Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian woke up dazed and slightly disoriented. He wanted to turn on his side and curl up, sensing Lan Zhan sitting on the edge of the bed besides him.
“Lan-Er-Gege…” he murmured, groping blindly for Lan Zhan’s hand.
Lan Zhan immediately held his hand.
“Wei Ying?” he called out anxiously.
Wei Wuxian blinked, squinting up at Lan Zhan.
“I had a funny dream…” he murmured, smiling. “I dreamed that we called the healer… and he said I was pregnant again. Isn’t that funny?”
Lan Zhan, instead of chuckling or even smiling, looked kinda… unsettled?
“Wei Ying…” Lan Zhan muttered, holding Wei Wuxian’s hand tighter. He reached out and took Wei Wuxian’s other hand too, holding both to his chest and kissed his knuckles. “Wei Ying… Not a dream.”
Wei Wuxian blinked, uncomprehending.
“Not a dream, Wei Ying. You are…” Lan Zhan whispered, cutting himself off as he saw Wei Ying’s eyes widening, the information sinking in deeper.
“Lan Zhan… … please… pinch me… before I pass out again…”
Lan Zhan squeezed his hands, surging forward. “Wei Ying!” he called Wei Ying’s name anxiously, looking down at him with fierce eyes.
Seeing this look in Lan Zhan’s eyes, Wei Wuxian had to accept the truth. He was pregnant again.
The healer cleared his throat.
“Wei Niangzi, please calm yourself,” he reminded from behind Lan Wangji’s back. The overprotective alpha had put himself between his mate and the healer, much to the healer’s chagrin. (Not that he didn’t understand or expect such behavior, but it made doing his job quite a bit more difficult than it had to be.)
Lan Wangji reluctantly shifted to the side, allowing the healer to approach Wei Wuxian again. The healer felt for Wei Wuxian’s pulse and hummed.
“Stress is bad for you and your unborn child, so from now on, try to be careful,” he advised. “I will prescribe you a herbal medicine to deal with the nausea,” he added and rose, bowing to the pair before stepping away.
Like this Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were left to grapple with these news, suddenly caught in a whirlwind of emotions. From intimacy, to fear and anxiety, budding trust and shyness, every feeling seemed to pass by them at least once.
The emotion that ended up lingering between them both, was difficult to pinpoint, but it seemed to be… a shy sense of hope.
Wei Wuxian’s fanciful fantasies about going to Gusu with Lan Wangji when he had the chance to go willingly, about having Lian-er in the safety and comfort of the Lan sect’s residence suddenly came back to him, along with the realization that this time… it was reality.
Likewise, Lan Wangji felt his heart soar with joy at receiving the chance to see his Wei Ying bearing his child. He would be able to support him through it all and when their child was finally ready to be born, he would have earned his place by Wei Ying’s side as that child’s father.
With these thoughts though, came worries and fears again. Wei Ying was still recovering. How could he safely carry and even birth a child with such a damaged body?
Lan Wangji knew Wei Ying was far from weak, but he also knew that even he had his limits.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian eventually whispered, “say something…”
Lan Wangji looked at Wei Wuxian.
“Mn,” he said softly.
Wei Wuxian laughed.
“Give me some face, Lan-Er-Gege,” he chided, “I am pregnant with your child, and all you have to say to me is ‘Mn’?”
He sighed fondly and lifted his arms.
“Let’s find Mo Xuanyu and the children, yes? They should know the good news.”
Lan Wangji found himself almost reluctant, yet of course unable to refuse his mate’s wish. He wanted to keep Wei Ying all to himself, to protect him from anything and everything, but he of course knew that keeping him from their children would be cruel.
So he easily scooped Wei Ying up from the bed and brought him over to the wheelchair. He held him so gently, like even the faintest breath might shatter him.
Wei Wuxian found it incredibly endearing, yet also… a bit sad. He touched Lan Zhan’s cheek.
