Chapter Text
The days following Taehyung and Jimin's reunion, plus confession of feelings, were just as delicate as they were tender. Because of the bad weather, their flight back home had been delayed to Monday, and they were forced to remain cooped up on Taehyung's hotel room in London through the entire weekend.
His fragile mental state hadn't been magically fixed by the power or love, but the pain of existing had lessened significantly since Jimin arrived, and set his life back on the right track.
His natural warmth and comforting nature was something that Taehyung had missed a lot, without even noticing it. And once he got his wonderfully soft hugs back - plus kisses, cuddles, and gentle touches-, he finally learned to appreciate their worth. He didn't want to lose those privileges again. So he spent most of these three days just laying with his best friend in bed, clinging to him like an octopus in a sea of blankets, letting himself be loved and pampered without echoing a single complaint.
These hours of pure, unadulterated affection helped him regain enough energy and strength to get himself admitted into a psyche ward, once they were back in Korea.
Jimin accompanied him inside the hospital, repeating words of affirmation on his ear, calming him down about the whole process of admission, helping with paperwork, and insisting that he was doing the right thing. Before he left, he kissed his temple and said the words Taehyung never expected to hear again, in his life:
"I'm proud of you."
---
After being professionally assessed, he stayed in the ward for a week and a half.
A complete blood count revealed that his vitamin D, B9 and B12 levels were extremely low, which meant that he was anemic. This, mixed with his poor mental health and excessive alcohol consumption, explained his constant lethargy and grogginess. His mind was exhausted because his body was exhausted.
Taking the vitamin supplements that his doctor prescribed him helped his energy levels rise up to normal again. It was nice to remain awake for more than four hours now, without getting dizzy and sleepy for no discernible reason.
His antidepressants were also changed, as ordered by his psychiatrist. The new ones were more effective at keeping his mood swings under control, even if they made him quite shaky. Another step forward.
Slowly, he became stable. Not happy, not satisfied, but okay enough to leave and be all by himself... Although that definitely wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
Jimin came to pick him up from the ward in person, carrying roses and a box of expensive chocolate, as a cheer-me-up. After eleven days apart, they got to hug each other again, and Taehyung wasn't letting him go. He melted against the shorter man's chest and shoulder like a piece of butter over warm bread.
Then, he went to his home.
The doctors believed that he'd be fine on his own, but he had his doubts. So he asked Jimin if he could crash on his couch for a while - which got the man laughing, because they were rich and he had an actual guest room now; the couch days were over-. Of course, he agreed.
So now here they were, back in their homeland, together at last. It felt peaceful, and at the same time, nerve-wracking. Because they still had so much to do, and to discuss... Taehyung himself didn't even know where or how begin healing their friendship, much less how to deal with their new relationship. But he knew he had to do something... Somehow.
"I can't even put into words just how sorry I feel for almost leaving you." Came his out of nowhere comment, as they were laying in Jimin's bed, about to fall asleep in each other's arms. Taehyung couldn't see his face or reaction to his apology, as his head was pressed against his chest, and his eyes were watching the shadows on the wall. "I didn't know if you'd miss me... Or if you'd care if I came back unscathed, at all..." He gulped. "And I'm sorry for the things I said to you when you flew to London to see me... My words shoot to kill when I’m mad. I have a lot of regrets about that."
"It's..." Jimin wanted to say it was fine, but it really wasn't. "I forgive you."
"You don't have to feel forced to."
"I'm not. I'm being honest." He stared at Taehyung lovingly, barely seeing his face at all in the dark. "I've been where you were before... That dark hole of despair and sadness you fell into? I know it better than the back of my hand. I know you didn't push us away because you enjoyed being alone. It was your way to cope with your feelings and with change."
"Yeah."
"I've been there." Jimin repeated, with a soft voice. "And I know you're trying to get out."
"I am. I really am."
"That's all that matters to me, Taehyungie."
---
In retrospect, apologizing to his best friend was as easy as breathing. Staying sober after doing the same with his hyungs was the truly hard part.
Jungkook and Namjoon had taken his words and explanations well. The latter was more wary of his honesty than the maknae, but both assured them that the past was the past and that, as long as he swore to never disappear again, they'd be able to forgive him soon.
