Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

:A Brief Intermission:

Let’s take a brief intermission for some story time with Rabbit. 

One day when little Rabbit and Spine were receiving lessons from Peter Walter the I. Rabbit asked a question. 
"Pappy?" 
"Yes Rabbit." 
"Are you a cannibal?"
Peter froze and turned slowly to the bot sitting at his desk. “… No. Why would you ask such a question?”
"I saw you eating Iris’s face last night." He stated very matter of fact like. 
Peter paused and rubbed his chin. “I wasn’t eating her. That was. That was what humans call kissing.” Rabbit and Spine gave him blank stares, obviously he would have to explain further. Was it too early to give the birds and the bees conversation? “When two humans love each other very much… they like to touch each other.”
"Like a hug?" Spine asked with a raised eyebrow. That had been explained before.
"Yes. But there are other ways." Peter nodded.
"But why?" Rabbit questioned.
"Well um… To make… to make each other feel good. To say, ‘I like you. I want to make you happy. I love you.’" 
The robots thought this over for a moment, turning to each other. Standing now Rabbit approached Spine, placing both hands on the sides of his face, and then pressing his lips against his. Spine did not react, confused. 
It only lasted a few seconds before Rabbit pulled away. “Did you feel anything?” He asked Spine. After a moment Spine shook his head no. “Yea me neither.” He sat back down and turned to a stunned Peter. “Pappy I think this kissing this is broken. I don’t feel happy or loved.”
"I don’t either…" Spine pointed out.

Shoot to present day as Rabbit is remembering this little tidbit from the past. 
"Rabbit you have a puzzled look on your face. Are you alright?" Spine asked.
"Spine… you love me right?" He asked raising an eyebrow. 
"Uh…. yeah. Why?" 
"Then it does work!" Rabbit cheered.
"You are never going to make sense are you?" 
"Probably not." Rabbit smiled, patting Spine’s shoulder. "Oh look candy in the shape of a face!"

Chapter Text

:A Brief Intermission: Water-park

Let’s take a brief intermission for some story time with Rabbit.

A long time ago when the robots were young….


“Alright guys.” Spine announced to the group, trying to keep Rabbit and Jon in line. “The humans spend a lot of time in this room, but they won’t tell us whats in there. I walked past it a couple of times, but I didn’t get a good look. Whatever is beyond this door, we have to stick together. Understood?” He pointed a finger at each of them.
“Roger!” Rabbit saluted, bouncing in place.
“Okey Dokey!” Jon mimicked Rabbit, trying to see over Spine. 

Spine gave them a nod, then sharply turned and opened the door. The room wasn’t very big. It was bright and white, filled with cold hard surfaces and spotlessly clean. Similar to that of their creators lab. They split up, investigating the different objects in the room. Spine focused on the large piece that seemed to be the center of focus in the room. Upon further investigation he discovered a hatch door. With a flick he threw it open and gazed at the large basin. 

“This has water in it.” He announced. Rabbit zipped to his side and stared into the clear water. Jon leaping behind them but too short.

“Let me see! Let me see!” He hopped, pushing Rabbit out of the way enough to squeeze his head between the older bots.

“Hey it has a lever…” Rabbit pointed out. With an approving nod from Spine he pushed the lever down. The water inside the basin swirled clockwise and then was sucked down a mysterious vortex at the bottom. The Robots let out a collective ‘ooooooooo’ in awe.

“Do it again!” Jon clapped.

After the 4th time everyone was growing bored of it except Jon. 

“Where do you think it goes?” Rabbit asked softly, now turning towards the other basin that sat beside it. This one was empty.

“Maybe its a vortex… like with Hatchworth.” Spine pondered as he rubbed his chin.

“Hey this is a really big one!” Jon cheered at his discovery, pulling back the large curtain. Giddy he stepped over the rim and clicked his heels on the bottom. Loving the sound it made against the hallow porcelain.
Rabbit was now focused on the smallest of the basins. This one had a metal spout on the top and some levers similar to the basin Spine was inspecting. With a soft turn the spout hissed and cold water began to pour out of it. Rabbit squealed and pointed to his discovery. “Look Spine! This one makes water… and it goes down a vortex too!”

Spine observed him intently, rubbing his chin. “Maybe the humans use this place to fuel themselves? But… I always thought they used glasses to drink from.”

“Maybe its a water-park!” Jon cheered as he turned towards the opposite wall. Another large spout with nobs. “Maybe this is a ride?” Curious he turned the nobs and gasped as more water poured out of the large faucet. “More water!”

“This is… very interesting…” Spine questioned. 

