Chapter Text
Kallus sat in the back of his Uber, brushing his mutton chops down with the mini comb that he shoplifted from WalMart the week prior. He always brushed his mutton chops when he was nervous. In Middle School, Kallus was bullied relentlessly for his mutton chops. Kids would tug at his face, pulling the ginger (he was NOT a blonde) hair, or shove his face into the toilet. “That’s where your chops belong,” they’d say, shoving his head further down into the bowl. No one ever flushed, so pee would fill his mouth quickly, leaving a rotten taste in his mouth for the rest of the day.
Brushing down his mutton chops was like overcoming the abuse to Kallus. Mutton Chop Lives DO matter, he told himself as he brushed. Bullies tried to ruin his confidence, but they failed.
When the Uber arrived at the destination, the driver turned around in his seat. “This a good place to stop?” He was pale, paler than toilet water, and wore thick black sunglasses. His hair was red, redder than Kallus’s, and his skin seemed to… to glow. But no, that had to be a trick of the light.
“Yeah,” Kallus said. “Thanks.”
“Sure.” The driver grinned, and Kallus swore that he caught a glimpse of fangs. He suddenly wanted more than anything to leave this Volvo. “You gonna tip me?”
Well, what was Kallus supposed to say when put on the spot like that? “Of course.”
The driver nodded. “Good. Now scatter, I’m getting hungry.” Kallus’s terror must have been obvious, because the driver took one look at him and laughed. “You think I’m scary, kid? You should meet my brother. He’s a confederate.”
“I hate Republicans,” Kallus muttered, thinking of the purple man he was about to meet with.
“I vote blue,” the driver said, seeming to agree with Kallus’s statement. “Now get out of here. I’ve got windows to climb through.”
Kallus exited the Uber like a bat out of hell.
-
When he entered the cafe, Kallus spotted Zeb immediately. His purple fur stood out against the sleek white walls, creating a contrast that Kallus wanted to describe as effervescent. He shook his head, dispelling the thought. Maul’s stupid poetry books must be getting to him.
“You,” Zeb growled as Kallus sat down across from him. He squeezed his paw, forming it into a fist.
“Hello, lasat.”
Zeb’s growling grew louder. “Don’t be fucking rude. You’re the one who wanted to meet.”
Kallus nodded. “Yes. I wanted to talk.”
“So talk.”
Right, then. Kallus cleared his throat. Phlegm came up, and before Kallus knew it, he was spitting all over the table. He was about to clean it up, but then realized that his spitting may be a sign of dominance to the lasat, and decided to leave his bodily fluids where they were. “I wanted to discuss this little lawsuit of yours,” Kallus said.
Zeb didn’t tear his eyes from the spit as he answered. “Of course you do.”
“Yes.” Kallus cleared his throat again, but luckily no spit exited his mouth this time. “I am asking you to settle.”
Zeb laughed. “No.”
Kallus sighed. Well, he tried. He’d have to go back to Flore and ask for further advice, even though Flore seemed more interested in ogling his ass than helping him legally. “Okay.”
He stood up, causing Zeb to stand up as well. The two eyed each other, human to lasat. Zeb extended his paw.
“A handshake,” he said. “To signify the start of this legal war.”
Kallus gulped. He grabbed onto Zeb’s paw with his hand. Immediately, he felt sparks. He was reminded of the time he and Gabby tricked Britt into putting a fork in an electric socket. Kallus reckoned that this was how Britt felt when she was electrocuted. Only this time, he wasn’t laughing.
Kallus quickly yanked his hand away, causing the electrocution to cease.
Zeb sneered. “You dropped my kriffing paw!”
Kallus turned and left, not bothering to explain. How could he?
-
At practice the next day, Kallus’s foul mood was palpable. His team was getting kind of concerned.
Gemma skated over to him during shooting drills. “Cheer up, cap. Your bad mood is sort of ruining the vibe for all of us.”
Kallus sneered. “I don’t care. Go vent on your Tumblr blog about it if you’re so upset.”
Gemma skated away, crying so hard that she could barely see. Because of her obscured vision, she unknowingly skated right into Sheila, who was sent flying into the boards.
“Gaaahh!” Sheila screamed. “My twoth!” Laying on the ice in front of Sheila was her front tooth.
“Oh god.” Gemma sobbed. “This is going on the vent post.”
She skated away, still crying, as Sheila mourned her tooth.
“Hwow am I going two sedwuce hwer nwow?”
“Seduce who?” Gabby asked, offering Sheila a hand.
Sheila went bright red. “Nwo one,” she said hurriedly, and Gabby’s face fell. She dropped Sheila’s hand, causing the toothless wonder to fall back onto the ice butt-first. “Ow!”
Gabby climbed over the boards to grab her iPhone. She pressed a few buttons, and suddenly Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo started blaring through the speakers.
“Good song choice,” Britt said. She was crying too, but god only knew why. That girl just always seemed to be crying over something or other.
In the background of it all, Levy picked up Sheila’s stray tooth. “You can put it on a necklace,” she told her friend, which seemed to make Sheila feel a bit better.
The sobs of Gemma, Gabby, and Britt crescendoed as the chorus of the song began. Kallus watched this shitshow from behind the net and sighed. Forget the legal trouble; if these losers were what made up his team, how on lothal were they going to win any games, much less the championships?
Kallus felt his phone vibrate from inside of his jock shorts. He reached in to grab the phone and read the message.
flore (lawyer): bonjour. how was the meeting with the lasat?
kallus: Not good. The creature will not settle.
flore (lawyer): mon dieu! i cannot work today, as it is my day of birth. let’s meet again later this week.
Kallus frowned, staring at his phone. His own lawyer couldn’t even help him right now.
Mon dieu, indeed.