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The sun was shining warm, making the snow along the road glisten and sparkle. Still, it was cold enough for the junkers to have temporarily switched vehicle from Roadhog’s trusty bike to a car with an actual roof and working AC. Hijacked, of course.
Junkrat had one hand on the steering wheel and a cup of boba in the other. He took a sip out of the candy cane-patterned straw.
“So! Roadie, think we’ve lost ‘em yet?” Roadhog turned his head and looked at the salted road behind them, not a trace of the cops. Although, he couldn’t see very far because of all the twists and turns the road took around the mountains. He could also hear a faint sound of sirens, but if they were aimed at him and Junkrat, he didn’t know.
“Not sure. Better keep driving, just in case.”
“Ugh, for how long? I don’t want to spend the whole of Christmas Eve in this barge!” Junkrat whined, flailing with his boba for dramatic effect.
“It’s your fault for stealing those shitty sunglasses.” Roadhog reiterated, motioning at the pine-shaped, novelty accessory resting on the bridge of Junkrat’s nose. Upon hearing Roadhog’s words Junkrat immediately put his boba down in the drink holder between the seats and pointed an offended finger at his partner in crime.
“Excuse me? I got you those antlers you have on your head too; didn’t see you complain about that when we were haulin’ ass outta there!” he picked up his drink again and took another sip. “What’s so wrong with getting into the Christmas spirit, anyway?”
Roadhog did admit, those antlers were really cute and he was very happy about them being in his possession.
“Didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. Just don’t see the problem with staying in the car.” Junkrat rolled his eyes and let out a sigh,
“You can’t celebrate Christmas in a car, Hoggie!”
“Why not?”
“Can’t fit a Christmas tree in here.” he deadpanned, like it was an obvious reason as to why celebrating Christmas in a vehicle couldn’t possibly work out.
“You sound like we’d even find one this far from the city.”
“Are you doubting me, mate?”
Roadhog chose not to answer that question.
“Just keep driving for now.”
***
After another thirty minutes behind the steering wheel, and a now empty drink, Junkrat’s eyes suddenly lit up.
“Look, Roadie! Bet’cha they’ve got Christmas trees in there!” He pointed with his metal arm at a small petrol station, with an even smaller store attached to it, located by the roadside a hundred or-so meters up ahead.
“I doubt it.” Roadhog said, knowing full well that such a small store wouldn’t carry any Christmas trees (especially considering the season was practically over).
“Well, we’re about to find out!”
Junkrat stopped in front of the station and jumped out of the car.
“Hey, take your trash with you.” Roadhog said, handing him his empty plastic cup. Junkrat spun around and quickly took it from Roadhog’s massive hand. “And don’t steal anything this time, we’re wanted enough already.” he added.
“You’ve got it, mate!” Junkrat said, making a mock salute with his prosthetic hand. Then he spun around again and disappeared through the doors to the store.
It did take longer than he expected for ‘Rat to realise that there were, in fact, no Christmas trees in the store; so as he waited for his partner to come back, Roadhog decided to fill up the tank. By the time he was done he saw ‘Rat wobbling excitedly out of the store on his pegleg. Roadhog also noticed that his hands were hidden behind his back, and decided to come over to him.
“Jamison. Show me your hands.” he demanded. Junkrat giggled at that, but didn’t comply. And when Roadhog tried to look behind his back he angled himself so that the big man couldn’t.
“Well, you see, Roadie…” he began. “We were both wrong. There were trees in there and they definitely fit in the car!” And with that he whipped out his hands, only to reveal ten colourful little cardboard evergreens hanging from each of his fingers, still packaged. Roadhog looked at them in disbelief, and read what was written on them.
“ 'Wunder-Baum?' ”
“Yeah, mate! They’re like those Little Trees back in Oz!”
“The air fresheners?”
“Uh-huh. Now move it, ya big lug, I’m gonna hang them all from the rearview mirror!” Roadhog followed with a sigh as Junkrat pushed past him and got into the car.
Once seated, Junkrat proceeded to tear the packaging from all the little evergreens and the car was immediately filled with the unbearable smell of way too strong fragrances of “Strawberry”, “Lemon”, “Very Vanilla”, “Ocean Paradise”, “Spring Time”, “Leather”, “Pure Steel”, “Piña Colada”, “Sport” and “Darkness”. Roadhog figured it’d smell even worse had he not already been used to the smell of burning hair, sweat and soot, thanks to his companion. He was also thankful for the filters in his mask, although they didn’t do much to lessen the stench. He took a firm hold of Junkrat’s neck, which made the smaller junker blush and giggle nervously.
“Throw them out.”
“A-all of them?” Junkrat managed to stutter.
“Yes.”
“But I wanted a Christmas tree, Hoggie…”
“Fine, you get to keep one.” Roadhog interrupted. “I want the rest thrown out the window within three seconds, starting now.” He let go of Junkrat and started counting down, while the other scrambled to gather all the little trees and tried to decide on which to keep.
“...Zero.” Junkrat heard, just as he slammed the door shut after throwing out the equivalent of 18 euros onto the concrete. After calming himself down a bit he hung the chosen one from the rearview mirror, Piña Colada. Roadhog was just happy it didn’t smell as awful in the car anymore.
As they drove away, further into the wilderness of Germany, with the artificial equivalent to the smell of Piña Colada burrowed deep in their nostrils, Junkrat turned on the radio and basked in the holiday spirit stemming from shitty Christmas music, a pair of pine-shaped sunglasses, a 12 centimeter tall, camouflage-patterned cardboard tree and a lovely bodyguard donning a pair of antlers. As he looked at the man, he leaned over and softly kissed the snout of his mask. He looked into his eyes and whispered with a smile on his lips,
“Merry Christmas, Mako.”
“Merry Christmas, Jamie.”