Chapter Text
“It has been three days!” Diluc throws his hands up as he paces around the living room, Elzer standing at the corner, lips tightly sealed, daring to not utter a sound lest he gets verbally mauled, “Am I truly supposed to believe Calla went out there, hunting a mouse? For three days?”
“Maybe . . . maybe he was destined for the path of a hunte-”
Diluc glowers at the man, who immediately goes quiet again.
“Possible, indeed. The mouse population of Mondstadt must be quite threatened . . .”
“Maybe he went back to his owners?” Adelinde suggests, unhelpfully, “Maybe he was a stray bird all along, visiting your abode for a few days of easy meals?”
Diluc harrumphs at that, childish denial momentarily overwhelming the mature disposition he usually maintained.
“It is rather strange to see you get this attached to an animal in such a short time. Is this unusual affinity an unconscious coping mechanism that arises from Master Kaeya’s absence?”
Diluc opens his mouth, scandalised by her audacity, but the shame of realisation immediately shutting it closed. There was truth in her words. He could see Elzer from the corner of his eye, flapping his arms wildly at the head maid; clearly telling her to cease and desist.
So he goes out into the vineyard, to clear his head. As much as Calla leaving . . . so abruptly, hurt, it was true that his reaction was simply not normal. Diluc remembers rushing into the Favonius headquarters, a mere 18 hours after Calla had gone missing, demanding where he was, if his owner had come back for him. In the end, all he could achieve was making Jean very, very worried (it felt a little off, but if he brought it up, he’d be one to talk) for some reason. Even with Albedo, despite his impassive front, Diluc could detect signs of panic. The alchemist had even accompanied him on his journey back to the winery, to, in his words, ‘investigate the site.’ It had procured no results.
There was something that felt misplaced about the two’s reactions but Diluc currently lacked the headspace to dwell on it. At the moment, he needed to reflect on his own behaviour.
Shaking his head, he throws a dull look around the vineyard. He remembered Calla stalking his way in between the rows of grape trellises, snacking on the fruit (particularly targeting the ripest, most fermented ones, strangely), with a grace so familiar it felt like the peacock had been doing this before him for years.
Diluc’s bond with the bird had been too strong for a being that he had known for barely a week; separation from it felt almost akin to losing Kae-
The vineyards weren’t lacking a guest, for Albedo was there again. Diluc remembered Elzer mentioning something about his visit in the morning. The alchemist looks up and waves at him.
“Would you like to come inside for tea? You seem to have been out here for a while.”
Albedo nods, his sights passing everywhere but at Diluc, searching.
He doesn’t want to ask if he was looking for Calla as well. It was already much too obvious that there was no peacock in the winery’s premises and he wouldn’t like to sound as if he was casting doubt upon the alchemist’s intelligence.
“Have you seen any strange animal recently, Master Diluc?”
The two men were now sitting at the table, sipping the tea Adelinde had brewed. The question was slightly skewed from whatever Diluc had expected.
“Strange animal?”
“Yes. Any which . . . possesses features too unique or mutated even, for you to understand that it is of no ordinary nature?”
“Well . . .” Diluc frowns, trying to not let his displeasure show; he had felt a little grateful from his assumptions that the alchemist was around to help with the peacock and not another one of his alchemical field projects, “That description is much too vague . . . were you experimenting on something? And it happened to escape?”
“You could say that.”
Diluc’s eye twitches, and he returns his attention back to the calla lily tea, one of Kaeya’s favourite non-alcoholic drinks when he notices-
“Is that . . .”
-a shade of blue so familiar he had truly mistaken it for a lock of his beloved’s hair. But alas, it was-
“A worm.” Albedo stares at it as Diluc walks up to the tasteless vase (that he nevertheless cherished) to pick it up from where it sat on the rim. The little thing was clearly alive, as it thrashes around weakly between his thumb and forefinger where he’d held it up; not that Diluc was holding it so harshly. Perhaps a survivor of one of Calla’s meals.
Adelinde’s face flushes.
“Those darned girls-I’m so sorry Master Diluc, Chief Alchemist. I shall scold them properly-”
The head maid rushes out of the hall without allowing him to respond, so Diluc looks back at his little discovery.
“Is it venomous?”
“. . . Perhaps. I have never seen one of this kind. You have exceedingly sharp eyes, Master Diluc. It blended very well with that vase, given the colour of its coat.”