“Lan-Er-Gege,” he called out softly before Lan Zhan could straighten his back and step behind the wheelchair to push it. “Have faith in my body’s ability to carry our baby,” he said. “When I was thrown off the cliff, and crawled around the Burial Mounds for three months, I was already carrying A-Yuan, even though I didn’t know it,” he continued quietly.
For the first time did he talk about his experience of carrying A-Yuan, the child he claimed as his own, yet never acknowledged as his child.
Of course Lan Wangji had noticed how A-Yuan never even once called Wei Wuxian ‘mama’ or anything like that. To A-Yuan, Wei Wuxian was Xian-Gege.
Lan Wangji couldn’t help but feel wrong about it, but he wouldn’t dare argue with this. Clearly Wei Wuxian hadn’t planned on having A-Yuan, so likely he had complicated feelings towards the boy.
Maybe he wanted to forget his role in his birth, but couldn’t?
Either way, it wasn’t Lan Wangji’s right to argue about it.
He nodded and pressed a kiss to Wei Ying’s forehead.
“Have faith. Trust Wei Ying,” he vowed before straightening his back.
Wei Wuxian laughed softly.
With that soft laugh, the heavy feelings were brushed aside, and the pair went to see Mo Xuanyu and the children.
Their good news weren’t deemed ‘good’ by everyone, yet no one dared to speak up against them either.
Upon learning about Wei Wuxian’s pregnancy, both Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen seemed to bear complicated feelings on the matter.
Either way, it became known that Wei Wuxian of all people was bearing an heir for the Lan sect’s main branch; Lan Wangji’s child.
Comments from the cultivation world ranged from pity for the great Hanguang-Jun who ended up settling for the likes of Wei Wuxian, to outrage at their shameless pairing and procreation.
Reproach and displeasure were never far when the topic came up.
For an occasion such as this, it would be customary for the other sect and clan leaders to send gifts for the future parents, yet no such gifts ever arrived.
Neither Wei Wuxian nor Lan Wangji seemed to care much.
To them, this was a matter of their family, not the clan or the sect.
It didn’t matter that this attitude went against all rules and customs of propriety. Lan Wangji had made it plainly clear that to him, Wei Ying’s safety and future stood above the will of Gusu Lan. He held power, and he was willing to use it.
It was difficult to find a midwife who would be able to set aside their personal feelings on the matter; someone who was able to show their honesty and good intentions towards Wei Wuxian and the unborn child in a way that was believable.
Wei Wuxian, when asked, just said he wanted Granny Wen to be there. He trusted her, yet this plea was immediately ignored.
In the end one of the elders stepped forward, offering his services. He had been among the people who came to take Lan Wangji back to Gusu after the bloodbath in the Nightless City. He was sympathetic towards Lan Wangji in a way few others seemed to be.
Throughout the months he spent caring for the health of Wei Wuxian’s unborn child, he revealed that he himself had once lost a mate. He was an alpha, yet his scent was so diluted by his age Wei Wuxian hadn’t realized it until now.
The elder assured Wei Wuxian. He was long past his prime and was probably less powerful than a beta by now.
“Losing my mate was the thing that broke me,” he explained, carefully feeling around Wei Wuxian’s belly to ensure the child’s size and position were appropriate for their development. “It has been so long since then, I am no longer so sad that I cannot speak about it,” he added when he noticed Wei Wuxian’s nervous expression.
He reluctantly revealed that he had lost his mate, when they delivered their first child. It had been a complicated birth and when neither the healer nor the midwife knew what to do, he could only hold his mate until they passed away.
That was when he decided to set aside his sword and learn about the process of birth instead. There were more than enough people willing to slice each other open for whatever gains seemed to be within reach, yet how many were willing to dirty their hands in the service of life itself?
He learned everything he could, wandered from sect to sect, from town to town, witnessing hundreds if not thousands of births, always learning.
It was him who assisted in the births of Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji. To be entrusted with the birth of Lan Wangji’s own child was something he would take with great honor.
