Chapter Text
ChimChimz: y’all i just met my future husband
ChimChimz: we gonna get married on the beach and have 6 kids and make sweet love every night
ChimChimz: because damn dat aSS
ChimChimz: this man isa greek gOD I’M DR OOL IGN
taeHUNG: I CALL BEST MAN
ho-suck: no fair I wanna be best man :((((((
taeHUNG: xcuse u i am his SOULMATE there4 i am best man
ChimChimz: <3<3<3
taeHUNG: <3<3<3
y00ngi: gross
t h e d e s t r o y e r: jimin who is ur future husband
ChimChimz: ok so like
ChimChimz: here’s the thing
y00ngi: omfg you don't even know who he is
ChimChimz: uM
WOWshoulders: that means no
ChimChimz: liSTEN
ChimChimz: I WAS GONNA TALK 2 HIM
y00ngi: but u chickened out
t h e d e s t r o y e r: #exposed
taeHUNG: JIMIN TALK TO HIM U FUCK
taeHUNG: I ALREADY HAVE THE COLORS 4 UR WEDDDING PICKDE OUT
taeHUNG: DON’T DO ME DIRTY LIEK THIS
ChimChimz: BUT
ChimChimz: [image attached]
ChimChimz: HOW AM I (A PEASANT) SUPPOSED TO TALK TO A G O D
taeHUNG: oh damn he hot
ChimChimz: HE IS M I N E
y00ngi: possessive much ???
ho-suck: :0
ho-suck: ik him !!!!
ChimChimz: wHAT
WOWshoulders: ooooo this just got interesting
ho-suck: yeah its kookie !!!!
ChimChimz: KOOKKEIEDUAIDNAIUBUWAJKSAB
t h e d e s t r o y e r: u broke him
ho-suck: oops ?? :3
ChimChimz: HIS NASMEW IS KOOEKIE THSAT IS SOS CUTE Y IMAS CRYGING
ChimChimz: CAN U IMAGGEIE PARK KOOKIE OMFG IM CRYGING I N THEH STREEETET
y00ngi: jimin chill
ChimChimz: NEVERB HEES SOS CUTET
WOWshoulders: hoseok how do u know him ???
ho-suck: he’s in my dance class
ChimChimz: THAT EXPLAINS THE THIGHS
ChimChimz: [image attached]
ChimChimz: YEHA BBY
taeHUNG: damn he thicc
ChimChimz: TAE STOP THRITSING AFTER MA MAN
y00ngi: lmao u don’t even know him
ChimChimz: IK HIS NAME ??? SO FUCK U ?????
y00ngi: bitch ???? fight me
t h e d e s t r o y e r: now now children calm down
ChimChimz: ALSO I KNOW HE’S A DANCER
ChimChimz: SO HA
WOWshoulders: jimin u know 2 whole things about him
y00ngi: #exposed
ChimChimz: Jeon Jungkook
ChimChimz: born September 1, 1997
ChimChimz: goes to Columbia university
ChimChimz: likes anime and dancing
ChimChimz: his nickname is bunny because his family thinks he looks like one
ChimChimz: kajskalajsnajkdn SO TRUE OMG
t h e d e s t r o y e r: ??????
ho-suck: pls tell me u didn’t stalk his Facebook
ChimChimz: uM
WOWshoulders: that means yes
taeHUNG: lol who uses Facebook anymore
ChimChimz: u attack my husband like this ????
ho-suck: jimin u know i can just
ho-suck: idk
ho-suck: give u his number ??
ChimChimz: WELL FUCK
ChimChimz: I DIDN’T THINK OF THAT
ho-suck: or better yet
[ho-suck has added kookie to the conversation]
ChimChimz: LKJSAIWAOHDANJA WHAT DID U DO
kookie: um
kookie: who r u people
taeHUNG: [insert patrick star meme here]
ChimChimz: KSJASWIDHAUIDBCUQHUIHEGDWB
WOWshoulders: lol u broke him again
ho-suck: life’s a bitch :3
kookie: hyung what is this
ho-suck: these r my friends
ho-suck: guys introduce yourselves
taeHUNG: hello im taehyung the best man
y00ngi: tae pls
WOWshoulders: im seokjin the oldest and most handsome
t h e d e s t r o y e r: hyung pls
WOWshoulders: that’s Namjoon
WOWshoulders: we don’t talk to him
taeHUNG: #PEEPTHATBURN
y00ngi: I’m yoongi and i hate u all
y00ngi: except jungkook but only because idk him
kookie: thanks ???
ho-suck: and then there’s jimin!
ho-suck: jimin say hi
ChimChimz: AKSIJUAKJDIQWHDABCJKAJKKDIDHIA
y00ngi: that’s dumbass for ‘hi I'm jimin’
ChimChimz: FU KC U
y00ngi: omg it speaks coherent thoughts
t h e d e s t r o y e r: close enough
taeHUNG: so jungkook
kookie: yeah?
taeHUNG: do u like maroon or dark blue better?
