Chapter Text
“What's the meaning of this?”
Jiang Cheng opened the door of the duke's office without knocking, scaring Jiang Fengmian. He looked a surprise by the sudden visit.
Su She tailed behind him, breathing heavily. He stopped to catch his breath, but was promptly ignored by both men.
Jiang Cheng dumped the letters on his father's desk. Jiang Fengmian looked at them briefly, recognizing almost immediately the handwriting.
“How did you–“ the older man started but got immediately interrupted.
“I asked you what is the meaning of this? Of these letters?” he was screaming, furious “Why were you writing to Jin Guangshan? Why does it say I am supposed to die!?”
Jiang Fengmian stayed silent and that only made him angrier.
He just wanted to relax a bit, read a book or two, have tea with his sister, chat with Wei Wuxian. But Meng Yao had other plans in mind. He cowardly gave evidence to Su She and ruined Jiang Cheng's evening, again.
He wasn't even sure where to direct his anger anymore. His father? Meng Yao? Jin Guangshan? Himself?
He started to feel a bit dizzy. Jiang Cheng was not thinking with a lucid and clear head, otherwise he wouldn't have had an outburst in front of the duke. But he was so – tired, dejected.
Yanli entered the scene but Jiang Cheng almost didn't hear her, the world around him muffled.
You're dying, Jiang Cheng. You're dying. Again. They're gonna kill you anyway. Stop trying so hard.
His thoughts were already confused and those letters didn't help him one bit. He shook his head and sat down, feeling too weak to even stand up.
He was supposed to die. He was meant to. What's the point of trying so hard to survive if his chances of living were always going to be zero?
“I heard screaming. What's going on? Father?”
Jiang Cheng managed to point at the letters that were still scattered on the desk. He felt Yanli reaching to read one of them, a soft gasp escaping her lips. He felt someone putting a coat on his shoulders. He didn't have the strength to look up and thank Su She. He felt– nothing.
“I have trained assassins. If she leaves the dukedom without our supervision, she's done for.” Yanli read “Father? What is this...?”
Jiang Fengmian was trembling, his eyes watering. He looked frantically around him, as if something was going to magically appear and help him. He took a shaky breath.
“Where did you get these?” he asked, his voice still quivering.
Jiang Cheng wanted to answer, maybe even insult him a bit. He couldn't.
“That's not what's important now.” his sister said instead “I demand an explanation.”
“I- I can't. I. How do I even begin? How do I explain it?” the duke panicked “You're not supposed to know. How can I protect you now!?”
“Protect?” Jiang Cheng managed to croak “When did you ever do that?”
“I think,” his sister intervened “we should sit down and talk properly. This seem like a very important subject. Su She, do you mind leaving us alone?”
The butler protested but the determined look on Yanli's face placated him. He nodded, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
Yanli patted Jiang Cheng on his shoulder. He could feel the touch, the warmth, but it was like his body couldn't respond to it. A bit disappointed, she sat down beside him and looked at their father in the eyes.
“I really hope your explanation will satisfy us, father.”
Jiang Fengmian looked desperate but he still dried his tears and coughed. He took one of the letters in his hands and look at it with rage.
“Jin Guangshan has been threatening me for some years now.” he began.
Yanli listened intently. Jiang Cheng tried his best to focus on the man's words. He gripped his sister's hands, trying to ground himself.
I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm dying. I am already dead.
“He started to send people to stalk you, I'd wake up everyday with detailed reports of your days outside the dukedom sent by strangers. I was scared.” he stopped talking, trying to choke back his tears. “He would send locks of hair, or a piece of cloth from your robes. He sent assassins to look at us from a distance, just close enough so I could notice them. It was a clear message; if he had to, he'd harm you.”
Do I even have another option? Can I even survive this?
“He wanted me to do some... things. Get A-Li together with young master Jin and make A-Yin the heir. I didn't know– I don't know why. But I had to do it.”
Jiang Cheng stopped trembling. He tried to remember if the game ever hinted at something like this, but to no avail.