Wei Wuxian wanted to trust him.
As his belly grew rounder and his time of delivery grew nearer, he really, really wanted to trust the elder and yet… all he could think about was his cave in the Burial Mounds.
He thought about the straw he knelt on, clutching onto Suibian’s hilt as he birthed Lian-er. He thought about Granny Wen’s steady presence, her unfaltering encouragement. He thought about Wen Ning and Wen Qing, who were there to help… who wanted to be there for him.
He thought about that horrible night he spent in Jiang Cheng’s arms, clinging to Jiang Yanli’s hand as Granny Wen coached him through the worst hours of his life, and even then…
Even this seemed favorable to the prospect of entrusting himself to the hands of the elder.
How many nights did he spend crying and sobbing in Lan Zhan’s arms, unable to fend off the mood swings, whining about how he wanted to go back to the Burial Mounds.
Lan Zhan miserably held him through his shuddering sobs, comforting him as best as he could. Yet what could he possibly offer? To take Wei Ying away to the Burial Mounds?
There was no way he could do such a thing.
He still wanted to offer ever comfort available to Wei Ying though. Maybe this was a weak attempt at making up for Wei Ying’s circumstances – having been taken away from the home he made for himself; having been forced to go somewhere he didn’t really want to be – but even that seemed to fall flat when he looked at it.
Truly the difference between a perfectly clean and carefully arranged room, and a dirty cave filled with resentment was one small thing.
Freedom.
I ask for nothing! No freedom, no forgiveness, no help… no understanding or compassion.
These had been Wei Ying’s fateful words.
Lan Wangji wished he could take them back on Wei Ying’s behalf.
Nobody deserved to be stripped of these rights.
Wei Wuxian could no longer stand on his own when he reached the 8 th month of pregnancy.
Like this he was entirely dependent on Lan Wangji to have even his most basic needs met. It was humiliating in a way, yet he took comfort in the fact that the one caring for him truly was his mate and not some stranger.
He shuddered to think what would have come of him if he had been handed over to Lanling Jin instead of Gusu Lan.
Compared to Lanling Jin, even Yunmeng Jiang was favorable.
He would rather be whipped daily by Zidian than come within arm’s reach of Jin Guangshan.
Lan Wangji made sure to take Wei Ying outside whenever possible. He wanted him to breathe fresh air, to feel the wind on his skin and to see the greenery around to soothe his nerves. If he couldn’t give him his freedom, he wanted his love to have at least this much.
Lian-er and A-Yuan were always eager to see them, and even though he tried to hide it, it was clear that Mo Xuanyu also liked seeing Wei Wuxian.
One day when the children were once again piling bunnies in Wei Wuxian’s lap, eagerly chattering about wanting to introduce the bunnies to their future Didi or Meimei, Mo Xuanyu crouched next to the wheelchair.
He looked up at Wei Wuxian.
“Senior Wei,” he said softly. “Would… would you allow this… this Mo Xuanyu to… witness…?”
Wei Wuxian blinked, not understanding what he meant at first, but Mo Xuanyu was quick to elaborate.
“You see, this Mo Xuanyu doesn’t want children of his own,” he explained. “But I want to know… how it… I want to be there and help,” he added, running out of courage as Wei Wuxian’s expression changed.
“Mo Xuanyu…” he muttered after a while, running a hand through Mo Xuanyu’s fringe. “Do you really want that?” he wondered, his tone making it clear that he thought, Mo Xuanyu was wrong.
Of course Wei Wuxian could only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be to witness such a thing.
He knew the experience had scarred Jiang Cheng deeply.
Mo Xuanyu looked at him in concern.
“If Senior Wei doesn’t want Xuanyu there, that is alright! This Mo Xuanyu understands-” he was once again quick to assuage, but Wei Wuxian raised a hand to cut him off.
