Johnny also brought the kids to a late night drive, of course with their parents’ permission as well, on a non school night and they always blasted songs and sang (more like shouted) the lyrics in the car with the windows open.
Mark remembers the laughter and joy those moments brought him, and on some nights he wishes that he still had Johnny here with him and Donghyuck and do the things they used to always do together. But everyone grows up, and Johnny has his own friends and a boyfriend now too, so Mark is thankful for all the memories they had together, and he is also thankful that he still has Donghyuck by his side.
“I missed you man. It’s been so long! Your hair is really long too,” Mark says as he stares at Johnny’s chestnut brown locks.
The three of them plops on the couch and munches on the snacks that Johnny had left on the table. The couch is a little small for the three of them now since they have all grown (Donghyuck whined about not having enough space and called Johnny a ‘fat ass’ which receives a laugh from the older male) but they make do. It’s funny to see how much they have all grown, but there really is nothing much that had changed between the three of them.
“You guys have grown up so much. But I don’t think you’ll ever be taller than me though.”
Donghyuck snorts and rolls his eyes. “Well at least if there’s ever gonna be a lightning strike, you’ll save me and Mark hyung and die first.”
Johnny and Mark guffaws, and their hands clutches their stomach as they’re laughing so hard from Donghyuck’s comment. Ah, no one can control the youngest’s sharp tongue, not even Mark. And really, nothing much has changed.
Donghyuck heads home by nine in the PM because his mother had wanted him home (something about spending so much time with Mark and not her, which isn’t even anything new because this has been going on for a long time, but Donghyuck guesses that his mother is just feeling very moody that night) and they bid him goodbye, but not without Johnny’s bone crushing hug once again.
Johnny told them that he’ll be sending them both to school tomorrow, so they will be able to wake up a little later than usual. Mark and Donghyuck cheered at the thought of being able have a few extra minutes of sleep, and they’re also happy that it’s going to be just like the old times when Johnny was in high school. It’s always nice to be doing something they used to do together all the time, even if it's just for short while. They all agree that they missed those times.
Johnny is staying over at Mark’s tonight since he is going to be sending the kids to school—he previously got emotional at the thought of sending them to their high school instead of middle school (“ah, the kids grow up so fast”)—and Mark’s parents don’t seem to mind him staying over as long as his own parents are fine with it.
Mark is preparing the mattress, pillows and the blanket for Johnny to sleep with on the floor of his room as Johnny washes up before bed. The older male can no longer share the bed with Mark, unlike how they used to, because the bed wouldn’t be able to fit them both now that Johnny has gotten bigger. Mark’s bed is smaller than Donghyuck’s and whenever Donghyuck stays over, it’d be a little squeezy for them both which is why Mark just sleeps over at Donghyuck’s most of the time now. Since it can barely fit Mark and Donghyuck, it definitely cannot fit Johnny and Mark together.
His phone vibrates a few moments after he has settled on his own bed, and he sees that he has gotten a few messages from Donghyuck.
Donghyuck
mom’s so moody today -.-
shes venting it out on me
whats new
and shes suddenly talking about my studies???
like its outta nowhere but like..ok I guess
Mark
wish u could just stay over :((
whats she saying about ur studies??
havent u been doing well??
Donghyuck
me 2
yeah I have??
doing better than u too
idk whats her problem
she said I havent been trying hard enough
Mark
Now Is Not The Time To Slander Me
And Im the One Whos Been Teaching You
Excuse
:/ shes just moody
u’ve been doing the best that u can
so its ok
thats all that matters
Donghyuck
It’s Always The Time To Slander You
I Think I’ll Do Fine Without You
Excused
and yeah whatever
im gon sleep now
goodnight
Mark
>:-((
ok
goodnight
“Who are you texting?” Johnny asks as he enters the room.
He’s drying his hair with the towel and closes the door with his leg as both hands are busy drying his hair before he settles on the mattress that Mark had carefully laid out on the floor for him to sleep on that night.
“Donghyuck. But he’s going to sleep now."
Johnny chuckles. “Ah, of course. Who else would you text?”
“Hey, I have other friends too.”
“Yeah but do you even talk to them when you’re not in school?”
“I do!”
“Sure.”
