Chapter Text
In the end there’s only one thing Charlie can do.
There’s options, sure. He can be angry, spiteful. Try to hurt Nick with his words again. But to what end? How would that help anything? Yes, Charlie’s hurting. Of course he still gets lost in his head about it sometimes. He’s snapped at Nick a few times because of it… and then apologized profusely. It felt like an endless cycle.
The worst part of it is that Charlie knows Nick feels guilty. And he shouldn’t, at least not for the part he feels the most guilty about. Even though the idea of Nick being with someone else hurts Charlie.. he hadn’t done anything wrong.
Not until he kept it from Charlie.
But Nick felt guilty for all of it, no doubt this guilt was doubled by Charlie’s reaction when he found out. Tripled by Charlie’s inability to trust him afterwards. Quadrupled by Charlie’s apprehension to physical contact.
It wasn’t for lack of trying on Charlie’s part. He really was. Trying .
And ever since Christmas it really had been easier with Nick. Charlie had trusted him again. Slowly, the longer Nick continued to prove his love, Charlie started slotting himself back into the crevices of Nick’s life he’d stopped allowing himself to exist in. But there were moments where Charlie’s mind was still unkind, tormenting him over and over with his anxieties and fears.
What if he likes her better?
Is she pretty?
I wonder if he thinks about it.
Did they kiss?
Was it soft?
Did they-
Sweet?
Rough?
Did they kiss?
Charlie doesn’t know how to make the voices stop, isn’t sure that they ever will. And so, really, the only thing there is for him to do is to.. just try to move on.
If he and Nick were ever going to get over this hurdle that’s what he’d have to do.
Nick had seen him at his lowest. He’d stuck by Charlie during some of the worst times of his life. He was, and always would be, Charlie’s very best friend in the entire world. He was still Nick. No matter what else has changed.. that hasn’t.
And Charlie was tired of missing Nick. Missing him when he was still there. He was tired of feeling antsy around him, nervous like Nick was even someone to be nervous around. It was ridiculous that Charlie wouldn’t know how to act around Nick now, as if this thing defined his personality. As if him having ( gasp) sex with someone else suddenly made him a completely different person.
It didn’t and Charlie was tired of his stupid brain convincing him that it did.
So Charlie is sat on a couch, ten minutes until New Years, with Nick next to him. And he’s decided, quite suddenly, that absolutely nothing else mattered except for Nick now and their future. Anything from the past was going to be left behind at the strike of midnight.
And maybe it was the champagne making him feel so light and breezy but that didn’t matter because he was sat practically on top of Nick, crowded party be damned, and it felt perfect. The only thing that would make it better was if they were kissing. But Charlie wanted to wait until the New Year to kiss Nick, seal the deal and pack up this little speed bump in their relationship, tie a bow on it and drop it in the fucking ocean. Never to be thought of again.
That was the plan.
It was easy to make plans like this when Charlie’s got his legs thrown across Nick’s lap and Nick’s hand is resting lightly on Charlie’s knee, thumb tracing small circles there. But Charlie swears he’s never felt something so wonderful in his life.
Nick’s presence brought peace.
How had he forgotten that?
Realistically he knows that it wasn’t this simple. That, no matter how much he wants to trust Nick.. it won’t just happen. But Charlie’s champagne drunk and right now he’s never trusted Nick more. This thought has Charlie feeling giddy. And he’s happy here, curled up next to Nick. There’s nowhere else he’d rather be.
Nick seems content to sit next to Charlie and rub soothing circles into his skin, tug playfully at his curls, and plant kisses across his face and neck, even his shoulders. Never his lips but Charlie doesn’t mind. For now.
Someone starts counting and then the entire room is, Nick’s hands tightening where he was holding Charlie.
10
9
8
Charlie pulls himself upright, pulling away from Nick’s hold for only a moment before he plopped himself directly on Nick’s lap, his arms moving to rest on his shoulders.
“Hi,”
Nick blinks up at him, shocked.
“Hi,”
He sounds breathless and Charlie giggles, leaning down to rub a line down Nick’s cheek with his nose, grinning when Nick let out a shaky breath at the action.
3
2
1
Everyone is shouting but Charlie doesn’t focus on anything else but the feeling of Nick next to him, completely surrounding him. Charlie leans in, tugs Nick close by the collar of his shirt and then they’re kissing. Nick makes a small sound, a tiny gasp leaving him as Charlie pulls him in and Charlie feels it reverberate throughout out his entire body.