“You could've told us.” Yanli interfered. She squeezed Jiang Cheng's hands, as a reminder that she was still there. She was still real. Alive.
Alive. Just like me. I'm still alive.
“No!” the duke almost shouted “How could I tell something like this to you? You were kids. You're not supposed to know. After what happened with my lady-”
The duke cleared his throat. The two siblings were watching him. They didn't look like they were going to say anything else so he continued his story.
“I had to listen to him. I was scared. I didn't let you go outside unless there were enough witnesses and guards. When you left alone without telling me I lost my mind.” he kept talking, drying off his tears from time to time “He made me do other things. I'm not proud of what I had to do.”
“Why the sudden change?” Yanli asked, leaning enough to take one of the letters from the desk “This one... you said you had enough of him.”
“I had to do something. This has been going on for ages.” he shook his head “I was too much of a coward to do something. But he crossed the line.”
“He said I'm supposed to die.” Jiang Cheng said, absentmindedly. “He wants me dead.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the room. No one dared to say anything. Jiang Cheng looked at his hand, intertwined with Yanli's, and thought it was a good enough reason to keep living.
It was hard, so hard. His new life had been nothing but erratic and chaotic. Every time something good happened, at least three different things went wrong. He didn't want to give up this life.
He defied the game more than once. He changed how people looked at Jiang Wanyin. He could make one last final change.
With a new, determined look on his face he kept talking.
“And you said he crossed the line.”
Jiang Fengmian looked almost surprised. “Of course. I love you, I would never hurt you.”
“You love us?” Jiang Cheng repeated, incredulous.
Jiang Wanyin wanted a father. He wanted to be comforted, to be coddled, to argue, to joke with his father. He wanted to play with him, to make him proud. But Jiang Fengmian had been distant and cold to him since the very beginning of the game– how was he supposed to believe him now? How could he trust someone that hurt him but swear would never do so?
Jiang Cheng had a father, probably. Maybe even a mother. A brother. A sister. He didn't know. But he would lie if he were to say he didn't yearn, at least a little bit, for the duke's affection.
“A person that loves you, a parent, a father... they don't do the stuff you did.” he said “You love us? You never showed it. I don't have happy memories with you- how can you say this with a straight face?!”
“I... I suppose my paranoia had the best of me.” he said “It's not an excuse, but I was- am really stressed because of this. You two are the most precious thing I have in the world.”
He sighed, covering his face with his hands. “I thought Wei Wuxian could protect you, so I was happy to vouch for him. But Jin Gungshan is very strong, even for A-Xian.”
Jiang Cheng snorted. “You sound ridiculous.”
Jiang Fengmian looked incredibly heartbroken. It was a weird sight, and a part of Jiang Cheng started to feel bad for not sympathizing more with him. Jiang Wanyin, the real one, would've loved to hear his father tell him he loved him. He would've forgave him.
Unfortunately for Jiang Fengmian, he was not Wanyin. Staying alive was far more important than this.
“How can I believe all of the things you just said?” he continued, lowering his voice “It could be a lie, for all I know. You've never showed me an ounce of love my whole life.”
The duke opened his eyes wide and took one of the letters in his hand.
“You read the letters. They're real. What I wrote is real, Wanyin!”
Maybe he was genuine. Maybe it was all true, perhaps a big misunderstanding. But it was not enough.
“They're just words.” he continued “I can write a novel about a dragon, but that wouldn't make dragons real. It's just ink on paper.”
“Wanyin,” he sounded so desperate Jiang Cheng felt a quick pang of guilt “I know I was not a good father. But this- this is real. Believe the threats, at least. Please.”
He already knew Jin Guangshan was not to be trusted. He nodded stiffly and dropped the subject.
He was exhausted and fighting was the last thing he wanted to do. He did not want to spend his energy on him, it was not worth it.
“I understand why you did the things you did.” Yanli declared after a beat of silence “But I don't know if I can forgive you... now or in the future.”
There had been many people asking for his forgiveness recently. He wasn't sure any of them truly deserved it.