“That is not it,” he said softly. “It’s… I… I feel bad enough for making Lan Zhan see me like that. I just don’t see why you’d willingly…” he broke off his sentence when he felt Lan Zhan’s hand lightly resting over his shoulder.
“Want to support Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan reminded in that calm, steadfast voice of his, like nothing could ever shake him.
Mo Xuanyu tilted his head and smiled faintly.
“Isn’t Senior Wei the one who is the most scared?” he asked softly. “If Hanguang-Jun and I can… can make it less scary… won’t it make Senior Wei feel better?”
Tears came to Wei Wuxian’s eyes unbidden. He couldn’t hold them back, even when the children came to him again with another armful of bunnies.
“Mama? Mama, are you hurt?” asked Lian-er, while A-Yuan anxiously petted Wei Wuxian’s free hand.
“Baba, why is Mama crying?!” whimpered Lian-er, looking up at Lan Wangji with tearful eyes.
He knelt down and put his hands over both children’s backs, unable to say anything.
Mo Xuanyu stopped crouching and instead bent over at the waist to hug Wei Wuxian for a moment.
He then turned to the children.
“Your Mama is doing very hard work right now, you know?” he said with strained ease. “Making a Didi or Meimei is very hard, you know?” he added, taking the children’s attention and diverting it from Wei Wuxian while Lan Wangji helped him compose himself.
Mo Xuanyu knelt in front of the children.
“Just think about it! What a baby needs to have, like a head, a chest, a belly, arms, legs and hands and feet!” he explained, counting body parts on his fingers.
Lian-er stopped whimpering.
Mo Xuanyu continued. “You know how you sometimes feel after a long day of learning with Lan Xiansheng? Sometimes you are so tired you just want to cry, don’t you?”
Lian-er nodded while grabbing onto A-Yuan’s arm and leaning on him (and secretly wiping her tears on his robe).
Mo Xuanyu ruffled both their heads.
“See? You don’t need to worry about your Mama. Your Baba will make sure he is okay,” he assured.
From behind his back spoke Wei Wuxian with his usual smile.
“Mo Xuanyu is right, Lian-er, A-Yuan,” he said. When the trio turned to look at him, he was holding a bunny in his hands, petting it before letting it sit atop his rounded belly.
Seeing their parent like this, both Lian-er and A-Yuan rush towards Wei Wuxian, wanting to hug and touch him all over.
Lan Wangji gave Mo Xuanyu a grateful glance.
Wei Wuxian goes into labor on the day Lan Xichen comes to visit him and Lan Wangji. In his hands he held a small wooden box with a motif of bamboo carved into the lid.
“This box was delivered to us from Qinghe. I believe it is from Nie Huaisang,” explained Lan Xichen, handing the box over to Lan Wangji, who in turn handed it to Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian smiled as he slid the lid off the box to reveal a tiny paper fan.
He cooed and took it out from the box, unfolding it carefully. It was clearly not meant to be handled by a baby, despite its size, as it was quite delicate. Still, it had an air of cuteness about it that made it seem appropriate as a gift for new parents.
The drawing on the face of the fan showed damp earth, blades of grass and a pair of rabbits serenely resting among them.
Wei Wuxian could tell at a glance that this fan was painted by Nie Huaisang himself.
He was touched by the gesture and carefully replaced the fan in the box.
“Thank you for bringing it to us yourself, Zewu-Jun. You shouldn’t have troubled yourself over such a small thing,” he said and smiled.
Lan Xichen smiled.
“It was no trouble at all,” he assured, “seeing Wangji’s and your happy expressions was worth the effort,” he added politely.
Despite his initial misgivings about Lan Wangji’s relationship with Wei Wuxian, he couldn’t deny the positive effect the pair had on each other.
Wei Wuxian showed none of the frantic, desperate and maniacal behaviors he had been feared for prior to the siege, and Lan Wangji seemed more happy than he ever had since their mother’s death.