Yoongi and Seokjin had been a little harder to convince, but once they believed his guilt and regret were genuine, both extended a metaphorical helping hand and offered him their kindness and compassion. Of course they felt resented, but they also understood that his mental state currently wasn't the best, and that they could deal with their mixed feelings at a later date.
Surprisingly, Hoseok was the only one who wanted to keep holding onto his grudge. He'd always been close to the maknae line and therefore, felt the most wounded when a man he'd talk to almost everyday, dropped out of the face of the Earth without as much as a goodbye.
So when they got together to talk about what happened, the dancer didn't hold back on his punches. And Taehyung took them all, in silence. Said one final "I'm sorry", and left.
He knew he should have taken a taxi back to Jimin's home and avoided walking down the street in such an emotional, disheveled state. But he felt so bad, so utterly disgusted and ashamed of himself, that he couldn't think logically. He just strutted through the sidewalk crying, hoping that no one would recognize him behind his cap, sunglasses and mask.
He stopped dead on his tracks in front of a bar. Sweat dripped down his neck and back, his stomach sank into the pit of his chest and his mouth went dry.
One whisky wouldn't kill him, right?
In one moment of grandiose stupidity, two weeks of sobriety had disappeared along with the liquor on his glass.
He knew he should probably call Jimin. But then again, his boyfriend would feel so disappointed and irritated, that he'd probably want to break up with him. And Taehyung couldn't hurt him like that. It wasn't his fault that his mind was fucked up. Jimin deserved to be happy - even if through an ignorant bliss-.
Frowning, he asked the bartender for another drink. Memories of him choking his ex girlfriend emerged. He asked for another one. Or her slapping and punching him. Another one. Of him thinking about driving his own car out of the road and to the nearest lookout, thinking of heading straight to the abyss. Another o-one. Of his feet hitting the breaks. A-Another... Jimin's worried and angry stare after he arrived at his hotel... An-notherr.
His phone buzzed. Again, again, and again. He typed Jimin a simple and cryptid "I'm sorry" and kept drinking, instead of calling someone. The tears didn't stop. His shame kept pilling up on top of his shoulders. But he just couldn't stop drinking.
Someone called him. Fighting against his own selfish desires to self destruct, he picked it up, at last. That might have been the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life.
It was Yoongi. Apparently he'd been missing for five hours and Jimin was terrified he'd don't something irreparable and idiotic.
And he had, just not in the way his boyfriend was expecting.
First, he told Yoongi that he was alive. Then he confessed that he had relapse. Finally, he begged him to come and pick him up, alone.
"I can't l-let Jimin see me... Not like thiss."
"Why not?"
"He'll h-hate me."
"You know that's a lie. He could never."
"He de-serves... Something better. Someone b-better."
"That's bullshit. He loves you."
"Yeah... But not e-everything we love is good for us."
"You're saying that because you're drunk."
"Precisely."
Silence. Taehyung heard shuffling on the line, then the sound of a door closing.
"Stay where you are... I'm coming."
"I will."
From the moment that call ended until the moment Yoongi arrived to rescue him, Taehyung blacked out. He was awake, but very much non responsive. Eyes open, but mind totally shut off.
The cold tumbler full of whisky on his hand was getting heavier by the second. He could feel his fingers getting numb because of the ice, but was uncompelled to move them.
Yoongi himself had to remove the glass from his grasp. He couldn't let it go. He couldn't put it down. Couldn't drink from it either. He was frozen between his forbidden desires and the shame he felt for stumbling towards them again.
"I'm s-orry, hyung." He whispered to the rapper, curving his brows as his eyes filled with tears. "I couldn't s-stop myself."
"That's okay." The older man helped him stand up. "You'll get there eventually."
"H-How's him?"
"Him?"
"Jimin."
"He's... Worried. We all are. You disappeared, again."
They got to the car. Taehyung collapsed on his seat. Yoongi sat down on the other side and thanked heavens his vehicle had tinted windows. They needed privacy.
"I keeep screwin' t-things up, don't I?"
The rapper didn't really know what to say to that. He didn't know how to proceed with helping him.
He usually was a great listener, but wasn't that good at comforting people. And he knew, by the state of the kid, that he needed a hug first, scolding second.
