Chapter Text
It was time again. The inevitable… shopping trip of doom (version 10… maybe 12?).
Delayed by 30 minutes since no-one could find May (I wonder why?).
Myself, Skye and Simmons were standing in the garage, by a jeep. May and Coulson are talking to one side, I’m just glad Clint taught me to read lips
Coulson: Just go, it’ll be fun.
May: For you, when you hear about it later, sure.
Coulson: Think of it as bonding time for the bus ladies and Y/N. You just need to relax, you were always her favourite, before… you transferred
May: Fine. But don’t blame me when Skye and Y/N start a prank war or something.
Ooooh, a prank war! Hadn’t thought of that. It’ll have to wait until post-fitzsimmons-get-together though.
Coulson walked back into the base, and may got into the driver’s seat of the jeep
“I call shotgun!” I yelled, and Skye groaned. I jumped into the passenger side, the others got into the back and off we went.
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We arrived at the mall, and I jumped out of the jeep. I was about to make a run for the toy shops (to look at the Lego, duh), when someone grabbed my shirt. “Wait.” May said, holding me in place until Skye and Simmons were ready.
Then, she took my hand as we walked over to the first shop. “Woah, hey!” I tried pulling my hand away, but she. Wouldn’t. Let. Go. “Come on! Let go of me!”
“Nope” She said, “You run off like a little kid, you’re supervised like a little kid” Damn her. But I stayed silent as we browsed, picking up a few things on our way around, until May picked up her phone.
I looked around, making sure there were people nearby, other than the girls of course. Then, I peered over her shoulder and loudly said “Mom, why is dad saying he’s going to breed you. What does that mean?”
I kid you not, heads turned, and Skye looked constipated from trying not to laugh. Simmons just stood there, mortified that she even knew me. May sighed, rolled her eyes and put the phone away “I’ll tell you when you’re older, honey pie” Oooh, a nickname. Not the worst she could do, not at all. I take that as a challenge.
But then, Skye- having regained control of her diaphragm- butted in “Wow, getting busy later, Mel, you go girl” And that was how I died.
Not really. Instead, we quickly finished up in that shop, and were practically dragged outside by May.
“Quit it, or else.” And on we went. I planned on ignoring the threat. I mean, what was she gonna do?
Shop after shop, many embarrassing scenarios- my favorites being:
“Mommy, is this for when you and dad wrestle in your bed?” (In a sports equipment store)
“Mel, do you know what stores sell the nice lingerie? Oh, who am I kidding, of course you know, just show me” (Walking between stores)
“Mom, are Aunty Skye and Aunty Jemma staying in your room tonight with you and daddy? Like those ladies from last week?” (In another clothes store)
And... “Melinda, could you point me in the direction of where you and Phillip get your... special toys, if you would” "Yay, Mommy, are we going to the toy store? Can I get legos?" Started by, you’ll never guess, Jemma! That’s right! Me and Skye have successfully corrupted Jemma –British Middle Name- Simmons!
It was shortly after that remark that we were dragged back to the jeep, me and Skye by our ears.
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"My ear is still throbbing" I complained as we got back to base "Same here"
"Well, you should've thought about that before being so immature." Stupid May, always so stupidly calm.
"Hey, how was the shop-" "Never again" May shoved the bags into Coulson's arms, as she walked away.
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#SHIELD GANG :)
Hacker Gal: Just thought that everyone wanted to see this:
x5 videos
Kickass Youngster: Omfg you got them! Well done!
British Sass: That's hilarious
Badass Blondie: You even corrupted Jemma!
Hacker Gal: We did! It was so funny! Go us! Worth the ear pain
Kickass Youngster: Yeah! Well, maybe? My ear still hurts
Hacker Gal: Same tbh
Biochem: I deny responsibility. They're bad influence, it's all on them.
Mr Gadgets: Well done you three
Engineering: Lmao
Mc Donalds: No comment
Badass Shortie: Hope you two are looking forward to training for the next month. It now starts at 4:30am
Also whoever picked my nickname on this chat is joining at 4:15
Kickass Youngster: Oh come on! You already punished my earlobe!
Hacker Gal: Yeah May, give us a break
Also, the nickname was L/N
Kickass Youngster: Snitches end up in ditches Skye, you traitor.
Boss-is-the-dad: 😂😂😂😂
No wonder she was annoyed, that's hilarious!!
Badass Shortie: Coulson, you need to brush up on hand to hand.
Gym, 0430 hours tomorrow
Boss-is-the-dad: Um- but-
Okay. Yes May. I'll be there.