Archive of Our Own ^beta

Killua’s breath hitched. Was he really going to confess right here? “Let’s stay together!” Gon chirped as the fire behind them burned steadily, the moon’s light illuminating the black haired boy’s cheery face. The cool night air gently ran over both boy’s skin. Killua shivered slightly, but his face was so hot it barely mattered. “Well, I don’t have anywhere else to go.” Killua comments. “Sure, I’ll stay.” He smiles at Gon, who looked ecstatic. “Yeah! Let’s stay together forever and ever!” The other boy was taken aback by his enthusiasm. “O-Oi, you do know how long forever is, right?” Gon nods furiously. “Uh-huh! And I want to spend it all with you, Killua.” Said boy thumped him on the chest, knocking him back slightly. “Idiot.” He mumbles, turning away. Gon looked on, worriedly. “Did I say something bad?” He simply asks, Killua’s brow furrows. He was reeeeally not going to tell him, was he? Some voice in the back of his head was screaming that his was his chance.

Was it? Could he just tell him those words that carried so much weight right now? “…After we find my dad, what will you do?” Gon, uncharacteristically serious, asked. Killua’s eyes flew open. Just what would he do? “Depends. I can’t say what I’d do until it actually comes down to it.” Gon whines. “That’s what you always say.” He crossed his arms, serious again, looking down at the rock they were sitting on. “So, you’re saying you would leave if you could?” Killua flies up, now facing Gon again. “Of course not, you idiot!” Killua stops himself from saying anything stupid. “I would try everything in my power not to leave.” Gon’s serious expression fades into a thinking one. Hopefully his brain wouldn’t overheat this time. “So, you care about me!” Killua slides back from surprise. He was just shocked speechless. “Yeah.” He plainly says in reply. Smooth Killua. You sure are suave. Trying to seduce and confess your love to the boy of your dreams was hard work.

With a few simple words, their friendship would either crumble or go to a whole other level. Killua wasn’t so sure that he wanted to take such a huge risk. His feelings were all jumbled together. His desires to be friends and to be intimate swirled around in his head. What was he going to do? Even he wasn’t sure. Hormones mixed with his emotions and made a horrible mixed up mess.

Killua takes a deep breath. “Hey, uh Gon. Do you like girls?” That was possibly the stupidest thing that has come out of his mouth yet. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t really care if they’re a boy or a girl, I just like them as a person!” He happily replies.

“Huh.”

“How about you?”

Killua looks down at his feet, contemplating if he should tell the truth. “No. I don’t like girls.” Well, congratulations Gon, you’re the first person Killua came out to. “Ah, ok.” That wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. That was the kind of reaction you get when you tell someone that they should be working harder when they are. They know they can’t talk back so they just. Accept it. It kinda pissed him off.

But then again, his love for Gon was overwhelming that childish urge to start something over that.

“Gon.” Killua breathed, scooting closer to the boy. “Hmmm?” Gon made a humming like noise in response. Killua leaned on to him, looking up at the bright full moon. The sound of cicadas drowned out any competent thought. …Not now. Confessing would just break the mood. So, he instead just did the stupidest thing he possibly could do. He slowly, softly, kissed Gon on the cheek. The other boy blushed, and looked at him, but then turned his attention back to the moon. It like the kiss never happened. Maybe one day. Killua thought to himself. But not today. He thought, holding Gon’s hand tightly.