Work Text:
Clarke: Happy Valentine's Day
Related, I didn't send you anything for Valentine's Day
Was I supposed to?
Me: Did you know that in Japan, girls give guys chocolate on Valentine's Day, and then there's another holiday in March where guys send it back?
So I guess the answer is no, but since you didn't you're not getting anything for White Day
Clarke: White Day?
Me: March 14
Look it up
Clarke: As always, I appreciate your useless knowledge
Me: You'll be grateful when White Day saves our lives somehow
But yeah
Happy Valentine's Day
One of my coworkers made me help her make cookies for her class so I sent you some
Spoilers
Clarke: Thanks
I might have a present for you, though
If you want
Me: ?
Clarke: My prof canceled my class on Friday
So I could probably get a flight to you on Thursday
Be there for the long weekend
Me: Really?
Clarke: I know you're working Friday, that's fine
But my Tuesday class isn't until afternoon so I think I could probably get myself to the airport early Tuesday morning
That's three full days
Me: Can you afford it?
Clarke: Yup
Remember how much money my mom gave me for Christmas?
Me: Okay
Yeah
Obviously
Really?
Clarke: I'm so glad I got to witness your emotional journey
I should come?
Me: Please
Clarke: Cool
So I win Valentine's Day, right?
Me: Yeah
No contest
*
Long distance is hard.
Bellamy knew that, of course. He knew it abstractly, before he started dating Clarke, and much more acutely after. Even in the summer, it had been bad, and he'd ended up going to live on her couch for a couple weeks in the summer, still the longest period of time they've actually been in the same place.
But the stretch between August and November felt endless. They did Thanksgiving with O and Lincoln, which was nice, if way too short, and then he had to send her home again for another month. They got a two-week visit at Christmas, which is an advantage of both of them having actual winter vacations, and he met her mother, who was terrifying, and her stepfather, who seemed to feel about as awkward about the whole thing as he did, and then he followed her back to Michigan until two days after New Year's.
And that was the last time he saw her, and the last time he thought he was going to see her until her spring break, which doesn't even line up with his spring break, because the universe is conspiring against them. And after her spring break, well--
She's graduating at the end of the year, and she's looking for jobs in Boston. So there's an end in sight. If everything goes well.
Valentine's Day is always a little weird at school, which was not something he expected to feel as a teacher. Obviously it was a minefield when he was a kid, but he figured that was a function of everyone being too overloaded with hormones to see straight. He hadn't realized that teachers got sucked into that too, because apparently he was functional enough to not get crushes on his teachers.
The band was doing a fundraiser, selling chocolate bars that kids could send to their friends or crushes, and apparently teachers were also an option, because Bellamy gets like ten, and he sends Clarke a picture so she can laugh at his pain. Which she does.
Best girlfriend ever.
And then in seventh period, Gabi Alvarez asks, "What are you doing for Valentine's Day, Mr. Blake?"
"Grading," he says, without looking up.
"You don't have a girlfriend?" asks Allie.
"I could have a girlfriend," he says. "Any girlfriends I do or do not have would understand that it's Tuesday and I have work to do. Adult relationships involve a lot of understanding. Just so you guys are prepared."
"So you're not doing anything special?"
In theory, he could just tell his students that he has a long-distance girlfriend, and she'll be here this weekend for a visit, and he's incredibly excited, and she's the best and he loves her, but that would involve telling his students that his girlfriend exists, which is something he's been avoiding for the past six months, and plans to continue avoiding forever. Some teachers like discussing their personal lives with their students, but Bellamy avoids it as much as possible. They don't even know he has a sister, let alone a girlfriend.
"I'll probably go to the grocery store on my way home," he says. "Do your worksheet."
He does stop by the store, and texts Clarke about how there are all these dudes buying last-minute flowers and candies, and she says she expects both, but then sends a picture of her with one of the cookies he made in her mouth, and he tells her she's going to ruin her supper.
Sometimes, he wonders if they'd talk this much if they really lived together, but he knows they would. It wouldn't be the same, but--he'd be coming home to her every night.
