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It was around 10:19 pm, a few hours after we had eaten, and were going about our own buissness, when the little lady Hinami gathers us on the lumpy couch, and suggests her idea of how we would spend the rest of the night. I stand off to the side, my arm against the wall. "I think we should watch a movie! Its been so long since we have all spent real time together." She rationalized, pleading with all of our group to go along with her idea. It was no shocker that everyone agrees. For who could deny the little lady's charm? That and the fact Banjou and his trio of masked groupies are pushovers with small amounts of strong will. I chuckle to myself, already resinged to the idea. But I would not agree so passivley without rilling up Banjou and his bunch first.
"Why, that is a lovely proposition, Hinami. Though I'm afraid the hour is late, and Banjoi and trois are up past their bedtimes." I tease.
"Yeah, that does sound like fun." The taller man began, speaking in a soft voice towards the young girl, then switched to an annoyed tone when he addressed me. "But you know what Tsukiyama? You're right, it is getting late. Why don't you just head on home, and we can watch the movie if you're not feeling up to it." He offers, with a condescending smirk of assumed victory.
I let an overdramatic look of shock and hurt come over me, and I place my right hand directly over my heart. "Non, it is not too late quite yet. But the way you spoke makes me wonder if you actually want me to leave! I thought we were friends!" I accused jokingly, pretending to sniffle a little for comedic effect. He narrows his eyes, and looks away, grumbling. "How could I be friends with a weirdo like you? And yes, I wouldn't mind if you left." I carry on like he had not said a word, now caught up in my game. "Heartbreak!" I shout, "The only reason I mentioned the time was because I was thinking of you, Banjoi-san. Everyone knows how much you need your beauty sleep." I jeered, watching with glee as the trio have to hold him back from charging at me. What an uneducated animal he is!
The little lady, who had been busy selecting a film from her slowly but surely growing collection, developed an adorable scowl on her face, and marches over to me. Arms crossed against her chest. "Flower man, that was not nice! Please apologise to Mr. Banjou, or else you wont be allowed to stay and watch the movie." She threatens, so very un-ladylike. I sigh in mock defeat.
"Indeed, little Hinami, that was not very gentlemanly of me at all. I would like to stay and watch the picture with you all, so I will do as you ask." I slightly bow, and turned to address the man and his group, fighting my composure to not rip their expectant looking faces off their heads. But I reminded myself that Kaneki would not allow such acts of violence towards his 'friends', so I remained cool and collected. Calmato, this false peace will not last forever.
"Je suis vraiment désolé, qui a été déplacée... vous porcine inculte." I apologized as sincerely as I can manage without invoking the wrath of Banjou or the little lady. Finding the required speech easier to choke out in French. A rough, abrupt clearing of the throat snags my attention, and I find the source of it to be one of the trio. They speak up.
"In Japanese, if you could."
I grind my teeth, catching a bit of my tongue, and taste the delectable iron before the small wound healed. All while maintaining a straight face. Do they know who they are talking down to? These low level bottom feeder ghouls, speaking to me, the Gourmet like an equal? Like they even deserve to be considered in the same class as me. Members of the same species? The thought is enough to send me over the edge. But at the request of Hinami, and the brave yet unintelligent speaker behind the mask, I uphold my end of the agreement.
"I'm very sorry Banjoi-san, that was uncalled for." I say, and the little lady's face broke into a smile. She then runs over to Banjou. "Now you have to accept his apology, Mr. Banjou!" she demands, excited now that we are all 'getting along'. He looks like he really does not want to, but in the end, little Hinami got her way again. "Thank you, Tsukiyama. That was very sweet." He mocked.
Hinami beamed.
I clench my teeth again.
"Now that you two have made up, lets decide on the movie we are going to watch! I've picked these three out..." She shows us her selections, and I find some remaining comfort and pride when I see Banjou flinch at the tittles. They were all, of course, horror tittles. "H-Hinami.. can w-we watch something else? M-maybe a comedy or..." He pleaded, his voice deliciously shaky. Smirking and eager to play off his fear, I jump into the conversation. Pretending to be just as shocked over the petite girls choices of visual entertainment.