Wei Wuxian sighed and strained to reach the table near the bed to set down the box. Lan Wangji was quick to take the box from him and set it on the table when he heard Wei Wuxian wince.
“How ironic that of all people… only Nie Xiong sent any gifts,” Wei Wuxian muttered under his breath.
Lan Wangji hummed.
“Maybe it is because of your superficial relationship that he was able to look past so many things and send the gift to you?” Lan Xichen suggested.
He had noticed the Nie brothers’ seeming lack of interest in Wei Wuxian’s crimes and punishment. The Nie sect hadn’t suffered that many injustices at Wei Wuxian’s hands and Nie Huaisang held fond memories of Wei Wuxian as his classmate.
Surely that was the reason why he decided to send a gift at all.
Wei Wuxian shrugged.
“Say, Zewu-Jun, you have been to Qinghe lately, haven’t you?” he asked. Lan Xichen nodded. Wei Wuxian continued, “Will you tell me how Nie Huaisang has been doing?”
Lan Xichen huffed a chuckle.
“I guess a good way to describe it would be… same old?” he said.
Wei Wuxian laughed.
“Painting fans, reading porn and ignoring his saber?” he guessed, to which Lan Xichen only let out a scandalized cough.
He didn’t disagree though.
Wei Wuxian giggled behind his hand, but after a few seconds his voice was cut off and his entire body went rigid.
He strained against the cushions piled behind his back, eyes shut, lips drawn into a thin line for what seemed to be an eternity.
When he relaxed again he slumped weakly among the cushions and turned his head towards Lan Wangji.
A silent understanding passed between them and Lan Xichen straightened himself.
“I will inform the healer and the elder,” he announced, rushing out of the Jingshi in a gait that was bordering on ‘running’ but not quite crossing the speed limit of the Cloud Recesses.
Lan Wangji let out a noise of acknowledgement as his brother left, then turned his attention on Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian grabbed Lan Wangji’s sleeve.
“There’s still time,” he assured. “Lan-Er-Gege… don’t fret. There is still plenty of time.”
Lan Wangji looked down at Wei Wuxian, who was propped up on the bed as usual. He looked same as he always had throughout his pregnancy but somehow, now that he knew what came next, it was like he had changed entirely.
Suddenly, every inch of exposed flesh, every shadow of a bone and every vein shimmering beneath the skin seemed like it was too vulnerable on its own.
Lan Wangji felt a surging need to hide Wei Ying away, to shield and cover him until nobody could ever find him.
Wei Wuxian looked up at his mate, struck by the intensity of his instinctive response to his perceived distress.
He had seen a fraction of this reaction when Jiang Cheng held him through A-Yuan’s delivery. Even that fraction had seemed overwhelming, but it was nothing compared to the sheer need in the air, flowing off of Lan Zhan’s shoulders like thick waves of steam from boiled water.
“I’m fine, Lan-Er-Gege. Calm down,” Wei Wuxian soothed, smiling as he reached up to caress Lan Zhan’s cheek.
Lan Zhan looked so frightened and lost, almost.
Wei Wuxian found impossibly endearing.
The healer soon arrived with the elder in tow, neither daring to enter the Jingshi uninvited. Alphas were territorial even on good days, a trait that intensified exponentially when their mate was in heat or in labor.
They waited outside until Lan Wangji acknowledged them and asked them to enter. Lan Wangji was nothing if not courteous, with impeccable self-restraint and self-control, so when he asked the two elders to enter, he looked as elegant and graceful as always.
The healer took Wei Wuxian’s pulse and gave him a basic examination, assuring him that his body should indeed be strong enough to endure the delivery.
The elder, who would deliver the child in turn asked Wei Wuxian about his contraction, and the position of his child.
It was deemed to be an early stage of labor, so Wei Wuxian was allowed to stay in the Jingshi a bit longer.
Wei Wuxian was glad.
He was still upset that he couldn’t be with his trusted midwife, Granny Wen, but at least he could stay in the Jingshi for as long as possible.