When Bellamy's lease ran out, he ended up finding a new apartment, a one-bedroom that's large enough Clarke will be able to move in whenever she wants. And, honestly, the last thing he wants when Clarke does come to visit is to have to deal with a roommate. The privacy feels a little like loneliness for now, but it's not going to be forever. It's not even going to be for the rest of the week.
He's going to see her so soon. He honestly can't believe it.
They don't tend to like actual phone calls much, but video chat is cool, so once they've both got dinner they start the call and sync Netflix playing Bob's Burgers.
"As always, I want to point out that there are programs that will just do this for us," Clarke says. But she's smiling.
"It's easier having it on two separate screens," he says. "Then you're full-size and the image is full size."
"And the slight audio discrepancy gives me a headache," she teases.
"Happy Valentine's Day."
She laughs. "Are you going to eat all your candy tonight?"
"I figured I'd save some for you." He swallows hard. "Fuck. I can't believe you're coming this weekend."
"I'm going to send my prof a gift basket for canceling."
"You think they want some of my chocolate?"
"Probably not. She never seems like the candy type."
"Fuck, I'm never going to get rid of all this." She laughs, soft, and he smiles. "Yeah, my life sucks."
"So much."
"So why did your prof cancel class, exactly?"
"She got invited to speak at a conference last-minute, so she's just putting up lecture notes for us."
"Seriously, that's awesome."
Clarke ducks her head, and he's always mesmerized, watching her. He loves her in a strangely easy way, given how complicated it feels like it should be. "Yeah, I'm really excited."
He smiles too. "You get anything for Valentine's Day?"
"Aside from the cookies?"
"Maybe someone's got a crush on you, I don't know."
"I'm pretty open about how taken I am," she says. "Everyone knows."
It makes his whole chest feel warm. "So, you really are going to have to steal my candy."
"I really am."
"Looking forward to it."
*
Thursday is busy, which is a relief. Bellamy is teaching in all his classes, which he normally dislikes, but today, it means that he doesn't have much downtime, so it doesn't feel like the minutes are crawling by. He told the students he wouldn't be around for questions after school, even though Clarke doesn't get in until six, just so he'll be sure he can leave whenever he wants to.
His paranoia kicks in around four, and he goes over to the airport even though it only takes an hour or so, on the outside. He'll feel better being there, even being there early.
It's possible he'll just be there early every time Clarke comes to visit. It's something he can live with.
She texts when they land, and then he's a bundle of disbelieving excitement while he waits for her, a non-stop buzz under his skin. Every time, it's staggering, the fact that she exists, the fact that he'll be seeing her. He does it so rarely and anticipates it so much that he doesn't quite think it's really going to happen when she does visit.
But there she is, coming down the escalator, just like the first time. She's dressed in winter clothes again, puffy black coat and a green hat, and her smile when she sees him is still his favorite thing in the whole world.
"Hi," he says, and wraps her up in his arms.
"Hi."
For a long moment, that's all they do, just hold onto each other in the baggage claim. She's familiar and unfamiliar all at once, the same Clarke as always, but with these details he doesn't remember until he sees her again, like the exact scent of her hair and the exact feel of her fingers in his hair. He would have had the broad idea, but--there's nothing like seeing her in person. Nothing else comes close.
"Flight okay?" he finally asks, and she laughs and presses her lips to his shoulder before she pulls back.
"Yeah, pretty uneventful. How are you?"
"Never been better." He slides his hand into hers and squeezes. "Can I buy you dinner?"
Her smile is blinding. "I thought you'd never ask."
It always feels like they should have a lot to catch up on, since they haven't seen each other for almost two months, but of course, he knows what's been going on with her the whole time. They talk every day, about everything.
On the other hand, it's not like they really need to talk much right now. They're on the bus, and Clarke is curled close, her head resting on his shoulder, and it's just so nice to have her close. He doesn't need anything else.
"I figured we'd go back to the bar for dinner," he finally says, idly playing with her fingers. "Throwback to our first date."
"Romantic."
"Well, it's Valentine's week, right? I figure I can put the effort in. Besides, I haven't planned anything else."
She laughs, soft. "No?"