"You're doing your best." Yoongi patted his thigh in reassurance. "You came back home. You're prioritizing your mental health. You're talking to us again. You apologized..."
"I had to. I c-couldn't continue being an asshole to all of y-you."
"Still, that's a lot of progress. And you did it, mostly by yourself.Yeah, you screwed up things today... But you aren't a screw up." He insisted, looking at Taehyung, who opened his mouth to deny his claim, but stopped himself before he could. "Can you tell me something?"
"Hm?"
"What made you want to have a drink? Was it only something you wanted to do, or was there a reason?..."
"I went to a-apologize to Hobi-hyung today." He closed his eyes and rested his head against the seat. "He d-didn't accept it. And I just... I t-thought it would help. It would n-numb the pain I felt... The regret..."
"Well, that explains why he went crazy on the group chat when Jimin said you hadn't come home."
"I don't wan' him to w-worry... I don't want any of you to worry..." Taehyung shook his head. "He's allowed to h-ate me. Like all of you are..."
"We don't hate you. And I'm sure he doesn't, either."
"He jus' doesn't want to see me again. That's worsse... But anyway; what h-hour even is it?" He cracked open his eyes and suddenly realized how black the sky was.
"Ten thirty-five. You told Jimin you'd be back by six."
"Fuck..." His guilt grew three sizes as the information settled in.
"You should text him... You're not as drunk now, as you were when you called me. Apologize to him. He'll appreciate it."
"Will h-he?... God, I'm a jerk." He hit his head against the rest twice, before Yoongi's hand flew to his shoulder and he stopped.
"Self hatred and regret won't lead you anywhere now, Tae. Call him. Tell him you're coming home. Say that you're sorry."
Tears slipped out of the singer's eyes. He sniffled.
"You s-sound like my therapist."
Yoongi chuckled softly and started the car.
"All of the money and time I spent in those sessions have payed off, then." He began driving.
"They have." Taehyung said, looking away from him. In the end, he didn't call Jimin, but sent him a message; "I'm coming home". Then, he locked his screen and whispered: "T-hank you, hyung. You didn't hav' to come to-day... But you did."
"You're family, Taehyung-ah. The sooner you get that in your head, the better off you'll be."
---
He expected angry shouting, furious finger pointing and perhaps a slap or two, to the face, or to the chest. That's what he was used to. His last relationship had trained his mind to think like that.
(There was also one time - years ago, when they were both teenagers-, when Jimin had scolded him for going overboard with his drinking, and almost getting caught in a scandal with another Idol. That fight hadn't been nice. Back then, they were both in their "aggressively macho" phase, and always resorted to violence when words weren't enough. That particular argument ended with Jimin pushing him with too much force, making him trip over the edges of a coffee table, and fall right over it, breaking the furniture upon impact. He cut his head and had to be taken to the ER. Jimin cried for the first time in months, that night. Apologized profusely and of course, Taehyung forgave him.
He wondered if the same would happen now. If he'd get pushed, punched or yelled at - or maybe everything at the same time-.)
He expected wrath and war.
He expected resentment and fury.
Not watery eyes, soft whispers of reassurance or the warmest hug he'd ever received.
He was ready to be beaten down and cast aside. Not to feel his heart ache with guilt, regret and bitterness. Not to melt into that safe embrace and sob like a little kid that's afraid of the monsters underneath the bed.
He was prepared for all that was bad, and taken by surprise by all that was good.
"I'm s-sorry..."
"It's okay, Tae... No one's mad. We're just worried."
"You're not m-mad at me?"
"No, Taehyungie... I'm not." Jimin kissed the side of his head. "I just want to help you right now... So I need you to tell me what happened, okay?"
"Hm." He nodded, but didn't let go from his boyfriend.
Yoongi was still on the hallway, watching the scene unfold in front of his eyes with a concerned frown. His doesang looked and sounded miserable.
"Let's go to the couch first?..." Jimin said, caressing Taehyung's back like one would with a distressed animal.
"Hmm'kay."
The dancer then looked at his hyung and used his head to point towards the living room. Taking the hint, the rapper walked inside the apartment and closed the door.