“You should see where that vortex goes.” Rabbit pointed out, bending his neck and trying to force his head underneath the running faucet. “I think human’s drink out of this. Its so cold! But… how do they get their squishy heads in here?”

Peter Walter I whistled as he walked casually down the hallway, a newspaper under his arm. He began to grow more concerned as he heard screaming coming from the bathroom. Was that… the robots? Raising an eyebrow he opened the door. The newspaper and his jaw dropped as he was shocked at what he saw.

Rabbit had now gotten his head stuck in the sink, furiously trying to turn the water off as it poured over his face. He gurgled to his brothers to try and turn it off.
Spine had one foot in the toilet and flushing it over and over. That quizzical look on his face as the water just swirled over his foot.
Jon was jumping up and down in the bathtub that was now overflowing with water.

“BOYS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” Peter screamed after coming back from the shock. All three robots screamed in fright. 
“I can ex-” Spine started trying to pull his foot out of the toilet. Instead he slipped in the huge puddle on the floor. Falling back he hit the wall and ripped the towel rod out of the wall and the shower curtain off its rings. The Rod flipped forward, whipping Rabbit in the back. Rabbit let out a watery gurgle and tried to rip his head of the sink, slipping himself he landed on his knees and couldn’t seem to get his footing again. Jon was trying to jump out of the bathtub as Spine fell back. He got tangled in the ripped shower curtain and fell head over hells into Spine. The both of them tumbling to the floor.

Peter shook his head as he watched them. They now were all moaning in pain, soaking wet, in a tangled pile of arms and legs on the floor. 

Jon groaned before dropping his head. “…this… water-park… is no fun…”

Chapter Text

“Rabbit?” Spine called out through the store. How did he get lost? “Rabbit!?” He walked past a circle rack of clothes. Something wrapped around his ankle, tripping him. Spine got on his knees and looked back to see Rabbit jumping out of the circle rack.

“Gotta catch me!” He cheered and dashed off.

“We don’t have time for this!” Spine grumbled following after him. Turning a corner he got to the electronics section. Throwing a hand on his forehead and shaking his head in shame. Someone had changed all the laptop backgrounds to pictures of biscuits.

“Jon!” He called, marching up and down the aisles. He turned a corner, being hit in the face with a small dinosaur doll.

“tee hee! Now you gotta catch me!” Jon squealed in delight running in the opposite direction.
*
“Rabbit how did you even get ontop of the bike rack!” 
“I’M KING OF THIS MOUNTAIN!” Rabbit screamed, honking bike horns.
*
“Jon you can’t make cupcakes in the middle of the food aisle! You got eggs and milk everywhere!”
“I know… where’s the oven! How do I cook this? Oh maybe its in the outdoors section!”
*
“Guys you can have light saber fights at home! Can we please leave!” Spine pleaded.
“There can be… ONLY ONE!” Rabbit cheered as he smacked Jon with his green lightsaber.
“So you think young padawon.” Jon blocked.
“Wait… I’m a padawon? Like Gandalf?”

Several hours later.
Micheal stepped out of the van, crossing his arms as the 3 robots made their way out. “I thought you guys were gonna be in there all day?” He laughed, getting an angry glare from Spine.

Not walking on their own, Jon and Rabbit happily let Spine drag them by their collars. They were too busy sharing their new toys back and forth. Spine had to buy them each something

“Never… again…” Spine grumbled exhausted.

“LETS COME BACK TOMORROW!” Rabbit and Jon cheered together!

Chapter Text

"Rabbit aren’t you supposed to be building a campire?" Spine asked with a raised eyebrow, carrying a small basket of fish he and Micheal had caught during the day.

"I did but Steve put it out. Something about, ‘being a danger to society’ or something." Rabbit made quotation marks with his fingers. "I have been taken off campfire duty."

"And what are you supposed to be doing now?"

"Bear watching!"

"… bear watching…"

"Yea like keeping an eye out for bears. Like… big ones. Like that one!" He pointed as a giant black bear was pushing the Band’s van over. Steve and Micheal screaming inside. "Just… like… that one…"

Chapter Text

Song: Birdhouse in your soul
Album: Flood
Artist: They Might Be Giants

“If we are going to make this work, unlike last time, we need to stick together.” Spine grumbled. Another shopping trip. “Now we have to get just one pet for Peter’s birthday. Only one. They trusted us with this. We can’t mess it up again. Alright?” He stared at all three equally in the eyes. 

“Hey I have a question!” Rabbit raised his hand and bounced on his heels. “When do we get ice cream?”

“After!… if you’re good.”

Jon and Rabbit both grumbled, kicking the dirt and put their hands in their pockets.