“Right.” Diluc frowns down at the slippery creature who had now ceased all struggle and was now looking at him, lilac eyes blinking widely at him.
Eyes.
Diluc startles, whipping his head away from the worm, stopping himself from dropping it in shock.
“Albedo. Are worms supposed to have eyes, or have I lost my marbles along with my peacock?”
“You haven’t lost anything, really. It does possess eyes.” The earlier traces of worry on Albedo’s face had vanished, as if he’d found what he had been looking for, “Shall I take him-it to my lab? If it were a new species, it would be no small discovery. Part of the credit would belong to you.”
“. . . Fine.” Diluc holds out his hand to Albedo, the worm slithering over his fingers onto the alchemist’s, curling around his forefinger till its head poked out over his fingertip, staring at Diluc. He feels yet another pang deep inside his chest, like he’d had with his first meeting with Calla, but Albedo had already put the worm away in a tiny container, ready to leave.
“. . . Take care of him.”
The alchemist stills, turning around to stare at him and Diluc had never contemplated setting himself on fire with such fervour.
Strangely, Albedo found nothing wrong with his sentiment.
“Of course. I will not hurt him.”
And he was gone.
***
Okay, Kaeya was quite relieved to know he wasn’t a snake, of all things. Yes, perhaps being a worm was simply . . . humiliating in comparison but hey! He wouldn’t have to fear getting skewered to death by one of the vineyard workers, or toasted alive by Diluc! A worm was just a harmless little thing to be; posed hardly any threat if it had not a drop of venom in it. The worst thing that could happen to him was getting thrown into a compost pit.
“He was lucky that the collar I fit on him adjusts on its own depending on the size. He had it on him when I found him.” Albedo hands Jean an earpiece.
Kaeya was currently wriggling across Jean’s desk in her office, exploring the landscape of ink bottles, broken nibs, stained quills, mountains of papers, and the Acting Grandmaster’s hands.
“I’m beginning to think that you find your present circumstances to be rather enjoyable, Sir Kaeya.”
“Hardly.” Kaeya responds in as solemn a tone that a worm could adopt, balancing himself on his tail end as much as he could; the more vertical he looked, the greater the intimidation factor, “So, can someone tell me why I’m a worm right now?”
“Well, Sucrose acquired new information about how her potion works.” Jean answers, scooping him up around her pinky, much to his indignation, “You will turn into multiple animals for the duration of the potion’s effects; the animal in question determined by the samples she used from the same animal. As far as we know, she used four animals per batch, so you shall turn into four animals in total.”
“For example, your peacock form. A drop of a solution of peacock feathers dissolved in acid was one of the ingredients, so you turned into one.” Albedo watches him keenly as he slithers down Jean’s hand.
“Would be pretty convenient if you could tell me which animal . . . ingredients she used.”
“Not possible; this was a multi-faceted research, with all the potion variants having only the base ingredients in common, excluding the animals. A different combination of four animals were used for each variant and Sucrose doesn’t know which one fell on you. Even when I ran my tests, the ingredients had decomposed too much for me to find out the specific combination used. However, she did have the different combinations listed out; all we had to do was conduct a simple process of elimination according to the animals you have transformed into till date to see which one it actually is.”
“. . . And?” Kaeya slithers towards the alchemist’s side of the table hopefully.
“. . . So far, potion variants Alpha, Zeta, Delta, Lambda and Theta contain peacock feathers and worm eggs. The rest of the creatures across the five are all distinct aside from these two. So your next transformation can be anything out of an assortment of ten creatures. We can only narrow it down further after your third.”
Kaeya wiggles over to the edge of the table, the urge to jump off it oddly appealing, “So you’re telling me, I could be turning into anything, right? And this will totally not go wrong?”
“Well, there is good news too!” Jean’s expression morphs into damage control mode, “Four animals, with the potion lasting a year right? That would mean you should be transforming every three months!”
“At least that was to be the case for a ‘regular’ subject.” Albedo places a glass bowl over him, trapping him, for the sole purpose of being an asshole, “But when I gave Sucrose a vial of your blood, she realised the potion worked differently for Khaenr-your blood type.”
“The good news is that instead of transforming into a different animal once every three months, you will transform after every week.”
“Looking over the fact that Albedo has a vial of my blood for some reason, getting randomly poofed into a new critter after barely adjusting to the previous one wouldn’t be my idea of ‘good’ news. What if I turn into a Rishaboland tiger or something and get my head lopped off?”