"So... What-"
"I relapsed." Taehyung interrupted him as he sat down on the couch, and curved his back forwards so he could rest his elbows on his knees, and hide his face behind his hands. His soulmate sat beside him."I h-had an argument with Hobi-hyung... He threw s-some truths straight at me, about m-my disappearance, my rudeness, my s-stupid decisions... Everything, really. And he said h-he was... He was... - He started crying again. - He was d-disappointed by me. And told me that... He n-needed some time a-apart..." Shook his head; voice got thin. "My immediate thought after hearing that was 'I'm worthless. I fuck everything I do'... And s-suddenly, I was back at that goddamn hotel in London... Feeling like nothing mattered anymore... A-And I got scared, so... So I went inside the nearest bar and..." Jimin side hugged him. He had to force his words out, at this point. "It was either that... Or t-trying to do something really stupid. And I d-don't want to die anymore... So..."
"Why didn't you come to me, Tae?"
"I don't know." From there on, he wept his soul out, again.
Jimin held him as Yoongi continued to stare at them, in a mixture of shock and worry. He knew things were bad, but not this bad.
Once Taehyung fell asleep - too tired and drunk to fight his exhaustion-, his boyfriend put a blanket over him, a pillow underneath his head, and kissed his temple. Then, went inside the kitchen with Yoongi to talk.
"You didn't tell us he was suicidal, Jimin."
"He begged me not to. He didn't want to 'burden' you with his problems. It's ridiculous and I was against it, but since he asked me to stay quiet... I did."
"We have to do something about this.. "
"Already did. He stayed on the psych ward for a week and a half when he got here."
"Is he going to therapy?"
"Yes, and he's been doing exceptionally well since his treatment began. That's why I think today's relapse was more situational than anything else... He wasn't expecting things to go so badly with Hobi-hyung and he didn't know how to behave or what to do, so he went back to what has been his default mode for months; drink to forget. He thought a shot or two might make things a little easier to bear... But he can't handle alcohol anymore. Because he can't control how much he drinks... At least not right now."
"Got it..." Their cellphones beeped. It was their group chat, trying to contact them again. "I think Hobi recognizes that he messed up at least; he sent fifty messages just in the last hour."
*Bling*
"Fifty one." Jimin corrected, reading the waterfall of texts. To calm everyone down, he replied: "Tae's home. If you have anything to say to him, please send the messages to me, and I'll talk to him about it. He's not in the right state of mind to deal with anything serious right now." His thumb had just pressed the 'send' button when he heard knocks at the door.
"Where you expecting someone?"
"No." Jimin stuffed his phone into his back pocket and walked back to the living room, where Taehyung was still passed out, and headed towards the foyer. More knocks. He looked outside from the peephole. "Hobi?" His hand flew to the handle and he opened the door. "Hyung? What are you doing here?"
"I need to apologize to Taehyung. Please. I said some really horrible things to him, because I was mad. But I shouldn't have been so mean. I regretted lashing out at him as soon as I did it."
Jimin's wariness softened. His hyung was a great man in many ways, but accepting that he was wrong and asking for forgiveness weren't exactly his forte. For him to be here, willing to push his pride aside in the name of peace... It meant that he truly was sorry about what he did, and how he acted.
"Come in, but don't make too much noise... Tae is sleeping."
Hoseok nodded and walked inside the apartment, surprised to see Yoongi in there as well. After exchanging quick hellos, he went into the living room and stopped moving, right next to the couch. With an apologetic look on his face, he stared at Taehyung as the man softly snored, wrapped up in his warm blanket cocoon. His dongsaeng looked exhausted. Reeked of alcohol, had his eyebrows furrowed even in his sleep, and his face was swollen. He'd been crying, for sure.
Out of instinct, his hand moved forward to push Taehyung's hair away of his eyes, but froze mid-air. He'd for sure wake the kid up. And he wasn't going to do that. Clearly, he'd already screwed things up enough.
Jimin, noticing his hyung's worried frown, grabbed him by the arm and led him to the kitchen. And once in there, asked:
"What happened between you two?"
Hoseok sighed.
"He came to apologize and I reacted badly. That's it, really." He leaned against a wall and dropped his chin, avoiding all eye contact as much as he could. "I said some pretty awful things about his last relationship and the way it ended... About his own issues with alcohol... And I know I shouldn't have, but I was mad... And still kind of am, so..."