“That is a good plan, Spine.” Hatchworth golf clapped. 


As they entered the pet-shop each bot moved to different corners. Splitting up wasn’t part of the plan, but they each saw something shiny and totally perfect.

“PUPPIES!” Jon screamed as he walked past an open enclosure. Inside the small puppy pen were about 10 different breeds and mutts of dogs. Giggling he dove over the short fencing and crawled with the other pups. “Did you know… that you are magic?!” 

Rabbit casually stepped over Jon kneeling by the pen. His eyes were wide and focused on a beautiful red bird perched in a cage by the cash register. 

“You’re beautiful!” He grinned wide as the bird began to bounce at his approach.

“…you’re beautiful…” It mimicked with a tilt of its head.

“Hey thanks! What’s your n-name?”

“… what’s your n-name…”

“I asked you first.” Rabbit grumbled, putting his hands on his hips. “My name is Rabbit.”

“… my name is Rabbit…”

“Are you copying me?”

“Are you copying me?”

“You better stop it.”

“You better stop it.”

Spine walked all the way to the back. Something in the aquariums caught his eye. He strolled past the fish, never one for sea life. Hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, lizards, snakes. He froze in his tracks and spun to his side. In a medium sized tank sat a grey and red striped snake sunning itself on a brown rock. Spine bent at the knees slowly, now face to beady little eyes with the snake. It even raised its head, sticking its tongue out to taste the air. A smile crept in the corner of Spines mouth. It was quiet, would grow with Peter, slim, long, and beautiful. “Guys I found the perfect pet!”

Spine carried the terrarium to the front of the store, quickly met by Jon who had his arms full of 6 puppies. “Look. This one is perfect.” Spine announced, so happy with his find.

Jon gave the terrarium a glance and shook his head defiantly. “Nope. Perfect is 6 puppies.”

“… all… all of them?”

“ALL SIX PUPPIES! You can’t break up a litter. Don’t you know anything?”

“Guys!” Rabbit puffed as he ran to them. His hat was lopsided, his jacket in disarray and scratches down his face. He was also covered in bird feathers. “W-we should probably leave now… yea and never come back. Birds. Birds are a bad idea.” 

“But I found the best one.” Spine frowned, showing rabbit the terrarium. “Look. He’s quiet, and… and fun…” 

Skeptically Jon and Rabbit glared at the tank.

“What does it do?” They asked in unison.

Spine raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, ‘what does it do’? It does lots of things!”

“Name one.” Rabbit crossed his arms, spitting a feather out of his mouth.

“Well.. he uh… he sleeps on this rock. Yeah. He likes the sun. And you can feed him mice…. and when he gets bigger he eats rabbits.” He chuckled slightly. Rabbit gasped incensed. His mouth and eyes wide as he pointed an accusing finger at him. 

“You’re in with that bird aren’t you!?”

“What bird? I am not.”

“Puppies!”

“No Jon. We are not getting all 6 puppies. We are gonna get the snake.”

“PUPPIES!” Jon and Spine now yelling, arguing over the best pet at the front of the store.

“… but… but the snake is the best one!”

“MAGIC PUPPIES!”

“LOUD NOISES!” Rabbit threw his arms in the air. He pouted to confused looks from Spine and Jon. “I just… I felt left out…” 

“Hey guys. I found the best animal here.” Hatchworth called out from outside of the store. They had forgotten he was there! All three bots set their animals down and ran for the door, Jon and Rabbit getting caught in the frame. Pushing past one another and out onto the sidewalk.

There stood Hatchworth holding a tiny Chihuahua in his arms as it licked his face. “This woman had a whole box. She said they were free to good homes.” The pup let out a whimper, licking his mustache. “Naturally I knew she was a liar and gave her all the dollars in my pocket.”

Spine rubbed his forehead, knowing that Hatchworth just gave away half their spending money. Rabbit and Jon giving the dog gentle pats.
“I guess you found the best one huh, Hatchy?” Rabbit smiled.
“Yea best one Hatchy.”

“Hey you! What did you do to my bird!” A woman screamed from the pet shop. Rabbit jumped straight and darted off. 

“IT STARTED IT! GUYS RUN!” He flailed taking off with Jon, Hatchworth, and Chihuahua in tow. Only Spine remained, knowing he would have to clean up the mess they left.

Sighing he turned back to the pet shop. “here I’ll… I’ll pay for the bird.” He fumbled with the change in his pocket. “Also… I… I wanna get the snake too.” Just in case. If Peter didn’t want it, Spine could always take care of it. It was a cool snake.