“Skill issue.”
“Albedo.”
“Apologies, Master Jean. Well, that aside, a Rishaboland tiger isn’t included in those ten potential creatures you could turn into. The most dangerous animal among the ten is a vulture, and Master Diluc loves birds so you should be fine.”
“The increased frequency of his transformation could pose a problem nevertheless.” Jean glares down at him, “This incident, for example. You were missing for three days; do you know how worried we were?!”
“I became a worm; what could I even do?!”
“What did you even eat in those three days?!
“I-” Kaeya falters, curling into himself, “Well, I was indoors so I just ate whatever mud Diluc would bring in with his boots before Addie cleaned it up.”
“. . .”
“. . . . . .”
“STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT-WHAT ELSE IS A WORM SUPPOSED TO EAT THEN?!”
Jean takes a deep breath, her expression a mixture of pity and disgust, before turning towards Albedo, defeated, “Could you . . . provide Sir Kaeya with some fresh soil?”
“Now that you’ve learnt your lesson,” Jean watches as Kaeya chomps down on the sweet, wet soil Albedo had placed before him, “you must understand why it is important that Master Diluc is informed of your predicament?”
“I was going to do that, actually, before I transformed.” Kaeya shifts around, “Well, obviously it was a necessity since I was to be a peacock for a year.”
Jean narrows her eyes.
“And is it not important now?”
“I mean . . . I will be normal in four weeks now! That’s even lesser than the time we told Diluc I’d be MIA, right?”
Jean shares a long look with Albedo.
“So I don’t think there is any . . . tangible need to tell him. And I won’t be staying at home anyway!”
“Oh really?” Albedo tilts his head sideways, “Given how you shall turn back to normal in two and a half weeks, Master Diluc should have little reason to fret over you to the extent of recklessness. Plus, you will be turning into a random animal; wouldn’t warning him about it beforehand reduce the risks?”
“As I said, I’ll be staying at the headquarters so that you can keep an eye on me!”
Jean picks up the baton next, “No. There is another reason you do not wish to tell him.”
Of course Kaeya knew the pros outweighed the cons here. Knowing Diluc, he would ensure his comfort and safety regardless of what animal he transformed into, no one would be worried, the chances of disastrous consequences would drop and Kaeya’s life could return to normalcy quite comfortably.
But one question remained yet to be answered.
“Would Diluc . . .” Kaeya stares at the two imposing figures as he swallows his last mouthful of soil and shifts around awkwardly, “Would he still love me if I was a worm?”
.
.
“Realistically speaking, he would have fed you to his eagle.”
Kaeya opens his little worm mouth as wide as a worm mouth could open, deeply offended.
“Albedo!” Jean hisses at him.
“I mean it. The first thing he asked me was whether you were venomous or not, given the exotic shade of blue you are. Normally, you would look quite delectable.”
“. . .”
“. . . . . . The implications of that statement are very disturbing.”
“From a bird’s dietary perspective, obviously. You should understand that, right Sir Kaeya?”
Kaeya didn’t want to think about his peacock self salivating over his worm self.
Nevertheless, he was to now stay inside Albedo’s lab, inside a spacious glass enclosure with plenty of soil to eat and a small tub of water to clean himself in (wasn’t sure if worms needed a bath but Kaeya was a man of impeccable personal hygiene). It got lonely real soon, however; Albedo wasn’t the best partner for casual conversation. There wasn't anything else to entertain himself with and Kaeya considers requesting the blond to khemia a tiny, worm-appropriate obstacle course for him.
At the very least, the alchemist now possessed enough shame to realise he had an audience whenever Aether came over and chose better spots to have their flings in.
The next two days go past uneventfully, with the evening of Kaeya’s sixth day as a worm interrupted by a tap on the laboratory window.
Not that Kaeya could do much about it, except stare in horror as Dawn Hawk squeezes inside, holding an envelope in its beak.
The eagle had come for him. Come for the snack that had escaped the clutches of its eagle talons the day Diluc had found him. And there was nowhere Kaeya could hide, could run and Dawn Hawk had already caught sight of him, stalking towards his enclosure on its feet slowly, like a predator creeping up on its prey. Perhaps it was even mocking his helplessness, its pace growing slower with every stride, to savour his terror.
