Chapter Text
But there’s darkness behind those eyes
Even when you smile
Oh, summer child
You don’t have to act like all you feel is mild
You don’t really love the sun, it drives you wild
You’re lying, summer child
Three…
Two…
One…
Sunny pulled his hand back; he couldn’t do it. What would he even say when he went inside? He’d practically ghosted him for four years, then followed by another two. He hardly had the strength to face Basil after all this time. Sunny sighed and stepped back from the door, turning and beginning to walk down the driveway when the door behind him swung open.
“Is that you, Sunny?” A familiar voice chimed. “Oh, dear, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you young man. You look so grown up now.”
“Hi.. Polly.” Sunny turned to face her and gave her an awkward smile. “Is… Is Basil here?” He tentatively asked.
“He sure is. Why don’t you come inside?” She stepped from the frame of the door, welcoming Sunny inside the house. He swallowed thickly and strode inside.
Polly shut the door behind him and clapped her hands together, fairly pleased with his sudden visit. “It’s been two years, hasn’t it? I almost didn’t recognize you the way you were standing by the door as if you’ve never been here before.” She joked, and Sunny flashed her another smile. “Basil will be so happy to see you. He doesn’t leave the house much nowadays, not like he really did before.. He used to be such an outgoing child..” Polly paused and sighed before she shook her head, her cheerful smile returning. “Can I treat you to anything, a snack or drink perhaps?”
“I’m alright, thank you, though.” Sunny glanced around Basil’s living room and kitchen. His house looked the same, practically. Apart from the plants that used to be scattered along the walls were all gone. He was about to ask what had happened to them but Polly cut off that thought quickly.
She strode over to the doorway that led to the hallway and peeked her head around the corner before shouting: “Basil! Someone’s here to see you!”
There was a long silence before Basil’s soft voice responded. “I told you not to let Kel in. Can’t you just tell him I’m not home?”
“Basil!” Polly huffed, her arms crossed as she now fully stepped around the corner into the hallway. “I’m not arguing with you. Come out now! You’re being rude to our guest!”
“Okay! Okay.” Basil shouted back before the hall went completely silent again. For a few seconds, Sunny wondered if Basil really wasn’t going to come out. But then he heard the familiar creak of Basil’s door opening and his footsteps coming down the hall. “I really didn’t want to talk to–” He heard Basil whisper (fairly loudly) to Polly as he was nearing the doorframe. Polly shook her head and stepped away. As soon as their eyes met, Basil took a slight step forward. “Sunny?”
“Hi..” Sunny gave him an awkward wave to break the tension in the air. The first thing Sunny noticed about the way Basil looked was the way he was put together. His hair was messy and the pink flower that was usually pinned next to his ear was gone. He was wearing a baggy green hoodie with flowers around the sleeves and cream coloured shorts. At that moment, Basil shifted his weight and Sunny realized how nervous he was. He was fidgeting with his sleeves and he was glancing around quickly.
Sunny mentally slapped himself. He’d just been staring at Basil in pure silence for the last few minutes, hell, his mouth was probably gaping open too. “Sorry.” He muttered. “Sorry– I just,” the words weren’t coming to him anymore. He went back to his silence.
Basil tilted his head, meeting Sunny’s eyes for another few seconds before looking down again. Basil didn’t have anything to say either.
Polly took notice of the awkward silence between the boys and clicked her tongue loudly. “Why don’t you invite Sunny into your room to hang out?”
“My– my room is messy.” He shut down that suggestion immediately.
Polly scoffed, giving Sunny a look. “His version of messy is not what you think. It’s actually pretty clean .” The last part was a whisper.
“It– it’s okay, we can… hang out here?” Sunny asked, looking at Polly for reassurance.
“Mhm,” she hummed. “I don’t mind what you two boys do. I’ll be out in the garden if you need me. Just tell me beforehand if you plan on going out.”
“Alright.” Sunny watched Polly exit the room, as soon as the door clicked behind her there was an uncomfortable silence between Basil and Sunny once more.
Basil was shifting his weight back and forth on his feet. It was clear to tell how anxious he felt, but Sunny wasn’t sure how to make him feel less nervous.
“How…” Sunny started, “How have things been for you?”