Chapter Text

You can go here to listen to the song: http://giraffesonparade.tumblr.com/post/44607024575/maccasmiz-this-just-makes-me-imagine-something

"Rabbit?"

"Spine?"

"Jon?"

"Spine?"

"Do I want to know why the floor is covered in pears and there is a badger running around."

Rabbit and Jon turn to each other slowly, trying to hide something behind each of their backs

"No…." They say in unison.

"MY PEARS!" Hatchworth screams, dropping his tray of sandwiches he made for the group.

"You see Spine… when pears and badgers… l-l-love each other very much… you gotta-"

"Poke them with sticks." Jon interrupted pulling his point stick out from behind his back.

"And that’s where they make t.v. shows." Rabbit nodded, leaving Spine to just scratch his head.

"I’m not cleaning this up." He frowned, trying to console Hatchworth who was picking up broken pear pieces.

"Don’t worry spine. That’s what the Bear is for." Rabbit smiled as a giant brown bear stood over him and growled.

"We may have… poked him with sticks too…" Jon shrunk.

Feeling his metal heart jump in his throat, Spine swallowed hard. “I am getting too old for these shenanigans…” 

Chapter Text

The Spine: Hatchworth don’t stand so close to me. There’s lava everywhere and you are going to push me in it.

Hatchworthnameyerselfanything: But Spine how will I find the Diamonds.

The Spine: You just… do. You have to look for them.

JONTHESHERRIFMAYOR: SPINE! RABBIT IS KILLING ALL MY SHEEP!

RabbitIsTheMostAwesome: I’m just trying to pet them.

JONTHESHERRIFMAYOR: But you are petting them with a diamond sword

The Spine: Rabbit why do you have my extra diamond sword?

RabbitIsTheMostAwesome: Jon and I saved it when your house burnt down.

The Spine: WHY WAS MY HOUSE BURNING DOWN!

JONTHESHERRIFMAYOR: We tried to make you a nice fireplace with wool molding.

Hatchworthnameyerselfanything: Spine. There’s a creeper watch out!

The Spine: Hatchworth he’s all the way over on the other side- I- No Hatchworth stop. NO!

**The Spine tried to swim in lava**

The Spine: (;ಠ_ಠ)

Hatchworthnameyerselfanything: Don’t worry Spine. I saved you from that creeper.

**The Spine has dissconnected**

RabbitIsTheMostAwesome: Well I guess now we don’t have to tell him about that forest fire we started

Chapter Text

Spine grumbled as he stepped out of the bathroom, tugging at the frills. This was so embarrassing Why did Rabbit have to pick a French Maid’s costume, especially the dress and stockings.
"Aw you look so cute!" Micheal chuckled, patting his cheeks.
"Yea thanks for helping."
"Hey… you’re the one that lost the bet." Micheal continued to laugh.
They entered the kitchen to applause from Rabbit, Jon, and Hatchworth. The floor was covered in breakfast cereal, dirty dishes, and any kind of mess you could think of.
”Do I have to pick up all of these cheerios?” Spine grumbled, feeling very embarrassed.
"Yes! With just your hands!" Rabbit cheered.
"Can I at least take the dress off?"
"No… that would ruin the whole effect!"

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

“Thats a fork!” Hatchworth growls.

“No its a spoon.” Jon retorts crossing his arms.

“NO!” Rabbit jumped to his feet, slamming a hand on the table as he lifted the magical item in the air. “Its a trident!”

Hatchworth and Jon’s eyes both glittered over and they gasped. “A trident!” They said in unison as Rabbit stood triumphantly. 

“I am now the King of the Sea! All lesser creatures should bow to me!” Rabbit laughed as Hatchworth and Jon both dropped to the floor.

Spine barely lifted his eyes from his newspaper, glancing over the breakfast table to them. “Its called a spork… and now…” A quick fluid motion he yoinked it out of Rabbit’s grasp. “I am the King of breakfast!”

“Your the king of nothing! Cause that’s a spork not a trident!” Rabbit stuck his tongue out.

“wow Rabbit. You are really smart.” Jon nodded to Hatchworth.

Spine frowned, dropping the spork to the table. “I just said that.”

Hatchworth stole the spork back and raised it in the air. “I AM THE KING OF SPORKS!”

Chapter Text

Spine began to boot back up from stasis. As he tried to sit up in the chair he wondered how long he had been out for. And why he had slept in the chair instead of the Hall of Wires. And why moving felt difficult… and sticky.

Frowning he looked down to his arms and saw a thick layer of some sort of sweet paste had been smeared all over his clothes and arms. He forced himself to stand and find a mirror. 

