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Yuri wasn’t interested in people. They tended to annoy him and, in turn, people usually rejected him due to his snarky personality. He had never cared. They could either accept him for who he was or leave. The door was right there.
The only people he listened to were his Grandpa –obviously–, and Yakov and Lilia –but mainly because he had to.
And, if he was being honest with himself, there was someone else he listened to now... Otabek Altin, the Kazakh skater that came into his life out of the blue and sort of settled there, next to him. His very first friend. Otabek was a force to be reckoned with, both on and off the ice.
Beka, a friend who had become a constant participant in his everyday life. Beka, one of the people he trusted the most and, sometimes, even more so than his own family. Beka, the person who helped him see life differently, whether it was from the back of the motorcycle he had rented in whichever city they were able to meet at or just a comment that suddenly shook Yuri’s perception about a particular thing.
Beka, whose dark eyes reflected the city lights in such a way that they created new images for Yuri to admire instead of the stars above them. Beka, whose voice was so soothing Yuri sometimes called him late at night just to hear his voice before going to sleep. Beka, whose strength and support had helped Yuri find himself, again, both on and off the ice.
Beka wasn’t just his best friend anymore. He had come into Yuri’s life with that intention at first but he had transformed. His presence became too important, to the point of being irreplaceable. And Yuri, innocent, seventeen-year-old Yuri, was so, so scared that he might lose him.
Yuri understood that his feelings for Beka had become more than just those friendly feelings he had felt at the beginning, back in Barcelona. He didn’t know when the shift had happened, but that really didn’t matter, did it? What mattered was that this new fear was affecting the way he interacted with Otabek.
Sometimes, scared of his feelings being discovered, Yuri would blow up and snap at Beka via Skype or text, and then apologise profusely once he realised what he had done. Otabek, being a saint in Yuri’s eyes, let it go, each and every single time. Yuri did not understand what he had done in this or in any other life to deserve Otabek, even if they were only friends.
Especially because he knew Otabek had other, much cooler, friends. Yuri knew of only some of the shenanigans they would get up to and he knew Otabek didn’t really need Yuri in his life, which only intensified Yuri’s fear of losing him that much more. He lived in constant fear of making the wrong move, of saying the wrong thing and lose him as fast as he had come into his life.
However, that wasn’t Yuri’s only fear... Yuri was also scared of, partially, losing Otabek to someone else, romantically speaking.
Yuri thought it would be rude to ask the Kazakh whether he was interested in girls or boys, or both, so Yuri never did. And Otabek, being the more silent, brooding type, never made any comments, about anyone.
And Otabek attracted a lot of people, from all genders. But he never showed interest in any of them. And it baffled Yuri to no end! How was he supposed to know if he stood a chance with him or not? How could he risk their precious friendship if he didn’t have any kind of evidence to back him up?
It was infuriating. It was confusing. It was painful.
He suffered mostly in silence, though. Sometimes, his foul mood was taken out on the lovebirds and their lovey-dovey tendencies. But, really, they brought that on themselves by being so sickeningly clingy all the time. They kept telling him to do something if he felt lonely and he kept replying –screaming at them, really– that he could not in fact do anything to revert the situation.
And yet, being aware that he couldn’t do much about it didn’t mean that finding out your best friend and crush may be interested in one of your rink mates hurt any less.
It all started while he was getting ready for Katsudon and Viktor’s wedding. Mila had burst into his room at the Yu-topia resort while he was getting ready to go down and help Viktor with the final preparations. He was the ring bearer. Of all the jobs he could have been given, he was the fucking ring bearer. Humiliating.
But it was their wedding day and they had asked him nicely enough, in the middle of the rink, surrounded by their peers... and well, Yuri couldn’t bring himself to say no to their stupid, excited faces and their moving speech about how Yuri had helped them come together in the first place and yada, yada, yada.
He had mumbled his agreement and was then wrapped in two strong pairs of arms who refused to let them go until Yakov accused them of trying to suffocate him.
Which is how he found himself clutching at his chest, yelling at Mila.
