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Taeyong closed his apartment door slowly, as if he lost all his strength only to do it. He even dragged his feet towards a small bed in the corner of the room and threw his body onto it. A heavy sigh just slipped out of his mouth. His eyes closed for a few seconds, feeling the pain in his head was getting stronger after he tried to ignore it for all day. Now, clearly he could feel his head heavy, even heavier that he barely could turn it to the other side.
Not only his head, his whole body felt so heavy and stiff. His job as an employee in a fruit shop which required to carry a lot of big-sized box containing various kinds of fruits indeed drained lots of energy. He already used to do it since that was something he deal with everyday. But somehow…. It’s too much for today. As if his body just got hit by a huge truck that he could feel all his bones broke.
“Hyung, you’re home?”
Taeyong was about to let himself fall asleep when he heard a deep and soft voice. Slowly he opened his eyes and got up. His eyes fixed on a large mirror hanging on the wall right in front of him. He could see the reflection of himself sitting on the edge of the bed, face looking so tired and sleepy. His black hair was messy and slightly damp with sweat. There were dark circles under his eyes, simple enough to explain that he needed to get some rest for hours.
But no, not him. It’s not his own reflection which always looked so depressing that made him stare at the mirror for such a long time without blinking.
There, in that mirror, he saw a reflection of someone else sitting on the empty spot right beside him. A boy. A boy who was so skinny and tall, even taller than him. His dark hair looked so soft and fluffy with bangs that almost covered his forehead. His eyes were so innocent and sparkly when looked at his reflection in the mirror, waiting for any answer that he would give.
Taeyong let a little smile show on his face and nodded. He still stared at the boy’s reflection in the mirror. Somehow.. only by looking at that boy’s face, all the tiredness and depression he felt disappeared.
“Hm. I’m home,” Taeyong answered. His voice almost sounded like a whisper.
“You look so tired. You usually look tired every time you go home. But today you look more tired than yesterday. And…” That boy paused his speech, hand moving to touch a few strands of Taeyong’s hair near his temple before wiping the sweat. He ran his fingers along the cheekbones to wipe another sweat softly. “….very tired.”
“Do I look so obvious?” Taeyong murmured, still looking straightly into the mirror, staring at the reflection of that boy who kept trying to wipe sweat on his forehead and jawline gently and carefully.
That boy chuckled as he pulled away his hand from Taeyong’s face. “Too obvious, Hyung.” He replied. He placed his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder and patted it, gesturing to Taeyong that at least he should hide his feeling a little.
Taeyong’s eyes fixed on that kid’s fingers which were still on his shoulder. There was a spirit and courage that indirectly he could feel. However, there should be a smile on his face just like what he always did but it slowly faded. He turned his head to his right side, to the empty spot that should be filled by that boy.
Empty.
That spot was empty.
There was no one beside him.
“Are you gonna see that spot everyday?”
That boy’s voice jerked Taeyong’s thought to get him back to his apartment.
“Do you still hope somebody is actually sitting on there?” That boy questioned him.
“I’m still hoping that somebody is you…..” Taeyong turned his head back to look at the reflection of the boy in the mirror. “….Dong Sicheng. I’m still hoping you really sit on that spot, right beside me, just like what I see in that mirror everyday. If I have to be honest, I don’t even know who you are, what you are. Are you a ghost? Are you an alien? Are you an unknown creature from the other side of this world? I can’t figure out the answer because you never tell me about it, right?”
Taeyong still remembered how suddenly Sicheng’s figure appeared in his mirror when he had just awakened from a nightmare in the early morning two weeks ago. At that time, he was shocked that he nearly had a heart attack after he realized he saw nobody in his room. He thought he was still too sleepy that he hallucinated seeing an appearance of person in the mirror.
For several days he tried to look away from the mirror, ignoring that figure of the boy in the mirror who was standing silently near his bed. His heart always beat faster everytime he looked at the spot near his bed, he saw nobody there. Whereas in the mirror, he clearly saw that boy was standing there, right in the same spot, looking at him with those innocent eyes.
