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Dear Kurapika,
Is this a joke, or some kind of cruel prank you’re playing on me? If I didn’t know you better, I would think you sent this to hurt me. Your way of honoring me is to spend your limited time on earth burning your life at both ends. If you weren’t so precise, I’d have thought I misunderstood you the way you’ve clearly misunderstood me.
How old are you, Kurapika? Where have you been and what have you done? You said you have people that you care about and that they remind you of me. Where are they now? Are they at your side now as you’re clearly achingly lonely? How much time do you spend with them and is it as much as you’d like to? I don’t know if you have answers for me. You just have apologies that I would never ask for.
If you’ve written to me seeking forgiveness for your sins, I won’t. I refuse to. How could you even ask that of me when you’ve done nothing wrong? What do you think of me? Am I so cruel that I would blame you for being upset that your family was murdered? I died with my people. I didn’t lose anything but my life. You lost everyone you’ve ever known and now you have to carry that burden forever. That must be so painful, and maybe that makes me the guilty one. I thanked every ancestor we have that you outlived us, but I won’t say sorry.
I’m glad you’re alive, Kurapika, but you have to stop apologizing for what happened when we were kids! That makes me the most angry! I’m not your sidekick, Kurapika. I’m your friend. You couldn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. You blame everything on your recklessness as if I did not make my own decisions and assume my own risks! When you left, I didn’t know when you were coming back. I missed you every day, but I wasn’t counting the days until you came back with a doctor. I was imagining you exploring the world and eating new sweets and meeting new people. I’m glad you got the chance to.
As for the burial of our kin: I’m so sorry that this responsibility has fallen to you. I think it’s amazing that you want to do this for us, and I know you have the courage and single mindedness to accomplish it. Though, I don’t want you to lose sight of what I’ve always wanted from you.
When you left, I told you that I would only have one question for you when you returned. I wanted you to have fun, Kurapika. I still do. Every good day that you have is a gift to us. Every time you try something new, or laugh with a friend, or create something, or tell someone stories about us, we live another day. We never asked you to die for us. I would never ever ask you to die for me. Please don’t die for me.
I need you to live for me, because one day you will die. I hope that day is far far away. I hope you will be an old person with lots of stories and lots of people in your life to tell them too, but one day you’ll join me here. When you do, I’ll still be ready to ask you my question.
Your friend, unconditionally,
Pairo