‘Hag! How many times have I told you?! Knock before you enter my fucking room!’ he yelled at her once his breathing got back to normal but she was so used to being at the receiving end of his outbursts she didn’t even blink.
‘Well, well, well,’ she sauntered in and closed the door before sitting on the chair next to the window. ‘I’m sorry but not really, I was getting bored out there,’ she added with a big yawn.
‘Mila, you know everyone downstairs,’ he sounded exasperated. He really just wanted the day to end.
‘Yeah, but it’s boring without you there,’ she said as she checked her make-up on the mirror in the corner and took out her cell phone to take a selfie, which she posted right after.
‘Come on,’ he told her with a sigh as he put on his jacket and picked up his shoes to put them on downstairs. ‘And take off your shoes, hag, you’re gonna ruin the tatami.’
Mila just smiled at him as she did it. He cares about them, she thought but decided against voicing the comment. He looked on edge already and, for once, she didn’t want to aggravate him further.
They went to the main lobby where most of the guests were waiting until the actual ceremony. Viktor looked nervous, trying to entertain everyone. Yuri approached him and he seemed to relax a little. Together, along with the Katsuki family, they started guiding the many guests outside where the altar and chairs were.
It was the end of winter and there were a few cherry blossoms already floating around. The temperature was nice but not too warm. Perfect for the ceremony that was about to take place.
Yuri walked down the aisle as the happy couple had instructed him to and he had to fight the urge to just run. He felt exposed for some reason, until he reached the end and stood there as his eyes somehow found Otabek’s, his plus one for the wedding. Because if he was going to do this and couldn’t get drunk because he was still too young, he needed his best friend there with him.
Beka was looking at him with this... fond and soft expression, a look Yuri had never seen directed at him unless he counted family. And, somehow, in that moment, as his heart started beating uncharacteristically fast and all of a sudden felt too big for his chest, he realised that Otabek’s loving gaze could not compare with anything else.
He had to make himself tear his eyes away from Beka and focus on the task at hand. He saw and heard the shutters going off as Viktor leaned down to kiss Katsudon, and Yuri couldn’t help the small smile that took over his face. He would deny it later, of course, but he was happy for them.
The wedding party moved inside to the main hall of the resort, which had been completely revamped so that they could fit tables and chairs for their many guests.
The party started after a few speeches, and then people were already gathering around the improvised dance floor in the middle to celebrate their friends’ union.
‘It was a beautiful ceremony,’ Otabek murmured next to Yuri’s ear due to the loud music. Yuri jumped a little in his chair and looked over at Otabek who had an apologetic expression. ‘Sorry,’ he mouthed, but Yuri dismissed it with a wave of his hand.
He leaned over to the left to answer him but the close proximity brought along Otabek’s cologne, and Yuri suddenly felt extremely light-headed. Beka noticed Yuri shaking his head and his somewhat paler-than-usual complexion and he offered to bring them both something to drink.
Yuri sighed as he rested his head on top of his arms on the table. He looked over at the dance floor a little longingly. Every skater he knew was dancing with someone. He wanted to join them but was too embarrassed to ask Otabek.
He was so lost in his thoughts, he almost didn’t notice Mila dropping her purse and phone next to him and asking him to look after her things while she went to the bathroom. He just nodded to let her know he had heard and she left the room.
The phone lit up then, showing an endless string of Instagram notifications that kept popping up. Mostly from fans probably liking and commenting the photo she had taken of herself in his room earlier, he thought. He was about to block the screen and turn the phone around when one line of text caught his eye...
“Otabek-altin has liked your picture.”
Yuri’s heart dropped as his face tried to mask his emotions. He blocked the phone and put it back inside Mila’s purse. He barely registered the moment when she came back, thanked him and promptly got back to the dance floor. He didn’t know what to think. Was Otabek interested in Mila? What about the moment they shared during the ceremony?
The man in question came back and handed Yuri a drink with a smile. Yuri took it without a word and kept his eyes fixated on the moving bodies, avoiding looking at Mila because it made anger boil inside him. But that made him look at Viktor and Katsudon happily dancing with Yuuko’s triplets.