"You can be mad. I am too." Yoongi said, crossing his arms. "He disappeared on us for a year, after all."
"But?"
"No buts. Feel your feelings. Just... Try not to be so aggressive the next time you share them out loud. Because I swear that the poor kid thought you hated him, to the point of never wanting to see him again, when I went to pick him up at the bar."
"He thought I... What?!" Hobi shook his head, between irritated and bewildered. "I don't hate him! On the contrary; my love for him is what makes me be so angry!"
"Hyung, we get it. But Taehyung's ability to be rational isn't the best at the moment." Jimin said, leaning on the counter. "He's working on it, but... It's hard. He's at the point in which any offhand comment can unleash chaos in his mind. He thinks everyone hates him, and that we're right to hate him. Which is the furthest thing from the truth, obviously; we're mad, because we love him. And so, he drinks he self destructs. Because, according to him, 'the ache of regret is better than the ache of sadness'."
"He's out of it." Yoongi mumbled.
"Yeah, maybe, but I understand him... I've been there before. I just used other ways to make myself feel miserable. And think it's the same for both of you."
"Yeah." The older rapper conceded.
Hoseok then looked up.
"I want to apologize. That's all."
"It's not enough, Hobah. You've got to be there for him."
"And I will be..." He insisted. "If he forgives me for being a jackass first."
"He will." Jimin gave him a small smile. "And I know how you can make it up to him, actually."
---
Taehyung woke up from his heavy slumber after someone shook him gently by the shoulder. Feeling like his head had been crashed by a sledgehammer, and his body torn apart into a thousand pieces, he opened his eyes just to squint them and groan; the living room lights were too bright.
As his pupils struggled to adjust to the shining white rays coming from above, he felt the smell of something delicious hit his nose. Whatever food someone had prepared, it had meat.
"Hi, Taehyungie. Join us at the table once you're ready, okay?" Hoseok said, looking like he wanted to appear welcoming but at the same time, was ready to bounce.
"Hyung?" Taehyung's hand flew to his wrist and deterred his escape. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to check on you."
"No need to. I'm fine."
"Sorry, but you look awful and I doubt that's the case."
"Why would you even care how I look or don't? You told me to get lost. You said you never wanted to see me again. Then what are you doing here?"
"It's... It's Jimin's home."
Taehyung rubbed at his face and tried to stand up.
"Fine. I'll leave."
"No! You aren't- sit back down!" Hoseok pushed him back. "We aren't kicking you out. It's just... I..." He shook his head. "I came here to apologize."
"Apologize?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"You know why... I was a dick."
"Not without reason."
"Maybe, but I hurt you either way. And I regret that." He sat down next to Taehyung. "I pushed you out of sobriety."
"No. You didn't."
"Tae-"
"No, that's on me." The younger singer crossed his arms and looked down. "I should have gone home. I should have come here... But I didn't. That was my choice."
"Fine... But I still feel awful for what I did, and for the hurt I caused you. So I'm sorry."
"It's fine, hyung."
Hoseok sighed after noticing his tired and defeated tone. He didn't like it one bit.
"I forgive you, by the way. For disappearing on us." That caught Taehyung's immediate attention. "I reflected about what you said, and I spoke with Jimin about it... And I forgive you. You weren't in a good place and all of your decisions are understandable, considering that. My head was too hot earlier, and emotions were bubbling in my veins. I should have told you to leave and wait for my anger to calm down. But I screamed at you, needlessly... And again, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."
"I forgive you too." It was whispered, it was slightly slurred, but Hoseok heard it anyway.
"Great... Now that that's settled." He smiled and pointed to the dining room. "Let's eat?"
"You go ahead, hyung... I need a minute."
"Okay..." The dancer was about to stand up, when he realized he couldn't leave without proving to Taehyung that he loved him. It wouldn't feel right. So he leaned towards him and kissed the side of his head, with one hand resting on his back. "Thank you for returning. We've missed you."
Teary eyed and with his throat tied up in knots, the poor man just nodded as Hoseok stood up and left. Jimin then walked in to replace him.
"Hey... How are you feeling?"
"Regretful." Taehyung finally dared to look up. "You s-shouldn't be dealing with my messes..."