Was he a ghost?
Taeyong didn’t like ghost. He hated it. He hated anything that made him scared. He hated anything made him feel uncomfortable. But somehow... when Sicheng called him “Hyung” with his deep voice for the first time, Taeyong strangely could feel his fear began to diminish. He began encouraging himself to come closer towards Sicheng. His greeting came out after he took almost half an hour to say it.
The athmosphere was so awkward. Taeyong couldn’t lie that he shivered when he looked into the mirror, Sicheng was approaching him, sitting down beside him. They both looked into the mirror to stare at each other. Even their conversation was too awkward and strange as well. Especially for Taeyong who thought he started going crazy on something not real. He couldn’t tell whether he was sane or Sicheng was really in there mysteriously.
So many questions in Taeyong’s head at that time. But he didn’t have any chance to ask since Sicheng kept doing stuff that always could distract his attention.
“If the brain could speak, it would complain to you, Hyung.”
Once again, Sicheng’s voice stopped him from drowning into his own thoughts. He didn’t say anything and pushed himself to the back, allowing his body to lie down before he shifted horizontally so that he could turn his head to look at the mirror easily.
In the mirror, Sicheng already crawled onto the bed and sat cross-legged right on the left side of him. For couple minutes, Taeyong was only staring at the mirror until he couldn’t resist how tired his eyes were.
“Are you gonna sleep?”
“I’m trying,” Taeyong replied without opening his eyes.
“But.. what if you’ll get another nightmare again tonight? I was really scared when you’re screaming in your sleep.”
Taeyong couldn’t help but smiled on Sicheng’s words. He opened his eyes and looked into the mirror. He saw that worried expression on Sicheng’s face.
“Why do you keep watching me sleep when you can go to other mirror to other people who are probably still awake in the middle of the night. You can ask them to talk. You should do it so that you won’t be lonely once I fall asleep,” Taeyong said in weak voice as he really felt so sleepy a second he lied down.
“They can’t see me somehow. Or ignore me, I don’t know.”
A second after Sicheng spoke, there’s silence between them. Taeyong wasn’t sure if Sicheng also thought the same thing like what he did.
“You wanna lie down too? Come here.” Taeyong tilted his head a little towards the left side of his body as he looked at the mirror.
Without saying anything, Sicheng directly moved closer towards Taeyong that his knee brushed Taeyong’s arm. A thing that made Taeyong surprised was instead of lying on his side, Sicheng suddenly rested his head onto his chest. But Taeyong’s reaction was useless since he couldn’t feel it physically when Sicheng fell down onto him like that. He quickly turned his head towards the mirror only to see Sicheng already felt comfortable on his chest, fingers playing the fabric of his white T-shirt slowly. That’s when his eyes accidentally met Sicheng’s in the mirror.
“It’s warm. Here,” Sicheng said before he closed his eyes.
Taeyong was freezing for a couple minutes, trying to figure out what’s happening. But then secretly his heart hurt when he realized he couldn’t place his hand on Sicheng’s back or touch Sicheng’s head or run his fingers through Sicheng’s black hair. He couldn’t see anything on his chest!
“Can I ask you something?” Taeyong as he placed his hand on his own chest. He didn’t care if he saw nothing there but empty air.
“What’s that?”
“How long have you been alone in there? In the mirror?”
That question only got a chuckle from Sicheng that made Taeyong furrowed his brows. But a few seconds later Sicheng finally gave an answer though it’s still ambiguous for Taeyong.
“Long enough.”
Sicheng raised his head a little and placed his chin onto Taeyong’s chest, staring at the older who wasn’t aware on what he did.
“You must be very lonely in there,” Taeyong murmured, eyes looking at the ceiling, imagining if he was in Sicheng position. Being alone in the empty, dark and weird place like in the mirror, having no one to talk to. He could relate it. He could feel it. He could feel how bad the loneliness was since he had been like that since five years ago here.