Basil didn’t respond, continuing to fidget with his hands. Sunny glanced from Basil back to the couch, “Uh,” he motioned towards the couch awkwardly. “Do you want to sit down?”
Basil gave a short nod, though made no movement towards the couch. Sunny decided to take that as his cue to sit down first. A few moments after he sat on the couch, Basil followed him and sat on the edge of the couch. Shuffling a little so he wouldn’t fall off the edge.
Basil placed his hands on his lap, his gaze fixating on them. “You.. really.. Just show up out of nowhere, huh?” Sunny saw tears forming in his eyes. “It’s been two years… Sunny, and here you are again. I didn’t expect this. I kinda thought you’d have left for good, after all this time without any calls back or anything.. Heh.”
“Oh, Bas, I’m sorry. I really meant to call you, or something, but everything kept getting in the way. With moving and all and starting college now..” Sunny rubbed the back of his neck. “I asked my mom to visit but she kept pushing it off. And I kept failing my driver's test.” That was embarrassing to admit, yeah, he’d failed once or twice. Or more. Okay, he’d failed a lot. But he had his license now .
“I get it.” Basil’s gaze finally lifted from his lap. Sunny met his eyes and Basil’s eyes widened with panic and he looked back down. Sunny mentally cursed himself, Basil was finally starting to open up and there he goes making him nervous again.
He changed the topic. “What happened to those plants around here?”
“Oh.” Basil looked at the empty walls. “They.. er, they’re around,” Basil was clearly avoiding the question.
Sunny wished Basil wasn’t so nervous. It was fairly selfish of him to have that thought, and he scolded himself right after, but all he wanted to do was go back to the way they were when they were kids. He wanted things to be normal again, as stupid as it sounded. He didn’t know how to comfort Basil, and anything he’d do would probably make him even more anxious.
“Oh!” Sunny suddenly exclaimed. “I should have brought your photo album.”
“You.. still have that?”
“Of course I do.” Sunny smiled at him. “Why wouldn’t I? It has all of our memories in it. I wouldn’t get rid of it for the world. It sits right on my desk next to my bed so whenever I’m feeling down I can always look at the photos.”
Basil smiled at that. At first, Sunny thought he was imagining it, but the way Basil’s eyes lit up and his lips parted at the ends at that confession made his heart swell. He smiled too, happy his friend was finally starting to calm down again.
“When are you… leaving?” Basil turned to face Sunny, and this time when their eyes met he didn’t look away.
“Don’t worry about that, Bas. Let’s enjoy the time we have together, okay?”
“Okay.” Basil nodded. “...Sunny?”
Sunny tilted his head with acknowledgement, still looking into Basil’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything.
“The– the plants. They– I didn’t have enough time to water them. They wilted.”
“Oh?” Sunny gave him a sympathetic stare. “Why was that?”
“I just– I forgot. I kept forgetting.” Basil’s eyes were welling with tears again. “For a while. I just haven’t been remembering to do a lot of things lately.”
Sunny subconsciously scooted closer to Basil. “That’s– that's okay.” Basil was crying now, and his head fell back into his lap. “I’ll get you some tissues.” The moment he stood up, he felt himself being pulled back onto the couch.
“Please don’t leave me.” Basil sobbed, his arms wrapped around Sunny’s waist and his head falling into Sunny’s back.
Sunny sat back down. He adjusted Basil’s position and held him close to his chest as his form sobbed against him. He could feel his shirt dampening as Basil continued sobbing. He wasn’t sure what else to say, so he ran one hand through Basil’s hair and the other rubbing circles along his back.
“I miss you.” Basil sniffled, his voice muffled through Sunny’s shirt and his tears. “I miss you so much. Please. Don’t leave again.”
“Okay.” Sunny continued petting through his hair. “I won’t.”
When Basil stopped crying, he pulled out of Sunny’s embrace and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Basil’s sleeve adjusted itself from wiping his eye, and it had fallen from his wrist. The hem curled up on his arm and revealed the skin. As soon as Sunny saw his arm Basil quickly yanked himself away and turned the other way to readjust his sleeve.
“Basil.” Sunny’s voice was stern.
Basil didn’t say anything. He tugged his sleeves up higher.