He liked familiar things and people around himself when in labor, something he painfully understood when he went into labor in that little cottage in Yunmeng.
If he could have it his way, he’d stay in the Jingshi for the entire delivery. Right where he was now, on the bed that was his safe haven for the past months and years. In this room, there was the soft scent of Lan Zhan’s sandalwood incense, paired with the old lacquered wood, the cotton and silk bedding, the paper and the petrichor of the damp grass outside… In this room he knew, Lan Zhan would never be far, and nobody would dare hurt him here.
But after two more hours of labor, the healer and the elder decided that it was time to move him to the birth hut.
The Cloud Recesses had 4 separate birth huts, each arranged to face in one of the cardinal directions. They were made to be used, as was best, according to the fortune of any given day when someone might go into labor.
There was no arguing that their feng shui was impeccable, and yet… Wei Wuxian wanted nothing more than to curl up in his cave, away from sight and sound.
Lan Wangji knew of Wei Ying’s wishes, but he could do nothing for them. He hated himself a little as he carried Wei Ying into the eastern birth hut, as directed by the elder.
By now Mo Xuanyu had arrived on the scene as well, keeping his promise to stay with Wei Wuxian.
A-Yuan and Lian-er stayed with their uncle, Lan Xichen.
Both liked him well enough, though they seemed quite unsettled today.
“Will mama be okay?” Lian-er asked, and Lan Xichen hated himself for being unable to answer her.
Unlike his last deliveries, when he was able to pace throughout the opening stages of labor, Wei Wuxian was confined to his bed this time.
Of course each birth hut had a bed for the mother to rest in prior to active labor and immediately after delivery, so he wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable. He just hated… sitting and laying still while his contractions worsened.
He always felt like motion helped with the pain but he could hardly move at all without causing himself some ache or twinge.
This was the cost of his prolonged punishment.
How many muscles, nerves and even bones had been damaged? How long would it take for the damage to heal, even in a healthy cultivator’s body…? And how long would it take someone like him, who had no core…?
He knew what he had consented to when he had asked for the punishment, when he had chosen his own destruction over his children’s misery… he had known it then, and he knew it now…
He would have made the same choice again and again, even if he was given the chance to reconsider.
He didn’t resent the punishment, for he felt that he deserved it.
But it did nothing to ease the pain.
Every time his muscles clenched, tugging on every other nerve they could reach, shooting pain coursed through him in a way even A-Yuan’s birth hadn’t.
“Hold me, Lan Zhan,” he sobbed.
And Lan Zhan held him.
All the while the elder and the healer stood at a distance.
Wei Wuxian had only gotten more defensive and reluctant towards them as his labor went on. He hissed and growled wordlessly whenever the elder so much as suggested checking his progress.
And of course, mirroring his mate’s need and sentiment, Lan Wangji glowered at the two if they tried to interfere. (Of course he knew they were trying to assist rather than interfere, but he also knew that Wei Ying would lash out if they approached against his will.)
Mo Xuanyu was the only one whom Wei Wuxian tolerated – aside from his mate, of course. Thus, Mo Xuanyu ended up relaying information between him and the elder, trying to help as much as he could.
Even so, birth was not something one could necessarily help with. It needed to happen on its own.
Mo Xuanyu understood this on an instinctive level, much like most omegas did. It’s why most midwives were omegas themselves.
Wei Wuxian’s labor progressed further. The elder guessed he might be nearly at full dilation and effacement, but he wasn’t permitted to check, so he couldn’t say for sure.
When he had tried to offer, Wei Wuxian had lashed out so violently, it had startled even Lan Wangji himself.
The elder wouldn’t dare say this, but he thought Wei Wuxian’s eyes had flashed red for a second.
Either way, it was strange that Wei Wuxian’s water had still not broken.
“Wei Niangzi, it may help progress your labor, so that your strength won’t be wasted needlessly,” the elder tried to argue, but Wei Wuxian would hear none of it.
