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Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D’artagnan walked into the karaoke bar, surveying the crowd as they watched the performer onstage.
“Are Anne and Constance still meeting us here?” D’artagnan asked over the music.
“Yeah,” Aramis replied, looking at his phone. “Anne says they’re running late, they’ll be here in twenty minutes.”
“I’ll go put our song requests in with the DJ,” Porthos said, walking toward the booth.
“I’ll get the drinks,” Athos said, heading toward the bar.
Aramis and D’artagnan found a table just inside the bar area that everyone could gather around. Athos returned with the first round of drinks and Porthos let them know that their songs would be up in about twenty minutes. They sipped their drinks as they listened to renditions of Shania Twain, Beyonce, Elton John, and Take That. When a drag queen dressed as Diana Ross took the stage to sing “Inside Out”, Porthos turned to the others.
“Our songs are after this,” he said, taking another swig of his beer. “I’m first, then D’artagnan, then Aramis, Anne, and Constance, and last, but not least, Athos.”
As the audience sang along with the performer belting out the Motown hit, Anne and Constance entered the bar, scanning the crowd for the guys. Aramis waved his hand to get their attention, and when Constance spotted them, the ladies headed over to the table.
“Have we missed anything?” Anne asked, giving Aramis a quick peck on the lips while Constance gave D’artagnan a similar kiss.
“No, your timing’s perfect,” Aramis replied. “Porthos is about to go on.”
“Prepare to be amazed,” Porthos told them with a smile.
Athos went to get the ladies some drinks while Diana Ross took her bows. Porthos went up to the stage, taking the mic from the departing performer. The DJ put on the track that Porthos requested and the up tempo beat started.
Do the pretty girl rock rock rock--- Now what’s your name?
“My name is Keri, I’m so very, Fly oh my, It’s a little bit scary,” Porthos sang out as the lyrics came up on the screen.
“Wow, Porthos really knows how to move,” Anne said as Athos handed her and Constance their drinks.
Onstage, Porthos was dancing with his usual swagger, making the feminine hip pops and ball changes look effortless and natural on his masculine frame. Shaking his booty, Porthos bragged that he was unquestionably a 10 and he had no problem stealing the show with his pretty girl rock.
“Don’t hate me ‘cause I’m beautiful,” Porthos sang, “Don’t hate me ‘cause I’m beautiful.”
The crowd was clearly enjoying the show as Porthos moved across the stage. He finished by striking a pose as the crowd applauded. He was grinning broadly as he got off the stage and returned to the table as D’artagnan went up to take his place. The dance pop music of a Britney Spears song came through the speakers and he launched into the tale of a girl playing with boy’s heart in the game of love.
“To lose all my senses, that’s just so typically me,”
“You were right, Constance,” Anne said, “D’artagnan really doesn’t know how to dance.”
“Oops, I did it again,” D’artagnan sang with more enthusiasm than skill, “I played with your heart, got lost in the game, ooh baby, baby.”
Anne and Constance both cringed as D’artagnan went through dance moves that were better suited to a female teen pop star than to a twentysomething man. Athos leaned over toward Aramis.
“You are recording this, right?”
“Athos, please,” Aramis replied as though insulted as he moved his phone into position to get a better shot. Porthos simply laughed and moved his own phone for the same reason.
“I’m not that innocent,” D’artagnan crooned, still moving awkwardly through his dance routine. Sadly, he did not have Porthos’ easy sense of rhythm, but the audience, being good-natured toward anyone willing to get up on stage and sing, didn’t hold his lack of skill against him, even giving him a respectable amount of applause.
“Well, ladies,” Aramis said as D’artagnan finished and returned to the table, “shall we show everyone why we are the karaoke champions?”
“Absolutely,” Constance replied, and the trio headed toward the stage. Getting up on stage, they took their microphones while the DJ synced up their track. They moved in time as the new wave sound of the B-52s’ “Love Shack” blared from the speakers. Being regular karaoke partners, they slid easily into their favorite song, grooving along to the music.
“The love shack is a little old place where we can get together,” they sang in harmony, dancing with abandon.
The catchy song, as well as the infectious attitude of the three friends, had everyone tapping their feet and clapping in time to the rhythm. Aramis, Anne, and Constance worked the crowd up so they were singing along with them.
“Bang, bang,”
“On the door, baby,”
“Bang, bang,”
“You’re what?”
“Ti-ii-nn roof,” Anne drew out when the music stopped. “Rusted.”
The music came back and everyone sang along to the ending chorus. When the music stopped, the entire bar gave them a standing ovation. Aramis, Anne, and Constance bowed and exited the stage to congratulations of the people they passed. Athos gave Aramis a pat on the back as he moved to take the other man’s place on the stage. The hip hop sound of Chamillionaire’s hit “Ridin’ Dirty” came on, lulling the crowd into thinking they were going to hear a white guy trying to do gangsta rap, but Athos had a surprise in store for them.
“They see me mowin’, my front lawn,” Athos sang in a rich baritone, “I know they’re all thinkin’ I’m so white n’ nerdy.”
Cheers went up from audience members as Athos launched into verses about stationary rims, Stephen Hawking, kicking butt at ping-pong, and getting freaky with bubble wrap.
“Only question I ever thought was hard,” Athos rapped, “was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?”
At the end, Athos dropped the mic and made the Vulcan sign toward the audience. Always willing to embrace someone letting their freak flag fly, the audience cheered as he inclined his head in thanks and exited the stage for the next performer, another drag queen, this one dressed as a cowgirl, who belted out a stirring rendition of Tammy Wynette’s “Stand by Your Man”.
“I’m impressed,” Aramis told him, handing him a drink when he returned to the table, “I didn’t think you had it in you.”
Athos gave Aramis one of his enigmatic smiles and sipped his drink.
“This was fun,” Constance said over the music. “Shall we do this again next week?”
Everyone agreed and spent the rest of the night enjoying the talents of the other performers.