Chapter Text
As quickly as it started, the end came. Wasn’t that always the case? Lingering touches, she wasn’t quite sure but for a moment she swore the taller grabbed onto her fingers- just a split second. Then, the illusion was broken and their world that transcended time and memories dissolved and they were back in the present. Hardly a gift. Skirting to the room once the milling of the crowd was in full swing, Ulla pushed open the door and held it open for her. It shut behind them, a hall lined with doors, each labeled with a name.
“Right, shouldn't be too-” Just as Donella spoke, a man exited one of the rooms and stared at them.
“Did you know this area is for presenters only?” He asked in a rather snide voice and looked them up and down, “I don’t remember seeing you two at the meetings.” Before she had a chance to open her mouth and fumble, Ulla stepped forwards and made a little ‘hmph’ noise.
“Well, you must remember my face at least,” She removed her mask, her lips grinning a bit at the horror on his face, “I see you do. So you’d understand why I was much too busy to attend that meeting, correct?” He nodded, stammered a bit, before darting past them and back to the party.
The two breathed a collective sigh of relief, Ulla pausing to shove her mask into her dress pocket because of course she sewed one in. The other removed hers as well and tucked it away before walking up and nudging her shoulder. Her touch lingered ever so slightly, please linger- we had so little time together. “That was quick thinking. You were always good at that.”
A smile, her freckles shifted when she did so, “Thanks. Now, which room’s Andrew’s?”
~~
A grunt that caught her attention from down the hall, Donella waved her over to the last door in the corridor. She put a hand on the handle, it didn’t move with an annoying thud noise that seemed to taunt her. “Locked,” The taller muttered before patting her hair, carefully removing an extra bobby pin she tucked in there and crouching down. Without speaking, Ulla took watch as she worked.
Click, her lips pulled into a sly smile, and she pushed the door open. Standing, she put the pin away and pushed open the door. Inside, sitting on a wooden table, was a large tarp clearly covering a mess of items. They stepped inside, doing a once over of the room before Ulla found herself standing with one hand placed on the cloth. Her fingers itched to pull it-
“Well if you wanted an individual demonstration, you could’ve just asked,” The two jumped nearly out of their skin as the door closed suddenly. Spinning around- there he was and instinctively Donella put an arm to her side. At the same time Ulla rushed forwards, as in, she tried to rush forwards but was stopped by her fr- partner.
“Where’s my son!” The shorter snapped, to which the man barely reacted and simply shrugged.
“Relax, they’re fine. I see you’re as… brazen as ever,” He mused and walked towards the two, Donella forced her to move away and maintain the distance between them.
“Answer the question,” She piped up and noticed the amusement in his brown eyes.
“Always so to the point, no wonder you couldn’t find a husband,” She had to pinch her partner to tell her to hold her tongue, even after all this time it was so easy to know what Ulla was going to do. “But if you must, the boys are at my lab- with the other rats.”
“What did you do to them?!” Donella snapped, a curt and short sound. Her hand balled into a fist and her eye even twitched a bit.
“Christ what do you take me for? They’re fine- just a tad… locked up but that never hurt anybody,” He gestured to the table and with a flourish removed the tarp to reveal a helmet like contraption that covered the eyes. On the back there was a vial connected to some coiling, inside a bit of liquid. “Now, care for a little pre-show? I could use the practice.”
A yes and no spoken in unison, Ulla looked up at her with an innocent and wide expression despite her glare, “What- I’m curious-” She piped up in this manner almost impossible to be annoyed at.
Donella just sighed and crossed her arms, turning back to Andrew who turned his back on them for a brief moment before spinning back around on his heel.
He pointed at the back at the vial, “Screwed into place, a metal coil sits inside and heats up the liquid. The gas is funneled into the helmet which keeps it contained.”
“You made a dumber looking more obvious vape. Good for you,” The taller deadpanned and started to head for the door before Andrew’s voice stopped her, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you- if you want your boys back.”
Ulla stepped towards him, fists already up- but he held out a remote from his pocket that instantly made her pause despite not knowing what it was for. Hey- you don’t mess with the unknown in this case, Don taught her that. He straightened, “Now, after that lesson on basic manners, where was I? Oh yes,” Setting the device down, he checked his fingernails while he spoke. “This is where I have you two to thank I suppose. When inhaled the gas does a wonderful job at erasing memories, the more taken in the more is erased.”