“Give me your hand.” Sunny wasn’t trying to sound mean, but there was concern welling in his thoughts and he knew his voice was louder and harsher than intended. Basil shook his head, the tears streaming down his cheeks again. “Basil, please.” Sunny felt himself starting to cry too.
Basil hesitantly placed his hand in Sunny’s. Sunny cupped his palm and peeled back his sleeve with two fingers. His arm was tainted with blood and cuts, trailing from his wrist to his elbow. Some of them looked newer, like they were done yesterday, some had scabbed over and there were faint outlines of scars that had healed all along his arm too.
“Are.. you okay?” Okay, stupid question. He obviously wasn’t. “Does Polly know?” That was another stupid question. He wasn’t helping.
Basil shook his head. “I’m fine.. Polly.. Would be upset. Don’t tell her. Please.”
“I..” Sunny took a deep breath. “I care about you. A lot, Basil. I want you to know that, alright? I don’t want you to hurt yourself anymore. Please talk to someone when you start feeling this way.”
Basil swallowed and Sunny saw his lip was quivering. Sunny pulled the boy in for a hug. He could feel Basil’s rapid heartbeat against his chest.
“I won’t leave you. But I want to help.” Sunny murmured, rubbing the boys back. When Basil pulled away, Sunny quickly stood up. He walked to the kitchen and searched through a few drawers before he found a rag. He ran the rag under lukewarm water, gently dabbed it with soap and returned to the couch. “I’m going to clean them, this will sting a little. Is that okay?”
Basil had no reaction to Sunny’s words. He wasn’t even sure if Basil heard him, so he repeated himself. “Basil, I’m gonna clean them up. It’s going to sting.”
“I know.” Basil finally said, sniffling and wiping his nose with his other sleeve. Sunny sat down beside him and set his outstretched arm onto his lap. He began dabbing the rag into his wounds carefully.
“How long have you been doing this?”
“I don’t know. Everything’s been overwhelming lately.” Basil sniffled. “If I had to guess.. A while.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“It’s– it’s okay. You’ve listened to enough of my problems before.” Basil tried to smile, to reassure Sunny in any way, but he couldn’t. His expression only held guilt and pain and it made Sunny feel awful.
“I don’t want to pressure you.” The rag he was using to clean Basil’s cuts was staining red. “But if you’re comfortable, I really do want you to talk to me.”
The two sat there in silence as Sunny kept tending to his wounds. When he finished, he took Basil’s other hand in his arms and rolled up the sleeve, relieved to see there was nothing there. He got up and discarded the rag, then returned to Basil’s side on the couch.
He continued patting Basil’s back as he cried. They stayed like that for a while before Basil lifted his head up to face Sunny. There was snot dripping from his nose, his eyes were puffy and his cheeks were red. “It’s not like I wanted to feel like this.” He cried. “I don’t get out of bed anymore. I’m just exhausted, Sunny. After you left, I had no one. I thought you were just going to leave too.”
“What?” Sunny was shocked. “I wouldn’t do that to you.” He pulled Basil closer to him, allowing the boy to cry against his chest more. “I know I haven’t always been there, but we’re always going to be best friends. I’d never leave you.”
“They– they hate me, Sunny.” Basil swallowed. “Kel and Hero and Aubrey. They all hate me.” He pressed himself harder into Sunny’s chest. “Kel tells me they forgave me. He says it. But he’s lying. I used to go to the park. Hero looks at me like I’m a stranger. Aubrey’s still mad. I stopped going so I’d stop running into them. Now Kel comes to my door everyday knocking, it’s not like he wants to see me. He only asks about you.”
“Have you spoken to any of them?” Sunny asked. “They don’t hate you. It’s just.. Hard.. after everything.”
“They forgave you, Sunny. They never forgave me. They’re your friends. I was always just there.”
“Don’t say that, Bas. They care about you. They’re your friends too.”
“No, they’re not, Sunny. They never wanted me there. I started taking photos because I thought, maybe, just maybe if I captured their memories they’d like me a little bit more.” Sunny wasn’t sure where this outburst came from exactly, but it had definitely been building up for a while.
“I thought you liked photography?” Had he really never noticed? Throughout all their childhood, Basil had been lying about everything?