"Please, I've dealt with worse. You forget we have five other members who are hard-working, strong-headed and ambitious men. Fights are bound to happen. Let's not even mention how immature we can be sometimes. We've fought over dumplings, bananas and boxes of Ramyeon... This is hardly an unfixable disaster."
"I guess you're right. But still... I'm sorry for making you worry. And for not coming here when I know that I should have."
"I've already forgiven you, Tae. Just... Do better next time. Or at least call me, so I can help you deal with the feelings and the cravings you can't control on your own. You've told me I help you focus, didn't you?"
"Yes... You do."
"Then call me. I promise I won't be mad at you."
Silence. Taehyung leaned towards Jimin, asking for a hug. He felt undeserving of that warm and comforting embrace, but enjoyed it anyway.
"I had a month of sobriety in my hands... And I ruined it."
"Relapse is a part of recovery."
"Still, I feel like an idiot."
"Good. That will motivate you to not do it again."
Taehyung pulled back a little bit, to look at Jimin.
"I think I've seen this film before. These words... I said them to you, haven't I?"
"When I didn't eat for a full week and ended up in the emergency room; yes. I told you I was feeling terrible and you replied 'Good. That will motivate you not to do it again'... And it stuck with me. So I thought it would be fair to repeat your own wisdom out loud, so you can remind yourself that you've got this. That you're smart enough and strong enough to get through this."
Taehyung smiled.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. Now..." Jimin pointed with his head to the living room. "Let's go have dinner. Hobi-hyung and Yoongi-hyung made Japchae, and I'm guessing you're starving."
"You're right."
"Then come on, Jagiya. Our feast awaits."
---
Things -once again- started getting better after that talk. Taehyung's colleagues at the support group also insisted that relapse was a natural occurrence in recovery, and that as long as he had his mind set on moving forward in his journey, accepting the stumbles and falls as they came and still choosing to stand up again each time, everything would end up okay.
And they were right. Ever since he chose to stay sober, his relationship with his social social life and with his work had improved beyond belief. He was making music again, hanging out with his friends again, and most importantly, showing Jimin just how good of a boyfriend he could be. Enjoying his life to the fullest...
And then his ex called. He didn't reply. She left him a collection of voicemails.
Yes, Taehyung didn't love her, but he did care about her, and her fate. She was a good girl, that had been through a lot of shit in her life. Abusive parents and excessive fame made her fall into heavy drugs. Trauma ruined her peace of mind. She deserved love, stability and sobriety, even though the world had handed her the opposite. And he wished they could have remained good friends during everything, but he knew this wasn't a clever idea. They worked together well, in the destructive way fire and alcohol do. They were a danger to each other.
Still, despite everything, he cared.
And so, he listened.
"Hi, baby... I'm at the beach, just relaxing with our old friends and I thought of you... So I just came to say I'm sorry... I was wasn't the girlfriend you deserved... And I'm sorry for the way things ended."
"I've noticed a couple of things since you've been gone... First, there's a piece of you in how I dress. Please take that as a compliment." By her chuckle alone, he knew she was tipsy. "Second... That ever since we broke up, you've been at your best... And I'm selfish, so I'm hating it."
"I just... I wish you could forgive me. And that the contact between us didn't stop. I know we're not good for each other as partners but... I wish we could be friends."
"And I wish you could forget what I said... About you, our relationship, your other friends... It's not true, and it's not what I meant either. But I can't take it back now, can I?... Just like I can't unpack the baggage you left."
"Heeeey... It's me. Again. S-Sorry... I'm in m-my bed now... And you're still not h-here... Guess t-there's no one to b-blame but the d-drinks and my wanderin' hands... Well, that and my stupid, stuuupid actions... Sorry. You d-deserved better."
"I k-now you were waaay too bright for me... I’m h-hopeless, broken... A mess. I don't even k-know why I'm callin'... I've been trying h-hard not to talk to you... Or bother you..."
"Guesss I'm callin' cause I know..." The slurring had gotten worse. "I'll be g-one too long f-from you... Soon enough..."
"Jusst... Remember e-everything will be a-alright, hmm'kay?... We'll meet a-again somewhere... Somewhere far away from h-here... Love y-you, Tae... Goodnight."