A little poof noise as he took out his phone and slid it across the table to where Ulla was standing. Donella heard her gasp and she knew, running over to see a video of the boys with their hands tied behind their back in some basement. “What’s in there should only be enough to wipe the last decade or so, but one click from this remote and that room will fill up with so much they’ll forget how to breathe. Incredible, isn’t it?”
“More like completely unethical!” She gritted her teeth after snapping and felt her scars tug, “No board would ever approve of something like this- you’ll never get anywhere with it.”
“Who said anything about the board?!” He snapped back and watched as the two flinched when he waved the hand holding the remote, glancing over, he rolled his eyes. “Mothers- don’t worry I have no interest in hurting children unless you two get in my way and force my hand.”
“We won’t have to. You have no presentation- it’s- you really are fucking stupid,” The shorter was expecting Donella to kick her or something but the woman just simply nodded in agreement. That lit a fire in the man’s eyes- this anger that could only be born from inferiority.
“I should have known you two- so much like the others,” He growled and the man’s eyes glazed over, visions of something floating behind his gaze, “Stuck in your own ways, elitist- you of all people should see the corruption under your noses- there’s no way to escape it! So I’ve made one.”
“I don’t get it-” Ulla muttered and linked her two pointer fingers together, instinctively looking up at Donella who had squinted her green eyes in concentration.
“You want to…” Her tone was hesitant, “Wipe everyone’s memory and destroy the foundation of the scientific community?” A little nose wrinkle like she couldn’t believe she said something so- insane.
“Ding ding ding!” He laughed and glanced back at the remote, there were two buttons. “Sometimes you have to destroy something before rebuilding.”
“You sound like a fortune cookie,” Donella quipped back and found herself just a tiny bit amused at the sound of Ulla’s snort beside her.
“Oh you laugh now,” He growled and set the remote on the table, “But in a few hours when everything’s in place and I press this button- well you have a choice to make. Which side of history would you like to be on?” After all, that’s all history was anyways. What was remembered.
“Where do you plan on going after that, Andrew!” The taller stepped forwards, almost instinctively putting Ulla behind her in a protective manner, “Who’s going to want your stupid motorcycle helmet?”
But even before the words left her lips, she could sense a bit of doubt slip into them that the man so eagerly picked up on. “Oh, I can name at least two right in this room. Go ahead, tell me how it’s unethical- but I guarantee you that if given the option most people would choose to forget something.”
“You’re wrong!” Ulla piped up and stood on her toes to look over Donella’s shoulder. He was wrong- he was- he was wrong!
“But am I?” Side stepping, he stared right into her blue eyes, “You of all people should understand. “Wouldn’t it be so much easier?”
All of a sudden her face felt like it was burning, and Donella subconsciously reached up and touched the twisted and raised skin on her cheek. He was staring right at them- not at her- at them. People always did that, it was like she wasn’t even a person. She didn’t feel like one at least. He spoke, almost holding out a hand for them. “To forget?”
She blinked, her eyes were heating up now and she wasn’t sure what he meant. Would it be easier to forget what happened to them? The very thing that broke them beyond repair? Would it be easier to forget the fighting and the anger and the pain? Or did he mean it in the sense that- it would be easier to forget each other entirely? Everything they had, all the laughter and joy and warmth that was now gone? It was easier to feel hollow when being hollow was all you’ve ever known, rather than an aftermath. Would it be easier to forget? Yes. Did she want to?
“Yes,” Ulla breathed out as if she didn’t even realize what she was saying, and took a step forwards. The taller glanced down in betrayal as she saw her partner- former partner- advancing. And without thinking she reached out and grabbed her hand. Their fingers locked, her eyes practically begged her to stay.
“What are you saying?”
“He’s right, Donnie!” And it surprised both of them, how much pain there was in her words- the way they both recoiled at the nickname. “I-” A choked out sob, “I miss what we had. I miss us- I miss you.” She squeezed her fingers, sniffed, and scrunched her face to hopefully cool the heat down, “And I know it’s too late to say things like that but with this- with him it’s not too late!”