Mark ignores Johnny’s sarcastic reply and places the blanket over him as he lies down. Johnny does the same once his hair is dry enough for him to lie down. The older male grabs his phone and types something—Mark figures that he is probably texting someone.
“Who are you texting?”
“Ten.”
“Ah, of course. Who else would you text?”
Johnny laughs after hearing the same words that he had uttered to Mark earlier and the younger joins him as well. He then continues to text his boyfriend, and the room is suddenly quiet except from the noise coming from the fan. Mark closes his eyes and tries to sleep, but it’s actually a little early from his usual bedtime, so he is unable to sleep.
“Hey Johnny.” The male hums in reply.
“How do you know when you love someone…in a romantic kind of way? Like love love kind of way?”
Johnny sets his phone next to his pillow. “Hm. I don’t know. But what I remember is that all I wanted to do was hold his hand and kiss him stupid. And spend the rest of my life with him, y’know? He’s the only one I see in my future.”
Mark thinks about those words, and realises that it’s no different from how he had felt with Donghyuck, and then he wonders if whatever this is that he feels for Donghyuck is the kind of love Johnny feels with Ten.
“Why? Is this about Donghyuck?”
Mark hums. “Yeah. I just… don’t know where our friendship is heading towards. But I’m sure that he feels the same way and is just as unsure as I am. But y’know, I want to do those things with him too but I don’t exactly see myself being in a relationship with him? But I can only see him in the future too….Ah it’s weird and complicated.”
“Maybe you just don’t feel it yet? I haven’t been in this kind of situation, so I’m really not the best person to talk to about this. But you’re still very young. You don’t have to rush.”
“I know.”
Mark doesn’t have much sleep that night, all because his thoughts were revolving entirely on Donghyuck and the friendship that they have. He only manages to go to sleep when he realises that he’s just thinking too much.
But it’s no different for Donghyuck too.
They’ve both been laying in bed and staring at the ceiling for most of the night when they were supposed to be sleeping—too busy thinking about each other to be able to sleep.
:::
Mark and Donghyuck had been dozing off at the backseat of Johnny’s car, which wasn’t anything new. But at least they managed to finish their breakfast before they fell into a deep slumber again. Johnny figures that they both hadn’t had any much sleep the night before because they didn’t even bicker in the car like they used to (usually it’s something about who gets the bigger kimbap, which is pretty stupid, but they’re always stupid) and the whole ride to their school had been so quiet that Johnny had to turn up the volume of the stereo.
Johnny shakes their shoulders to wake them up and Donghyuck whines about giving him five more minutes of sleep. Mark and Donghyuck had both woken up later than they were supposed to and they were almost late for school, which made Johnny drive even faster than he always did. There is no time for an additional five minutes of sleep when they were already going to be late if that happens.
Mark wakes up from his slumber first, and notices that Johnny is having a hard time trying to wake Donghyuck, so he pinches the younger boy’s cheeks. It works at least, although it had made Donghyuck yelp in pain and mutter a string of curses which received a ‘watch your language!’ from both Johnny and Mark.
“Hurry up. We’re going to be late.”
“Ass.”
They make it to school without being late (say ‘yay’ for no detention) but they still rush to class anyway because their homeroom teacher is always early and she doesn’t like it when her students come in later than she does. The moment the two finally sits on their seats which are right next to each other, their classmates turn to them and asks if they’ve studied for the math test later.
Oh, the joy.
“There’s a test?” Donghyuck blurts as he turns to Mark. Usually, if he had no idea about any upcoming tests, Mark would have told him about it and they would study together. This time though, he didn’t hear anything from the older.
Mark looks just as clueless as he is, and he realises that Mark doesn’t know anything about it either, which could be the only explanation as to why Donghyuck wasn’t reminded of the math test. They’re both staring at each other with a look of panic and one of their classmates laughs at them.
“You guys didn’t know, huh? It’s okay, most of us didn’t study for it either. So we’ll just die together.”
Mark smiles nervously at the classmate before trying to recall any announcements about the math test. He’s always responsible of remembering about any upcoming tests between him and Donghyuck, and he knows the younger would be in a huge trouble if he ever flunks a test so he always makes sure that he pays attention if the teacher announces that they’re going to have a test.
