Chapter Text
are we nearly there yet
queen quinn
> santana
> santana
> how long are you going to ignore me
gay and illegal
> she says ‘until you invent a time machine or take your shirt off’
mrs jones
> santana are you using your anger to hit on people lmao
gay and not okay
> always, bitch
t-t-tina
> fucking twelfth
> we came TWELFTH
> that’s not even top TEN that fucking sucks
wheelz
> personally i blame faberry
warbler
> we all blame faberry
barbra berry
> You spent the past two years rooting for us to get together, and now we have! Surely you’re happy?
tana’s wife
> yeah but you messed up our chances of winning so
> even lord tubbington’s pissed
bieberboy changed the chat name to #FaberryIsCancelled
hudson05
> bitch you just think how shit it is for me
> how would you feel if the first two girls you loved fucking kissed and in the process completely destroyed one of the few things you care about
> this is bullshit i swear
fuckerman
> been there done both of them
> i have such crappy luck tbh
> not me fucking santana, quinn and their pet bisexuals without realising that they were all dating each other
hudson05
> this is probably why we’re friends puck
> your problems are my problems etc
fuckerman
> i mean
> yes
> but also burt, kurt and carole
gay and illegal
> do you ever plan to stop hitting on me
fuckerman
> should i
gay and illegal
> no
warbler
> seriously you guys should just date already
fuckerman
> i could say the same about you and sam
bieberboy
> yas
> date me blaine
warbler
> tempted to say yes just to prove puckerman wrong
fuckerman
> yeah i’m down to be proved wrong say YES
michael
> hey guys my breakdown’s over!
mrs jones
> were you having a breakdown during nationals lmao
michael
> you may laugh
> but my hips don’t lie performance was VERY emotional
t-t-tina
> proud to be doing our bit for shakira
hudson05
> the first rule of glee club is to always defend our favourite artists against any immoral things they’ve done
fuckerman
> why
> why is the coach ride the SAME FUCKING LENGTH
> i thought it would be shorter this time around
gay and illegal
> how the hell did you figure that
fuckerman
> idk but the last time i decided we were locked in a time warp
> i thought it might have disappeared by now
bieberboy
> faberry is making out
warbler
> oh
> jeez
fuckerman
> how did she
bieberboy
> oh, that’s how
mrs jones
> concerned for the welfare of that coach seat
fuckerman
> damn they’re really going for it
> rachel’s just as bossy in bed as she is the choir room lmfao
hudson05
> fucking hell quinn’s tongue is long
> is she a snake or something
gay and not okay
> look AWAY
> do not show your interest
> interest is weakness and we are angry remember
gay and illegal
> why are even rachel’s moans a fucking high g
> bitch down an octave, down a decibel and stop having sex for the love of god
queen quinn
> okay
> stop looking?
barbra berry
> Why are you watching us?
bieberboy
> kinda hard to miss you fucking in the middle of the floor
wheelz
> you guys kind of confuse me
> like you’ve spent TWO years trying to make this happen
> and now you’re weirded out?