Kaeya slithers towards a tiny heap of mud, burrowing himself into it. Not that such a shelter stood a chance against a creature of prey like Dawn Hawk. Of all the grandiose ways he’d imagined his demise to be, this was probably the least heroic of them all but there was little he could do aside from curling into himself and shutting his eyes, willing it all to be over quickly.
Either he had passed out from fear or Kaeya had simply fallen asleep while waiting for his imminent gory death, but when he crawls out of the space, there was no one in sight. Not Dawn Hawk, or the envelope, nothing. And from whatever he could perceive of his own physical self, Kaeya wasn’t missing a bite out of his body.
Perhaps it was a nightmare. Did worms even get nightmares?
Albedo enters the lab then, walking towards the enclosure and Kaeya silently cusses him out, for suggesting the idea of getting fed to Dawn Hawk by Diluc; surely that was why he had such a nightmare?
“Master Diluc came to visit. He didn’t ask much about the peacock; there might be a chance that he’s giving up on it.” Albedo throws him a look, “But, he asked about you.”
“Uh, ‘you’ here means a lot of things to me considering the curre-”
“‘You’ as in the worm. He was asking how you were doing. He seemed rather pleased when I told him you were doing well.”
Doing well? Kaeya was having nightmares about getting eaten alive!
“He even paid you a visit. But he found you asleep.”
“Did he?” Kaeya pouts, wasn’t sure if his worm self could physically manifest that but it was the emotion that mattered, “Should have woken me up.”
“. . . Why would that be necessary? You’re a worm.”
Kaeya glares at him before sulking off into the corner. It had been only three days since he’d seen Diluc and he was already missing the redhead, imagining himself back home at the winery, curling around his warm, gloved fingers and being fed the finest, fertilised soils from the vineyards.
Dwelling in the fantasies that follow, Kaeya enjoys a peaceful sleep that night.
And wakes up the next morning, unable to breathe.
It was like his very lungs had simply disappeared, all the gulps of air he took . . . simply refused to go in. There was a vague, tearing pain he could feel in his sides that he’s unable to process much considering his current state of choking to death.
The lab was empty, and Kaeya couldn’t even scream out for Albedo; his currently unknown body had given in to its dying instincts, lurching forward and slamming itself against the glass repeatedly.
Kaeya hears the door open but his body continues to assault the glass nevertheless, undeterred by the momentary relief at being rescued.
That is, until the newcomer gasps, a gasp all too familiar-
“A fwish!” Klee bounds up to the tank, eyes widening even more at the choked, garbled noises Kaeya lets out and presses her hands against the glass, “Big brother Albedo left a fwish!”
***
“Master Diluc.” Elzer stands at the door of his office in the winery, “The Spark Knight has been spotted in the premises again.”
Diluc continues to pour over the quarterly progress reports, “Code Red or White?”
Sounds of multiple, distant explosions provide him the answer.
“Red, obviously.” Elzer smiles weakly.
Diluc finds Klee sitting on the banks of the river behind the winery, rifling through her backpack, undoubtedly for more of those tiny balls of mass destruction. Sitting on the grass, little distance away from her, was a fish bowl, with a single, blue fish swimming around in it. The child looks up as he approaches, eyes widening in panic.
“Mas-Master Diluc!”
“Miss Klee.” He nods at her, stepping closer to the carnage. Scattered around the water’s edges, and floating on its surface as well, were several, semi-charred fish carcasses.
Diluc wasn’t sure if this was some unique psychological torture being inflicted on the one inside the fish bowl-Klee having a knack for such things meant another common topic of interest between them, opening up new avenues for friendship-
“Now, what have I told you about using your explosives near the winery?” Diluc shakes those thoughts out of his mind. Now was the time to be a responsible adult, to set a good example.
“. . . To not use them near the winery”? Klee folds her arms behind her back, pouting at the ground.
“Let’s pack up those bombs, shall we?” Diluc watches her scramble to put the remaining bombs back, and moves to pick up the fish bowl. The fish inside it was of a dark bluish-violet shade, with a stripe of pale lilac scales running along its side. It stares up at him with wide, round eyes, a tiny scar over its right one. A tiny band of sorts was wrapped around the junction between its tail and main body.
“. . . I see that you have a pet now. What were you doing with it?”
“Mr Fwish? I found him in Big brother Albedo’s lab! He was inside a box full of sand!”