This was the last voicemail, and he got extremely worried - not without reason-. She sounded weak, high, drunk, and suicidal all at the same time. So he called one of their old friends, Carolina, and begged her to go and check up on Matilda.
In the end, their response was too slow. When the girl got there, his ex had already overdosed.
Taehyung's phone dropped to the floor after screaming at Carolina to call the paramedics. In his desperation, he switched from English back to Korean. Jimin heard him shout from the other side of the apartment and ran to his aid, trying to figure out what was happening.
He picked up the phone. Heard the commotion on the other side, saw the damage made on his own, and via context, figured out what had happened.
Two hours later, the dreadful news they didn't want to hear arrived.
Taehyung's ex girlfriend was in a coma.
One more hour passed, and she was dead.
---
They couldn't go to the funeral because they had little time to get to Los Angeles, but they did visit her gravesite, out of respect and grief.
Jimin stayed beside his soulmate through it all, giving him the strength he no longer had and desperately needed, the advices he wanted to hear, and a comfortable shoulder to cry on.
And without him, Taehyung wouldn't have been able to go to the cemetery and visit her newly dug grave.
"I know I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch who can't admit when I'm sorry, but... I hope you can't forgive me for that, wherever you are." He got closer to the tombstone. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry things had to end like this... But at least, now I know your family won't hurt you anymore... You'll be left in peace. And you'll probably throw a party in whatever place you are right now, full of everyone you know..." His melancholic smile indicated how hard he was trying to keep it together. " You always knew how to have fun during a terrible situation, after all... And I... I took you for granted when I had you... Misunderstood you... Didn't listen... I screwed up. And again, I'm sorry... But I know apologizing now is useless." He looked up at the sky. "Be happy, okay?... I'll try to do the same over here. And for all that's worth, you never lost me as a friend... Never will."
Jimin's hand squeezed his shoulder. Taehyung's chin dropped and he began to cry.
At least, he thought, he wasn't alone in this misery anymore.
---
Ever since he lost Matilda, Taehyung had engraved a sentence in the back of his mind. One that was present in every interaction and conversation he held:
Treat people with kindness.
You never know what someone's going through, you never know if they're about to break, and being nice to someone would not only make their day better, but yours too.
This was a concept he had forgotten about, in the years he spent working himself to the ground, drinking without ever stopping, and choosing to stay awake for as much as his body could take, just to get wasted some more.
Jimin had brought it back into his life; Matilda made sure he never forgot about it again. And thanks to this motto, he had been able to regain the trust and love of most of his old friends back. He had been able to face himself in the mirror again, without feeling ashamed of the ghost he saw on the other side. Things were finally settling down.
So he decided - because he was feeling better- to take his boyfriend on a surprise trip to London, so they could explore the city some more, and bury some of the awful memories they had there deep in the soil of forgetfulness.
He even contemplated booking the same hotel he locked himself in that long gone week, but he remembered just how concerned and terrified Jimin looked the day they reunited, and decided to avoid reliving that trauma. There are some things that are better left in the past.
"I can't believe we're back." His soulmate said, staring at the city landscape from their window. "It feels like ages have passed... And it's only been a year."
Taehyung hugged him from behind.
"I think it's because we spent so long not talking to each other. Think about it, we've made more memories these past twelve months than in those lost three years."
"Yeah... Makes sense." Jimin moved his head to stare at him. "I'm so happy you're here." He smiled.
Taehyung didn't need to ask why. So he simply pecked his boyfriend's temple and hugged him tighter.
"Me too."
---
They went back to the Hideaway cafe. Ordered the same breakfast as the last time they visited it.
As they ate and chatted, the rain stopped and the sun came out.
They both took it as a sign of good luck.
"I love you." The younger of the two said, as the other stared at the golden hue of the sky and the warmth of the city underneath. Jimin's head snapped towards him quicker than one could blink. It was the first time he admitted it out loud in public. "I really do."
"I love you too." Came the soft reply, and a hand flew to cover Taehyung's, to caress it gently, and to prove that, as long as they had each other, everything would turn out alright." What do we do now?" Jimin asked when they were both outside, having finished their meal.
"Can we just keep driving?"
They smiled at each other.
"Yeah. We can."