Yuri’s expression must have changed again because Otabek took Yuri’s glass out of his hand and left it on the table next to his own drink. He stood up, walked around the table and stopped right in front of the blond.
He extended his right hand in front of Yuri’s face and when Yuri looked up, Otabek gestured towards the dance floor with his head, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Yuri accepted his invitation, not really thinking too much of it, but then the music changed completely and Yuri withdrew his hand from Otabek’s.
The previous song had been upbeat but now there was a guitar playing softly and only couples remained in the middle and Yuri was most definitely panicking.
‘Come on, Yura,’ Otabek mumbled once he got closer to him and grabbed his hand again. However, he didn’t drag Yuri to follow him.
Yuri, torn between bolting and passing out right there, just gave him a short nod and the next thing he knew was that Otabek’s arms were around his waist as the lyrics of the song started registering in Yuri’s brain.
Cause if the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you, mmmmm
Oh, boy, was it getting hotter all of a sudden?
Yuri felt like he couldn’t breathe as Otabek swayed them gently. Yuri, even if he was now slightly taller than Otabek, moved his hands from where they were resting on Otabek’s upper arms and put them around the older man’s neck. The Kazakh, in turn, tightened his hold on Yuri and buried his face on Yuri’s neck.
The blush appeared instantly, as it always did when Otabek came too close to him and he couldn’t hide his true feelings in time. He didn’t know what to think anymore!
First, there were the girls eyeing Otabek appreciatively before and during the ceremony –Yuri had seen them gawking as he ushered the guests to take their seats–, but his friend never paid any attention to them, always focused on Yuri. Could all of this be some kind of sign that maybe Otabek was interested in him? But, then, what about that like he saw on Mila’s phone?
And I want to tell you everything
The words I never got to say the first time around
And I remember everything
From when we were the children playing in this fairground
Wish I was there with you now
‘Beka,’ Yuri murmured before he lost the nerve to actually ask him.
‘Mm?’ was all he got in response.
He pushed Otabek’s shoulder a little so that he could look him in the eye as he asked.
‘Do you like Mila?’ there, he said it. Quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
‘What?’ a cute but confused expression took over Otabek’s features. ‘No, I don’t. Why do you ask?’
And I know that it's wrong
That I can't move on
But there's something 'bout you
‘I... sort of saw you liked one of her pictures and, well, it got me thinking that maybe you liked her,’ Yuri’s voice grew weaker and weaker as he looked down out of embarrassment, but Otabek was so close to him that he heard the words anyway.
It made Otabek laugh a little, he couldn’t help it. He removed one hand from Yuri’s waist and took his phone out of his pocket. He fumbled with it for a second until he managed to unlock it and open the Instagram app. He was searching for a specific picture among the dozens his fellow skaters had uploaded of the wedding and turned his phone towards Yuri’s face when he finally found it.
‘This is the picture I liked, Yura,’ Otabek said softly. By this point, they were not even moving anymore, but rather they were standing in the middle of the dance floor while the other couples exchanged loving looks.
Yuri looked up and was meet with a picture of his own face, smiling as he held the rings for Yuuri and Viktor to grab, with a tear threatening to escape from the corner of his eye. Mila had captioned it with something ridiculously lame, but there, on top of that, was the little red heart that showed Otabek had liked it.
‘Oh,’ was all Yuri managed to say as the song came to an end and a much faster one started right after.
You still make me nervous when you walk in the room
Them butterflies—they come alive when I'm next to you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you, mmmm
Everything comes back to you, mmmm
‘Wanna dance with me some more?’ Beka asked, bringing his other hand up again as he pocketed his phone.
‘Yeah, I do,’ Yuri replied and took Beka’s hand.
They smiled at each other as Beka twirled Yuri around and even as Viktor came around to steal his “son” away from his friend despite the teenager’s loud protests.
Yes, Yuri may not have had the courage to take the final jump, but they never stopped dancing that night. And, for now, that was more than enough for him.