The last math class they had was only two days ago, and he doesn’t remember the teacher talking about an upcoming test. He remembers that they were learning about trigonometry or something, and he was paying his fullest attention as the lesson went on. They also had a worksheet to complete on that day. And then he remembers that Donghyuck was throwing eraser bits at him just to annoy him, and he threw some of them back at the other boy—ah, so that was why he didn’t hear anything about the test, he thinks.
They were too busy trying to laugh as quietly as they can as they threw eraser bits at one another while the teacher had informed them about the test. He heaves an exasperated sigh.
“When’s math?” He asks Donghyuck, who already has the textbook laid on the table before him. He already seems to know what was going to be tested on the test and is trying his best to absorb anything important.
“Second period. The test’s about what we learnt last lesson.”
Mark guesses that he’ll be fine for the test, just that he wouldn’t do exceptionally well since he hadn’t prepared for it. But he’s worried for Donghyuck. He knows that Donghyuck is capable, but his mother…she won’t be too happy if she sees that his test scores aren’t up to their standards, especially since she’s been stressed out and not in the best mood. Donghyuck suffers everytime his mother is having a tough time.
“Sorry man, I didn’t know.”
Donghyuck smiles so that Mark wouldn’t feel so bad about it. “It’s fine. It’s not like I’m doomed or anything. I know shit.”
“Still—“
“Let’s have a bet. If I get a better score, you’ll do whatever I ask you to. And if you get a better score, then I’ll do what you ask me to.”
“Like I’d let you beat me. Game on, loser.”
It turns out that the two boys don’t really play fair. It has been ten minutes into the test and Donghyuck is stuck at the third question. He sees some of his classmates patting each other’s shoulders, whispering answers and passing small pieces of paper, most likely with answers written on it, whenever their teacher isn’t looking. He decides to do the same as well.
“Psst, Mark.”
Mark doesn’t hear him the first time, too focused on solving one of the questions. Donghyuck finds it unfair how Mark seems to know more than he does, but then he remembers that Mark only seems to know his shit and that he could probably be just as clueless as he is—which could be a bad thing if he’s going to ask him for help. He suddenly hopes that his best friend knows what he is doing.
Donghyuck waits for another opportunity until he turns to his best friend for help again. This time, he pokes Mark’s arm with his pen.
Mark jumps slightly in his seat, startled by Donghyuck’s action. He looks at the teacher to make sure that she isn’t looking before he turns to Donghyuck again and mouths, ‘What?’
The younger boy lifts his paper and points at question number three, the one he is stuck in, with his pen and shrugs his shoulders a few times to show Mark that he doesn’t know the answer to the question. Mark squints and leans a little closer to see which question Donghyuck was talking about.
It turns out that he had already done the question and he flips to the page where he had already written his answers. He looks up to see what the teacher is currently up to, and he quickly faces down to look at his paper again when he sees the teacher turning her head to look at his direction. Donghyuck does the same.
He waits for a few more moments before looking up to see what the teacher is doing, and he sees that she’s currently texting someone.
“Psst.”
Donghyuck immediately turns to look at Mark. The older lifts his paper showing the page with answers for question three, and he brings his arm out a little so that it’s closer to Donghyuck and it’s easier for him to see. Mark keeps a lookout for the teacher while Donghyuck leans in and copies some the workings until he knows how to solve it. He pushes Mark’s arm so that he knows he’s already done looking at it. Mark quickly places his paper back on his table again.
The two try to stifle their laugh as they continue doing their work, finding the situation somewhat funny. Mark notes that a time like this, when they’re cheating off each other in math, is also something that brings him some kind of joy that he’s unable to explain.
They both mutually agree to call off the bet since they weren’t being fair about it but they still decide to go for some ice cream after school because Donghyuck thinks they deserve to treat themselves after going through all of that. He also thinks that he’ll definitely ace that test (“yeah, thanks to my answers”) so he takes this as a present for himself for doing well on that test.
(“You don’t even know what you’re going to get!”
“I have a good feeling about this. I’m really gonna ace it!”
“You’re a cheater!”
“Like you’re any better!")