ChimChimz: I HAYTE
kookie: um maroon
kookie: red is my fav color so
taeHUNG: really now???
y00ngi: u hear that jimin?
y00ngi: now u know a whole 7 THINGS about him
taeHUNG: ok so the color scheme for the wedding is maroon
kookie: wedding ???
ChimChimz: TAE U FUKC
WOWshoulders: i think jimin is about to have a seizure
taeHUNG: NO THE GROOM CAN NOT HAVE A SEIZURE THIS CLOSE TO THE WEDDING
ChimChimz: I CHANGED MY MIND HOSEOK IS MY BEST MAN
ho-suck: :DDDDDDD
kookie: im so confused
kookie: so you’re getting married?
ChimChimz: uM
y00ngi: im ch okcing this is goldd
kookie: and why does my opinion on the color matter?
t h e d e s t r o y e r: hoseok look at what you’ve done
t h e d e s t r o y e r: u took a perfectly good kid and dragged him into this m e s s
ho-suck: oops? :3
kookie: ?????????
taeHUNG: ok so basically
ChimChimz: TAE ODNT
taeHUNG: jimin saw u at the coffee place and texted us all that he will marry u because u have a nice ass and thighs and are the cutest thing he’s ever seen
taeHUNG: he also stalked ur Facebook
kookie: ….
ChimChimz: I FUCKFINGFD HATE EE AGHDG
taeHUNG: im sorry
taeHUNG: maybe your best man can comfort you ://////
WOWshoulders: #petty
taeHUNG: u know it boi
ChimChimz: JUNGKOOK IM SOS SORRY PLS DONT BE FREKAKED OUT
kookie: im not freaked out
ChimChimz: what
y00ngi: sounds fake but ok
ChimChimz: SHUSH
ChimChimz: so . what
kookie: im not freaked out
kookie: it’s kind of flattering tbh
y00ngi: kid u ok???
t h e d e s t r o y e r: do i need to call 911?
taeHUNG:
operator- hello 911 what’s your emergency?
me- yeah i have a kid who might actually… like park jimin ??? romantically ???
operator- oh shit no way
WOWshoulders: IM CHOKCIGN
kookie: what’s so bad about that ???
y00ngi: LMAO WHAT ISN’T
ChimChimz: H EY
kookie: i mean the Facebook thing is questionable
kookie: but i haven't used that in years so idc
kookie: and he’s cute so ???
ChimChimz: uM
ho-suck: i sent kookie a pic of u btw
ChimChimz: uM
kookie: and dark colors are not my thing for weddings
kookie: i’m more of a lighter colors kind of guy
taeHUNG: noted
y00ngi: someone actually likes jimin wow
y00ngi: i call bullshit
kookie: i call i know what i want and jimin actually seems interesting so can u not
WOWshoulders: #HEDIDTHAT
t h e d e s t r o y e r: HYUNG U JUST GOT DESTROYED BY THIS KID
kookie: i’m not a kid wtf
taeHUNG: #GETREKT
t h e d e s t r o y e r: ur not a good kid ur a brat what the hell
ho-suck: i could've told u that ://///
y00ngi: fight me kid
ChimChimz: DON’T HURT MY HUSBAND I WILL FIGHT U
WOWshoulders: there’s to much violence in this group chat
kookie: jimin i think we should go on a date before u propose to me
t h e d e s t r o y e r: did he just
WOWshoulders: he did
taeHUNG: its a damn shame jimin found u first :/
ChimChimz: SHUSH
ChimChimz: so kookie, will u go on date with me?
kookie: ok <3 how about this Saturday at 2:00 at the coffee place?
ChimChimz: SOUNDS GREAT <3<3<3<3<3
y00ngi: gross
ChimChimz: UR JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I GOT A DATE WITH THIS CUTIE
kookie: >/////<
ChimChimz: CUTE
y00ngi: again i say: gross
ho-suck: i think it’s cute :’)
ho-suck: also i got u 2 together so i’m still best man
taeHUNG: #BitchYouThink
ho-suck: #BitchIKnow
ChimChimz: #BitchYoureBothNotInvited
taeHUNG: uM
ho-suck: KOOKIE HELP US
kookie: suddenly I cannot read
ho-suck: DED 2 ME . BOTH OF U
kookie: <3
ChimChimz: <3