Charlie tugs himself closer, a small sound leaving him as he moved his hands to cup Nick’s face. Nick’s arms wrap around Charlie, one going to firmly hold his hip and the other tangling in Charlie’s curls. Charlie feels Nick’s breath against him and, as their chests molded together, Charlie could feel Nick’s heart jumping in his chest.
Nick pulls away first, staring up at Charlie with glazed over eyes. He’s smiling, his hair mussed, and his lips pink and inviting and freshly kissed.
“ Happy New Years,”
This is what Charlie says to Nick before leaning in and kissing him again, letting his hands travel. One moving to tug in Nick’s hair and the other tracing a line from his neck to his chest, feeling Nick’s rapid heartbeat on his fingers.
Nick kisses back reverently, his hands tightening again on Charlie’s hips. Charlie pulls away from the kiss, letting out small panting breaths as he stared down at Nick. He leaned back down, kissing Nick’s cheek and then trailing kissing down, pausing to tug gently at his ear with his teeth. Nick’s hips snap up at the action and Charlie preens, his own hips rocking down against Nick.
A gasp.
“Yes, Nick,”
And then Nick is pulling away, face bright red. He holds Charlie close but doesn’t kiss him again.
“We’re around other people.”
Charlie glances around the room, remembering the party. No one is paying any attention to them but Charlie’s sure it wouldn’t stay that way if they kept going so Charlie reached down and adjusted himself, blushing deeply, before he stood up and offered his hand to Nick’s.
“Take me to your dorm then?”
Nick doesn’t have to be asked twice.
Afterwards when they’re tangled up together, breathing easily and both feeling happy and sated and so in love it hurts, Nick starts peppering small kisses across all of Charlie’s exposed skin and Charlie whinges and pretends to be annoyed but he’s never felt happier.
Champagne drunk replaced by the high of simply being in Nick’s presence, of allowing himself to be loved by Nick without the fear of loving him back.
Because loving him back meant hurting, meant thinking about it. Coming to terms with it.
Accepting it.
And Charlie couldn’t do that.
Charlie had forgotten, in his pain, that loving Nick back also meant endless joy. It meant comforting words.
Tender kisses.
Promises of forever.
It meant laughter for days and warmth. So much warmth.
“Let’s promise to never fight again.”
Nick’s voice interrupted Charlie’s thoughts. Charlie nuzzled close to Nick, letting out a small breath of air as a laugh before he placed a gentle kiss to the small love bite he saw forming on Nick’s neck.
“Let’s not make promises we can’t keep.”
He sits up, eyeing Nick and raising his eyebrows at him before lifting his pinky up to hold in front of Nick’s face.
“Let’s promise that when we do fight we’ll both try to understand the others side. No screaming or storming off.”
Nick nods.
“Sounds reasonable.”
It’s clear he’s trying to keep a smile off his face at Charlie’s antics. He was failing miserably.
“And let’s promise that when trying doesn’t work, when I snap at you or you walk away.. we will try to be understanding of why the other reacted that way.”
Nick nods again.
“I promise.”
And their pinkies lock together, Nick bringing them up so he can kiss Charlie’s hand gently. He grins, eyeing Charlie with happy eyes.
“I’m never disagreeing with you again.”
Charlie laughs, shaking his head fondly.
“That’s a bit unrealistic,” Charlie teases and Nick, widening his eyes comically, lets out a huff of air before he shook his head.
“It’s not. We’re never arguing again.”
“You’re literally arguing with me right now.”
Nick lets out an indignant noise, scrunching up his nose and he moves to poke Charlie playfully in the side.
“Shut up! That doesn’t count!”
“Oh, shut up? That’s a bit much. Is this our first argument of the new year? I figured we’d at least make it a few weeks before-“
He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because the pillow Nick throws at him hits him directly in the face and Charlie can’t help but laugh, the laugh growing louder as Nick tackles him and pushes him down against the bed.
“You’re the worst person in the world,” Nick’s tone says he means the exact opposite and Charlie can’t wipe the grin off his face.
“Oh yeah?”
Nick nods, bottom lip jutting out before he leans in and kisses Charlie briefly, pulling away after only a few seconds and leaning down so his head is resting against Charlie’s chest. Charlie’s grins widens to almost painful proportions.
“You sure do kiss me a lot for me to be the worst. I think you must have a crush on me or something.”
“I guess I do,”
“Cringe.”
Nick lets out a small laugh before his eyes close and he holds Charlie close.
“I love you.”
Charlie’s heart squeezes in his chest.
“I love you too.”
Charlie closes his eyes, warm and happy, lulled to sleep by the sound of Nick’s breaths evening out in time with his own.