:::
Donghyuck has been having a tough time these days. He hasn’t talked to Mark about it though, because he doesn’t want to rely on the older so much. But at the same time, he also feels as if he’s about to break soon enough if he doesn’t talk to someone about it.
His mother has been stressing him out for the past few days. It’s probably because she’s been having a tough time at work—he remembers her ranting about how annoyingly demanding her boss has been, especially when it came to her, and he remembers her talking about how she could possibly get fired soon because her boss had threatened her a couple of times if she doesn’t step up.
But he doesn’t like it that his mother has been taking it out on him when he has been doing nothing wrong. Really, it’s not like he rebels or anything. He does whatever his mother expects of him, and he’s been doing well for his exams and tests too, so he doesn’t see why sometimes she complains about him not working so hard. He notices that his father rarely comes home now as well. He guesses that that’s also probably another factor on why his mother has been acting up.
He supposes that this is something he still can handle, although it’s driving him a little mad. Donghyuck has been through this a couple of times so it really isn’t anything new to him. At least he still has Mark with him, so it’s all fine. Or at least he tries to convince himself that it is. He still remembers the words Mark had said to him, about not bothering about how harsh his mother’s words can be, because he’s been giving his very best at everything he does and he’s healthy and that’s pretty much all that matters. Mark had also told him that he’s got his back and that he’ll always support Donghyuck.
“I’m really proud of you,” he had said, before pressing a soft kiss on Donghyuck’s forehead. It was enough to comfort the younger. It was more than enough.
Donghyuck doesn’t really know what their friendship is. He’s a little confused, but he also thinks that he’s a little young to be understanding matters like this. But the way Mark holds his hands and rubs circles on them with his thumb, and the way he holds Donghyuck in his arms as the younger buries his head in the crook of his neck and occasionally giving him forehead kisses were enough to give Donghyuck a sense of comfort. It also makes him…feel things—things that he can’t quite explain, but they’re not unpleasant.
However, eventually he breaks, and it isn’t because of his mother, but because of someone who means a whole lot to him as well. His best friend, his constant, his Mark hyung.
Donghyuck knows that it isn’t Mark’s fault and that it isn’t intentional. But it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s so utterly hurt. He wonders if this is what people call heartbreak, because if it is, then he finally knows why everyone hates the feeling with every fiber of their being. It feels like he’s being stabbed with a knife, or anything that’s sharp, and he also feels as if his heart is being squeezed mercifully. He feels empty, but at the same time he’s overwhelmed by so many feelings at once.
Donghyuck was simply waiting for Mark by his locker. It was one of the classes they didn’t have together, and Donghyuck’s class had been released before Mark’s. They’ve always waited for one another if they had different classes on their last period so that they could head home together, or go over one of their houses to simply hang out, so it wasn’t anything Donghyuck isn’t used to. He isn’t so fond of waiting though, because of his impatient nature.
But Mark was just taking too damn long and Donghyuck has been observing other students as they walk past him. He had seen a couple of Mark’s classmates that he recognised walking past him, fifteen minutes after he’s been waiting for Mark at his locker. He thought that he would be seeing Mark’s figure soon, but it turned out that he was wrong because he had been waiting for Mark for another ten minutes and there was no sight of him.
He sighed exasperatedly before he headed to Mark’s class where he had history. He saw the older at one of the tables right as he was about to enter and call him, but then he saw another girl with him. She was really pretty, and Donghyuck recognised her as well. Many of the guys in their batch had a crush or an eye-candy on her. She was admired by many, just like Mark was.
Donghyuck didn’t call out for him but he had waited by the door. Mark didn’t notice his presence.
“Mark I… I’ve liked you for a really long time. You’re really just my type,” the girl laughed nervously. “I was wondering if you’d go out with me some time. Like a date?”
Donghyuck had stopped himself from gasping out loud. He couldn’t believe that he was walking in on a confession. A confession that was meant for his best friend. His Mark hyung.
“Uh, I like you too, and I would—“
The boy didn’t stay to hear the rest of the things that Mark was about to say. He had already heard enough, and he didn’t want to be even more hurt than he already was just by those few words. All he could do then was run.