gay and not okay
> be careful what you wish for abrams
tana’s wife
> why do both the asians here have the surname chang
> is that satire racism or coincidence
michael
> i
> why are you making me question my existence i’ve already had a breakdown okay
t-t-tina
> it’s almost like chang is the only asian surname most people seem to know about
gay and illegal
> well apparently im german so
gay and not okay
> i am actually south american
warbler
> from where though
gay and not okay
> nobody seems to know why does nobody know
> bitch im puerto rican
bieberboy
> heard someone describe rachel’s personality as ‘wafer thin’ but personally i think that’s an insult to wafers
warbler
> huh
fuckerman
> if rachel was a biscuit she would be a pink wafer
> the flimsy cardboard flavour disguised by a pink attempt to cast the whole thing in a positive light
gay and not okay
> britt would be a shortbread finger ;)
queen quinn
> why do you people even initiate these conversations
> firstly they’re stupid and secondly we all know sam or tana are going to make it a sex joke
mrs jones
> currently you and rachel are the sex joke so don’t give me that crap
queen quinn
> bitch at least she isn’t singing
t-t-tina
> pretty sure she’s moaning defying gravity
queen quinn
> tina wtf
t-t-tina
> yes
queen quinn
> thanks that clarifies nothing
bieberboy
> guys
> what are our opinions on the cheesy wotsit
t-t-tina
> wow
> you must pull so many people with that pick up line
bieberboy
> actually you’d be surprised
t-t-tina
> well if the answer is anything above ‘1 with a cheese kink’ then yes
michael
> who wants to hear a mercedes jones conspiracy theory
fuckerman
> is mercedes the one with the cheese kink
mrs jones
> what
> the
> fuck
fuckerman
> he said conspiracy theory okay
> stop judging me i can feel you judging me
gay and not okay
> that’s not possible
> i personally am always judging you
hudson05
> i’m usually judging someone
> but it varies
warbler
> so we’re al judgemental bitches good to know
queen quinn
> wtf is a cheese kink anyway
bieberboy
> do you really want that explained
queen quinn
> now you mention it, no
gay and illegal
> santana can you make the coach go faster
gay and not okay
> not legally
gay and illegal
> oh
> do it anyway
t-t-tina
> nobody break the law please
bieberboy
> and what do you have against crimes
t-t-tina
> im sorry but kurt would not last a day in prison
gay and illegal
> oh i would be the fucking KING of prison
> because i learnt how to do haircuts and these things are in high demand you know
hudson05
> how do you know that kurt hummel.
gay and illegal
> no comment
warbler
> feel like kurt and artie would kick ass in prison though
wheelz
> why me
warbler
> because you’re a surprisingly adept smuggler
wheelz
> i mean
> true
queen quinn
> i apologise for NOTHING
gay and not okay
> the sex was that good huh
> what happened to being a virgin rachel
barbra berry
> Quinn happened.
gay and illegal
> gross
> some of us are eating
barbra berry
> Santana asked!
gay and illegal
> santana is also disgusting
> did you not get that by now
gay and not okay
> i’m fabulous
gay and illegal
> you’re a nutcase
gay and not okay
> yes but are you disputing my fabulousness
gay and illegal
> yes
gay and not okay
> how dare you
> that’s
> wait no i can’t use homophobia because you’re gay
> or sexism because you’re an honorary girl
> BITCH THIS IS RACISM
gay and illegal
> not how it works
gay and not okay
> shut up white boy
mrs jones
> you have to love how santana is a minority in literally every way
> latina? yes
> lady? always
> lesbian? SAY NO MORE
bieberboy
> the L club
warbler
> isn’t that a show
tana’s wife
> no that’s the L-word
> damn blaine you're a terrible lesbian
warbler
> im not a lesbian
bieberboy
> idk you and kurt kind of give off lesbian couple vibes
gay and illegal
> we do to be fair
wheelz
> im going to sleep now btw
gay and not okay
> it’s cool no one will miss you
wheelz
> rude
gay and not okay
> i’m being honest
gay and illegal
> you’re a terrible person
gay and not okay
> im fully aware of that
> however i am also hot and cool
tana’s wife
> i agree
bieberboy
> yes santana is indeed hot and cool
queen quinn
> some of the time yes
gay and illegal
> this doesn’t count
> this is just your emotional support blonde trio
gay and not okay
> so?
> are you making a point here
gay and illegal
> i will bring out my emotional support broadway bitches
gay and not okay
> no you won’t
> you hate them too much
gay and illegal
> i hate NOTHING but this coach ride right now
fuckerman
> oh baby when you talk like that
bieberboy
> you make a woman go mad
mrs jones
> shut up
> all of you shut up
> my brain does not want to process your idiocy right now
gay and illegal
> shakira shakira
mrs jones
> fuck off
gay and illegal
> that’s no way to talk to cosas calientes
mrs jones
> shut up
> sleep or something idc
fuckerman
> my hips don’t lie
mrs jones
> THE NEXT PERSON TO TALK ON THIS CHAT WILL BE REMOVED AND KILLED
hudson05
> maybe you should take a nap cedes
mrs jones
> OKAY HUDSON
hudson05
> im gone im gone byeeeeee
bieberboy
> bye :)
mrs jones
> EVANS
bieberboy
> brb running from mercedes
> see you all when i’ve escaped