“I did. I do.” He sniffled. “I just always felt so alone. I don’t know. I wanted to be a part of your group. But I never really belonged there, did I?”
“You belonged there.” Sunny gave him a squeeze. He wasn’t sure how comforting it really was, but he hoped it helped a little. “You’ve always been our friends. You’ve always been my friend too.”
“I’m a horrible friend.” Basil laughed a little. “You’re my friend. But I’ve hurt you time and time again. I love you, and I keep hurting you. I love you so much it hurts me too. That’s all I do, hurt people.”
“Basil.” Sunny said, softly. “You haven’t hurt me, sure, we both made some mistakes but–”
“Some mistakes?” Basil pulled out of Sunny’s embrace and met his eyes. “I was selfish , Sunny. I’m so selfish. I let you suffer for four years. I put you through so much. I hurt you. Then I hurt you again. Because I’m not a good person, Sunny. And I’m hurting you again now, aren't I? I hurt myself and made it your burden.”
“Your feelings aren’t a burden.” Sunny cupped Basil’s hands. “I’ve never thought of you as a burden. You aren’t selfish for feeling things, either.”
“I hung your sister because I couldn’t handle my own emotions! I’m the reason Hero thought he wasn’t enough, I’m the reason Kel thought he failed at being a friend, and I’m the reason Aubrey had no one to talk to when she needed it the most! And I’m the reason your eye is gone! ” He screamed. Sunny was shocked, mostly with himself. How had he not realized Basil was still beating himself up over everything that had happened? There were no tears that fell from his cheeks, as if he’d cried himself out already. “I think– I think you should go.” Basil got up and hastily marched towards his room before Sunny had any time to react.
“Basil–!” He called, but by the time he made it to the hallway he heard Basil’s door clicking shut and locking. He sighed. He slumped down on the wall, sitting beside Basil’s door. “I’m not leaving, you know.” He called out.
Basil didn’t respond from inside his room.
Sunny wasn’t going to leave Basil again, he sure as hell knew that he would sit in this hallway for as long as it took for Basil to exit his room. There’d be a reason eventually, and no matter what it was Sunny was going to wait. He wasn’t going to leave Basil at his time of need, especially not again. He stretched out fully, his arms brushing against the wall. “You can’t stay in there forever, Basil. Please just let me come in.”
There was no response again. Sunny felt anxiety coursing through his chest, of course the last time Basil had been in his room alone with him around he was planning on doing.. Ah, Sunny shook his head. There was no reason to dwell on the past now. He knocked on Basil’s door with the back of his fist.
“ Baaaaaaasil~ ” His voice was drawn out as he called his name. “I’m really worried about you. Please.” He heard something shuffle inside Basil’s room.
“Sunny please go away.” He heard Basil mumble from inside.
“I’m not leaving. I told you that. Can you let me in?”
He thought he could hear Basil fumbling with the doorknob for a second, and he jumped to his feet. Rattling it instantly, but the door was still locked. He sighed. “If you won’t let me in, can we atleast talk like this?”
“No!” Basil cried. “I said leave me alone!”
“I’m not going to. I’m not leaving you again. I want to help.” Sunny pressed against the door, flopping himself back onto the floor. “I’ll sleep here all night if I have to.”
“Sunny, I really don’t want to talk.. I.. just.. Please.. Go.” Basil’s voice was heavy and exhausted and Sunny felt terrible.
“I care about you.” He finally replied.
Basil stopped responding, and there was no more noise from his room. Sunny felt like he could throw up. He heard the front door of the house opening and he stood up, heading over to see Polly.
“Oh, hey, Sunny.” She smiled happily, though quickly replaced when she saw Sunny’s expression. “Everything alright with Basil?”
“Yeah, he’s just– in his room– is it okay if I spent the night?”
“Ah.” Polly shook her head. “All he does is lock himself up in that room.” She gave Sunny another warm smile. “I’m glad Basil still has a friend like you. I wish he’d hang out with Kel more, though. That boy seems really worried about Basil. Maybe you can convince him? Either way, I have no issues with you spending the night. Would you like me to get you some blankets?”
“Thank you, Polly. I’ll see what I can do.”
Polly smiled and dug through a closet until she pulled out a few heavy blankets. “Do you prefer lighter blankets? These ones are quite heavy.”