"Now little lady, to think someone as young as you would be interested in these scary movies! C'est terrible! Maybe some people among us can't take horror as well as you can. Honestly, what has Kaneki been reading to you lately?"
The little lady's posture slouches with defeat, and she looks regretfully over to Banjou and his group. "I'm sorry, but all I have is Horror... And it's too late to go out and rent something now. I guess we can't have a movie night after all." She bowed her head in disappointment, and Banjou immediately goes to rectify the situation, much to the glee of this Gourmet. He crouches beside her on the floor. This was going to be fun! I think to myself, watching as the man agrees to watch the scary movies even though he is obviously terrified. Hinami lifts her head, and observes him warily, careful to get his consent before watching anything. "Are you sure, Mr. Banjou?" She asks sweetly. He nods with a gentle smile on his face, and headed back to his place on the couch. While his back is turned, I watched bemused as a deceitful smile spreads across the young ladies lips.
"OK then! I actually recently picked up this one at a convince store, its supposed to be really, really scary!" She grinned despite Banjou's rapidly paling skin, and I have to contain my laughter for yet another time tonight. Why, I do not believe I can call Hinami 'the little lady' anymore. Clearly, the young girl was good for more than just keeping his Kaneki company, and he is beginning to like the developing manipulative side of her. Maybe even going as far as to say he felt a certain fondness towards the young ghoul.
"Oh, joy." Banjou muttered, and his trio all huddled together when he escaped to put on a pot of coffee.
Seeing my chance, I hastily move to take his place, sending the masked bunch a threatening yet elegant grin when they make an attempt to object to my accommodations. Making sure that the chimera ghoul child did not see me, of course, lest I desire to be threatened with dismissal a second time.
"Now, where did I put it..." Hinami mumbles to herself, on her hands and knees looking for her new purchase. She lets out an uncharacteristic noise of frustration, quickly followed by a shout of elation when I assume she finds what she was looking for. She takes hold of the case which was sandwiched between a pile of other movies and books, and tugs ungracefully, sending the other objects on top to tumble loudly to the floor. We all move to clean up the mess, but when we see that some of kaneki's books were among the fray, we paused, reminded that there was someone that is missing from the impromptu party.
"Oh no, I forgot to invite Onii-san. Do you think he is still awake?" The little lady looked to me, and I pat her head, knowing full well that Kaneki would be up. He never seemed to sleep anymore. Something that I would very much like to change every time I saw the bags under his tried gray eyes. I knew the random night terrors have a lot to do with the lack of rest, and I was concerned that if this continues for much longer, his wonderful flavor will diminish, along with his enthralling mind that drew me to him once I took rare moments to overlook his role as my meal, and not something just to pursue. Non! His half ghoul skin and blood contained enough of his rare taste that it did not matter how sleep deprived he was, I argued with myself. Kaneki would always be beautiful and delicious! always a five star meal... Always fascinating to be around.
"I would not know, why don't you go knock on his door and ask him to join us," I advise, "it must be lonely being in his room all the time." Kaneki had left the table and went to his room when I served dinner, so I knew he was back to refusing to properly nourish himself again. Another thing I want to rectify. He could only go so long without food, and it was obvious he had not eaten in a while with how stiff and anxious he had become. She nodded determinedly, and picks herself off the floor, moving towards Kaneki's door as I return to my seat, crossing my legs.
She knocks with three quick taps in succession, pausing briefly before repeating the process. And waited. "Onii-san? Are you awake?" She calls, but there is no answer. At first, I actually convince myself that Kaneki had managed to get some proper, well needed sleep. That for once I would not have to see him fight to stay awake during meetings, or even battles! That maybe tomorrow he would be without those hideous bags, or could last throughout the day not relying on copious amounts of coffee. But alas, not a minuet later, the door to his room creaked open and he greets Hinami. Though he was obviously awake, I could tell by his lidded eyes, and tousled bed hair that he had at least been trying to get some sleep. The little lady seems to pick up on this too, but he waved away her urging to get back to bed, and promises her he was already awake, and was just reading. A hand on his chin.
"So what did you need, Hinami-chan?" He asks, ruffling her short brown hair that he had cut himself, and gently smiles. A look he only spares for her anymore. The rest of the time, he acted differently than the black haired kaneki that I used to know before Aogiri took him. It was unfortunate really, but while I will admit that this new Kaneki is rather intriguing, he now had with him an aura of sadness that hurt to look at for too long.