“You are not touching me!” he hissed.
“Wei Niangzi, please be reasonable!” the elder tried again, but Wei Wuxian cut him off. “I am reasonable!”
He was most definitely not reasonable, but it was just about impossible to argue about this.
“I told you I want Granny here! I told you I’d trust her, but nobody let me go to her!” Wei Wuxian sobbed.
“You’d rather have a Wen than me?!” gaped the elder in shock.
Of course he had heard Wei Wuxian’s pleas before, all throughout his pregnancy. He had thought that Wei Wuxian was just being whiny, that he wanted to be obstinate for the sake of being obstinate.
Never would he have thought that the omega would genuinely prefer the care of a Wen midwife over himself, a distinguished Lan clan elder, whom thousands of mothers had entrusted their care.
“Of course!” screamed Wei Wuxian. “Get out! You are no better than the goddamn Jins, foaming at the mouth for blood! You only see a person’s name and make up your mind about them without even knowing who they are! I’D RATHER DIE than let you TOUCH MY CHILD!”
The room was silent in shock at Wei Wuxian’s words.
Wei Wuxian himself was slumped in Lan Wangji’s arms, panting and gasping through his tears, while Lan Wangji helplessly cradled him, as though he could protect him this way.
Mo Xuanyu rose to his feet.
“You heard him,” he said with a strength and confidence no one – even he himself – knew he possessed. “Get out.”
He forced the elder out of the birth hut without even laying a hand on him.
The healer bowed his head. He was a beta, he knew his place.
Lan Wangji meanwhile looked at Wei Ying in awe and fear. He couldn’t say that his mate was wrong for throwing their only midwife out of the room, but he couldn’t help but fear that they would now be without support.
But Wei Ying seemed to have found new strength.
“Have faith in me, Lan-Er-Gege,” he huffed between contractions, “I’ve done this before.”
The trio shuffled down from the bed and onto the floor, which was laid out with straw, hay and blankets, as is the norm for a birth hut.
Soon they had Wei Ying kneeling in front of Lan Zhan, who supported his upper body. This took some strain off of Wei Ying’s body and allowed Mo Xuanyu to rub and massage his back. He had been hesitant at first, afraid to hurt him more as he could see the uneven scars running all over Wei Ying’s back even through his inner robe, but Wei Ying assured him.
“If you can press your fingers on either side of my spine here, it’ll help. It’s not as badly scarred here,” he explained, guiding Mo Xuanyu’s hand to his lower back.
Mo Xuanyu did as Wei Ying asked, and Wei Ying relaxed, leaning heavily on Lan Zhan. He sighed.
“Now I know why you are called Mo Yue,” he muttered, glancing back at Mo Xuanyu.
Mo Xuanyu let out a squeak.
Wei Ying laughed.
“You are a little phoenix, you just don’t know it,” he explained, reaching over to ruffle Mo Yue’s fringe.
Mo Yue’s cheeks turned a deep red and his eyes glittered. It was the first time anyone – aside from his mother – had used his given name in such a loving way.
Wei Ying chuckled.
“Ah… Xiao Yue, I think… I’m getting there…” he muttered, hiding his face in Lan Zhan’s shoulder as he had another contraction.
Lan Zhan hummed. He shifted forward, taking more of Wei Ying’s weight onto himself to let Wei Ying free up his hands.
Wei Ying reached down, sliding two fingers into himself to feel his own progress, then huffed a laugh.
“I can feel it!” he cheered before breaking off into a pained moan. His contractions came faster and stronger now.
Mo Yue readied towels and blankets.
Wei Ying took his time to breathe, hiding his face in the crown on Lan Zhan’s head. He smiled and kissed Lan Zhan’s temple, then grabbed onto his shoulder and bore down.
He let out a long, low, guttural groan as he pushed, keeping one hand between his legs, his fingers resting against the child’s head as it descended his birth canal.