"Not like you gave me much time to figure something out. And I'm working tomorrow. But we can do something this weekend. Movies or a museum, or--god, I don't care. Whatever you want. We could just stay in bed the whole time."
Clarke smirks. "You make it sound like a bad thing."
"I was picturing snuggling."
"Really? That's not what I picture."
He rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "If you want to have sex for seventy-two straight hours, we can try. Like I said, whatever you want."
She snuggles closer. "Let's start with dinner and go from there."
"Yeah," he agrees, pressing a kiss to her hair. "That sounds perfect."
*
Bellamy always has a little trouble getting back in the habit of sleeping with Clarke. Not in the euphemistic sense; sex with her requires no adjustment period. But once they've fucked, there's the business of actually going to sleep, and that's always a little tough to get used to.
"Why do you have so much hair?" he grumbles. It's in his mouth. And his nose. His entire life.
"You like my hair," she retorts.
"I think I'm allergic to it. My nose itches."
"Wow. You should get a doctor to look at that."
He kisses her shoulder. "You're kind of a doctor, right?"
"Kind of."
"So you should be solving all my problems."
"That sounds real." But she considers for a second and then nudges him. "Okay. Roll over."
"What?"
"Roll over. I'll be big spoon."
He pauses, thinking it over himself. "I feel like I'm going to have more trouble groping your boobs like that," he points out, but does it anyway. It does sound kind of nice, and he does get her breasts pressed up against his back, her lips pressed against his shoulder blades, and her legs still tangled with his. Which makes up for the groping.
"Your hair's in my nose," she says, but she's smiling.
"Too bad, this is way better. I'm never switching back."
She slides her hand over his and squeezes. "Well, you're the one who has work in the morning. I'm just going to to go back to sleep when your alarm goes off."
He groans. "Jesus, I hate you."
He can feel her smile against his shoulder, and that's amazing too. "Uh huh. I bet. Go to sleep, Bellamy. You have to wake up really fucking early."
"I could be sick," he grumbles, and snuggles back against her. "Night, Clarke."
"Night."
*
In the morning, his alarm goes off the same time as always, and he groans and turns around in Clarke's arms, burying his face in her hair.
"Wow, there must be so much hair in your nose right now."
"Fuck, I don't want to go to work today. I should have made sub plans."
She nuzzles his neck. "I'll be here when you get back. Making sure your bed is warm and your food gets eaten."
"Wow, yeah, I wouldn't want that to get neglected." He exhales, gives himself a few more breaths, and then kisses her shoulder. "Okay, I'm going to get ready. Feel free to go back to sleep, I won't blame you."
"Mmm," she says, rolling over into the warm spot he left. "Probably. In case I do, have a good day at work. I'll be on hangouts when I wake up."
He has to lean down for another kiss, making her smile. "Have a good day doing nothing, slacker."
"Will do."
He takes a quick shower, and by the time he's back, she's asleep, for which he's grateful. Her schedule is way less punishing than his, but she still never gets enough sleep.
It's yet another reason she should live with him all the time. He keeps her in better habits.
It's just a few more months.
She doesn't stir as he gets dressed, and he resists the urge to kiss her forehead or anything on his way out, just in case he wakes her. He'll see her again tonight, and then for three whole days. He can make it through one day of school knowing she's at home.
Knowing she's waiting for him.
He stops by his favorite coffee shop to grab a latte and a muffin and then grabs the train to school. Nyko's already in the office when he arrives, and he takes one look at Bellamy and says, "Good morning?"
Bellamy has to pause to think it over, and he realizes he's smiling. "Yeah. My girlfriend's visiting for the weekend."
While his students don't know about Clarke, his coworkers do, which is mostly nice. They're polite and interested and make kind of sympathetic noises about the difficulties of long distance, and he has someone other than his sister and Miller to talk to about her, which he does appreciate.
"Oh, is she? I didn't realize."
"It was pretty last minute. Her Friday class got canceled, so she figured she might as well come down."
Nyko smiles, all genuine warmth. "Well, that's a nice surprise."
"Yeah, it's great. Except that I have to get through today."