"We are going to watch a movie!" She told him, bouncing on her toes, "Would you like to watch with us?"
"Of course, what are we watching? She answers far too excitedly for the name of said movie, and Kaneki raised his pale brows, but soon lowers them. He was already familiar with the little lady's fascination with horror better than all of them. Strangely, his tame reaction was the most amusing to witness.
"Sounds good to me, although, are you sure everyone is on board with the choice?" She nodded. "Okay then, why don't you get it started, and I'll help Banjou-san with the coffee." His nose lifted into the air for a second, and he inhales before making a face. "I think he burned some of it." Hinami giggled as Kaneki walks away, and returns to the DVD player to press play. She runs up to her room while we watched the trailers and wait for her to get back. A few seconds later, Banjou walks out of the kitchen, looking dejected that he could not even make coffee right. I supress my snide comment, and wait patiently for the movie to be set up, my thoughts swirling around in my head peacefully. In fact, I am so distracted that I do not hear Banjou come up behind me until it is too late. I had just opened my mouth when I am roughly pushed off the couch with a force I did not expect from the weak man, and fall to the carpeted floor with an indignant sound of surprise leaving my lips.
I glare up at the gorilla that has taken my place so rudely, and watched as he relaxed and stretch out his legs, resting his socked feet on the coffee table. How revolting. I almost shudder at the display. "Hey Tsukiyama, how's the floor? I hope its comfortable enough for you." Not wanting to give him the time of day, I fold my legs underneath me and lean against the couch where I had landed, taking subtle deep breaths - I do not wish to tip off the dim witted beast that he had gotten a reaction out of me - and fixed my shirt and vest. smoothing out the wrinkles that had been created.
"What? Not talking? And I thought we were friends." I snorted this time, quite undignified behavior, but certain times call for certain actions. Without looking back, I retort:
"Friends? How could I be friends with a Ghoul who cant even read or write properly? Who's Inefficiency with a Kagune is laughable, and fighting skills even more so." I pause before delivering the final blow. "Remind me why you are here? Why Kaneki even bothered to rescue or train with you?"
With a growl, Banjou stands up, grabbing a fist of my clothing and yanks me up with him. I quickly escape from his grasp, but I do not sit back down. The look on his face is pure anger and rage. I see his hands are shaking with the intent to throw a punch, and his eyes had gone black with the veins surrounding the sclera's. I roll my shoulders back, readying my own kagune for the fight we were about to have, and would have had if it were not for the soft voice that stops us.
"Why did I help him, you ask?" Kaneki spoke, breezing into the room and setting steaming mugs onto the table before turning to me. "Because out of everyone here, you are the only one who has ever gone behind my back and betrayed my trust. Why wouldn't I help him?"
I open my mouth to speak, but it was clearly a rhetorical question, and Kaneki cuts me off before I have the chance to explain myself.
"No, its fine that you don't understand, so I couldn't expect you to answer properly. After all, what am I really to you? If I remember correctly, you just wanted to eat me, so true loyalty is obviously not something you posses."
"No, Kaneki-" I try to interject, but with a vaguely annoyed look from him, I shut my mouth again.
"I will give you one last warning for tonight, either behave or leave. It's up to you." And like a switch is flipped, he turns to the others, a shy smile decorating his lips as he takes a mug for himself, and sits on he armchair beside the couch. Blowing the steam billowing up from his cup.
"There should be enough coffee for everyone, so please enjoy. Thank you Banjou-san for staring the machine." Everyone took a mug of their own except for me. Leaving it to sit on the table, I sat back down against the couch.
"You're welcome Kaneki" Banjou replied. He says something else, but it was so low that I could just barely make it out. It sounded something like: 'And thank you, for everything.'
"Don't worry about it. If I were you I would be more concerned about the movie Hinami chose." Kaneki laughs, consoling the big man while checking the rating on the case.