“Sand?”
The fish jumps in the water, splashing some on his nose.
“Yup! He was drying up so fast. But Klee knew that Mr Fwish needed water so she put him in a bowl full of one! And he must have been soooo scared, so Klee decided to take him fish blasting along with Dodoco to cheer him up!”
How exactly was making the fish witness the brutal massacre of its own kind intended to be therapeutic for it was something Diluc wasn’t bonkers enough to understand.
Nevertheless, he manages to ferret the elf child away from her routine fish subjugation sessions with promises of cookies and juice.
***
“You should be happy she didn’t throw you in the river along with those poor sods.” Kaeya stares up at Diluc as he addresses him while placing his bowl atop the table, Klee a safe distance away from hearing range. For a moment, he believes Diluc now knew the truth, and jumps excitedly again, until-
“Then again, you’re a fish; I’m not sure if you would feel such emo-”
Diluc cuts off suddenly, staring off at the side and muttering something in frustration. Probably embarrassed about giving in to his tendency to talk to animals once again.
Kaeya floats around lazily, watching Diluc alternate between his usual duties at the winery and keeping Klee entertained. He also observes the tycoon scribble out something on a sheet, roll it up and attach it to Dawn Hawk’s leg, letting it fly out the window.
Was he sending him letters again? Kaeya wouldn’t be surprised if he was; Diluc was persistent, if anything.
Approximately fifteen minutes later, Albedo bursts into the winery, panting.
“Your-hah-letter. They’re here-”
His eyes briefly pass over Klee, who was now fast asleep on the sofa, snugly wrapped in Diluc’s coat, before finally locking onto him.
Hopefully, he wasn’t too pissed at Kaeya. And why should he be; he was the one who left him alone in the first place!
“Thank you Master-ugh . . .” the blond bends over, clutching at his side. Despite being a knight, Albedo wasn’t always the most athletic.
“Take it easy.” Diluc guides him towards the couch, offering him some water, “The child is safe . . . and so is the fish. However, you shouldn’t have left it outside water.”
“Not deliberately.” Albedo continues to stare back at Kaeya, “An emergency occurred with Timaeus that I had to personally deal with. And my fish . . . tends to be the type to jump around a lot, so after I left, it must have jumped out of its bowl into the box of sand.”
“And then Klee took him away.” Diluc nods, “You need not make your journey back on foot. The two of you are welcome to spend the night here, or if you insist on leaving today, I shall have a carriage arranged.”
Albedo towers over his bowl after Diluc leaves to ask Adelinde to prepare the guest bedrooms.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Kaeya bubbles out, swishing his tail to catapult some water onto Albedo’s blank face, “You were the one who left me! I nearly died!”
“I will accept the blame for leaving you unattended, resulting in your abduction by Klee.” Albedo wipes his face, “As for your near death, however, I’m surprised you forgot about the water container I had provided for you. Not the most comfortable space for you, but sufficient to ensure your survival until my return.”
“. . . I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Perhaps the prospect of death served as a distraction from common sense.”
Kaeya glares up at him, moving to splash water in his face until he stops.
“. . . There’s something wrong isn’t it?”
“What makes you think that?”
“You look like your mixture of two chemicals didn’t turn into the precise shade of blood orange that you wanted.”
Albedo frowns down at him.
“Why are you a fish?”
“Are we really doing this right now?”
“No, I mean.” Albedo pinches the bridge of his nose, “You weren’t supposed to turn into one . . . Sucrose did not use any fishes, or any aquatic life forms in her potion.”
“Dun dun dun.”
“Kaeya.”
“Right. My bad.” Kaeya flaps his fins nervously, “So how did the fish stuff get into the potion?”
“. . . There is a likelihood that faecal matter from an animal that ate fish was used. It’s a hypothesis, of course.”
As everyone retires for the night, Diluc carries his bowl to their own bedroom, to Kaeya’s surprise. He attempts to jump inside the water again, making the older shake his head at him.
“Behave. No wonder you nearly died.”
He puts his finger into the water and Kaeya eagerly swims around it, rubbing himself against it and attempting to follow when it retracts. He looks up to see Diluc staring at him with a raised brow, clearly amused, then leaving his side to make his way on the bed, tucking himself under the covers.
“Rather friendly for a fish, aren’t you?”