“I don’t mind. Thank you again.”
“It’s no worries, dear. I’m just glad Basil finally has someone to talk to. He missed you a lot, out of all his friends, he talked about you the most.”
Sunny nodded and returned to his spot beside Basil’s door. He laid out his blankets and climbed inside. “Basil? Do you want to talk now?”
Only silence was returned from the other end.
"Basil, please talk to me or I'll start being really boring until you come out here and make me shut up." When Basil didn't say anything, Sunny continued. "A few weeks ago I had nothing else to do, it was a weekend and I couldn't go anywhere. My mom had left the house so I started searching for anything to do. I read the dictionary. Did you know that the word–"
The door to Basil's room clicked as it unlocked. Sunny shoved himself upright and twisted the knob, sliding inside without any hesitation.
"Did the dictionary really bore you that much?" Sunny joked.
"No.. I just.. I'm really glad you're here." Basil was sitting on the edge of his bed. "At the same time I wish you weren't. You make everything so confusing for me."
Sunny stopped at the edge of Basil’s bed and sat down on the floor. "What do you mean?"
"I thought after two years I'd be over this. Over you. I thought it'd be okay. I was trying to forget you, I didn't want to remember what happened. What I did." Basil swallowed and adjusted his hoodie. "I also wanted to forget how much I like you."
Sunny didn't know what to say, and Basil turned his head away. "I wish you'd go away forever. Because I hate, I f–" Basil’s voice hesitated and he stopped himself with a shaky inhale. "I really hate you."
"You.. do?" Sunny was bewildered with this confession. He frowned.
"I don't really– it's just that– I just– I love you so much , Sunny. That I hate you. I want to hold you and touch you and feel you against me because you're so warm and comforting and you always have been. But it feels so wrong to have these thoughts about… you."
Sunny's eyes widened. He knew what he meant. He understood everything. "I.. I see." He felt his cheeks heating up and hissed under his breath. His own feelings weren't appropriate now. His friend needed someone to talk to, and he wasn't going to help that by spilling all of his own emotions and letting it get the best of him. "I know."
"You don't." Basil snapped, not harshly, but full of pain and raw emotion. He clasped his mouth with his palms moments later. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to–"
"It's alright." Sunny placed a hand on his bouncing leg. "I know you're really overwhelmed right now. I'm not here to interrogate you, or belittle you for having emotions. I'm here to support you as a friend."
"Thank you." Basil murmured. "I guess that's what I like the most about you. Even when we were little kids. You didn't talk a lot, but I always knew you were here for me no matter what."
Sunny was glad he was loosening up with each word. He smiled softly. "I liked listening to you rant to me. About anything, your flowers, your favourite season, or even that one time you lost your favourite pair of socks and walked to my house without any shoes on because you didn't want to ruin the soles."
Basil giggled a little. "How do you remember that?"
"I always listened to whatever you had to say. No matter what it was, or how trivial you thought it was. I liked hearing you talk. I still do."
"Ah." Basil nodded. "I, uh, started painting. If you want to hear about that."
"You can paint?" Sunny asked, shock laced his voice.
"Well– no, not really. I can't exactly, um, well," Basil turned and fumbled with one of his drawers. He pulled out a sheet of paper. On the paper was a painting of a sunflower and a tulip next to each other. For some reason, it felt familiar to Sunny.
"This is very pretty." Sunny smiled. "You're a good painter."
"Ahh," Basil snatched the painting from his hands. "You're too nice. It's just– average."
"I still like it. What were the flowers supposed to represent?"
"Oh, ahh, that's kind of embarrassing," Basil rubbed his eyes. "Umm, they were like.. well.. me and you."
That's why it felt so familiar. They were the same flowers Basil raised when they were little kids, the flowers he'd raised for them. Basil was so happy to be raising those flowers.
Sunny smiled. "One day, let's plant a garden." He started. "With cactus for Kel, and roses for Hero, lily of the valley for Mari, gladiolus for Aubrey. Then tulips and sunflowers for me and you."
"Ah!" Basil squeaked. "How'd you remember that I used to raise those?"
"I remember a lot about you." Was Sunny's simple answer. The real answer was a little more complex.
"It's been nice talking to you again. We haven't done this since we were kids." Basil smiled a little.
"Yeah." Sunny nodded. "I remember you once told me that you wanted to be like a sunflower. That you wanted to always face towards the sun– like, seeing the positives in your life."
"That was a long time ago. It's a nice thought."
"I hope you can, one day." Sunny took one of Basil's hands with his own. "Basil, tomorrow, let’s talk to Kel, okay?”
Basil fidgeted with his thumbs and huffed, in a slightly amused-but-mostly-sarcastic tone. “He’ll be happy to see you, at least.”
“He’ll be happy to see you too.” Sunny assured him. “And Kel knocked on my door everyday for weeks after he found out I was moving. He was the only thing that convinced me to go outside that day. He won’t leave you alone Basil, trust me.”
“That does sound like Kel.” Basil sighed. He looked hesitant, as if the next thing he was about to say made him really nervous. His voice was quiet: “Can I ask about that?”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Why didn’t you come out… when, uh, when I knocked?”
Sunny bit his lower lip, slowly chewing as he tried to recall his answer. “I think– it was hard, seeing you. You know, after everything that had happened. I don’t think I was ready to face it then.” He paused for a second to continue chewing on his lip. “But after I realized, like– I had a moment, where I thought: ‘oh, this is it, I’m really moving away in three days. I’ll never see any of my friends again if I don’t do this.’ I just wanted to spend it with those I cared about the most.”
“I’m really glad, Sunny,” Basil smiled at him. “That you’re here again, that we can talk like this. You never talked a lot when we were kids, but it never bothered me. It’s nice to hear your voice more now, though.”
“I guess I didn’t have a lot to say.” Sunny laughed. “It’s nice talking to you too.”
Sunny noticed Basil’s nervous demeanor and expression were fully gone; He was way more comfortable now. Sunny then took a moment to glance around Basil’s room, he hadn’t noticed before (as most of his attention was on Basil, and it wasn’t like he cared about scoping out Basil’s room either) that all of Basil’s flowers he kept on his shelves, desks and around the floor were either gone or mostly wilted. Of course, Sunny wondered why Basil was so adamant of keeping him out of his room, it wasn’t messy at all like he’d said. Maybe he was just embarrassed about the flowers, but in respect for his feelings and privacy; Sunny wasn’t going to ask about it.
Sunny turned back to Basil who had his arms stretched over his head as he was yawning. It was around the evening now, and the orange light of the setting sun started to peer through the window, rapidly darkening.
"Are you tired?" Sunny asked, albeit it was a stupid question.
"A little." Basil admitted. They had been talking for a while. "I know Polly gave you blankets and stuff but.. you can take my bed for the night. I can sleep.. on the floor, or something."
"Ahh, no, it's alright. Besides, I could sleep on the couch."
Basil was silent for a few seconds, his thumbs tapping against one another. "Okay." He finally responded.
Sunny realized Basil did not want him to leave, even if he would refuse to say it out loud. He hopped up from his position on the floor and grabbed his blankets from the hall before throwing them down and planting himself on top. "Actually, I'll sleep here, if that's okay with you."
"On the floor?" Basil looked a little guilty now. "No, it's really okay. Sleep on the couch."
"I'm good." Sunny responded, leaving no room for arguing. Basil sighed and flopped back against his mattress, he twisted on his side and was staring down at Sunny.
The boys were talking for a little while longer before they heard Polly's voice in the hall. "Are either of you hungry? I made dinner."
Basil was the first to answer. "I'm okay."
Sunny couldn't deny that he was a little hungry, but it was nothing he couldn't ignore until the morning. "I'm okay too, thank you though."
"Alright. Sleep well, boys!" Polly called before her quiet footsteps went away down the hall.
The sky was dark now, there was no light coming through the window, leaving Basil's room in darkness. Sunny could hear Basil shifting around on his mattress. "Is something the matter?"
"Nothing!" He said, a little more frantic than he should've been. "We just haven't had a sleepover since we were kids."
"Yeah." Sunny laughed a little. Was that what he was nervous about? "I guess we haven't."
Basil stopped responding as well as the noise of movement on his mattress; Sunny assumed he fell asleep. He smiled, whispering, "Goodnight, Basil." Before sleep hit his already heavy eyes and he was dreaming.