She hit water so to speak, the surface tension smacking her right in the face. Opening her mouth, nothing came out- just those blue eyes she always found herself drowning in. “Ulla you know this is not the answer- I- I’m sorry for what I did to you but you don’t have to-”
“It's not what you did to me! It's what I did to you. And there- there is no way that you will ever forgive me!” A break, almost a stutter as she dropped their hands and turned to face her, holding her hands to her chest, “After everything? You think you would have given me a second chance?” She turned, now with her back towards Donella, and continued towards the other side. “But if you forgot- maybe we can be us again. Learn to- to trust again. It’s the only way to fix what I’ve done.”
“Ulla!” She called out again but knew it was futile as the shorter walked over to the man who stood there with a rather smug grin. But he paused for a moment and took a small step away from her, taking his remote too.
“How do I know this isn’t some trick?” Pausing as he thought, he gestured over to the helmet, “If you’re so hellbent on having her forget- do it. And be warned, if you try anything at all- it’ll be at the expense of your sons.”
Donella felt her heart drop to her heels, frozen in place- it was like all the fight drained out of her. The weight of wasted time pulling at her bones and bolting her to the floor. “Ulla- you don’t have to do this. I-” But the word wouldn't come, even now they stayed stuck in her throat- stopped by memories.
Taking the structure, she let her hand gently cup the back and hold it close to her body. Excellent craftsmanship, he takes after his mother assuming Hugo did this since it definitely wasn’t Varian. But she did recognize her son’s chemical prowess. Turning back, she started to walk, even as Donella pressed herself against the wall- her green eyes begging. “A long time ago you asked me if I could still look at you, and not remember everything that went wrong. And I couldn’t- that’s been the biggest regret of my life.”
“Please-” Her voice was faint, almost a whimper as she replayed moments in her mind. Hugo and her playing in the snow, his first science fair win, the way Ulla so gently tended to her wounds and stood by her side during it all- it was painful but she didn’t want to forget, she wanted to cling to those moments. “We can rebuild- we can- I’ve missed you too! Every day- we can choose to grow past it. We can choose.”
Her blue eyes stared at the surface, cold to the touch, and shook her head. “I’m afraid not. Goodbye, Donella- or maybe this is hello again.” When she looked back up tears glistened along her waterline, “Just trust me.”
It was a fluid motion, cramming the helmet on over the eyes and flicking the switch. The sound of buzzing as it locked on, her hands tried to pry it off but the force was too much. Hissing as gas moved. Screams.
Ulla took a step back as Donella fell to one knee, her blood-curdling shouts quieting now. Her body shook, she was trembling down to her fingers. A hand on her shoulder, she jumped away and back as Andrew stepped forwards and tossed the remote aside. “Wow-” The man replied with a little chuckle and stopped right in front of the crouched woman who was being incredibly still, “I didn’t think you had it in you.” He knelt down, reaching out for the helmet that turned itself off.
The shorter swiped the remote off the table, “Got it!” Quickly, Donella grabbed the helmet from her head and moved her hands upwards, slamming the hard surface into Andrew’s face. There was a crack, most likely his nose, as the man sprawled backwards- unconscious on the floor. A slowly growing trail of blood flowed from his left nostril. She straightened, punching her own chest and coughing heavily.
“Christ, what did you switch it out for?!” She asked as Ulla so cheekily held up the previously hidden vial in her palm and tossed it in the air, catching quickly. When they were in school she learned sleight of hand magic for no other reason than to try it, and it was surprisingly useful.
“I carry a mini bottle of perfume with me, and it was the perfect size!” Her cheeks stretched to accommodate her smile that brightened the darkest of rooms. Donella crossed her arms with a nod, impressed as she stepped over the man’s body and walked over to her.
“Great, now that’s the only thing I’ll be smelling for the next week. And you didn't have to slam it on so hard!” She rubbed at the back of her head in mock annoyance and glanced away when her partner wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer at the side, using her hand to gently pet where she had indicated pain.
“Sorry!” Ulla replied before realizing what she had done and pulling away, clasping her hands behind her back. “So uh- what do we do with him?” She gestured with her head over to the man on the floor.