“Oh, believe me, Luc. I’d love to be more than friendly too, only in my current circumstances, a relationship of that nature between us would be . . . morally lacking.”
The lamps go out then, their Pyro energies extinguished in a second and plunging the room into darkness. Perhaps the sudden darkness and fancy scientific effects of water and glass on one’s vision led Kaeya to think that Diluc was sitting up, but as his vision adjusts, he finds him buried under the covers again.
Albedo wanted to leave him at Diluc’s.
“You have less than two weeks left until normalcy.” Albedo adjusts the straps on his arms. From his current position atop the dining table, Kaeya could see the outside from the window, where Klee had run outside barefoot, scampering away from the maids rushing after her, who were armed with tiny shoes.
“What if my next transformation is, like a butterfly or something and I instantly drown?”
“Unlikely. I was going through the lists of the five brews and turns out, one of the ingredients was turtle faeces. An animal whose diet comprises of fish. So it is highly likely that you were supposed to turn into a turtle initially, but the fish matter in its excrement overrode the turtle ones. You won’t be turning into a turtle anymore.”
“So you know which animal I will be next.”
“The last ingredient is milk. You shall be a mammal next.”
“. . . So I’m going to be a cow. A cow will suddenly appear in Diluc’s bedchambers and there is no way anything could go wrong, right?”
“Actually, she chose milk that isn’t conventionally used for human consumption.”
“. . . Human breast milk.”
“. . . Say that again, but slowly.”
“Archons sakes, what is it?!” Kaeya flaps his fins angrily.
“Unknown. Klee spilt some juice on the records; the part mentioning the specific animal has been blurred into illegibility. Nevertheless, you shall still be a mammal by the end of the day.”
“I think this is highly irresponsible.”
“You shall make it out of the bowl just fine.”
Kaeya narrows his tiny fish eyes at the alchemist.
“You just want to get back to bedding our Honorary Knight in your lab without me bearing witness, don’t you?”
“That, and also, your transformation to human form won’t be so smooth.” Albedo frowns down at him, as if he were trying to understand a particularly complex problem of trigonometry, “Your human body is essentially in a state of limbo; unused for weeks. Muscle atrophy is heavily likely and it would be convenient to have you in a location where you could be taken care of.”
Diluc had joined the maids by then and soon enough, the two knights could see Klee getting caught and held up in the air by him, giggling as the maids put on her shoes for her.
“Your sister is a menace.”
“Little siblings tend to be so. No wonder Master Diluc and I have a profound understanding for each other.”
“. . . If you’re implying that Diluc’s my brother, I hope you choke on a sausage.”
“. . . I already do, once in a while. On a different kind however-”
Kaeya screams.
“I shall leave the fish in your care, if it doesn’t trouble you much.” Albedo bundles Klee up in his coat, “It might pose a risk to transport him in a carriage today anyway. But if it’s too much of burden, I shall be more than happy to collect him tomorrow.”
“I’m sure it shall be of no bother to me.” Diluc holds the bowl close to his chest; Klee had wanted to bid the fish goodbye, “Besides, I don’t think the Spark Knight and fish go well together.”
Klee giggles at that and Albedo smiles at him. Kaeya looks up towards the redhead, seeing him return it, before glaring back at the alchemist.
“Back off! He’s not yours to flirt with.”
The blonde’s smile falters, “I’m not-” and stops himself, clearly remembering that only he could hear Kaeya, “. . . I hope you enjoy your evening, Master Diluc. Just feed him a pinch of the mixture before bed and after breakfast.”
“. . .”
“. . . You look like you would like to ask me something, Master Diluc.”
“Do I?” Kaeya hears him chuckle, “No, I believe all questions I had have been answered.”
Kaeya splashes around joyfully as Diluc retreats back into the warmth of the living room after Albedo’s departure. Unfortunately, his current choice of species didn’t allow him to snuggle against the redhead but being around Diluc, his scent and warmth, was enough for him. Kaeya wasn’t too greedy when it came to his boyfriend.
In the days that follow, Kaeya notes his new routine. First, Diluc transfers him into a larger tank, with miniature models of the winery, Vanessa’s tree and the statue of Barbatos placed inside it (if he looked outside the tank, he could see a discarded model of the KoF headquarters stowed away in a half open drawer).
