Chapter Text
[File name: powerpoint_session_2.mp4]
[Date of origin: 15:09 15/02/2019]
[Length: 37:31]
[Recording transcripted by users cubfan135, Docm77]
(Recording starts.)
Xisuma: Alright, camera going?
Cub: It is!
False (sitting backwards in a chair): Why is Cub always the cameraman? Why does he get all of the fun?
Cub (walking away from the camera): Because I own it.
Doc: Also, if you illegally record something once, you're the official illegal recording guy.
Xisuma: Illegal recording? Mind telling me what's so illegal about it?
Cub: Well, if you don't know, then it's probably fine. [Chuckle.] Probably.
Xisuma: Right! [He claps his hands together.] We all know why we're here today, right?
Wels: Yeah, but maybe we should at least say what's going on in case we stumble upon this later, which we probably will. [He gestures to the camera.]
Xisuma: Right, right. So earlier today, Ren called a Team S.T.A.R meeting and showed a very hastily edited together Powerpoint that he didn't remember making. He left about a third of the way through the meeting, but left the laptop here. Doc had a spare projector-
Doc: The theory goes that he got blackout drunk and made it to keep up with the deadline. Anyways, we wanted to see the rest of it. Ren is not here.
Cub: Right! So, who's presenting this?
Xisuma: Uhhhhh-
Wels: Me, I think it'll be funny. [He gets up from his chair and walks towards the projector.] Okay, what slide did we leave off at, 23? 24?
Impulse: Go slow! I have to take tallies!
[Wels picks up a small electric remote. Doc walks over the projector and kicks it. It turns on with a sound like an asthmatic robot coming back from the dead, and Wels jumps back.]
Wels: HOW DOES THAT THING EVEN WORK?
Doc: It also supports Bluetooth.
Wels: (fear.png)
Doc (to himself, under breath, fiddling with the projector): Okay, okay, HDMI1... no that's HDMI2- what on earth is HDMI3? Where even is that? Oh, it's not even plugged in. That would explain a lot.
Xisuma (mildly concerned): Are all of your machines like this, Doc?
Doc (not looking up): Oh, no, only about a third. The other third blow up. The other other third work just fine. This one is an exception because I stole it from the Ebay warehouse and used it to pilot a plane. Ah, there we go!
[A surprisingly high-resolution image appears on the screen, and on the laptop, Wels clicks on slide 24. The blurry selfie of Ren from the last meeting pops up.]
False: Damn. The creeper boy works his magic again.
Impulse: Alright, Wels, I'm ready! Everyone else good?
Cub (sitting backwards in a chair): I can't wait.
Wels: Alright! Uh, how does this thing work-
Doc: The button at the top makes it go forwards, and the button in the middle makes it go back. The button at the bottom is "select."
Wels: What are the buttons on the sides?
Doc: Volume control.
Wels: Uh, right. Okay. [He clicks a button and the presentation goes to slide 25, which is a wall of text.]
Wels: "After the library incident passes-" [chuckle] that's certainly a way to frame it- "go down the main hallway and blow their tits off. If you blow your own tits off in the process, that's just a thing that you have to live with, I guess."
Doc (giggling): Oh my god. I mean, I already did get my literal tits blown off that one time so-
Xisuma: And your entire arm.
Impulse: And half your chest.
Xisuma: And half your face!
Doc: The important part is the tits, though. Man, how high was Ren when he made this?
Wels: Slide 26 is just a really small image of a chicken. It's captioned "cjiken," c-j-i-k-e-n. Did you get all the typos, Impulse?
Impulse: Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
[Wels clicks ahead. The next slide is a singular piece of text that reads "xhIeken". The next reads "CHIEKCEN,". The one after that, the largest of all, reads "CHICKEN!" Underneath that in small letters reads "Nailed it! :D". Under that, even smaller, reads "i lieknchiekN."]
Xisuma: Y'know, I almost feel bad for Ren. This would have been embarrasing to have presented in front of all of us.
False: I'm not. This is amazing.
Wels: I'm gonna make my comms status "i lieknchiekN". Hold on. [He pulls out his communicator and types a little bit on it.]
Doc: It worked.
Wels: Okay! [He clicks the remote and the screen goes dark.] What?
Doc: Oh, der Scheißkerl, hold on. It does that sometimes. [He proceeds to run a string of German under his breath, which are all pretty clearly curse words.] Damn thing's broken.
Cub: We could just sit around the laptop and-
[He is interrupted by the projector randomly bursting into flame.]
Doc (calmly): Ah, crap.
False (deadpan): It's on fire.
Impulse: Oh god, it's on fire!
Wels: Uhoh.
Doc: Well, of course it's on fire! What else would it be, off fire?
Cub: Do we have a fire extinguisher somewhere or-
[Throughout all of this, Xisuma has, without saying a word, walked over to the corner of the room and gotten a fire extinguisher. He sprays the projector with it, sets the extinguisher down, and walks back to his chair without another word.]
Wels: Well, I guess we did. Laptop time it is!
[Wels carries the laptop to a table in a corner of the room opposite the camera, and occasionally someone reaches over to click the trackpad. Impulse's pen is moving constantly. Occasionally, someone will giggle or the group will break out into full-on laughter.]
Impulse: This is... this is...
False: Incredible? Showstopping? Fantastic?
Wels (with finality): Cursed.
Xisuma: Whatever it is, it's giving me extreme second-hand embarrasment.
Doc (leaning back and resting one Croc-bedazzled foot on the table): Oh, come on X. You're too nice for this. We shouldn't have invited you.
Wels: ...We didn't, actually. How did you even get in here?
Xisuma: This is my warehouse. You're currently all tresspassing on private property.
Wels: Oh.
Wels: Wait, that would be why Cub's recording would be illegal! I'm a genius!
False: Dude, we're about to get our asses kicked by X. It can wait.
Xisuma: Due to server rules, there's nothing stopping me from putting you all in adventure mode for a week.
[[Transcriptors' note: At this point in time, we were all fully expecting to die, or at least get grounded. Luckily, we did not. Unluckily, X has a really good dad glare, which was arguably a worse punishment.]]
[There is an uncomfortable silence of 34 seconds.]
Xisuma: Luckily for all of you, though, I'm very nice, so I will forget this ever happened. Deal?
Impulse: ...Sounds good to me!
False (speaking loudly and over Impulse): Aw, we're almost at the end of the presentation.
Wels: Slide 47, everyone.
[There is a weighted silence as Wels presses on the trackpad with an audible click. Then, almost as one, the entire group starts laughing.]
Cub: Show this to the camera! Hold on! [He walks up to the camera and runs back to the camera, zooming in on the laptop. On the screen are two high-resolution schematics, the previously mentioned G-Team floor plan and redstone door schematic. Underneath it is a caption that reads "Mumbo here. Ren is passed out on the couch. I don't know what he thought he was doing with this presentation, but I added the images to the end anyways."]
Wels (laughing): Oh my god. Did you get that? We should give him a medal for honor.
Xisuma: We should, we should. Oh my stars, that's brilliant.
False: Doc, I guess your theory was correct after all!
Doc: Blackout drunk, then. [He nods.] Thought so. Poor guy must've been stressed out.
Impulse: Wait, so he was doing that presentation this morning on a hangover?
Doc: A legend among men!
Cub (from behind the camera): I think I'm going to stop recording now. Man, what a roller coaster.
Xisuma: Doc, you're cleaning up the fire foam.
Doc: Son of a-
(Recording ends.)