"Wow, eighteen plus. Should I even be letting her watch this? Even I just meet the age requirement." He looked to the people around the room to hear their opinions, but everyone took their time resending. Clearly Hinami is still very young, and it was a probably a good idea that we have a talk to see if she can handle the movie, but I had a feeling the majority were thinking about what Kaneki had just said. He was only just nineteen, not even twenty. I know it was on my mind now because I always picture him as much older because of his authority and power, but even I forget that he is still a teenager much like our little lady. Regardless, I felt that both of them could handle the movie so I sent in my vote. Banjou and the group agreed with me.
"Yeah, dont worry about Hinami Kaneki," One of the trio advised him, "Hinami will be fine, and if its too much for her, then we can pick something milder."
"Its already too much for me to handle" Banjou muttered under his breath. Kaneki nodded his thanks for the mans input just as the little lady comes back downstairs dressed in her PJ'S and slippers, and claims the last remaining seat on the large couch beside Banjou for herself.
"Sooo... Is everyone ready? Because I'm going to press play." When we all nodded, she grinns and grabbed the remote, pressing down on the play button.
~
As it turns out, the movie was not scary in the slightest. Though, that did not stop Banjou from shrieking every five minuets, and Hinami from covering her eyes. It was hard to tell what their faces looked like under those masks, but judging by the way they shiver in each others arms, the trio were probably terrified like the rest of them. The only person besides me who did not react to the cheap effects is Kaneki. I know because I had been eyeing him all night to see if he would show even the slightest reaction. But nothing. Not even a wince or flinch. I guess I should not have been surprised what with all the gore he sees on a daily basis.
"Banjoi-san? Why would that young man go inside that warehouse? Does he not know that is where the psycho killer is waiting for him?" I ask mockingly, knowing I would get no response from the frightened man. And I was correct in my assumptions. I almost sigh. Banjou is supposed to be Kaneki's 'shield', but how could he do that when he could not even handle a scary movie? Let alone a ghoul? I return my attention to the screen, now bored with everyone's dull reactions. I observe, with no surprise, as the protagonist is followed by the killer, and mercilessly clubbed over the head with some sort of weapon. Knocking him unconscious. Though the killer did not seem to want to stop there. He then threw a few punches and kicks to further terrorize the boys body on the ground, and proceeded to stuff him into a oversized bag. Dragging him somewhere off screen.
I vaguely hear Kaneki shift in the armchair he is sitting in off to my right side, but I pay it no heed. I would never admit this, but even I, with my exceptional tastes, was intrigued with the cheap film and watched with a strange fascination to see what happens next.
The screen goes dark, and by the way it slowly lights up I knew we are seeing things through the main characters point of view before it switches back to third person, and we could see our unfortunate main lead was in a large shed with cold metal walls surrounding him. Already covered in blood from the others before him.
Against my wishes, my stomach rumbles quietly at the tantalizing sight, even though I knew it was only an effect. Receiving cold looks from almost everyone in the room, including from a pallid Kaneki, I push my hunger down and focus on the screen again, but found my mind traveling elsewhere.
I find myself entertaining why Kaneki looked a little sick, but chalk it up to the usual sleep deprivation, lack of eating, and disgust for me in general. The last thought hurt, but I knew it is a likely candidate. A sudden scream from the TV, as well as the viewing audience snaps me back to the present, and I tuned in to the movie once again. In my absence, our antagonist had taken out a rather large knife, and began torturing the poor boy. Leaving slices and cuts of varying sizes and severities all over his exposed arms and legs Ruining his clothing as well as his skin. I was not bothered by this. I had seen worse. Inflicted much worse, to my slowly increasing shame, so I was unfazed, but I heard groans from the trio, and Banjou begging Hinami to change the movie.
"Hinami, please... This is too much..." He pleaded, but she is glued to the screen like Kaneki was. I watch as he shifts in his chair yet again, and how his gray eyes widened.
It was then I notice how differently the two horror lovers were acting. Hinami was clearly enjoying the movie. No matter how many times she had yelled with the others and clutched onto her blanket, she still smiled and did not look away from the screen. Kaneki was different. It was almost like he... Could not look away no matter how desperately he wanted to. Like the movie had some sort of hold on him. His black fingernails had disappeared into the worn fabric of the couch, and I could see the screen reflected in his glassy eyes.
Was no one else noticing his distress? I shuffle closer to his seat, sitting on my knees so I can be on face level with him, and try to get him out of this... Whatever this is.
