Chapter Text
“Q? Are you awake in there?” The sound of Alec’s voice was accompanied by a gentle knock on the door.
“Yeah. You can come in,” Q said tiredly, closing his book. Alec opened the door and then stood there for a moment, just looking at him. He looked even more exhausted than Q felt, which was saying something considering that Alec had always been a morning person.
“You’ve been up for a while,” Alec noted, looking over at the bed. Q followed his gaze. The rumpled sheets on the bed would have been a clear indicator of how poorly Q had slept even if Q hadn’t been comfortably cuddled up in the chair with a book in his lap, his glasses on his face, and a bunch of blankets piled around him.
“I couldn’t sleep,” Q admitted. He didn’t think he needed to elaborate on why.
Alec sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’ll be better,” he said after a moment. “Better once we get back home.” He spoke with a confidence that he clearly did not feel, not that Q could blame him.
Ever since the Battle of New York had ended with Iron Man’s flight through the portal five days ago, no one had been sleeping well. New York was in a state of devastation, and everyone was just trying to pick up the pieces. There really hadn’t been much time to address personal trauma; Q couldn’t help with the physical work because of his ankle, but SHIELD had been grateful for the work he could and did do behind the scenes.
But M had put her foot down at last and insisted that her Quartermaster and 00-agent return to England. As a goodwill gesture, she was sending several agents to continue helping with the efforts. That made Q feel a little better about leaving, though he knew it wasn’t doing much to mitigate Alec’s sense of guilt. In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that he had to escort Q home, it was entirely likely Alec would have ignored M’s order to return home altogether.
“Will you be coming back?” Q asked, finally putting voice to the question that had been looming in the back of his mind for the past several days.
“I don’t know,” Alec said. He didn’t look at Q but stared at a point somewhere over Q’s left shoulder. “I guess… we’ll see how things go.”
Q swallowed, clenching his fingers around his book. He didn’t like the sound of that at all, but he wasn’t sure how to say it out loud. Alec had been so distant since everything had happened. Not even finding out that James and Coulson were both okay had done anything to assuage Alec’s guilt. He blamed himself for what he had done under Loki’s influence, that much was obvious.
“Alec, I…” Q trailed off, a knot forming in his throat.
Because Alec still wouldn’t look at him.
Papa.
The name was on the tip of Q’s tongue, but he didn’t dare voice it out loud. He only vaguely remembered fully sliding into his headspace and having a breakdown in the safehouse. Q had been so overwhelmed and hysterical that it was a blur to him. But he knew Alec had hugged him and comforted him just like always. This barrier between them hadn’t appeared until after JARVIS had given them the all-clear to leave.
He didn’t know what Alec would do if Q called him that right now, and honestly Q was a little afraid to find out. He still wanted Alec to be his Caregiver, but he didn’t know if Alec wanted that anymore. So he just sat there quietly, unable to force the words out, until at last Alec sighed.
“Do you need help getting dressed?” he asked.
Q sighed too, shoulders hunching. “No. I’m okay. My ankle doesn’t even hurt anymore.” He stuck his foot out in front of him and rotated his ankle to prove it. Truth be told, he still felt a little twinge of pain. But he concealed the pain easily, not that Alec was looking.
“Okay. We’ve got two hours,” Alec said, and then left. As he closed the door behind him, Q threw his book across the room in a sudden fit of pique. It bounced harmlessly off the door and fell to the ground. Alec must have really been lost in his own world, because he didn’t even come back to investigate the two thumps.
“We should’ve never come on this trip,” Q muttered, getting up. Last night, knowing that they would be leaving today, he had already packed most his things. So it didn’t take him long to get dressed and then quickly gather the rest into his bag. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed, holding his favourite stuffed toy in his lap. It was a teddy bear with dark brown fur and black glass eyes.
Alec had given it to him, back when they first came together, and Q had cherished it ever since. He fingered the green ribbon around the bear’s neck, then sighed again and hugged the bear tightly. Because it had been carefully packed away in the depths of Q’s bag, it still smelled faintly of Alec’s cologne. It was a comforting scent whenever Q couldn’t get a hug from the source.
There came another knock on the door, but this time the person didn’t want for Q’s permission. The door opened before Q could put his bear down, but it was only James. The sight of him still filled Q with more relief than Q could put into words; for a little while there, Q had been so certain that he would never see James again.
“Are you okay, Q?” James asked, leaning comfortably against the doorframe. Remarkably, James had walked away from the battle with only a few scratches and a concussion from where Alec had knocked him out.
“Yeah. Just… a little worried about Papa, that’s all,” Q admitted, because if there was anyone he could be honest with about this, it was James. He and Alec had been partners for such a long time. They knew each other so well - too well, some would say.
“I figured. He’s being a little silly right now.” James pushed himself off the doorframe and walked over to sit down next to Q. “But I guess I can’t blame him. If I’d been the one who was brainwashed and did all that crap, I’d be beating myself up something fierce.”
“But he shouldn’t be. He didn’t really do anything,” Q objected.
“It’s not that easy, Q. Having that kind of control and agency forcibly stripped away from you… it messes with a person. Knowing that it was your hands that did something, even if you didn’t want to… that’s not easy to come to terms with.” James rubbed his hands together. “Alec would murder me if he knew I was saying this, but I think he could benefit from some counselling when you get home.”