He could feel the thin covering of the amniotic membrane as it was stretched over its soft and bumpy head.
With a fingernail he ripped it, but even so, no fluids came out. The amnion was held back by the tight seal of his cervix around the child’s head.
No matter, he figured, it would come out when it was due to come out, so he pushed again.
Slowly the head began to emerge from his opening, the stretching sensation once more running through him like a burning knife.
He screamed, but he stayed calm.
Granny Wen’s words echoed in his mind with everlasting clarity.
You are doing good. Don’t strain so much, you are okay. Your body will do what’s necessary, don’t force it. Just let it come.
He knew that everything was going to go well. His body was strong, even now.
He could do this.
Just keep going, nice and gentle.
Nice and gentle.
Gentle, he thought. What a beautiful way to be born…
He went quiet.
It still hurt really bad, but somehow… it was okay.
Nice and gentle.
He allowed himself to just be present in the moment, feeling his body open up more and more… he wasn’t even pushing!
He just kept his fingers where they were, cradling his baby’s head.
“Lan Zhan… feel it,” he whispered. The room was completely silent. Wei Ying’s breathy voice was heard clearly, and Lan Zhan lost no time in complying with Wei Ying’s instruction.
He felt it, his fingers coming to rest right next to Wei Ying’s own. His eyes lit up when he felt it move down more and more, while Wei Ying panted softly into his hair.
It was beautiful.
Mo Yue felt proud and honored to even be here.
Wei Ying let out a quiet moan, and then the child’s head was fully emerged. The amnion that had been held back until now came out with a gush and Mo Yue quickly exchanged the soiled and drenched towels for fresh ones.
Outside the sun was rising.
Without anyone noticing, the night had passed, and a new day began.
Wei Ying bore down again, pushing out the shoulders while he and Lan Zhan supported and guided the child’s body.
One last push and the rest of the body slipped out of him, safely landing in his and Lan Zhan’s hands.
Wei Ying slumped against Lan Zhan, instinctively cradling the newborn against his chest while Lan Zhan kept him safe and steady.
“Wei Ying!” he gasped, almost surprised at the sudden sight of their tiny newborn baby, curled up in Wei Ying’s arms.
The room was warm with the morning sun.
Wei Ying’s tears of joy glittered like liquid gold.
The tiny baby let out a mewl, squinting in displeasure at the light.
Wei Ying laughed wetly.
“Don’t look like that,” he chided, pressing a kiss to the baby’s forehead. “Is that how you want to greet your parents?”
These words seemed to almost startle Lan Zhan, as he blinked in disbelief at his mate.
“Wei Ying…”
Wei Ying looked up at him.
He laughed softly and leaned in to kiss Lan Zhan’s lips.
He realized that this was the first time for Lan Zhan. He had never seen this kind of thing.
“Lan Zhan,” he hummed and carefully brought the child up to Lan Zhan’s chest, waiting for the alpha to cradle it, “look at your son,” he whispered.
Lan Zhan looked at the infant in his arms – his son…! – and bit his lip. A tear ran down his pale jade cheek. The boy was still connected to Wei Ying.
Wei Ying, who had given birth to their son.
If only he could have been there when Wei Ying bore Lian-er. If only he could have been there for him, when he had A-Yuan.
If only.
Lan Zhan understood now, why he hadn’t felt like he deserved to claim Wei Lian as his own, why her name was Wei, even after acknowledging him as her father.
Even then he had known, that siring a child was worth nothing compared to bearing and birthing it.
Wei Ying smiled and wiped the tears from Lan Zhan’s cheeks.
He knew now, what he could have had if he had gone to Gusu with Lan Zhan, when he had the chance to go willingly.
He knew now, what it could be like to be held by his mate, to be supported and loved completely; to forget the pain and exhaustion… to see the love settle in his mate’s heart as he saw their newborn child for the first time.
He knew what he had lost, but even so… he couldn’t feel sad.