“I used my yearly forgiveness with Wei Wuxian.”
Yanli gave him a small smile. Jiang Fengmian looked miserable. He didn't care much for either.
“I... understand.” he muttered “For all it matters, I truly am sorry. I didn't realize I was that... bad.”
“Bad” was an understatement. During all the months he lived as Jiang Wanyin, Jiang Fengmian was just a normal prick. But he could not easily forget all the things that happened in the game, before his arrival – Jiang Fengmian was cruel, too mean, especially for someone who claimed to love his children.
It's not like he had any way to know if the things that happened before his arrival actually happened to the original Wanyin, but he was angry nonetheless.
“May I know... where did you get the letters in the first place?”
Jiang Cheng wanted to laugh in his face. He had the audacity to demand an explanation from him. Maybe it was illogical to hide this information from him but he was feeling petty and angry and he was so tired of this conversation he didn't want to drag it on for any longer.
“I just found them. I don't know.”
“It's just-” the duke stuttered “they are not supposed to be here. I burned all of them. I-”
“You think Jin Guangshan is behind this?” Yanli interrupted him.
Jiang Fengmian took a shaky breathe. “I do, indeed.”
“I'll look into it.” he said, a resolute look on his face. He wanted to get to the bottom of this whole story.
Jiang Fengmian looked like he was holding back from saying something. He sank back in his chair and looked at his children in silence. His eyes were still red and puffy. Jiang Cheng could almost feel bad for him – almost.
“I think our conversation is over.”
Yanli and Jiang Cheng left the room without saying anything else. The silence embraced Jiang Fengmian like an old lover; a comforting, familiar presence in his life, calming him down.
-
The first thing Jiang Cheng did when he left the office was to take a nap. He woke up hours later and felt even worse than before.
There were many things going on. For instance, Jin Guangshan's evil plan was not yet uncovered. Sure, his father talked a bit about it and his personal experience, but Jiang Cheng felt like it was barely scraping the surface. He still didn't know the reason why he wanted to control Jiang Fengmian.
Ding.
[Accomplishment] Way To Go, MC!
Change the story line. +20% chance of getting a good ending!
He couldn't help but snort at the notification. The system, the game, had a whole way to fuck with him in the worst way possible.
Usually, it made things worse for him but this time was by far the worst – it gave him hope.
He rolled in his bed and closed his eyes. At least now he knew he could change the story line. He could, potentially, avoid certain scenarios that would lead to imminent doom for him and others.
Even thought the situation with Jin Guangshan was far from over, he could still push things to a different direction.
Sometimes he wondered what would happen once the game was over. The game always ended with Lan Xichen getting married with his love interest. Would he go back to his world, then? Or would it just continue?
He started to feel a bit attached to the characters – no, to the people in his life. They were real now, just as much as him. Seeing Jiang Fengmian so distressed and scared made him realize that they were just like him.
Jin Guangshan had to be stopped no matter what. And Meng Yao – what was he supposed to do with him? He didn't know his relationship with the duke but certainly they had to be at least acquainted; after all, Meng Yao gave him the letters. There were still so many unanswered questions.
He dozed off to sleep again, his fatigue catching up to him.
As for Meng Yao, he would deal with him later.
-
Jiang Cheng woke up feeling uneasy. He decided to take a walk in the garden, trying not to think about all the different terrifying things that could happen to him in the next days.
Meng Yao was waiting for him in the gazebo. They rebuilt it after the “Wangxian accident”, as Yanli liked to call it.
He was sitting, looking unbothered and that almost pissed Jiang Cheng off. He really wanted to erase that peaceful expression from his face – even if, as far as he knew, Meng Yao didn't really do anything to him.
He didn't want to argue. He was still emotionally very tired and he wanted to keep his energy for something more useful than to speak uselessly with people who would ultimately not understand him.
He sat next to the other man and waited. Meng Yao had his eyes closed, his face turned toward the sun. He looked so relaxed and calm, in a way Jiang Cheng has never seen in all those months together.