With a mischievous grin, Donella started walking over to the door after swiping a set of keys thrown on the table. “Well, being locked up never hurt anybody,” She quoted as the other eagerly walked past her into the hall and stood by while she locked the door.
“But I think that hit did, good shot by the way.”
“Thanks,” She straightened and started to head for the exit, ready to drive off and find her boys. She had a sneaking suspicion she knew exactly where they were. “Let’s go finish what we started.”
But Ulla ran up and hurried in front of her, everything rushing back- and maybe it was her adrenaline pumping or the fact that they just worked together perfectly or just the thrill of non-verbal communication as a whole but she just felt like she’d never get another chance like this to ask. So she had to take it.
“What you said! I- was that just for the trick?” When she asked, the girl wrung her hands together which was something she almost never did. She never got nervous. But watching as those green eyes narrowed in thought and lips pulled together, she thought she was going to pass out.
“I don’t think I have the ability to make that sort of thing up.” Donella replied simply and started to walk away, glancing over her shoulder at Ulla who was- staring at her in this manner that she once thought only existed in her memory now. “Do you have it?”
Almost breathlessly, almost faint, she spoke. “No I- I don’t.” Standing next to her in silence, she glanced to the side and hesitantly let the backs of their knuckles brush. There was a moment of hesitation before those cold fingers grabbed onto her own fiercely as if they were apologizing for ever letting go. It was a silent message, promise even- that they could take the broken shards, having been cut on sharp edges in the past. It was a vow that they would be safe to feel pain, and reassurance that it would heal.
~~
They arrived at the lab after a few haphazard turns in the car and Donella telling her to slow down. Parking at the side of the road, She hurried out and paused on the sidewalk, nearly tripping over her dress. “Next time I’m driving!” She replied and rested one hand against the street lamp. On the carseat in the back was the remote Ulla had swiped, which she had carefully taken apart so there was no chance of it accidentally setting off.
“Yeesh, Don-” The shorter replied as she got out of the car, lightly bumping her friend with her hip, “When did you become a grandma?” It was easier to joke with her now, for some reason even though they didn’t talk about it- it was like this weight was lifted from her shoulders.
“You did not just say that to me-” The mock outrage in her voice as she ran after her, both stopping at the door. Donella reached for her bobby pins before Ulla gently nudged her back. “When’d you learn to pick locks?”
No response as her partner stepped back a smidge, hoisted up the skirt of her dress, and kicked with all her body weight. The door flew open and slammed into the side wall. She turned over her shoulder and beamed this glowy smile, “I didn’t.”
The two rushed inside, glancing around before Ulla waved her over to the other door and pushed it open. Inside were the two boys, tied to chairs sitting back to back. Varian faced the entrance, his blue eyes widening when he saw the woman. “Mom!” He cried out with this relief she hadn’t heard from him since he was young.
At that word, she rushed forwards and threw herself at the child- her child. She squeezed him tightly and ran her fingers through his hair, if Hugo hadn’t been sitting behind him they would have both toppled to the ground. Ulla cupped his face in her hands, staring at him before peppering him with kisses despite his protests that really weren’t. By the time she was done, lipstick markings dotted his freckles.
Hugo glanced down at his hands as Donella walked over, taking a blade from where it sat on the tool shelf and carefully cutting his restraints. He tried not to hear the way Varian’s mother doted on him, tried not to long for that as if what he had wasn't good because it was. It was more than enough and selfish to want more. His hands were freed, he stood and was just starting to rub his wrists before there was a clattering as his mentor tossed the blade back on the table and hurried over. Her arms were strong, they embraced him and squeezed tightly. The tip of her nose pushed into his temple, he felt how her shoulders sighed with relief. And a choked sob escaped him as he sunk into her arms, clutching onto the back of her dress and burying his face into her.
“I’m so glad you’re alright,” She whispered after a long moment of silence. He felt the way her heart was racing in her chest. Hugo didn’t even realize he had been crying until he lifted his face and felt cold tear tracks on his face. Looking up, he watched her eyes widen slightly with concern.