"Kaneki? Are you alright?" I tentatively ask, waving my hands in front of his face when he remains unresponsive. "... Kaneki?" I call out to him, a bit louder this time, and one of the trio had now taken notice to our leaders strange behavior. "Hey, Tsukiyama, what's wrong?" His voice is muddled with confusion, and I am not sure how to answer him because I also have no idea what was happening with kaneki. I tried shaking his arm lightly now, but if he felt it, he does not let it show. His eyes never waver from the movie. Wait, was that why he was so scared? Did this have something to do with the film? At this point in time no other ideas ran through my mind, and kaneki was not acknowledging anyone.
"Hinami, I need you to turn off the movie now please." I request, moving to block kaneki's view of the TV, hoping maybe he would snap back to normal if he was not looking. So far no change, and the movie played on; the audio not helping much. There is also the possibility that maybe it was not the movie itself that frightens him, but that it reminded him of something from his past crosses my mind, and I take it into strong consideration.
The little lady glances over to me in confusion, but when she sees how her older brother was acting, she instantly becomes concerned. "What's wrong with Onii-san?"
By now, everyone has noticed the change in Kaneki, and I struggle to qualm my own growing worry. "I do not know, but I need you to turn off the TV right now, I think it might be triggering a memory." She nodded, and goes for the remote, but not before the climax of the torture scene plays out, and our main characters fingers had begun to be taken from him in a particularly gruesome way. And unfortunately, kaneki saw all of it when I made a move to shut the TV off myself.
And that is when the real screaming began.
Kaneki's eyes shut tightly, and he wrenched his arm out of my light grasp, now griping his white hair as the loud, unrelenting wails leave his mouth. His body contouring into a fetal position to protect himself from his invisible attackers. With the sudden outburst, Banjou immediately leaps from the couch to run to his side, Hinami not far behind him. Soon we are all gathered around him trying to calm his screams of terror.
"Kaneki, its okay! I turned the movie off, so you can be alright now." The little lady pleads with him, a desperate edge to her quivering voice. I tell her that she did not need to see him like this. That me, Banjou, and the others would take care of him, but she stubbornly refuses to leave. A rather high pitched scream has us all flinching, and Banjou turns to me since I am the first one who noticed the oncoming panic attack.
"What happened to him? He was fine only a minuet ago..." I shake my head, and give him the same answer I gave to the trio. "Je ne sais pas, I do not know."
He did not seem pleased with my answer. "Then what are we going to do?!"
"I do not know!"
I have never been in this situation before. I wanted to help kaneki, but I did not have the slightest clue how. I had never felt this helpless in my life.
Suddenly the screams cut off, only to be replaced with shallow gasping noises. Everyone stops talking. Standing frozen in the new eerie silence. While I was relieved the screaming had ceased, I knew this was far worse. I watched with the group as Kaneki clutched at his chest and throat, pulling his shirt away from him to try and get more air, but his face was already growing paler by the second.
"H-he cant breathe, please, some one help him!" Hinami yells, grabbing her brothers hand tightly. Everyone draws closer as well, crowding around him and talking rapidly over the other about what we should do to help our friend, not knowing they were making things worse by being too close to him. I move between them, lightly pushing back whoever is behind me.
"Please step back, give him some room. He needs space to breathe." I order, and when they spread out, I take my place back at his side and go through my mental library of what I knew of panic and hyperventilation attacks. I remember there was a class where I went to school that covered this, but I struggled to recall exactly what to do. I knew that there was a risk of him passing out or worse, so I rapidly scan my remaining memories searching for something that could help in any way. Kaneki wheezes harder beside me, but I could hear it was not working nearly well enough to get oxygen into his lungs as he fought to catch his breath. Short puffs of air escaping his open mouth. He grips harder at the chair now, trying to speak and tell us everything was alright. That there was nothing to worry about when obviously there was. He just did not want us to worry about him. Like always.
I am just about to rip out my hair in frustration, when it finally clicks that kaneki is only making efforts to breathe out of his mouth, and not his nose. And that is when I recalled something. I remembered that in order to slow down the rapid breathing, you needed to help the person breathe through their nose, and coach them through the attack. Now positive I can help him, I grapple for Kaneki's attention.