They sat in silence for what felt like days. The breeze was gently stroking his cheek and birds hummed in contentment. It was almost... nice.
“I am not going to apologize for what I did.”
Jiang Cheng snapped his head towards the man who was now looking at him intently.
“I am glad you gave me those letters. Even if deep down, I really wanted to continue to live without knowing any of this.”
Meng Yao shook his head. “It's not about that. It's about what I did. Are you not curious to know why I had the letters in the first place?”
Jiang Cheng nodded. “If you don't mind sharing.”
Meng Yao smiled, a very cold and bitter smile that made Jiang Cheng shiver. “You treat me so nicely, like I'm innocent.”
A beat of silence. Jiang Cheng tried to make sense of his words but couldn't. His guts were telling him something was very wrong and he mindlessly caressed Zidian, dormant on his finger.
“I was the one making all those creepy reports on you and your sister. I'm not sorry, I have no reason to be. I didn't harm you.”
“What are you-”
He cut him off. “I was very bitter because you had everything and I had nothing. You were a brat and got praised while I was nice and got scolded. I didn't like you. But I never, ever harmed you because that's what my father requested.”
Meng Yao's scornful laugh cut the tension that was building up with every word. “And when he asked me to harm you, I couldn't. Funny, isn't it? I can't harm you. I can't see you in pain. Jiang Wanyin, do you understand what you did to me?”
The other man was a bit taken aback, still trying to glue together all the pieces of information he dropped during his rambling. Meng Yao was mentioned in the letters, just not by name – he had been stalking him and Yanli and now his task was to kill him.
“I. I don't think I'm following. Your father...?”
“Jin Guangshan.”
That name felt like a punch in the guts. He sank in his chair, head spinning.
“He wanted Yanli to marry Zixuan in order to inherit your dukedom's possession. His plan was supposed to stop here but then you got engaged to the crown prince, so he decided you had to go. He wanted to become the ruler of this place.”
“Stop...”
Jiang Cheng got up from his seat, trembling. He marched away, toward the rest of the garden. Meng Yao caught up pretty fast.
Meng Yao reached for his hand. “Jiang-”
“Why are you telling me this now?” he shouted “How am I supposed to react to this? Why are you so fucking calm about it?!”
“Because Jin Guangshan is not a problem anymore.” he simply stated.
“How can I trust you? How can I trust anyone?” he cried. He wanted to pull out his hair and scream all of his frustration away, run and hide forever. Jiang Cheng just wanted to leave. Run away, lock himself in a room and hide from everyone.
“I hurt many people for him.” Meng Yao said, his tone low “I hurt many people to survive. But I would never, ever hurt you, Wanyin. I am finally free...”
“I- I am sorry.” he breathed out “I am feeling... many things. I just. I don't know what to do with this. Please, let me go.”
Meng Yao took a step back. Jiang Cheng left without looking at him again.
-
He felt like something was pressing on his chest. He couldn't breathe. He felt his blood rushing, his heart pounding fast but his it was like his lungs were blocked.
His throat closed, as if someone was trying to choke him. And that's what he felt too; it was like he was drowning, like someone was purposefully pushing his head underwater.
It was cruel. Everything was too cruel.
He didn't know what he was feeling. There were so many things going on, things he didn't fully understand.
He was shaking and sweating. He tried to undo his robes but his hands were unstable. His chest felt heavier and heavier every second.
His legs give in and he fell on the floor. Jiang Cheng was trying hard to breathe, but he felt like nothing was going inside his lungs.
He had been living a lie. Wanyin lived and died in this lie too. He helped his own enemy, someone who could've killed him in any moment. He yearned for the love of someone who didn't know what love was.
He has never felt so stupid. Insignificant. Dumb.
Tears started to line his cheeks and he felt helpless. He wanted this feeling to stop. He needed to be strong for Wanyin, he needed to fight, he–
He sobbed on the floor, unable to do anything else.
In the privacy of his room, he cried to his heart's content, waiting for this terrible feeling to end.