"Are the two of you doing anything exciting this weekend?"
"Not yet. No warning, so I didn't come up with any cool plans. Luckily, she likes me anyway, so I figure I can just take her to the movies or something and we'll be fine."
Nyko hums. "You said she's studying art, right?"
"Art education, yeah."
"Not to toot my own horn, but I've got a piece in an art show this weekend. Which I know could be awful, but I'm telling you this because I think it might actually be fun."
Bellamy laughs. He and Nyko aren't that close, but he does like the guy. "That's a ringing endorsement."
"I know how it sounds. It's a show about gender and identity, which I know you're broadly interested in. And the gallery is called Not Another Pretentious Art Gallery, which should give you an idea about their priorities."
"Yeah, okay, that actually sounds perfect. When is it?"
By the end of the day, he has a full four things figured out to do with Clarke while she visits--dinner with Octavia and Lincoln tonight, the MFA and Nyko's art show tomorrow, and a movie on Sunday--which seems like a totally acceptable amount of stuff. Clarke would, after all, be completely happy hanging out on his couch snuggling literally all weekend, and this way they have a balance of getting out and doing date stuff and staying in and doing nothing.
Me: Is it weird I feel guilty for not doing more stuff with you?
Given I know you don't want to do stuff
Clarke: I need more information to answer that question
Me: Do you want more activities?
I could come up with activities
We could go hiking
Clarke: Really?
Okay, tell me about that
Give me more information on hiking
I'm all ears
Me: Are you just verifying that I have information on hiking?
I don't
I was going to ask O and Lincoln tonight if you were interested
Clarke: Hiking is fine
But that's the kind of thing I'd rather do if I lived here all the time
We only have three days
I don't want to waste one driving out to a mountain, wandering around, and then driving home
Me: Some people like being on mountains
Clarke: If you want to go to a mountain, we can
We don't have to do anything special, Bellamy
Just being with you is special
Me: I'm uncomfortable with emotions so I want to make fun of you for saying that
For the record
Clarke: I love you too
Please don't make me go hiking
Me: We could hold hands while the sun rises, Clarke
Clarke: You can't make me
*
Dinner with Octavia is always more awkward than he expects it will be, at least at first. Like most things, he assumes they'll get used to it, but it's genuinely bizarre to remember that he met Clarke because of Octavia, and they know each other outside of him. Clarke was Octavia's first, and it always takes them a little adjusting to figure out how to interact as a group. And it's definitely least weird for him; he can't even imagine having one of his college acquaintances hooking up with his sister. It would be beyond awkward.
But they're all trying to make it work. That counts for something. They all want it to work.
Clarke and Lincoln get along, having the artist thing in common, and it turns out Lincoln knows Nyko, which Bellamy had utterly missed, probably because he is really bad at people. On epic levels.
Clarke and Octavia unite in teasing him about it, which gets them all on the same page, and then it's a different kind of awkward, because--fuck, this is what he wants. This is allhe wants.
In four months, he might get it. It still doesn't feel real. It still doesn't feel like something even slightly possible. Something is going to go wrong before then.
Clarke hugs Octavia and Lincoln goodbye, and then she slides her hand into his as they walk back to the train. "What's wrong?"
"Hm?"
"You okay?"
"Just thinking about you living here," he admits.
It's not something they talk about much. Clarke could move here even without a job, but he knows she'd be bored stiff within a few weeks of unemployment, and he'd feel bad if she came here to be with him despite having nowhere to work. She could afford it, but--he knows her. She'd be miserable, without anything to do.
And it's not like he has to stay here. There are middle schools everywhere. He could get all kinds of jobs.
But Octavia is here. And even if he could get a new job somewhere else, but he's got seniority here, is on the tenure track, gets along fairly well with his coworkers, doesn't even want to murder the admin staff, most of the time. And--he loves it here. This is his home.
If she gets a job here, he's going to be so happy. And if she doesn't, he doesn't know what he's going to do.
"Wow, it's that bad, huh?" she teases, and he smiles, gives her hand another squeeze.