Q snorted, hugging his bear tighter. “Yeah, right. Alec hates that. He’ll never agree to go.”
James took a deep breath. “I know. That’s why I thought I’d come with you and make him.”
It took a moment for the words to sink in. When they did, Q’s head snapped up and he stared at James. “You – you’re coming home with us?” he squeaked in shock, and James nodded with a smile.
For a split second, all the awful experiences and feelings of the past week were washed away by the knowledge that James was finally coming back to England. But almost immediately, Q’s joy was dampened by the realization that James must have meant he was just coming for a visit. There must have been something of his realization in his face, because James wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“Here now, none of that,” James said lightly. “It’s not just for a visit this time. I’m actually thinking about making the move for real this time.”
“Seriously?” Q said, shocked all over again.
“Seriously. I’ve been thinking for a little while now that I don’t really fit in at SHIELD. I know I always have a job there, but I want to be in a place where my skills can truly be of value,” James explained. “The direction that SHIELD is going in… I know they’re going to deal with more stuff of this nature, and it’s just not for me. I’d rather be in a place where a well-placed bullet can solve my problems.” He grinned mischievously.
Q made a face at him. “You know that MI6 might eventually have to deal with something like this too,” he pointed out. As much as he liked to think that aliens would only ever target North America, Q knew that was unlikely.
“Yeah, I know. But still. I think MI6 might be a better fit for me. Plus, there’s you and Alec. Every time you guys leave, I want to go with you a bit more. Especially now. I don’t want to let you out of my sight.” James hugged Q a bit tighter. Q willingly cuddled into him.
“I’m sure M would be okay with that,” Q said. M was always talking about wanting to recruit more 00-agents, after all. Q was certain that James would be able to pass the tests for being a 00-agent with flying colours. And if he and Alec were partnered together, as they almost assuredly would be at some point, well. Q kind of pitied any criminal stupid enough to get in their way.
“I’ve already spoken with her at length,” James said. “We’re working it out.” He smirked in a way that definitely meant trouble, and Q almost felt a little sorry for M. Almost.
“What did Alec say?” Q asked, his stomach twisting.
“I’m fine with it.”
Q startled at the sound of Alec’s voice, though James didn’t – of course he’d known that Alec was standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe much like James had been. Q looked up at him, wondering if Alec was really fine with it.
“It’ll be good for things to get shaken up at MI6,” Alec added, and even managed to dredge up a faint smile.
James smirked back even as his thumb rubbed comforting circles onto Q’s back. It was a silent reassurance that Q desperately needed, one that said things would be okay and that, with time, Alec would be back to normal. Q decided that he would choose to believe that: that once they got away from New York and back to MI6, that would help Alec come to terms with what had happened. Surely between James and Q, they could keep Alec from returning to New York anytime soon.
“Then I think we should go now,” Q declared.
“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you be anxious for a plane ride,” James observed.
Q’s shoulders slumped at the reminder. “Oh… yeah…”
“You’ll be okay.” James gave him one last squeeze and then got up. Q watched as James stepped towards the door, which meant he had to go past Alec; Alec kind of flinched away, but James reached out and firmly caught Alec’s shoulder. The two agents looked at each other for a tense moment, and then Alec’s shoulders sagged. He brought his hand up to cover James’s briefly.
That, more than anything else, gave Q hope.
“I’ll go finish packing and meet you two out front in twenty minutes,” James announced, smiling one last time at Q before he departed.
“So basically, that means he’s got 20 minutes to start and finish packing,” Alec told Q, who smiled. He was intimately familiar with agents who didn’t enjoy packing.
“That’s okay. We can spare twenty minutes,” he said.
And then, impulsively, Q got up, walked over, and hugged Alec. He’d been keeping his distance from Alec, thinking that was the right thing to do, but after watching James and Alec interact, he was beginning to realize that maybe that was the opposite of what Alec really needed right now. Alec needed to know that they thought the same of him now as they had before.
Sure enough, Alec was tense under the hug for only a moment before he relaxed and his own arms came up to wrap securely around Q. It was one of the best hugs that Q had ever got, and he had to swallow hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to bubble up – he wasn’t quite on the cusp of his headspace, but he was closer than he liked to admit. Alec must have noticed, because his arms tightened a bit.
“When we get back, I think we should both take another vacation,” Alec said softly.
Q gave a choked laugh. “We had a hard enough time getting M to sign off on this vacation,” he reminded Alec.
“This wasn’t much of a vacation, though. I think M will understand we need the extra time after what happened. Since James will be there too, the three of us can just spend some leisurely quality time together,” Alec said.
“I thought leisurely quality time was your idea of torture,” Q said.
“That was before I realized how much I had to lose,” Alec said. He sounded kind of choked up too. Q squeezed his eyes shut and took a couple of deep breaths.
“You don’t lose me, Papa. Or Uncle James,” Q said quietly. “We’re both right here for as long as you need us to be.”
“I know. I might not deserve it… but I know.” Alec exhaled and squeezed Q tightly one last time before letting go. “Come on. Let’s get your bags. We’re probably going to have to help James if we want to leave on time.”
“Right,” Q said, surreptitiously wiping his eyes. He felt lighter now, less worried about what would happen now that James was coming home too. The road ahead wasn’t going to be easy for any of them, especially Alec, but he thought that it would be a hell of a lot easier for them to handle together. He clutched his bear tighter and followed his papa out the door.