Satisfied with the new generous space, Kaeya swims lavishly amongst the aquatic decorations, singing his careless adorations for his lover. Diluc also seemed to spend strange amounts of time with him; he would do his paperwork in the parlour where he could see the tank instead of his study. The only time Kaeya spent without Diluc was whenever the redhead left for work in the city or his nightly vigilance.
And before bed, Kaeya would be scooped into a smaller fishbowl and kept atop Diluc’s bedside table.
“Is it . . . showing off?” Elzer comments one evening when Diluc was feeding him. Kaeya had been doing tiny flips in the water after every few bits of feed that fell into his mouth.
“It has been doing it for the last three times I fed it.”
After the last morsels of feed are devoured, he leaps out of the surface of the water, doing a little mid-air flip, before dropping back inside the water, swimming towards the glass covering to look at Diluc eagerly.
The redhead smiles at him before removing his gloves and dipping his hand into the water for Kaeya to nuzzle against.
“You bath is ready, Master Diluc.”
“I’ll be there, Adelinde.”
Kaeya flaps his tail hopefully as his lover retrieves his hand.
“Won’t you allow me to accompany you? I can swim in the bathtub.”
Not that Diluc could hear him, but nothing wrong with vocalising one’s thoughts?
“It looks like it wants to follow you.” Elzer taps on the glass cheekily.
“Obviously.” Diluc had turned to leave the room but Kaeya did not miss the mirth in his voice, “Unfortunately, it will have to stay where it is.”
Either Kaeya’s days as a fish flew past ridiculously fast or he transformed a couple of days earlier than estimated. Whatever he had turned into definitely hated water, as implied by his first instincts being to scream and kick his feet and scratch anything that appeared in sight. He somehow manages to launch himself out of the tank, and also push a glass vase off the table.
The deafening crash of breaking glass and water splashing all around makes Kaeya leap a metre up in the air.
If his suspicions were correct, currently he was most likely a-
The door to Diluc’s study flies open and in comes Adelinde, armed with a broom. She stares at the shattered vase on the floor before looking back up at Kaeya, who was now sopping wet.
“. . . A cat? Did Moco let one inside again?”
And thank the archons he was a cat.
A cat was probably the most comfortable creature he could be. No restrictions on movement, no Dawn Hawks ready to make a snack out of him and being a cat meant being cute and receiving copious amounts of affection and treats from the people around him.
Something Kaeya definitely was not about to receive from Adelinde, from the look she was giving him.
Now, he did need an explanation for his fish self’s departure and the most logical one for that was that Moco had let a cat (him) inside and said cat had dived inside the tank and made a scrumptious meal out of Master Diluc’s emotional support fish.
Something Moco would probably lose her job for, but it wasn’t like things were looking too painless for Kaeya either, given the way Adelinde was brandishing her broom at him. Clearly having arrived at the very explanation he was thinking about.
He meows at her, as pitifully as he could, hoping to trigger her ‘feed and spoil Kaeya’ instincts into crossing inter-species boundaries.
Doesn’t work. On Adelinde, at least, from the way she marches towards him.
But his mews did seem to attract the attention of Diluc, from how the redhead immediately materialised behind the head maid.
“Was that a cat I heard?”
Kaeya employs full use of the momentary distraction, leaping off the table and zooming between Adelinde’s legs to hide behind Diluc’s, mewing loudly.
“Catch him, Master Diluc.” Adelinde glares down at him, “Your fish is missing and it is likely that this little beast is behind it!”
“The fish?” Diluc looks confused as he takes in the broken glass, the spilt water, the fish tank’s absent inhabitant and the cat soaked to the bone and realisation dawns on him, “. . . Oh.”
“I’m sorry Master Diluc. I’m aware you were growing fond of that fish and now it’s . . .”
The silence that follows was deafening as Diluc stares at Kaeya, no doubt registering, accepting and grieving the fate of the fish. Kaeya knew he was innocent, yet a pang of guilt stabs at him. for bereaving Diluc of a beloved companion.
“I see.”
Kaeya mews anxiously, knowing Diluc enough to know that he wouldn’t exact any cruelty against an animal for such a thing, but worried about the odd sense of detachment in his tone. It would be so like Diluc to conceal his hurt, to maintain a façade of levelheadedness.
“I shall have a word with Moc-”
“No need.” Diluc shakes his head, “Rationally, there isn’t any party to blame here. She let him in out of kindness, the cat merely acted according to its nature. In fact, I should not have left my study open like that, especially when I had left the fish alone.”