"Kaneki, listen to me. I know that this may be difficult, but I need you to breathe out of your nose for me. You are hyperventilating, and you need to calm down. Can you do it?" I speak as clearly and simply as I can manage, but either I had not made myself clear enough, or he was too far gone because he did not follow my instructions at all, and continued to gasp for breath from his mouth. I swear in French; my hands finding themselves to my hair again. What was I going to do? If he would not listen, he could become worse.
A sudden thought came into my mind, and I instantly almost dismissed it entirely. If I did this, I could potentially destroy any miniscule amount of his trust I had built up over the last few weeks, and be forced to regain it all if that is even possible at this point. But in this moment, I know my thoughts are selfish, and the only thing that matters was helping my friend.
So that is what I did.
Using my leftover knowledge, I lay my palm over his open mouth, and block his main air way. Now forcing him to breathe out of his nose. I also place my other hand lightly on his stomach in preparation to monitor his breaths, as well as to keep him still and grounded in the moment. "Come on Kaneki, please breathe!" I beg him, too distraught at this point to incorporate my usual toss away phrases. At first, nothing happens. But then, as expected, his fear took over, and Kaneki clawed harshly at my hand. Glaring at me despite his situation. His face turning an angry red. Presently, he was too weak to shake me off, but as the seconds pass his rage morphs into pure fear, and his eyes tear up, silently begging me to let him go. I want to. More than anything I wanted to make that look disappear from his eyes. But in order to help him, I take the pain. Emotional and physical.
"Tsukiyama, what are you doing? You're hurting him!" Banjou accused, storming up behind me and grabbing my arm to toss me across the room. Luckily before he could get a good enough hold, I manage to shrug off his grip. I needed both my hands at the moment.
"Can't you see I'm trying to help him?! Please just trust me." I begged, but he still seemed doubtful. I could not blame him, but it made my task infinitely harder.
"What? Didn't you try to eat him once? Why should I trust you?" He yells, throwing my past actions in my face, and I snapped.
"This is not the time for that discussion! Beat me up later if you can, but right now I'm the only one who can help him, so help me!" I snarled, and his face falls. Everyone else around me openly staring in different stages of shock and fear. I normally never yell, so it must have been surprising. Even Kaneki pauses for a split second before struggling with renewed effort. Very soon I would not be able to contain him. He is so strong. Much more than I was.
"Banjou," I pleaded. "I need your help." He jumps at the softer tone I use now. "What can I do?" There was no pause, nor did he question me this time.
"You can help me hold him down. At this rate, he is going to hurt himself. I need him to stay still and relax" Banjou nods his understanding, and finally does what I ask. At first, he was too afraid of using force on his friend, but when Kaneki's kicks become more erratic, Banjou had no choice but to restrain him. He did as he was told, but the anguish on his face was clear. He hates this. As did I. But we had a job to do. And Kaneki was not making it easy for us. He continues to try and shove me and Banjou off of him, but we just hold on until he had exhausted himself to the brink. Finally, he sharply inhales through his nose, and I know it will not be much longer now. His thrashing even starts to lose it's vigor as he takes more shuddering breaths.
Eventually, his breathing slows down to a normal pace, and his eyes slide shut. Stray tears still trickle down his cheeks, but he did appear to be alright. Though I only remove my hand when his heartrate stops thundering in my ears, and slowed as well. I watched as his chest rose and fell peacefully, and the rest of his body relaxes into the couch. After a few more minuets, I conclude that he is asleep. Everyone in the room all lets out a collective sigh, relieved the situation had been resolved and Kaneki is going to be alright. Especially me. I release a breath I did not know I had been holding in before dropping to my knees. The landing hurt, but now that the adrenalin had fled from my body I was beyond exhausted, and I was not the only one. The trio had all retreated back onto the couch, and Hinami was still dutifully sitting by her brothers side, stroking his hair comfortingly. The only one who was still on their feet, was Banjou. The events of tonight must still be weighing on his mind, because he stayed like that for quite some time. I failed to notice he was even still there, because I had my head in my hands. Fighting to stay awake. My energy completely depleted.
I think I hear Banjou lift Kaneki from the armchair, and carry him to his room, but I am so tired I could not even raise my head.
What a night.