"Yeah, I hate the idea, clearly. That's the last thing I want." He clears his throat. "What are you going to do if you don't get a job here?"
"That's what you're worrying about?"
He smiles a little. "Yeah, I know," he says. "I'm trying to just enjoy this and not stress, but--"
"But we both know you suck at that." She sways a little closer. "I think I'll be able to find a job. Maybe not in a museum, but--Lincoln has art contacts, we're going to a gallery tomorrow and I can network while we're there, so--I'm not worried about that. I'll find something."
"You'd be miserable if you didn't."
"I wasn't really going to be applying everywhere in the country anyway. Boston is a good place to start. I could commute to Providence if I had to. I knew I didn't want to stay in Michigan anyway. You're not ruining my life, Bellamy."
"I never said I was."
She bumps her shoulder against his. "Then what are you worrying about?"
"Everything, all the time." He exhales. "I don't want to get my hopes up. About you moving. But I am. Fuck, I think about it all the time."
"You think I don't?" she asks, but her voice is more amused than upset. "I want to be here as much as you want me to be here. I miss you all the time too. I'm pretty sure we can make it work. But--if we can't, we can make something else work, right?"
And when it comes down to it, that's always the question. Any time he thinks about how hard it is to be away from her, how much it would suck if she ended up somewhere else after grad school, he just thinks about how much worse his life would be if she just wasn't in it at all, and there's no contest.
He'll take her, however he can get her. He'd keep her even if there was no chance of their ever being in the same place. There's nothing he wouldn't do, to make this work.
"Yeah," he says, and leans down to kiss her. "We can make something else work."
*
He does manage to mostly turn off the part of his brain that thinks about that stuff for the rest of the weekend. It's always there, in the back of his mind, the clock ticking down how long she'll be here, how long it is before he has to say goodbye, but he doesn't let it ruin the time they actually have. They go to Nyko's show, and Clarke networks hard, and they see The Lego Batman Movie and don't even make out in the back row, and they spend all of Monday curled up on his couch, him working on some grading and her working on a paper, and do make out a ton, and hook up a few times for good measure.
Monday night, she curls around him, nose pressed against his shoulder, and he lets out a shaky breath.
"How early are you getting up?"
"Same time as you," she says. "My flight's at eight, so--get up at 5:30, shower with you, like ten minutes for crying, and then we can leave together."
"Only ten minutes for crying?"
She presses closer. "I'll do most of the crying after you get off the train."
"As long as you've got a plan." He squeezes her fingers. "I'm so fucking glad you came. It was so good to see you."
"I'm expecting an awesome White Day present for this," she says, and he laughs.
"Life-sized chocolate Bellamy."
"Perfect." They're quiet for a minute, and then she says, "Just a month spring break, right?"
"Just another month to spring break. Sorry I'm always making you come here. I never visit."
"You visited over the summer. And I like it here. I don't mind coming to you." Her pause feels deliberate. "Maybe I'll bring some stuff with me. Start moving in."
He swallows hard. "You could do that. If you're sure."
"At what point do you stop asking me that?"
"Probably not until a week after you move in," he says. "Realistically."
"Yeah, that sounds about right." She leans forward, and he cranes back so she can catch his mouth for a kiss. "Looking forward to you finding something new to stress about."
He smiles. "Yeah. That'll be nice."
*
Me: New rule
You shouldn't leave before school
This is the worst day ever and I don't even have students in
I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day
I need a recovery period
Are you through security yet?
Clarke: Just finished
Cried in the bathroom for like five minutes
Now I'm going to get a breakfast sandwich
Me: Yeah, that sounds about right
Clarke: I should get extra bacon to replace the salt I lost from crying, right?
Me: That sounds scientifically valid, yeah
Did I tell you how great it was to see you?
I feel like that got kind of lost in all the other angst
Clarke: I figured it out, yeah
Did you know I'm graduating in 102 days?
Me: I wasn't counting, no
Clarke: Well, I am
So that's when I'll be there
That's how long you have to find a new crisis
102 days
So get pumped
Me: Yeah
Can't wait to see what the next horror will be
Clarke: Me neither
It's gonna be great