“Master Diluc, someone should have kept an eye regardless-”
“And that should have been me. I shall take responsibility for it, and inform Albedo about my carelessness.”
Adelinde still seemed hesitant about the whole thing, as though she expected Diluc to be more distraught by the incident and Kaeya couldn’t agree more.
Or perhaps both had overestimated Diluc’s attachment for the fish.
***
“Alright, then. What shall we . . .” the head maid pokes her broom in the direction of the cat, “do about him?”
As if on cue, the cat meows loudly, rubbing its body around Diluc’s legs.
Sucking up to me already . . . Diluc’s lips twitch as he bends down to scoop the cat in his arms, “. . . We should get it some food.”
“It scarfed down your fish just a few minutes ago, Master Diluc.”
“Yes. That is why it would be better that we feed it ourselves and let it be on its way, lest it wanders around hungry and robs yet another household of a beloved pet.”
The cat rubs its head against his chin, purring loudly. Adelinde crosses her arms, frowning at it and Diluc holds backs a smile. The scene did remind him increasingly of Kaeya as a child, of the ways he tried pacify the head maid with pouts and puppy eyes after his usual mischief, and how Adelinde had slowly developed resistance to such psychological manipulation.
For a cat that had supposedly just dined on a fat, healthy fish, it sure didn’t spare any time inhaling the can of fish Adelinde sets before him.
“This one doesn’t seem like a stray either . . .” the head maid comments, eyeing its glossy, blue fur, clearly well-maintained.
“Or it has a talent for getting fed by well-off houses.” Diluc watches as the cat approaches him after its meal and flops down on his feet. It was one of those cats with their fur all silky and soft, and laying down made them appear as if they were melting into a puddle of fluff. The cat meows as Diluc picks it up, purring happily as he sets it on his lap.
“Oh, he’s buttering you up, alright!” Adelinde huffs as she clears away the remnants of its meal, “Look at him purr!”
“And I’m falling for it.” Diluc mutters as he turns the cat over on its back, rubbing its belly. The little animal meows, wrapping its paws around his arms, nipping at his fingers affectionately.
The cat was a conniving little fellow alright. Wandering around Diluc almost the entire day, settling on his lap as he worked in his study, and accompanying him for walks down to the city. During his shifts at Angel’s Share, the cat would be found exploring the countertop or the upstairs tables, obtaining treats and pets from the customers visiting the tavern.
“Tch. He really likes you for some reason.” Diona grumbles one afternoon, after having glared at the duo from a corner for a few hours, “I have never heard a kitty purr so loudly . . .”
It was oddly gratifying to hear such praise from the resident kitty connoisseur.
The cat had also made itself home at the winery. It hated using the litter box for some reason, despite the number of treats Adelinde offered as a reward. Diluc would often watch with amusement whenever the cat would simply run out of the house to relieve itself and spend an hour or two sulking and cleaning itself by the river until Diluc himself arrived to collect it. Considering the amount of closeness the cat had shown to him in their first meeting, Diluc wasn’t surprised to find that it loved to cuddle as well; it was customary for his pillow covers now to be covered with blue fur. Waking up in the morning to the sound of its purrs was another therapeutic side effect of his impromptu taking in of the cat.
Something he would dearly miss once the cat was gone.
It had been nearly four days since Diluc had practically adopted the cat that he remembers an important task to be done. The cat was clearly an adult, and as an upstanding citizen of Mondstadt, Diluc must uphold his duty of ensuring the wellbeing of the stray population of the city.
The cat, which he had neglected to name for his own reasons, meows at him curiously as Diluc walks past the Angel’s Share, making his way up in the city.
“Wondering where I am taking you?” he holds the cat closer and presses his lips against the top of its head. They were now at the feet of the Statue of Barbatos, “You see, you are an adult cat now, and the ones at the Cat’s Tail have gotten very fond of you. Margaret wouldn’t be happy with me if some of them ended up pregnant. So, I must get you neutered.”
The purrs arrive at an abrupt stop as the cat freezes all over (as if it had understood every syllable perfectly). Before letting out a deafening screech.
Diluc doesn’t do much to stop the cat from scrambling out of his grasp and bolting down the streets.
He knew where it was going anyway.
***
Kaeya bursts in through the gates of the Favonius Headquarters, throwing anxious glances behind him to see if Diluc was pursuing him. