Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s not like Chaewon to get philosophical, often leaving the sentimental schmuckery to her older sister who is, unfortunately (and fortunately) away in university. Perhaps it is exactly Jinsol’s absence affecting her and making her feel this way lately. Regardless, Chaewon thinks that BBC High is comparable to the antique jewellery box where she keeps all her hair accessories. 

Though old and unnecessarily big, the colour is neutral so it fits in easily with the frequently changing decor of her bedroom. With its many compartments, the box lets her organise her collection by the degree of likeness she would wear them.

Similarly, their high school, with a student population of 365 (that’s too much, they should just be a little less than two hundred, it’s a private school for crying out loud!) and a founding history of over 26 years (anything over the age of 25 years is old), is full of individuals in compartmental cliques ranked from highly relevant to extremely insignificant.  

Chaewon and her friends are, of course, at the top of that ranking. For forever, their compartment has been on a tight lock. Prestige doesn’t come with inclusivity and she preferred it that way too. That is until Hwang Yeji and her band of misfits ironically fitted themselves into BBC High’s most coveted clique. 

Although the whole thing is by Chaewon’s orchestration, the results are serendipitous.

With the doors bursting open and students rushing out of classrooms to the ringing of the lunch bell, Chaewon straightens up from where she's leaning on her locker for the past ten minutes.

“Chaewon!” Yeji calls out cheerfully, like she hadn’t just gotten out of a gruelling chem lab exercise. 

Despite being a head taller than most kids, she finds no advantage in dodging the counterflow traffic of hungry teenagers. She comes to a halt in front of Chaewon, slightly dishevelled but her enthusiasm isn’t rumpled in the slightest.  

”Sorry for making you wait,” Yeji says, offering her a smile. “I had to explain to Mr Choi that the extra dot on my Lewis structure was just from when my pen fell off my nose. Can’t have partial points.”

“Of course not,” Chaewon’s eyes scan her face, picking out the smudge of ink by Yeji’s upper lip. She’s obviously been balancing a pen on her nose again during class like a child. With a sigh, Chaewon produces a pack of wet wipes from her bag, handing it to her. 

“So that's why Mr Choi was looking at me weirdly.“ Yeji mumbles. 

She takes a pull of the wipes and starts dabbing at the area around her mouth as they make their way to the cafeteria. 

“You finished pretty early, huh?” she says and Chaewon responds with a playful roll of her eyes.

“I always finish my work before you,” She replies, puffing her chest out in pride.

“I know that! I’m just saying…” Yeji pouts and then nudges her lightly with an elbow to her side. “You could have helped out a little with mine.”

“Well,” Chaewon puts a hand over the spot Yeji had brushed, smoothing out her cashmere sweater and the weird ticklish feeling in between her ribs. “Come to class earlier so we can sit together.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault Coach Wong cornered me to talk about training after gym class,” Yeji complains, pushing past the cafeteria double doors, and holding them open for Chaewon with one hand. The other is still busy patting her face with the wipe. 

Unsurprisingly, Yeji keeps missing the ink smudge, wiping everywhere else except at it.

The more time Chaewon spends with her, the more she feels silly for thinking that she resembled someone else. Hands down, Yeji is the dorkiest person she's ever met.

“Speaking of Coach Wong,” Chaewon says, tucking the urge to help for later because watching Yeji struggle is her new favourite form of free entertainment. “I’m telling you, she has something going on with the new music teacher.”

“You mean Miss Cho?” Yeji asks, frowning in disbelief. “What makes you think that?”

Chaewon slides into the bench as they reach their table, nodding in greeting to Yeojin and Yuna, who are deep in discussion about some highly-rated Netflix series, while ignoring Hyunjin and Yerim, who are making eyes at each other as they rub their noses together like they’re living in a Netflix series, albeit, corny. 

“Coach Wong has been seen hanging around the choir room during lunch a lot lately.” She says as Yeji settles next to her. “I actually saw her sneaking when I was waiting for you earlier.” 

But the gossip fails to capture Yeji’s interest. Thinking of herself as successful in cleaning her face, she crumples the wipe and routinely pulls her phone out of her pocket.

Chaewon sighs and grabs a fresh wipe before Yeji can get absorbed in whatever (or whoever) on her phone constantly requires her attention (Chaewon has her vices, too. She doesn’t want to judge).

“Ugh. Come here,” she says, wiggling her fingers to beckon her.

Yeji looks hesitantly at Chaewon and then her phone for a short minute before she relents, scooting on the bench. 

With her fingers under Yeji’s chin, Chaewon carefully tilts the girl's face toward her as her other hand gently wipes off the ink smudge. It disappears rather quickly but Chaewon is not quite ready to let go of Yeji yet. Not until she can get a kick out of her.

“Hold still." Tongue between her teeth, she feigns concentration as she rubs furiously at Yeji's nose. "You’ve got another one by the tip of your nose.”

“That’s a mole, Chaewon!” Yeji complains, weakly pushing her away and gingerly feeling the tip of her nose as if fearing that her perfect nose bridge has been damaged by the rough treatment.

It makes Chaewon’s cackle all the more impish. The girl is just so fun to tease and she feels immensely satisfied seeing the pouty look on her face. 

And that’s the thing. Yeji and her friends bring new things to the table with their quirks — Chaeryeong with her brutal frankness, Ryujin with her lazy swagger, Yuna with her refreshing idealism, and Yeji with her endearing clumsiness and unparalleled kindness — making lunch time much more interesting. 

With Ryujin’s grumpy arrival, that's evident today, too. For the first time since they started sharing a table, the usually relaxed junior seems wound up, her forehead creased and her eyebrows meeting. Chaeryeong’s absence from her side is also apparent. 

“Hey, Ryujin," Chaewon says. "Where's Chaeryeong?"

Ryujin glares at her in reply. Which is rude . Naturally, Chaewon glares back. 

As if it's some superpower, Yeji picks up on their less-than-friendly exchange instantly. She leans forward, resting her elbow against the table and propping her head on her hand, blocking Ryujin from Chaewon’s view and effectively cutting off the budding hostility.

“Chaeryeong is busy with preparations for the upcoming inter-school dance competition. You know, she’s in the dance club, right?” Yeji starts, an awkward smile on her face as if she has a stomachache or something. With Chaewon's attention on her, she straightens up, her arm disappearing inside her backpack for something. She pulls out a crumpled paper bag and passes it to Ryujin who opens it and weirdly calms at the sight of… tangerines? 

“Anyway, Chaeryeong probably won’t be joining us for lunch for a while,” Yeji concludes.

Chaewon frowns, half in confusion and half in indignation over the uncalled-for behaviour.

“Okay. Ryujin could have told me that-”

Yeji lets out a nervous chuckle. She throws an arm around Chaewon, pulling her close as if she's about to tell her a secret. Funny how a month ago, Yeji wouldn’t even think about doing this and yet here they are. She's gotten comfortable around her. Maybe too comfortable.

“Now and then, Ryujin has her…. moments. Please let this one go, Chaewon.”

Yeji pulls up her stupid puppy eyes again and Chaewon purses her lips, swallowing every retort she has. Sighing, she pushes Yeji away with the heel of her palm on the girl’s cheek, putting some space between them. Yeji doesn’t even mind the heartless treatment. She only grins at her, thankful for choosing to keep the peace.

Remembering how hungry she is, Chaewon turns to Yeojin, who as usual volunteered to bring lunch for her today. It isn’t uncommon, given how Yeojin enjoys cooking, but instead of the over-the-top declarations of unrequited affections and sworn loyalty that she usually gets with the packed lunch, the younger girl only spares her a glance, promptly pushing a container of sushi rolls to her and eagerly getting back to her conversation with Yuna.

Well, it's nice knowing that the unexpected friendship benefits more than just Hyunjin (and Yerim by extension), who is way too happy with the ceasing of the love confessions since she's able to spend the lunch period doing disgusting PDA with her girlfriend again. 

And Chaewon doesn’t really get what Yerim sees in Hyunjin, but she understands the feeling of being deeply enamoured with a soulmate.

Her eyes still gravitate to that particular corner. Today is no exception as she watches Hyeju press a kiss on Heejin’s cheek. 

The truth is a hard pill to swallow, but whether or not Heejin is the spiceless version of her, it’s clear that Hyeju is sincerely in love with her. So even though Chaewon has no idea how Hyeju moved on, she knows she should be doing the same.

Resignation tastes more bittersweet and less sour now, but self-pity is still an easy ditch to fall into, and the resentment justified by her pain is even more familiar territory.

Yeji touches her on the arm, saving her from slipping into old habits. Reluctantly, Chaewon looks away from the couple, raising an eyebrow at Yeji who looks at her expectantly.

“So, do you want the last piece or not?” She asks. It takes Chaewon a moment to realise that Yeji is holding out something for her — a tangerine, tiny and bright orange in her pale hands. “It’s really sweet. My mom got them at a good deal from the farmer’s market.”

For a moment, Chaewon just stares. Despite how much she likes them, she hasn't had one in a while. So, she takes the tangerine with a smile and, in return, pushes her sushi rolls toward Yeji. “You can have some, too,”

“Aww, thanks, Chaewon!” Yeji beams, stealing her chopsticks and picking up a couple of pieces to stuff in her mouth in quick succession.

Hyunjin, always with impeccable timing, finally decides to stop being an embarrassment alongside Yerim to ask Yeji a question.

“Hey, Yeji. What’s our training session looking like for the rest of the week?”

With her mouth full, Yeji takes a while to swallow and almost chokes. Sighing in exasperation, Chaewon passes her a bottle of water. What a dork. 

Still, Yeji buzzes with excitement as she answers Hyunjin. “Not too tough. Coach Wong wants all of us relaxed and uninjured for Saturday!”

The wide grin and sparkling eyes intrigue Chaewon enough to ask. “What’s up on Saturday?” 

“Oooh, they have a track meet! The first one for the season.” Yerim says helpfully, squeezing into Hyunjin's side. “I’ll be there to support my girlfriend, of course."

Chaewon pretends not to see it when Hyunjin melts, her face resembling the pleading eyes emoji. Yuck.

"You should come too, Chaewon." Instead, she focuses on how Yerim's eyes glint conspiratorially as she turns to Yeji. "Right, Yeji?”

Yeji quickly nods, oblivious to the underlying exchange. “Yeah, if you want to, you can come. Ryujin will be there, too. The more, the merrier, right?”

Chaewon has a long-standing reputation for not showing up to school events that would not benefit her. Plus, track-and-field is likely to be boring as heck. Yerim is also obviously up to something and she'd rather not play into her games.

But she takes one look at Yeji and her toothy grin and thinks about how most things involving her turn out to be… accidentally fun. Even if everything else fails, she can always tease her to make up for it.

So Chaewon rolls her eyes and says, “Fine. I’ll think about it.”

She finally tries a bit of the tangerine, it's just as sweet as Yeji says. 

The car stops abruptly when Ryujin floors the brakes, thanks to a random motorist swerving in front of them. 

Although Ryujin is quick to roll down her window and even quicker at expressing her displeasure, the rate of the curse words leaving her mouth way above the speed limit, the offending driver is long gone.

Yeji leans against her seat, bracing herself for the worst.

"That bastard better not drive around here ever again or else, I swear to god, I'm keying his car."

Yeji tilts her head in surprise. That one's not so bad. 

Ryujin steps on the pedal again and Yeji carefully watches her for a bit. 

No matter how many times Ryujin and Chaeryeong push and pull each other to the edge of breaking up, it doesn't get easier for Yeji to see her best friend like this. The tension of the uncertainty builds up inside of Ryujin like smoke, leaking out of her and into her interactions with other people, making her actions abrasive and her words corrosive. 

Yeji doesn’t mind acting as damage control, but she can’t be around Ryujin all the time and that’s concerning.

There’s also Chaeryeong, who is choosing the route of denial and pretending that everything is okay as she distances herself from her girlfriend and the rest of their friends. Yeji knows she probably has her sister to turn to for support, but she can’t be too sure.

It's a tough spot to be in and Yeji just wants to do whatever she can for both of them.

"Hey, do you want to do something later?" She asks.

"Like what?" Ryujin says, keeping her eyes on the road as she stays hunched over the wheel like a cranky child who needs a nap.

"Maybe we can get food?” she suggests. “Or go to the arcade, whatever you feel like doing."

Ryujin only grunts. Everything is going to be uninteresting for her until she and Chaeryeong leave the rocky territory of relationship land. Which, eventually, they will. They always do find their way back. Even if they end up splitting, it will only be for a week or two. This time won’t be any different, Yeji hopes.

Her phone buzzes from where it's resting on her lap and Yeji picks it up without much thought, perking up when she sees the message notification from Jisu.

From: Jisu

Message: good luck with the track meet today! win all your races! go, yeji, go! 🏃♀️💨 sorry abt ryujin and chaeryeong breaking up again. 😔 u sure u don't want me to talk to them?

Yeji’s already typing a reply without even thinking about it.

To: Jisu

Message: Thanks, Jisu! ☺ Wish you could be here to watch like before. And it's fine! You already have a lot going on with the choir and your new friends. Ryujin and Chaeryeong always sort it out in the end anyway. You don’t have to worry about them. 

From: Jisu

Message: you're just saying that! 👎😤 i know you're the one who's most worried. srsly, you gotta focus on yourself first. your track meet is important too!!!!!

Yeji's thumbs hover over the keyboard as she tries to come up with a reply. 

She is worried about her friends, but it's not like she doesn't know how important the track meet is. Her teammates rely on her a lot and she doesn't ever want to disappoint Coach Wong. But what is she supposed to say to make Jisu feel at ease?

"Are you texting Jisu?" Ryujin asks when they reach their usual parking spot.

"Yeah, she wished me luck for the meet," Yeji says, smiling and feeling giddy at the thought.

But Ryujin sighs and shakes her head like Yeji is making a big mistake. "Love is pain, Yeddeong. Honestly, I wish you'd spare yourself."

Without another word, the younger girl gets out of the car. And Yeji follows suit, running up to her best friend and making sure she doesn’t bump into anyone and potentially start a fight.

The field is already moderately packed with athletes and spectators when they enter. They spot Yerim almost immediately, her bright smile and enthusiastic wave acting like Batman's bat signal in the night skies of Gotham City. Hyunjin is right next to her, holding her hand and flashing her own smile. 

For a moment, Yeji worries that the sight of the happy couple might trigger Ryujin but surprisingly, her sulkiness goes down a notch at their cheerfulness.

"Hey, Yeji! How are you feeling? Ready to make the Kwangya High kids eat our dust?" Hyunjin says as they make their approach.

Yeji doesn’t even get to answer when Chaewon comes down from the bleachers.

"Ooh, careful now. Overconfidence is going to be your downfall," she says. "That Yu Jimin girl looks like she can punt you across the field."

"Lucky for us, they’re both in events that require them to run faster than their opponents, instead of some other sport where they have to incapacitate each other!" Yerim says, quick to counter with her positivity.

Ryujin snorts and Hyunjin puts an arm around her, making her bend as she rubs her knuckles on the side of her head. In retaliation, Ryujin shoves at Hyunjin and throws a weak punch at her shoulder. Despite her complaints at being manhandled, it’s easy to see that her mood has gotten better and Yeji smiles in appreciation of their friends. Friends they wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for Chaewon.

So Yeji turns to the girl, squishing her gratitude to something smaller. She doesn’t want to scare her.

"Hey, you actually came," She says.

"Yeah, Yerim is always talking about Hyunjin's track meets,” Chaewon replies, making a point to look around with mild distaste on her face. “I decided to finally see it for myself." 

"Well, it's probably not up to your standards, but we are honoured to have your presence.” Yeji curtsies, earning herself an eye roll from the other girl. “The track team is nowhere near as popular as the lacrosse team or the basketball team, so it's nice to have our two best cheerleaders for support."

Chaewon hums. And then squints her eyes at her. “Are you saying that as yourself or as the track team captain?"

Yeji tilts her head in confusion. “Is there a difference?”

“I'm just saying, I didn't exactly come to support the team, I don’t even know them," Chaewon says and then pokes a finger at Yeji's arm. "I’m here for you.” 

In the background, Hyunjin lets out a wheezing laugh over something Ryujin said. 

Chaewon sighs and admits, “And I guess for Hyunjin, too."

Yeji blinks. Ryujin has always tagged along to her meets, and sometimes, Yuna and Chaeryeong did too. In the past, Jisu has also been to several of her track events, where Yeji may or may not have overperformed because she wanted to show off to her crush. So, it shouldn’t be a big deal to know that her new friend is here for the same reason. Except, it is because it’s coming from Chaewon, who is as adorable as she is emotionally constipated.

Chaewon rolls her eyes, interpreting her silence as negative. "Don't get me wrong. I’m open to charity work every now and then, but I want to make it clear that I'm here for my friends. So… good luck, Yeji."

She gives her a soft smile. It feels so fleeting and rare and Yeji can tell the exact moment when Chaewon pulls the lever to get her walls up again.

 "Anyway, I dragged myself out of bed too early on a Saturday for this. Make it worth it, okay?"

Yeji laughs, feeling extremely flattered and even more grateful now. “Thanks for coming to support me, Chaewon. I’ll give you something to be proud of.”

"Okay, I know you're a really fast runner but don't get ahead of yourself," Chaewon says, shaking her head dramatically. "Honestly, you could trip on your shoelaces and I'll still count this as a fruitful excursion."

"You are so mean," Yeji complains as Chaewon laughs, evil as it is endearing.

Coach Wong finally calls for the athletes and Yeji waves Chaewon off, gesturing for her to settle on the bleachers.With Hyunjin appearing by her side, Yeji knows they really should get going but she finds herself lingering.

“Hey, Chaewon.” She calls and Chaewon pauses by the bleachers' steps. Yerim and Ryujin are already at the top, waiting for her.

“Yeah?”

“No matter how sleepy or bored you get, will you wait until the event is finished?" Yeji asks. "We can get milkshakes with the others after.” 

“Sounds fun. Okay." Chaewon is quick to agree but her face takes on a playful look and Yeji already knows there's going to be a catch. "But if you lose any of your races, you’re buying.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” She complains.

“If you win all of them, then I’m buying.”

Yeji grins at that, satisfied. "Okay, you're on." 

She jogs off to the locker rooms with a new motivation.

(Later, Yeji and Chaewon find themselves on one side of a diner booth. Across from them, Ryujin and Hyunjin are about to start a contest to see who can finish their milkshakes faster while Yerim umpires. When Chaewon complains about having to pay for Yeji’s second milkshake, Yeji splits the drink with her.)

Chaewon hesitates, her feet refusing to move as she stares at the door in front of her.

This is it. This is how her life is going to be ruined.

"Hey, come on. It's okay." An arm is thrown around her shoulders and Hwang Yeji's smiling face takes up her vision.

Although the gesture is not unwelcome and Yeji’s smile is charming, Chaewon frowns at her cheeriness.

"No, it's not!" She hisses, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Clearly, you're so chill about this because the entire thing is your fault!"

"No, I'm not." Yeji quickly denies it. She retracts her arm from Chaewon and side-steps away from her, maybe in an attempt to intimidate using the apparent height difference as she deflects the blame. "And that's not true. It's equally our fault."

Chaewon takes it back. She has been wrong. Not everything involving Yeji is going to turn out fun. Because how the hell is detention going to be fun?

“This will go on my permanent record and I'll only be able to go to a non-Ivy League school now because of this." She laments and points an accusing finger. "Because of you!" 

"Because you wouldn’t stop laughing!” This time, she punctuates every word with a hit to Yeji's arm. 

And Yeji has the audacity to chuckle.

“At your jokes. Please, I was laughing at your jokes. So, you’re at fault too." She rubs the arm Chaewon had battered but she's grinning widely, letting her know she's not in any pain. The girl is built like a tank anyway. 

"You know, I never asked you to crack jokes while we were supposed to be working on the exercise together.” Yeji points out.

Chaewon pouts, unable to argue. She crosses her arms over her chest and pouts. “Well, it’s not my fault I was born funny.”

Yeji sighs. She adjusts her backpack on her shoulder and gives her a soft smile.

“Stop being so negative, will you? Mr Choi already said he wasn’t going to put it in our records. It’s just for fairness' sake that we have to go. Now, come on.”

Their teacher did say that, but it doesn't change anything. Chaewon still has to sit through detention. While she's never been, she's sure that it's hell.

Before she can voice out her thoughts, Yeji pushes the door open and steps into the classroom. 

Chaewon holds her breath, anticipating the worst. But instead of the horror-type scenario she had pictured in her head, troubled teens beating up some poor nerds in the corner in the name of anarchy or vice versa, detention actually looks normal. And boring.

The teacher-in-charge, Mr Wang, is napping at the desk in front while a handful of other kids sit in uncomfortable plastic armchairs scattered around the room. Like the teacher, some are napping, others are doing their homework, and one is staring at the wall. 

So, it turns out that Chaewon is wrong again. This is not hell. This is purgatory and that's worse. She is going to die of boredom here.

Before she could turn on her heel and run, Yeji grabs her hand. She leads her to the back of the room and drops her backpack on a chair to claim it. “Nothing ever really happens here. We just sit and wait for an hour then we can go home.”  

Chaewon plops down on the armchair next to Yeji's and unzips her backpack to look for her phone. “You say that like you have experience.”

"We’re not supposed to use our phones,” Yeji says as she pulls the device out. Chaewon shoves it back inside, pulling out her binder and a pen instead. “And yeah, I’ve been tardy a few times." 

"You too, huh?" A soft voice from behind them says. 

Chaewon turns curiously only to have her heart seize in her chest as she watches Hyeju emerge from the backdoor and pull up a chair to settle right in front of Yeji.  

"I mean, who doesn't, right? I’m Hyeju." She turns to Chaewon, the corners of her lips tugging to a tentative smile. "Fancy seeing you here, though."

Her hand closes around her pen. Hyeju shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be talking to Chaewon so casually like this. It’s too soon. Chaewon needs more time to be okay with her presence.

But Hyeju doesn’t know that. "So, what are you here for?" 

And Yeji doesn’t either. "We got a little carried away joking around in Mr Choi's class," 

"This isn't The Breakfast Club," Chaewon says under her breath. She flips her binder open and uncaps her pen, desperately wishing to be excluded from whatever is happening.

"A joint sentence from Mr Choi? Nice.” Hyeju says.“Did you know his husband does drag? It’s on Tiktok, I heard from my-" She hesitates for a split second, her eyes flickering to Chaewon and then back to Yeji. "-girlfriend."

Chaewon feels something heavy drop in her stomach at the word. A title that she used to have but now no longer has. Her pen starts drawing rough lines randomly on a fresh page of her binder.

"You mean Heejin?" Yeji asks innocently. The mention of the name has Chaewon flinching and she knows Hyeju caught the reaction because a look of hesitation flashes briefly across her face. "One of my best friends is in the dance club with her."

"Chaeryeong, right? I know her.” Hyeju says. This time, she lowers her voice around her girl's name. “Heejin has mentioned her to me a lot of times."

It doesn’t matter whether she is doing it for Chaewon or not. Hyeju being careful with what she says around her now hurts more than if she were to be callous with words. Why now when it’s already too late? She must look so pathetic to Hyeju that she’s even pulling her punches.

Yeji, oblivious as ever, only beams proudly upon hearing Hyeju’s reply. She eagerly jumps in to praise her friend and talk about how she thinks she could be the next dance club leader after Heejin graduates if given the chance.

Chaewon has to look away and has to return to her moping. Her harsh strokes have caused her pen to scratch a hole through the next page now. The overlapping mess of lines looks just like how she feels. She wants to get mad. At Hyeju, for being so cruel. At herself, for not being able to forget Hyeju just as fast as she did her. At Yeji, for being… No, she can’t even fault the girl for being so unaware of her pain. 

Because the truth is Yeji has been a lot of help to her loneliness, the friend who goes home with her and eats lunch with her and her friends just like she said she would be, but that’s all done out of her own kindness. Not because she knows how badly Chaewon needs her to be. In the end, moving on is still her problem. So, she has to work it out on her own and figure out how to unknow the one person she knows better than herself.

Lost in her own despair, Chaewon fails to notice how it only takes Yeji one look at her for the panic to set in. She leans away from Hyeju, alarmed at seeing Chaewon with her head hanging low in defeated solitude.

"Umm, actually. Sorry. I really enjoyed talking with you, Hyeju,” Yeji says. “But I remembered we're not supposed to do that in detention." 

"Oh, yeah. That's fine. I’ll just-" Hyeju gestures vaguely to Chaewon but Yeji shakes her head quickly.

"Ah, no! Sorry. She can't, either.” She firmly says, eyes darting back and forth to come up with an excuse. “W-we're supposed to do an essay for Mr Choi, aren't we, Chaewon?"

Hearing her name, Chaewon looks up. Her confusion is easily seen as Yeji holds out a blank sheet of paper to her. When she only stares at it, Yeji slides it on her desk, covering the ruined page of her binder.

If Hyeju sees through their little charade, she chooses not to say anything.

"That’s fine, too. I guess I'll just take a nap now. It was nice talking to you, Yeji.” Instead, she smiles and adds. “You're a good kid."

She turns to face the front and slumps on her armchair.

"I'm older than you, though," Yeji mutters. She looks at Chaewon again and reaches out to place her hand over hers. “Hey, are you okay?”

With Yeji's eyes on her, dripping with concern, Chaewon feels like she will be.

"Thanks, Yeji." She says, squeezing her hand.

Jisu’s face fills up most of Yeji’s phone screen as the girl sets her device down somewhere. Yeji takes a guess on a ridiculously overpriced phone mount, probably baby blue in colour. Either that or on a stack of vinyl records Jisu left on her bedroom floor and didn’t have the time to put away.    

Jisu moves back and Yeji watches her get smaller as she moves away from the camera. As she settles in the middle of her bedroom, she looks back at Yeji to flash her famous smiling eyes at her. Even from a distance, it burns brighter than the sun, Yeji idly thinks. Though the lurch she feels in her chest at the sight is oddly subdued today, that's probably just an effect of sleep deprivation. 

“I swear, you’re going to find this one absolutely cute,” Jisu says and then clears her throat. “Bella, come!”  

A white ball of fur approaches upon her call. Jisu holds her hand out and with the command paw , the dog places a paw over Jisu’s hand. With other paw , the dog offers the other limb. With a twirl of her arm and turn , the dog rotates following the motion of Jisu’s hand.

Jisu coos and Bella gets an enthusiastic good girl and a treat for her troubles, scurrying over to the corner of the room to start tearing up her reward.

The whole thing is absolutely cute like Jisu said, but all Yeji could muster is a smile. 

Her own half-hearted reaction bothers Yeji. This is her time with Jisu. She should be busy admiring how pretty her crush looks in her linen dress or how her smiling eyes just don’t fail to dazzle or how sweet her voice sounds even through the phone speakers.

“So, that’s… that .” Jisu moves closer to the camera again, sitting with her legs crossed as she tilts her head at Yeji. “What’s on your mind?”

Wanting to make up for her lack of energy, Yeji answers immediately. “I think Bella is a smart girl.” 

Jisu hums. “I think so, too. But really, what are you thinking of?” She narrows her eyes playfully. “Your eyes keep glazing over, don’t think I couldn’t tell.”

“Oh god. Jisu, I’m sorry—” Yeji scrambles to apologise.

“You don’t have to be, Yeji! That’s why we have these video calls. So we can tell each other things!” Jisu says. She stretches her arms above her head and promptly slides forward to lay on her stomach. “But it’s mostly just me talking all this time. So, tell me about your things!”

Yeji shrugs, following Jisu’s example as she lies comfortably against her pillows. “Ryujin and Chaeryeong are on talking terms again so Chaeryeong has been joining us for lunch and stuff.”

“I’m glad to hear that but that’s not your thing, that’s their thing,” Jisu says.

Yeji ponders, what’s her thing? Like an intrusive thought, she pops in her head. Luscious blonde hair, a light airy laugh, and a heart-shaped, crooked smile. In the next second, she sees the flip side of her. Head down in defeat, big doe eyes shining with tears, and her tiny frame looking too frail to be carrying the weight of the world.   

 “I don’t know, Jisu. I haven't been able to sleep much lately. I can’t stop thinking about-”

Yeji cuts herself off, feeling like a deer in headlights at Jisu’s intent stare.

But there's no helping it. Not when her mind is full to bursting with the conundrum that is Park Chaewon, constantly coming and going as if she lives there, paying no respect to Yeji’s schedule. The girl just waltzes in her head whenever and wherever. When Yeji is in her bed, supposed to be in deep slumber, when she‘s behind the counter at The Feels, trying to concentrate on steaming the milk perfectly to make decent latte art, and even when they’re together, sharing food and gossip and Chaewon steals another longing glance at Hyeju from across the cafeteria.

It’s driving Yeji mad so even though it never even occurred to her to tell Jisu anything about the girl, this is where she is. Maybe she’s finally reached her limit. 

“This might come as a surprise but I’ve become friends with Park Chaewon,” she starts.

“Park Chaewon, as in the most popular kid in BBC High?” One second, a look of recognition is on Jisu’s face. In the next, she’s smiling like she knows something. 

Yeji has no idea what it is or how it came to her knowledge, but she’s sure Ryujin is involved somehow. 

“I was wondering when you would mention her because I saw Ryujin’s Instagram stories,” Jisu says, proving her right. 

“It’s not like that, Jisu,” Yeji says weakly. 

She’s been pining for Jisu since sophomore year. The last thing she wants now is for her to think that she likes someone else, which is probably why she never even thought of telling her about Chaewon. Until now.

“Hey, it’s a good thing," Jisu says coolly. While the assurance is relieving, the nonplussed reaction kind of hurts. "I’m glad you’re making friends. I am too. It’s fun, isn’t it?”

It is fun getting to know Chaewon, even if the girl has a penchant for teasing her. But that’s something Yeji is used to, having grown up with Ryujin and Yuna who believe in affectionate bullying.

“It is,” So, she agrees, though she still has reservations. Maybe she should just ask her mom instead of Jisu? But then again, Jisu did ask about her thing and this is the thing that’s been bothering her the most. Besides, she has always been good with people. If anyone can offer Yeji advice, it'd be Jisu. “Do you know anything about Chaewon?”

“Unbelievably pretty girl who’s also a snarky rich kid. Been in the cheer team since Freshman year. Drives a luxury car to school. Dates the resident bad girl, Son Hyeju," Jisu lists and then shrugs. "I do know some things about her, but probably not more than you do, Yeji.”

It's not surprising that Jisu knows about them because, despite Yeji not paying them any attention before, Chaewon and Hyeju were the campus couple. But just how badly did their relationship end for Chaewon to be looking so devastated whenever she's within a 5-metre radius of Hyeju? 

“Actually, they aren't dating anymore. Hyeju’s with Heejin now. You remember her, you two had a few classes together." Jisu nods in acknowledgement and Yeji purses her lips in hesitation. This is counterproductive to her aim but she needs to lay out all the facts. "And Chaewon… well, she tried to ask me out.”

“HOLD ON—" Jisu shoots up to a sitting position, drawing close to her phone. If it were possible for her to enter through the device and come out of Yeji's room, she probably would. "SHE TRIED TO ASK YOU OUT AND YOU’RE ONLY TELLING ME THIS NOW?”

Yeji shrinks against her pillows, her heart squeezing tightly in her chest. Why does it feel like she’s betraying Jisu?

“I said no, of course! Like I said, we aren’t a thing." She says, sheepishly rubbing the nape of her neck. "I’m… not into her, I’m into someone else.” She looks away at the admittance, unable to meet Jisu's gaze. “Anyway, Chaewon and I, we’re just friends.”

“Well, who is it? Who are you into?” Jisu presses, her eyes wide like she really wants to know.

You, Yeji desperately wants to say, but doesn’t. The timing is not right. The reasoning seems wrong too. Her confession will have to wait for when she visits Jisu in Canada. Just like she planned. 

So she reverts to the original topic. “That doesn’t matter right now. The point is, I’m kind of worried about Chaewon. I don’t think she’s doing okay with… you know, not having Hyeju.”

Luckily, that's enough to calm Jisu down. 

“If you had a friend who was going through something similar, what would you do?” Yeji asks.

“Wait. Before I answer that,” Jisu narrows her eyes at her. “This isn’t another Ryujin-Chaeryeong dilemma, is it? Yeji, we’ve talked about this. You need to think about yourself more.”

Yeji smiles, feeling a familiar warmth spread in her chest at Jisu's concern.

“I promise it’s not. And I’m actually doing that, I’m thinking about myself more.” 

At this point, Yeji's convinced the only thing that will help her sleep better is figuring out how to stop Chaewon from looking so sad and lonely. In a way, this is her thinking about herself.

“Okay, if you say so.” Jisu huffs, not entirely convinced. She’s silent for a bit as she thinks. “Do you think Chaewon and Hyeju should get back together?”

Yeji frowns in thought. “I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“Okay, so sabotaging Hyeju and Heejin’s relationship is not an option.”

“Jisu…” she whines but doesn’t dare interrupt because Jisu has a serious look on her face, lips pursed and brows furrowed in concentration.

“Well, have you thought about setting her up on a date with someone else?”

Yeji hasn’t because she doesn’t know a lot of people. She has five friends in total, including Chaewon, and Chaewon already knows all of her friends, except for Jisu. Clearly, she can’t set them up together, that would be crazy. Finding someone would take a lot , if there is even another person who can handle Chaewon. To answer Jisu’s question, Yeji shakes her head.

Jisu tilts her head, brows furrowing thoughtfully. “This is tough, Yeji. Getting over someone isn’t easy.” 

The way she says it is so earnest like she knows exactly how it feels.

Yeji looks intently at her in alarm, holding her breath to ask. “Have you had to get over someone, Jisu?”

Jisu nods easily as if they’re talking about popcorn preferences and not something deeply personal. Her voice is light as she speaks. “There was this friend whom I had feelings for a while back. They didn’t feel the same way, so I knew I had to move on.”

Yeji’s world stands still. Guilt is a hard lump stuck in her throat that she has to swallow. “How come you never told me?”

Jisu's smile is gentle and meant to be consoling but Yeji only feels miserable. Is it just her or is Jisu avoiding her eyes? “You’re so caring and you’re always trying to make everyone’s problems yours, Yeji. I didn’t want you to do that for me.”

For the hundredth time since they've known each other, Yeji thinks that she doesn't deserve Jisu. No one on earth does. But she'd still like to try.

“Anyway,” Jisu says, keeping them on track. She looks at Yeji again, fully focused on her Chaewon problem. “I think the best thing to do here is to be there for Chaewon. It’s just… moving on takes time. Distancing herself from the person might help. Spending time with people who care about her and doing the things she enjoys definitely does, too.”

Yeji blinks slowly. In spite of her lack of sleep, she sits up, suddenly energised. Jisu looks at her, a soft, proud look on her face. 

“I’m guessing I don’t have to keep going.”

“Yeah, I have some ideas." Chaewon's back in Yeji’s head, walking about with her head down, but it’s okay because Yeji knows how to help her now. "Thanks, Jisu. You’re the best.”

“You’re always welcome, Yeji.” Jisu’s grin quickly goes from soft to playful and Yeji knows she’s about to get teased. “Chaewon’s a lucky girl to have you. As a friend, of course.”

Yeji supposes she’ll just have to worry about clearing up that misunderstanding for next time.

The tiny doorbell tingles softly overhead as Chaewon walks inside The Feels Coffee Shop, leaving behind the late Autumn chill. The owner, an attractive woman in her mid-twenties named Jeongyeon, waves at her, already familiar with her from all the other times she came by for coffee and to bother Yeji.

"Yeji's just finishing up at the back. She'll be out in a few." She says with a handsome smile.

Chaewon nods, opting to browse the pastries on display as she waits, all the while wondering why Yeji asked her to hang out when the girl never initiates (Getting milkshakes that one time was an exception and that was mostly for Ryujin's sake, who, Chaewon learned later on from Yerim, had been going through a rough patch with Chaeryeong). Yeji also ignored Chaewon’s questions on whether they should go to the arcade with the others or stay in and watch a movie at Yerim's. 

Chaewon wouldn’t think it suspicious if Yeji hasn’t been acting so strange lately. She gets broodingly quiet in the most random moments and wears this scary serious look on her face like she’s trying to solve the world’s biggest mystery or something. That look also gets scarier every time Chaewon catches her looking at her while she had been watching Hyeju and Heejin, whether they’re simply passing by in the hallways or sitting on their corner in the cafeteria.

If it were anyone else, it would probably make Chaewon feel uncomfortable. Since it’s Yeji, it just makes her curious. Yeji’s kindness is a foreign concept to her, who knows what else goes on in that dorky, but absolutely gorgeous head of hers?

When she finally comes out of the backroom, Yeji's already out of her apron. Her hair is a mess, strands loose from her low ponytail, and the collar of her jacket is sticking upward on one end. With her shoulders slumping and her eyes drooping, she's obviously tired from her shift but she energises when she sees Chaewon.

With a bounce in her step, she joins her by the display case.

"You are a mint choco ice cream enthusiast, true or false?" Yeji asks, grinning expectantly.

Chaewon looks up from scrutinising the glazed doughnuts, confused. "What is this about now?"

"Please just answer." Yeji nudges her repeatedly on the side.

Chaewon rolls her eyes. Yeji's lucky she's cute. "True."

"Perfect! That's all I need to know." Yeji grabs her by the hand and pulls her out of the shop, throwing a hurried goodbye to Jeongyeon over their shoulder as they exit.

But Chaewon isn't going without a fight.

"Hey, wait. Where are we going? What about the others?" She drags her feet, putting as much resistance as she can until she gets some answers.

With a sigh, Yeji lets go of her hand and walks behind her. Placing her hands on her shoulders, she steers her in the direction of her car.

"They're not coming." She says. "It's just the two of us today."

The defiance oozes out of Chaewon like slime. She even forgets to pretend she's unhappy about having to take Yeji's Prius. One thought grips her hard, squeezing the air out of her lungs; if it's just the two of them, then is this… a date?

Yeji is all smiles as she deposits her on the passenger seat. Fresh panic brews inside of Chaewon as she watches the other girl skip to the driver's side and start the car.

"This is going to be fun!" Yeji says, skillfully manoeuvring out of the side parking space.

Chaewon should really be alarmed because it’s a bad idea to date a friend again. But here she is, unable to stop herself from finding Yeji insanely cool as she drives with one hand on the wheel. She shakes her head, catching sight of her own reflection in the rearview mirror. 

At the same time, Yeji lightly hits her shoulder with her palm. "Will you relax? I'm not kidnapping you."

Chaewon lets out a chuckle and it sounds panicked even to her. This is bad. 

"And please wear your seatbelt." 

Taking that suggestion to heart, Chaewon grabs onto the belt like she’s grasping onto the remaining shred of her sanity. She reminds herself to stay calm, taking deep breaths. 

She shouldn't be jumping to conclusions, especially knowing where that got her the first time. 

So even if she finds Yeji increasingly cuter each day and thinks that the soft spot she has for her friends makes her endlessly endearing, she shouldn’t be thinking of her like that. For all she knows, Yeji takes all her friends out on dates like this one, totally platonic. 

“I swear, you’re going to love where we’re going,” Yeji says because she still hasn’t uttered a word.

Chaewon looks out the window, hit with sudden nostalgia. The familiar streets they pass not only give her a pretty good idea of where they are headed, but also fill her with a sense that she's lived through this moment before. But where she used to be the one behind the wheel, recounting the day’s events to her favourite passenger, Chaewon is now the one keeping quiet, watching somebody else buzz with excitement as they drive.

As expected, Yeji pulls over to the drive-thru of the ice cream place. They have the best mint choc chip in town but Hyeju absolutely hated that flavour.

Watching Yeji chat with the staff by the drive-thru window, Chaewon remembers that day in detention. Thinking of it now, the brooding stares and the scary look of concern started after that day, too. 

But Yeji remains bright and faultless when she passes the large ice cream cup to her. Is she even capable of scheming? They drive off and stop at a nearby hill, overlooking the city. The sun is close to setting in the horizon, painting the skies in hues of purple and pink.

Yeji unbuckles her seatbelt and Chaewon holds out one of the spoons for her. With the ice cream cup nestled on the centre console between them, they dig in.

Yeji’s first bite is accompanied by a moan and a shiver. Chaewon, against her better judgement, reaches out to fix the collar of her jacket.

"It's never too cold for ice cream, right?" Yeji says with a grin.

"You're a dork," Chaewon says. "But I will admit… you've got taste."

"Yeah! Don’t you get sad when people say mint choco tastes like toothpaste?"

"I don’t. I get mad because they're wrong. And stupid.” Chaewon throws her hair over her shoulder. “Toothpaste tastes like mint and that's a whole different conversation."

Yeji smiles encouragingly. "Yeah, exactly!"

Chaewon looks out the window again, finally deciding to ask. "Did you take me there because you knew that I used to go there a lot with Hyeju?"

Yeji’s eyes grow wide, her hand freezes, her tiny spoon suspended in the air, hovering over their shared ice cream.

"No, I didn't know that, Chaewon.” She says waving her hands in front of her. “I swear. I didn’t mean to overstep—"

At the guilty look in her eyes, Chaewon feels the need to clarify.

"Because it's you, it's okay." She assures Yeji, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. "But don't think I can't tell you've been watching me whenever she's around. You're curious about us, aren't you?"

Yeji bites her lip, frowning in concentration to find the right words.

"Seeing you look so… sad around Hyeju reminded me of Ryujin and Chaeryeong when they're having their fights.” She admits. All too aware of their closeness and the rapid beating of her heart, Chaewon lets go of Yeji’s hand. She picks up her spoon again and tries to act as normal as possible. “I don't know, that's probably an insensitive thing to say and I’m sorry. I just wanted to know if there's anything I can do for you, Chaewon."

And maybe ice cream manufacturers should start researching on how to make a flavour after Yeji’s kindness because it might just be the sweetest thing on earth. Chaewon is probably under some spell, she probably has been for some time now, because she feels herself making yet another exception, unlocking her door to let Yeji in. 

"Hyeju was my soulmate. We started dating right before middle school ended for me but we’ve known each other way before that.” Her smile feels like waving a white flag. She’s been keeping all of this to herself for so long and she can’t anymore. “She's the coolest, bravest, most caring person I know and she's never loud about it. But she's also the saddest. That's not her fault though."

Hyeju is the moon, waxing and waning in phases. Except, the times she would stay dim are unpredictable, dragging on and transforming her hushed despair into a thunderous rage. Chaewon didn’t mind. She loved Hyeju and all of her parts.

The ice cream is left untouched when she talks. Even Yeji has stopped eating, letting the treat slowly melt. In an attempt to keep things light, she jests. "Fun fact, Hyeju hated mint choco so I'd only have it when I'm getting ice cream with my sister."

But it fails to make Yeji smile, accomplishing the exact opposite as she frowns. 

"Hey, don’t look so mad now. What I said probably made her sound selfish but no, she was never like that.” Even after all this time, the urge to defend Hyeju is still there. “Hyeju took care of me and she wanted me to be happy. That’s why she asked to break up." 

Feeling the tears well up in her eyes, Chaewon looks outside the window again, at the darkening sky, at the moon that’s about to rise. The creature inside of her howls and Chaewon translates its howling into words.

"Hyeju was more than my girlfriend, though. She was my best friend, too." 

Losing two at once hurts more than she could ever describe, perhaps that’s why it took her so long to say it. But finally being able to say it out loud and hear it with her own ears feels freeing. She is making sense of her pain.

Without her moon, Chaewon was left to grasp blindly in the dark. How could she ever bring herself to forget what it was like basking in the moonlight? Because the thing about forgetting doesn’t just mean the messy parts, it includes the blissful ones, too — the exhilaration of their first kiss and every kiss that followed after, the flutter of butterflies in her stomach every time Hyeju would do or say something, blatant and subtle, to let her know she cared, and the absolute repose of the knowledge that Hyeju was hers and she was Hyeju’s.

"We had so many memories together and I don't know what to do with them now. And I know that she’s moved on and all but I don't want to just throw away what we had." 

Chaewon can never fathom how Hyeju could do it so easily. The smile she wears on her face whenever she’s with Heejin is as beautiful as it is cruel; finally, the moon shines with a new sun to illuminate her. 

Wiping her tears with her hands, Chaewon tries to steel herself to show her biggest scar, but it’s futile because they keep spilling anyway. And so she lets the words go like letters addressed to no one. 

“If Hyeju was capable of that kind of happiness, why couldn’t she have it with me?”

Something inside of her breaks completely the moment Yeji pulls her into her arms. With her face tucked in the crook of her neck, Chaewon weeps until she can’t anymore.

All the while, Yeji's hand is steady as it rubs comforting circles on her back. Her arms are warm as she holds her close. Her voice is soft as she hushes her sobbing with assurance: It’s okay, Chaewon. You’re going to be okay, Chaewon. I’ve got you, Chaewon.

Outside of Yeji’s car, the city slowly comes to life. As more and more houses light up in the distance, Chaewon’s crying subsides. 

"Well," She says when she’s calmed down, pulling away from Yeji’s hold. “That was embarrassing.”

Luckily for Chaewon, it’s dark enough for her blush to not be seen.

Yeji smiles softly at her as she passes her some tissues. "No, it's not. You may be the princess of BBC High but you're still human.” Yeji offers her a helpless smile, a hand rubbing the nape of her neck like she too is flustered by their proximity. “Besides, I promise I won't tell anyone. Therapist confidentiality."

"You're not a professional though," Chaewon says, following the urge to pick up on their banter.  “Promising doesn’t cut it. You have to tell me something of equal value."

Yeji is surprisingly pliant.

"Okay, okay. You win.” She says, taking a deep breath. “I don't know if you remember but you did ask about her once. Choi Jisu."

"Is she the one you’re always texting during lunch?" Chaewon asks, picking up on what’s left of their ice cream.

"Mhmm. The one and only.” Yeji says.

“I've liked her since sophomore year. She's the cutest, sweetest, most talented girl I know. She was in the choir and she has the voice of an angel. And her smile, it's the most beautiful thing ever." Her tone gets dreamier the more she talks and Chaewon doesn’t know who Choi Jisu is but she’s definitely one lucky girl. 

Yeji sighs and Chaewon passes the ice cream cup to her.

"But I couldn't work up the courage to tell her how I felt. Now, she's moved far away with her family." 

“Does she like mint choco?” Chaewon asks.

“She does, actually,” Yeji says, smiling down at the treat in her hand.

"Hmm. A match made in heaven.” Chaewon says. “You know LDR is a thing, right?"

"I know, I know. I'm working on it. I'm saving up to visit her. And I'm going to confess in person."

"Then what are you doing spending money on me?” Chaewon exclaims, gesturing wildly to the console. “Turn that engine off! Gas prices are high as hell! How much was the ice cream?"

But Yeji only laughs. "Don’t be silly, Chaewon. I wanted to do this for you."

Chaewon’s heart stutters in her chest but her eyes reflexively roll.

"Fine. But let me make it up to you. Free food and drinks at my place next weekend?"

"Sure, I'll be there," Yeji says, dependable as always.

"Cool. Bring Ryujin and the others too. But no one else.” Chaewon narrows her eyes at her as a threat. “I'd like to keep my birthday party lowkey this year."

The way Yeji’s eyes go so wide makes her wonder if she said the right thing because she looks like she’s the one panicking now.

A sigh escapes Yeji’s lips as she replaces the Pikachu and Eevee plushies on the shelf. It’s wishful thinking on her part to expect that Chaewon would leave her mind, she knows it now. 

Since the drive home from their ice cream date, her head has been buzzing with thoughts. Indeed, they had another productive therapy session in a parking lot , Chaewon’s words not hers. But the knowledge of Chaewon’s upcoming birthday makes Yeji feel like her relief from the girl opening up to her is short-lived because now, she needs to come up with the perfect gift for her. But what does Chaewon even like that she can afford?

Yeji just really, really wants Chaewon’ to be happy on her birthday. So, she turns on her heel and ventures further inside the toy store Ryujin had dragged her into. 

Out of desperation, Yeji had asked their friends for gift suggestions. But Yerim’s she’ll like anything as long as it’s from you isn’t any help, much less Hyunjin’s LMFAO . Both are better than Chaeryeong’s nothing since the girl left her on read. So, Yuna’s ask her to be your gf lol is the worst. As predicted, Yeojin came through with the most helpful reply, even with the threat tucked in: Chaewon loves plushies. She has a collection of Kirby dolls but you’re better off getting her something else. Good luck. FYI, I’m still watching you, Yeji. ✌️👀✌️👀

Ryujin herself had no helpful answer to give, but she did volunteer to accompany Yeji in picking out the gift, hence her presence today.

“Do you think Chaeryeong looks more like Chikorita or Vulpix?” The younger girl holds up plushies of the mentioned pokemons in each hand, assessing them with a squinted gaze.

“Uhh, Vulpix, I guess?” Yeji says. She does a double-take, putting more thought in her answer. “A fire-type, fox pokemon. Yeah, it checks out.”

“Right? Hot and sexy.” Ryujin says, but then directs a glare at Yeji. “But come on, dude, don’t talk about my girlfriend like that or I’m going to start thinking that you want her, too.” 

“Please.” Rolling her eyes, Yeji pushes past her friend to rummage through the displays behind her. What kind of Pokemon would Chaewon like? Jigglypuff seems like a safe choice. Plus, they have the same full-moon eyes and they're both cute.

However, set on being disruptive, Ryujin interrupts her again from her search. “Oh? Did you just roll your eyes at me? Chaewon is rubbing off on you!”

“Shut up. You said you would help and this is not helping.” Yeji grumbles. For good measure, she picks up two plushies at random (Wooper and Piplup, upon a closer inspection), throwing it at Ryujin’s head who dodges swiftly.

“Security! This lady is making a mess on the Pokemon aisle!” She exclaims, cackling when Yeji shoves her in retaliation. Ryujin puts Chikorita back on the shelf and tucks Vulpix under her arm with a dopey look on her face.

Seeing her now, back to her annoying, obnoxious self, makes Yeji feel at ease but at the same time, it makes her curious. 

“Are you getting that for Chaeryeong?” She asks, 

“Nope, it’s for me!” Ryujin says, Cheshire grin on her face. “So, I can have a carriable, huggable stuffie that reminds me of my girlfriend.” 

“Can I ask you something?” Yeji asks before she could stop herself.

“Sure, ask away.” Ryujin says, absentmindedly booping the Vulpix’s nose with a finger.

Yeji thinks about Chaewon and Hyeju. How they had beginnings similar to Ryujin and Chaeryeong’s. It isn’t improbable to think that the way their relationships progressed isn’t far from each other. If things had ended up slightly different between Ryujin and Chaeryeong this time, would her best friend be as lonely as Chaewon is?

“Isn’t it scary? I mean, being in a relationship. Is there even a certainty?” Yeji is careful. Half because she doesn’t want to unintentionally offend Ryujin, and half because she’s thinking about Chaewon again. “You and Chaeryeong have been together for a long time, but even you guys have fights to the point where you might break up.” 

Chaewon found and lost her soulmate too soon when she deserves so much better. Chaewon with a smile so pretty, Yeji just wants to do whatever she can to protect it.

"It is. I’m actually scared shitless every time one of us brings up the possibility of splitting in our arguments.” Ryujin says, looking up and offering her a small grin. “But you know what I learned? Arguing is a part of the relationship. Can’t take it out.” 

Ryujin with a fuse shorter than a candlewick. Chaeryeong with honesty more incendiary than the average matchstick. Under high-pressure conditions, they light each other up like firecrackers. But Ryujin is right. Anger is a natural emotion, bottling it up like any other feeling isn’t a good thing. Plus, they’re teenagers, fumbling in the chaos of adolescence. It’s par for the course.

"I wish it were different too, that we don't have to break up and get back together over and over. But we're both still learning how to express ourselves in healthier ways.” Ryujin breathes deeply as she tucks the Vulpix under her chin, wrapping her arms around it tightly like she doesn’t want to let go. “I just don't think anyone else will let me be angry the way Chaeryeong does. You get me?"

Yeji doesn’t, at least not to the point of clarity where Ryujin is. But she’s heard her mother talk about the importance of finding safe spaces. Maybe that’s it. Being angry, although a negative emotion, requires a safe space to be let out too.

As if she can hear her thoughts, Ryujin looks at her knowingly. "I’m just saying, it's true that we fight a lot but most of our fighting is about us fighting to stay together. So, we fight but that doesn't mean we don't love each other."

A cold draft blows in. Chaewon is in her passenger seat, pouring her heart and soul out over melting mint choco ice cream. Hyeju had to let her go but it wasn’t because she didn’t love her. Rather, it was precisely because she did that it had to be done. Parting was neither of their faults and it’s a modern tragedy. Is there even a silver lining?

"The uncertainty is always going to be there, I think,” she says. “But you know what else will be? My stubbornness. I want us to work so badly, Yeddeong. I just want to be with Chaeryeong."

Ryujin once told her that love is pain. But the way she’s looking at Yeji now, even if the sentiment still stands true to some extent, it hardly seems to matter anymore. 

Yeji watches her pick up another toy. This time it's a Gengar plushie.

"It kinda looks like me, don't you think?” Ryujin shoves the plushie close to Yeji’s face, not waiting for an answer. “I'll get this for Chaeryeong so she has a carriable, huggable me!"

She looks over her shoulder as she skips toward the cashier. "Oh, by the way, I saw some Light Fury ones over there!"

"It's an old joke, give it up," Yeji says with a groan. The times Yuna had sent her photoshopped pictures of the cartoon character with her hair on it still haunt her.

"No, you give it up. The sooner you accept that it looks like you, the happier you will be! Actually, why don’t you get a Light Fury plushie for Chaewon? So she has a carriable, huggable y—"

Yeji catches up to Ryujin and slaps a hand over her mouth. That’s enough talking for now.

Mint green bow. Mauve fabric headband. Butterfly bejewelled pin.

Taking each one out of her jewellery box, Chaewon lays out her top 3 favourite hair accessories on the vanity, appraising them with a keen eye. 

She hears some conspicuous giggling behind her, which should concern her because Hyunjin might be up to no good again, probably getting chip crumbs all over her bedroom carpet or using one of her Kirby stuffies as a punching bag, but she couldn’t care less because her birthday is a day away. 

For once, it won’t be a highschool party with teens she barely knows crashing her place for dancing, party games, and underaged drinking. For once, she also cares about everyone who’s going to be there. Which is why she needs everything to be perfect on that day. That includes herself, from head to toe.

Yerim already helped her pick an outfit earlier. Yeojin made a good point suggesting she wear the Balenciaga sneakers she got a couple of weeks ago. So that leaves choosing what to wear on her hair. Unfortunately, with Yerim and Yeojin getting takeout for them, Hyunjin is the only one she can ask for advice.

Chaewon clears her throat but doesn't dare look behind her to face the girl.

"Which one should I wear on Saturday?"

Silence. And then the crinkling of the chips bag.

"Are you seriously asking me?" Hyunjin asks, incredulous.

Chaewon rolls her eyes. It's not like she has a choice. "Yes, there's only you and me here right now. Who else would I be talking to?"

Through the mirror on her vanity, she watches Hyunjin push herself off from where she had been lying on her stomach on the carpet. She dusts herself off and walks up to where Chaewon sits.

"We both know you're more likely to talk to yourself than ask me for help on any given day so this is interesting."

"Okay, fair." Chaewon says. "Now can you just give me your opinion before I regret asking?"

"First off, all of these ," She gestures to the accessories in front of Chaewon. "Look the same to me."

Chaewon gasps, because how on earth do they all look alike when they're all different, to begin with? The bow gives innocent high-teen vibes, the fabric headband-

"Second, I don't get why it matters. And third, I think you should wear your hair down for once, Chaewon."

Chaewon blinks as she processes the information.

"Of course, it matters!" She has spent the last hour and a half trying to decide on one for a very important reason. "I have to look pretty on my birthday."

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow at her. "You don't even put this much thought for practically anything   in the last two birthday bashes you had and those were proper parties." She pauses, giving her the side-eye now. "It's just gonna be us this time. Whom do you have to look pretty for?"

Chaewon feels her cheeks heating up, already knowing that Hyunjin's onto her. "Shut up."

"Hey, you asked for my opinion," Hyunjin says with a shrug.

"And it's useless," Chaewon says, throwing her hands up.

"I'm serious though. Wear your hair down for once." Hyunjin softens as she puts a hand on top of her head. "If Yeji likes you, she'll find you pretty no matter what."

"Who said anything about Yeji?" Chaewon screeches, dodging away from the other girl's touch.

Hyunjin simply points at the bejewelled butterfly pin.

"You wore that for the first time yesterday and Yeji said it was pretty." She says in a matter-of-fact tone. "I know because Yerim talked my ear off about it on our ride home."

Chaewon sees her life flash before her eyes. Has she been that obvious? As if to make it worse, Hyunjin laughs in her face.

"Dude, calm down. It's okay." She grins, wiggling her eyebrows at her, not at all reassuring. "I think she might like you, too."

Despite the fluttering in her stomach, Chaewon rolls her eyes hard. And who could blame her? She's been harbouring this admiration, this crush, for Yeji for sometime now. At this point, the mention of Yeji possibly liking her back sounds extremely appealing, though one she's still afraid to entertain. Even if there is a part of her that wishes what Hyunjin says is true, it's just not.

"You're wrong. She doesn't." Chaewon says, picking up the butterfly pin and holding it delicately in her palm. "She likes this girl named Choi Jisu."

Yeji, for the amazing person she is and all her kindness, deserves to be happy with the girl she likes. Chaewon already knows she'd do anything in her power to help her should Yeji ask. At least one of them should get a happy ending.

But Hyunjin, whether it has anything to do with Yerim's agenda or not, doesn't waver as she tilts her head to the side. "Does she?"

Before she could respond, her bedroom door flies open and Yeojin and Yerim march in with their take-out. Hyunjin's feet move on instinct to be by her girlfriend's side (and, well, to get to the food too). But she stops and turns to Chaewon once more.

"It's just been nice seeing you smile again, you know? We just want you to be happy, Chaewon. Even if you can get so stuck up sometimes." Hyunjin flashes her a goofy grin as she gasps in offence. "Remember what I said! Wear your hair down."

Unfortunately, Hyunjin runs away before Chaewon could hit her.