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"I can't fucking do this anymore! You never open up to me!"
"It feels like I'm all alone in this goddamn relationship"
"We don't even for fucks sake tell goodnights to each other!"
"I'm done. Have a nice life Isak Valtersen"
After three months he can still remember Even's exact words. He remembers the way his face was red with frustration and anger, how he yelled at him, how heartbroken his eyes were when he didn't respond.
They had everything. They were happy and so deeply in love, or at least Isak was. He doesn't even remember when or where it all went wrong. How they stopped talking, how they became so distant. It ate him inside.
But the thing is, Even blamed Isak for it. Little did he know how Isak felt. He felt not enough for Even, he felt so fucking bad he wanted to die. He just couldn't talk. All his life Isak's been keeping his feelings all to his own.
And now, here he is, incapable of sleeping on a school night. It's just like it was a year ago. This time though, Isak doesn't even want to sleep. He would just dream about Even and feel worse in the morning.
Maybe he doesn't deserve happiness after all.
-
It's a beautiful night. The stars shine bright and there are no clouds in sight. Maybe under another circumstances, Isak would've stopped to look at the sky.
This time though, nothing is beautiful to him.
"I don't even know you anymore"
"Fuck you Isak, just fuck you!"
"Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe you were a mistake"
"Don't contact me after tonight"
He's a mess.
Even. Even. Even. His mind is all about Even and how he fucked up everything they had.
'He doesn't love you, he never did. You failed him. You do not deserve happiness'.
"Make it stop! Make it stop!" Isak yells with tears streaming down. He punches his head. Cold wind hits his face as he climbs up the stairs.
Soon he'll be at the roof.
"You never loved me, you never did, no no no..."
The pain is just too much.
He barely manages to look at the sign "emergency exit to roof". He steps in with shaking legs. He takes his phone from his pocked and unlocks it.
'One last message'.
From Isak Valtersen
Hi Even. You probably won't read this, but I need to tell you something. I am sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for ruining it all. I never meant to hurt you. And I love you. I love you so so so much that it's ripping me apart. And maybe, in another universe, you love me as well. After tonight, you won't have to hear about me anymore, ever. I'm gonna do a favor to the whole world. I'm gonna leave this universe and hope for a better life in another one. Maybe I'll born again, maybe I'll be better and not fuck things up. I'm sorry. You owe me absolutely nothing, but I still want to ask you something. Would you please, please tell my mother I'm sorry. I deleted her number and I can't remember it. Just tell her that I love her and am so sorry for everything. Thank you. And now goodbye, Even Bech Næsheim, the love of my pathetic life.
His fingers are shaking from the coldness and his hysteria.
Slowly making his way closer to the edge, the tears stop coming from his eyes. Isak thinks he's making a good decision, a big favor to whole Norway.
A song starts playing.
He's not sure if it's just his mind, until he sees his phone screen.
"Even Kosegruppa is calling you"
There's no point in answering, Isak thinks.
'He'll just tell you to fuck off or something'.
Somehow his fingers still find their way to the "answer" button.
"Isak!? Isak please tell me where you are. Please. Wait for me baby, wait for me" Even is panicking on the other end of the line. Isak stays silent.
"I love you Isak. I love you and I always did, please do not harm yourself. I'll come pick you up, just tell me where you are"
His mouth is now dry and everything slows down around him. His head is even more dizzy than before and his whole body 100kg heavier.
'He doesn't love you, you foolish idiot'
"Isak? Isak?" Even's voice breaks. The sound of his cry is clear over the phone.
"Radisson Blu Plaza hotel" A small sigh of relief comes from Even's end of the line. Isak can hear a car starting.
Isak doesn't know why he told it.
'He's not gonna come anyways'
"I'm sorry for wasting your time"
He takes one step closer again. Only a few steps, and it'll all be gone. All the memories, good and bad. All the hurt and pain.
Even isn't no longer talking. Isak's phone died. He throws it down, not caring about it anymore. The boy shuts his eyes, wanting to see and feel Even for only one last time. Just one last memory.
He sees them in a park, laughing under a tree. Even's arm is around him and his head is against his shoulder. They seem happy. Like, truly genuinely happy.
That's the kind of life Even deserves. A life where he can be happy and not have a single care in the world. That's all Isak wants.
-
Even is driving as fast as he can. He's hysterically trying to call Isak again and again.
"Please Isak please, just pick up your phone"
He finally arrives in front of the Radisson Blu Plaza hotel. He jumps out of the car and runs. Panic hits him when with some miracle he sees a blurry figure of a human on the roof. It's a fucking tall building.
'Isak no...'
And so he runs. Runs faster than he's ever ran in his whole life. The elevator seems to take forever to get up. Even's heart and head are pounding. It's like he's in one of the nightmares he's been having ever since he broke up with Isak.
Last time in this elevator, they were together. He was manic. They had sex for the first time in this hotel. All the memories pour into Even's mind.
And then, after what felt like forever to Even, he arrived to the top floor. Then he ran to the nearest exit to the roof.
He just hopes it's not too late.
He runs through the door, his feet and lungs hurting like hell. His eyes search for Isak immediately.
Relief runs through his body when he sees him. He feels joy in him, until he realises how close Isak is from falling.
"ISAK NO!"
And so Isak takes the one last step over the edge. Just like that, in a millisecond, the beautiful blonde boy with the most adorable smile, the only true love of Even's life was gone. Gone for good.