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Never in Rudyard's life did he think that Chapman would ask him to do something like this.
They're rivals! They're competitors! They're sworn enemies!
Yet, here Chapman was, asking if Rudyard will pretend to be his boyfriend for some family reunion.
He couldn't just say yes.
He couldn't sound too eager.
A whole day of having Chapman mostly to himself? How could he pass up an opportunity like that?
Rudyard argued about it for a good ten minutes. He has a few good points of why this was ridiculous, but he couldn't make those without fear of convincing Chapman to take back the request.
His biggest point, one that he steadfastly avoids bringing up, is why would Chapman ask him?
There must have been plenty of other people he could have asked.
The ride to Chapman's childhood home want as tense as Rudyard felt it should have been. It wasn't awkward, either.
Sure, they mostly sat in silence, but it was comfortable, and when they talked, they found things to talk about without arguing.
Chapman told him the names of important family members and things he should know about them. Rudyard kept prompting him to keep talking without really thinking about what he was doing.
"Are you planning on telling your mom that we aren't actually together, at some point?"
"Well, I plan on telling her we broke up in a few weeks from now."
Rudyard tried not to look disappointed. He supposed it was dumb to wish for this to go on longer than it had to.
It's not real, he reminded himself.
He couldn't let himself forget.
Apparently, he and Chapman would be staying in Chapman's childhood bedroom, which only had one bed in it.
He just shrugged when Chapman asked if he would be alright sharing. In all honesty, he didn't trust his voice.
Rudyard Funn had lived to see the day in which he got to hold hands with one Eric Chapman.
He felt it must have been an alternate universe.
Chapman's hands were very, very nice. His fingers were shorter than Rudyard's and more soft, which was nice. Rudyard really just needed to stop thinking about it.
His own hands stayed shaky the whole time Chapman was introducing him to everyone.
He was a little terrified. What if he messed up, and they all hated him? He needed them to like them. Maybe if they liked him, Chapman would. God, that was a backwards way of looking at things.
It turned out, Ms. Chapman was amazing. Rudyard liked her a lot more than he liked most old people. She was blunt and honest, and agreed with a lot of what Rudyard had to say.
He felt like he was making a good impression.
It was hard at first, as it usually was whenever Rudyard was forced to make polite conversation, but Ms. Chapman was interesting to talk to. And she had plenty of embarrassing stories about Chapman for him. They shared those back and forth, much to Eric's adorable embarrassment, while she cooked a dish for the reunion and Rudyard and Chapman leaned against her kitchen counter, holding hands. And it wasn't even awkward.
Rudyard is a few minutes away from a crisis.
While he waited for Chapman to finish making sure his hair was perfect so that they could head to the reunion, he pulled out the pictures Ms. Chapman had given to him. One of Chapman's first day of elementary school, sans front teeth but smiling as big as he could, a few of him in his hip hop phase, and one that she'd taken right after they'd gotten there. She'd snuck it somehow while they were all talking on her Polaroid camera. Rudyard is laughing, and Chapman is looking at him in amusement. They're holding hands. Rudyard isn't sure if he wants to burn it or frame it and keep it forever.
The actual reunion was more fun than Rudyard had thought it would be. He was a hit with Eric's nieces and nephews.
They even called him the "cool uncle" which implied that he was their uncle, which implied something about him and Chapman that made his heart do a weird thing in his chest.
Eric blushed at it, and God, talk about mixed signals. If Rudyard was an outsider, he'd be convinced of their act.
It was over too soon, and Rudyard was faced with the reality of a certain situation. He was going to have to share a bed, for a whole night, with the guy he was kind of totally hopeless for. The whole thing is too intimate, so domestic.
It's too much.
It's too much to lay beside Chapman and pretend to sleep. It's too much to brush his teeth beside him. It's all just too much.
He tells Antigone as much over the phone the next morning.
"I shouldn't have done this, Antigone. I think I like him even more now. I've met his mother, for Christ's sake, and she likes me. I've seen his baby pictures. It's too real. It's going to... be difficult when things go back to normal."
He was really thinking, it's going to break my heart when things go back to normal.
Antigone tells him to just tell Chapman. That's what the experts always say, communication is important in a relationship. She's probably right, annoyingly enough. He should talk to Chapman about it. Actually, talking to Chapman meant rejection and more obvious heartbreak. Rivals shouldn't fall in love. He should just suck it up.
"It's just weird, Antigone. I shouldn't have agreed to come out here."
She told him to stop throwing himself a pity party.
He was about to snap at her, tell her to go back to running their funeral home instead of wasting time talking on the phone, when he heard a crash from right outside the room. He pushed the door the rest of the way open, and there crouched Eric, trying to fix the broken picture frame.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"It's fine, Rudyard." He said. "I didn't hear anything."
That must be a lie. He had heard the whole thing, so he knows that Rudyard is in love with him, but now he was just pretending like he hadn't and hoping Rudyard would just never bring it up. Well, there was the rejection he'd been waiting for. A lot more subtle than he'd been expecting, though.
It was still heartbreaking.
The conversation between him and Chapman was stiff at brunch. If Ms. Chapman picked up on it, she didn't say anything to him.
Rudyard decided, as he said goodbye to Ms. Chapman for what would be the last time if all things went as planned, that he needed to fight a little bit harder for this.
"So something's obviously the matter." Chapman said.
"Eric, why did you ask me to do this?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm sure there are other people you could have asked to go with you, or you could have just told the truth. Why did you choose me?"
Rudyard watched him closely. He wanted him to say, "because I love you." or some other romantic thing. He needed him to say that.
"I... wanted to spend more time with you." The honest approach worked sometimes, right?
"Chapman, you can't say something like that after you've held hands with me all weekend. Tell me the truth, if I wanted to go to next year's reunion, this time as your actual boyfriend, what would you have to say about that?" Rudyard couldn't believe he'd just said that. He couldn't believe that Eric was just sitting there gaping, not even saying a word.
"I guess I would say that I would like that. And that I like you."
"Well that's settled then." Rudyard had just gotten himself a boyfriend.
"It is?" Rudyard rolled his eyes, unable to resist picking at Eric at least a little bit.
"I've already met your mother, Chapman. She approves. Do you need a written contract saying that I'm your boyfriend now, or something?"
Eric smiled.
"Oh, Rudyard, I think I'm going to hold onto you."