“Hyung, are you crying?”
Taeyong quickly blinked his eyes several times. “No.”
“Okay. I just wanna thank you. I like you worrying me. I like you taking care of me.....”
“I didn’t do anything, Sicheng. I can’t see you except from the mirror. I can’t touch you. I can’t hug you. I can’t..... do anything but looking at you in the mirror. If only people out there could see you and talk to you, you would’ve been happier than this.” Taeyong had no energy to hold his tears. He was sobbing quietly, hand moving to cover his own mouth and nose. Tears was falling down on his cheeks. He had no idea why he cried so hard like this.
“Hyung, you’re thinking too much. It’s fine. I’m fine.” Sicheng didn’t wipe Taeyong’s tears. He was only looking at it with a smile on his face.
“I’m just afraid if I’m gonna loose you soon,” Taeyong replied in hoarse voice. “Until now, I’ve been questioning myself if I’m crazy or not, you’re real or you’re just something that I created in my mind to accompany me. I’m afraid if every single time we spent together here and everything we talked together are just a dream that I won’t have it anymore once I wake up. I’m....” Taeyong couldn’t finish his words as he broke down again. He even had to cover his face with his both hands, not letting Sicheng to see his crying face.
Yeah, Taeyong was too afraid of everything that would happen to Sicheng sooner or later. Sicheng was a mysterious boy in his mirror who already had a special place in his heart. He didn’t want him disappear.
Taeyong was selfsih. Taeyong admited it.
Taeyong was stubborn. Taeyong alsoa admited it.
Sicheng’s presence was the one that made him selfish and stuborn. He loved that boy. He wanted him to be his side for such a long time, though he only could see him from the mirror. He would ignore people if they called him insane. He didn’t care as long as Sicheng’s with him.
But part of him, deep down inside his mind, kept telling him that Sicheng wasn’t real, Sicheng was a person who would break his heart, Sicheng would make him cry until he had no tears anymore. In the end.... Sicheng would leave him. And then he would go back to be a lonely guy who would spend the days desperately and no one would cheer him up once he went home.
Damn it.
“I’ll stay here as long as I can to acompany you, Hyung,” Sicheng spoke after he let Taeyong cry for almost ten minutes. Slowly he shifted and hugged Taeyong, trying to give a kiss on Taeyong’s cheek but ended up on his jawline. He rested his head on Taeyong’s shoulder, sniffing the fabric of his T-shirt.
“It hurts when the one who can’t do anything like you do is only me,” Taeyong mutered as he looked at the mirror. “Am I too much if I wanna feel how warm your hug is, how sweet your kiss is?
Instead of answering Taeyong’s desperate words, Sicheng just said other thing, “You can sleep now, Hyung. You have been through another tough day today. You did well like always.” He went back to his previous position, resting his head onto Taeyong’s chest meanwhile his hand was searching for Taeyong’s and once he found it, he held it tightly.
That was when suddenly Taeyong jolted a little after he felt strange heat hit his hand. He’s pretty sure he didn’t turn on the AC in his room and the windows were had been closed since this morning. He tilted his head to look at his hand. He clearly could feel someone was holding his hand tightly.
“Is my hand warm enough to comfort you?” Sicheng casually asked with smile on his face.
Taeyong was speechless. All the words he could had said suddenly disappeared in his head. The unusual warmth around his hand made him freeze. Was it the feeling if Sicheng could make skin contact with him?
“Don’t leave me, Sicheng. No, I mean, if you’re gonna leave me someday……” Taeyong paused his words. He ran out of breath because his mind went crazy over the Sicheng’s invisible hand on his. He’s more scared. The fear of loosing Sicheng was getting worse.
“I’m not gonna leave you, Hyung.” Sicheng slotted his fingers between Taeyong’s, giving more warmth to Taeyong’s hand. “You need to sleep for real now.”
Tears fell down again as he turned his head towards the mirror, seeing the younger again before he slowly couldn't keep his eyes open.