And he ran, he ran home until his legs and lungs were about to give out, until he had bent on his knees in front of his door and gasped for air and until his back was wet with sweat from all the running under the hot sun. Somehow all the running had made him feel the slightest bit better. But that didn’t stop the hurt and the buzzing in his ears. It didn’t stop the tears either.
Donghyuck is already settled on his bed when Mark sends him a couple of messages. He had tried to stop himself from reading and replying them, but he was never able to control himself when it came to the older.
Mark
where r u?
Donghyuck
home
Mark
u didn’t wait 4 me? :(((
i was looking everywhere for u :((((
Donghyuck
u were taking too long
Mark
i’m coming over
i have something to tell u!!!!!
Donghyuck
don’t
im busy
Mark
???? :((((
with what??
Donghyuck doesn’t reply his best friend after that. He refuses to hear whatever it is that Mark wants to tell him, because he already knows what it is going to be about. He just spends the rest of the time crying, and he sheds so many tears until he ran out of them. And then he just falls into a deep slumber, too tired from all the running and the crying and the emotions.
:::
Mark knows that there’s something up with Donghyuck lately. But he doesn’t know what has been bothering the younger male because he hadn’t talked to Mark about it. Usually if something has been bothering Donghyuck, he’d go to Mark and talk to him about what’s been bothering him. He notices that the boy has sort of (more like definitely) been avoiding him for the past few days. What he wants to know is why.
He has tried approaching Donghyuck and asking him why he’s been acting that way. But every time he does, Donghyuck simply shakes his head and tells him ‘nothing’, and that’s about it. Donghyuck hasn’t been talking to him much either, and when he actually does after much pestering and persuasion by Mark, all that comes out of his mouth are just one or two syllables words.
It frustrates Mark to no end, because he knows that it’s simply not just ‘nothing’. He knows that it’s a lot of things but it’s just that Donghyuck refuses to open up and tell him. He isn’t used to Donghyuck acting like this. They usually can’t go a day without spending most of their times being together, even if Donghyuck whines about Mark being clingy—because truthfully, he doesn’t mind, and he likes it.
But Mark isn’t giving up. He’s going to get the answers, and he’s going to make Donghyuck feel better again. It doesn’t sit well with him knowing that Donghyuck’s feeling so damn upset.
Which is precisely why he’s standing right in front of Donghyuck’s house on a Friday night. He knows that the door is locked and Donghyuck would usually leave it unlocked if he knew that Mark was coming over but Mark hadn’t texted him anything about him coming over tonight, because he knew that if he did, Donghyuck would just tell him that he’s busy again.
He isn’t sure if Donghyuck is going to slam the door in front of his face when he sees Mark, but it’d feel better than just being ignored without him trying. He presses the doorbell in hopes that Donghyuck doesn’t have his earphones plugged in as he blasts music. He tends to do that whenever he’s upset.
But to Mark’s surprise and relief, he hears a ‘coming!’ from inside of the house and the sound of footsteps approaching and he knows that it’s Donghyuck because his parents wouldn’t be home at this time. He thanks God that Donghyuck’s door doesn’t have a peep hole.
He hears the door unlock and soon Donghyuck’s face appears as the door swings open. Donghyuck doesn’t seem so pleased to see him, which Mark had expected. But it still hurts him to see Donghyuck react this way to him, because he’s so used to Donghyuck smiling so wide whenever he sees Mark and dragging the older along with him wherever he went.
“Oh. It’s you.”
“Yeah. Can I come in?”
“I’m busy though.”
Mark sighs. “No you’re not.”
“Suit yourself.”
Donghyuck turns and makes his way towards his room, leaving Mark alone by the door. The older male sighs once again and steps inside before closing the door and following Donghyuck.
When he walks into Donghyuck’s room, he sees the boy by his study table with his textbook and notebook opened and laid out on the table. Donghyuck is studying on a Friday night? He must be really, really upset. He must have screwed up real bad, Mark thinks.
Mark settles on Donghyuck’s bed and leans against the headboard with the other male’s pillow on his lap as he watches Donghyuck do his work. The silence is pretty deafening. Donghyuck didn’t even blast his music with the speakers like he usually would.
“Donghyuck,” Mark whines. “Come here.”
“No, I’m doing my work.”