As he looked at himself his mouth dropped agape and his eyes forced wide. Someone had drawn all over his titanium face with red sharpie. Even making a point to write the word ‘cherry’ on one of his cheeks.

“RABBIT!!!!!!!!” He yelled at the top of his lungs, letting his voice echo through the halls.

“Uh oh…” Rabbit whispered, somewhere off in a distant hallway. “The cheesecake is awake!”

Chapter Text

Spine stared at the table with a raised eyebrow. The table was new, sitting in the middle of the kitchen. The giant plate of biscuits were the only thing on it, sitting directly in the center. He looked to one side, then the other. Jon was no where in sight. A plate of biscuits, untouched, sitting perfectly unguarded in the kitchen?

With a coy smile he grabbed a biscuit. About to toss it in his pocket when a mechanism snapped and a giant fishing net fell from the ceiling on top of him. He let out a startled scream and 

“AH HA! I CAUGHT YOU NOW!” Rabbit cheered, jumping out from around a corner holding a giant butterfly net. “SPINE! You ruined my trap!” 

Spine gave him a disappointing glare, trying to untangle himself from the net.

“oooo biscuits.” Jon mumbled as he crawled out from underneath the table. He had been waiting there the whole time! “Thanks Spine!” He laughed, grabbing the plate and running off. 

“JON I HAVE TO CATCH YOU IF I’M GOING TO BE A POKEMON MASTER!” Rabbit screamed as he ran after Jon with the giant butterfly net.

“Rabbit get this thing off of me!” Spine scowled, tripping in the netting.

Chapter Text

Rabbit stood at the top of the ladder. Holding the baking soda steadily in one hand. He turned back down to Jon and young Peter IV on the ground. “You ready for this!” He yelled so they could hear him since he was at least 20 feet in the air.

“LET HER RIP!” Peter cheered. 

Spine panted turning a corner. Running as fast as he could since he had heard Jon and Rabbit volunteered to help Peter build his science fair project. He arrived too late as Rabbit dropped the giant container of baking soda in the giant 2 story volcano. “… oh no…” 

*BOOM*

A flood of red bubbling ‘lava’ rumbled out of the volcano. Knocking Rabbit off his ladder and covering Spine, Jon, Peter, and Rabbit all in the red foam. “RABBIT I AM NOT CLEANING THIS UP!”

Chapter Text

“SPINE WATCH OUT THAT BANANA IS ON FIRE!” Rabbit screamed, rushing over with a fire extinguisher  Ignoring Spine’s protests as he douced Spine and the Banana in the cooling liquid. “Phew… I saved ya!”

Spine stared flatly, wiping the foam from his eyes. “Rabbit… it was suppose to be on fire… its called Flaming Banana Foster. It’s a dessert.” 

“Look Spine. My Banana foster is nearly done!” Hatchworth cheered as he walked over with a plate of banana’s also on fire.

“HATCHWORTH WATCH OUT! THAT BANANA IS ON FIRE!” Rabbit screamed, totally not learning his lesson as he sprayed Hatchworth with the fire extinguisher.

Chapter Text

“Please?” Rabbit begged with big doe eyes.

“Yes. Please?” Hatchworth begged back.

“guys I can’t….” Steve grumbled, trying to continue sound checks.

“But but! We still have lots of-of time before the show.” Rabbit pouted raising his hands in a begging position.

“Yes lots of time.” Hatchworth pointed out. “And you did promise us.”

Steve frowned. It was true. “Fine fine. But don’t let Spine know or I’ll never hear the end of this….” 

Spine helped Micheal and Matt unpack, but noticed it was eerily quiet. Too quiet. He went off in search of his troublesome brothers. Finding them out in the parking lot. 

Hatchworth was holding Steve on his shoulder’s while Rabbit was trying to dethrone him with a foam sword. 

“I SHALL SLAY YOU DRAGON!” He screeched, pretending to pull the blade down on him.

“I shot you with my lasers!” Hatchworth pretended to fire from his fingertips.

“Hatchy you are not Voltron! Dragon’s don’t have lasers!”

“How do you know? You are not the Dragon Master.”

“Guys!” Steve growled, trying to get hatchworth’s attention.

“Neither are You!” Hatchworth grumbled back.

“Guys!” Steve yelled, then noticed spine. “Hey! Spine Help me!”

Spine laughed and shook his head. “I told you not to. You did it anyway. Have fun guys.” Spine laughed, just glad it wasn’t him stuck in the  mix for once.

“SPINE! SPINE YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!” Steve yelled off to him. As Rabbit and Hatchworth continued to argue over the types of dragons and lasers and flame breath.