“I told myself if I got out of this alive I’d ask- I have- I have something to ask you.” Straightening, Hugo dropped his hands to his side before fidgeting with them. Donella nodded as if giving him the go ahead, “I was- can I- Can I call you mom?” His voice lost its volume towards the end, barely a sound. His stomach churned, it was like all the air left his lungs, vision darkened a bit. Oh no- Oh no- Oh n-
Her cold fingers cupped his face, gently lifting his eyes to look at her. And he saw this flicker in her gaze, this softening that was so rare and made him feel so warm inside. “I’d like that.”
~~
The boys had been put to bed, both in Hugo’s room since they refused to be apart after that ordeal and neither mother had the heart to force them. Sitting in her kitchen, this foreign place where she never felt like she was sitting or being quite right, Ulla played with the strings of Donella’s sweatpants. The legs were too long, they bunched up around her ankles as she stared across the table at her. “I’m glad they’re okay.”
A quiet grunt in agreement, she focused on the wood grain with immense concentration- their night playing in her head. Shy touches, desperate stares, her throat tightened with a buildup of words from over the years. Opening her mouth, it ran dry and she closed it again.
“It’s alright, Don. Really,” She started with a shrug, “You don’t have to say anything. I can- I can leave too, if you’d like. Send someone in the morning to get V. I trust you with him.” It hurt to say, burning at her face and eyes. And suddenly she was standing in that same kitchen all those years ago, begging the same girl to love her. Or really- to not love her. She didn’t know anymore.
“Back there. You said trust me.” Donella started, brushing over the raised scarring on her cheek with her hands, “And I did. Instantly.” She muttered as if shocked about it herself.
“Well I didn’t really give you much of a choice. I mean-”
“Ulla,” She reached across the table, taking the shorter’s hands on her own. “When that happened, I was so terrified of losing all my memories with you. The idea of- of loving you was so scary to me when we were young, but only because I didn’t know what the possibility of losing you felt like.”
“What are you saying?” Now she didn’t know why, but her face started to heat up and her nose was all sniffly- and a fat teardrop landed on the table and distorted the woodgrain in front of her. Donella’s hands left hers, for a moment leaving her feeling so alone- so small. But Ulla looked up to find her resting on one knee beside her, silently asking for eye contact.
“I’m saying- or I guess I’m asking you what you see when you look at me now.”
And she stared at her, hard. Directly at her as if burning in her gaze was everything she’d ever be and everything she ever was. Glancing at the two scars on her cheek, aged and worn from the years as they were, she reached out and carefully cupped her face. Her touch was light, hesitant until Donella leaned into her fingers and half-fluttered her eyes shut.
“I see my biggest rival, my oldest and most loyal study buddy, the only student who could keep up with me, the random person who graciously gave me the notes from last class,” She scoffed and almost whimpered as the other’s hand reached up and wiped at the tears that fell down her cheek. If her vision wasn’t so blurred she would have seen them in Donella’s eyes as well.
“And I see the girl I loved. The girl I still love even though I know we’ve spent more time at each other’s throats than together. You’re-” She sniffed and clung onto her fingers, “You’re the girl I love, Donnie. I’m sorry.”
“Please, don’t be.” She started, scooting a bit closer and leaning in, “Please, don’t be sorry. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry I- I’m sorry for all the time we’ve wasted. And,” Her voice broke, she held Ulla’s face with her hands, “I’m sorry for not telling you I still love you, for wasting so much time.”
Holding onto Donella’s wrists, she dropped out of the chair and in one motion pressed her forehead to hers. And it felt like taking off her heels at the end of a long day or getting out of a tiring meeting that dragged and dragged. It felt like coming home.
Automatically, as if it were second nature, she rested her hands on Ulla’s hips and pulled her closer into her lap. Her breath shuddered as she felt the heat of her cheeks and the soft dampness of her face. “I miss you.
“I don’t want to miss you anymore,” She replied, her palms caressing the curve of her neck while her thumbs traced her jawline, over the raised skin of her face with the gentlest of concentration. It was soft and it was slow, something they both desperately needed- to be cared for. Feeling the way the taller nodded, she returned the motion. A silent agreement between the two, understanding and trust and forgiveness and rebirth.
“Me neither,” With that, Donella lifted her head and pressed her lips against hers. And it was so familiar, down to the dip of her face and the warmth as Ulla sighed with content, how her hands held her sweetly and their weight as they pressed into one.
It was as if she were made to love her.