“Or are you just avoiding me? You’ve been getting good at that, especially from the past few days.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then come here,” Mark tries again. “If you aren’t avoiding me. Your work can wait. It’s a Friday night.”
Donghyuck doesn’t answer him. “Please, Hyuck? I miss you.”
After hearing those words, the younger boy finally sighs and gives in. He gets up from his seat by the study table and heads to the bed where the Mark is. Mark is grinning and patting the spot in front of him where he wants Donghyuck to sit. Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but relents.
Mark places the pillow that was previously on his lap next to him and he motions Donghyuck to come closer. He brushes his fingers through the younger male’s brown locks and smiles softly. “What’s been bothering you lately?”
“Nothing. I already told you so many times.”
“I know it’s not ‘nothing’. You can’t lie to me.”
“I’ve lied to you many times.”
“Really now?” Mark huffs. He intertwines his fingers with Donghyuck’s. He almost heaves a sigh of relief when Donghyuck doesn’t pull away from him, but he settles with squeezing the other male’s hands instead.
“We shouldn’t be holding hands anymore, y’know. Your girlfriend won’t like it.”
Mark looks at him with a confused expression as if he’s been talking nonsense—which isn’t so far-fetched, really. “What? What girlfriend?”
“What do you mean, ‘what girlfriend’? Are you playing dumb now? Isn’t that what you were trying to tell me the other day? You got yourself a girlfriend. I was there when you guys confessed to each other. You were taking so long so I decided to go to your class to see if you were there. But that was just a mistake.”
Donghyuck’s eyes are welling up with tears and right after he blinks, the tears fall freely and roll against his tanned cheeks. Mark pulls one of his hands away to wipe the tears with his hand gently.
“It’s a misunderstanding,” he says softly. “What I was trying to tell you about was that I got us both tickets to the Coldplay concert that you’ve been wanting so badly.”
Donghyuck pulls his hand from Mark’s and wipes his own tears hastily.
“You got us tickets to the concert?” he manages to croak out, which makes Mark chuckle a little at the younger.
“Yeah, of course I did. You wouldn’t shut up about it. And I’m the best best friend that you have. And also your only best friend, but that’s not the point.
Anyway, about that day—Hyejin confessed to me, yes. And you probably heard my answer up to only when I said that I liked her too, which is why you’re so upset. I told her that I only liked her as my classmate and that I would go with her if I actually liked her, but the thing is that I didn’t. So—“
“So you’re telling me that I cried over nothing and that it was all just a misunderstanding?”
Mark laughs. “Yes. That’s what I’m saying.”
He smiles when he sees a pout forming on Donghyuck’s lips because he finds it so cute, and he has the sudden strongest urge to kiss those lips right then and there. He’s kissed Donghyuck a lot, but never on the lips. Mark then decides, ‘fuck it’, and leans in.
He suddenly feels like the happiest boy on Earth when Donghyuck kisses him back, and he can’t help but smile at some parts of the kiss. And he also decides that he likes kissing, a whole lot, but he thinks that he’ll only like doing it with Donghyuck.
When he pulls away from the kiss, he intertwines his fingers with Donghyuck’s once again and rests his forehead against the younger’s. They stare at each other with half-lidded eyes, both still dazed from the kiss, and smile softly. This moment, this very moment—Mark wants it to last forever. How ever long forever may be. Mark wants to cherish it.
But apparently forever didn’t last very long, because Mark sneezes and he accidentally knocks Donghyuck’s forehead in the process. Donghyuck yelps in pain and immediately brings his hand up against his forehead.
They stare at each other for a short moment, before guffawing at what had just happened.
Ah, there was nothing more Mark-and-Donghyuck-esque than this. But that was the best moment they’ve shared, and that was all that matters.
Mark also decides that he doesn’t really care about what love this is that they have, because he has Donghyuck with him, so it doesn’t matter much—whatever love they feel for each other, be it platonic or romantic. Because tonight, Mark decides that all that matters is that Donghyuck was with him then, and is with him now, and will be with him as the days and years go by.
(“It’s you,” Mark says as he holds Donghyuck’s hands while they’re both lying in bed that night and staring at the glow in the dark stars on Donghyuck’s ceiling.
“Hm?”
“It’s you. It’s always been just you. And it’ll always be you.”)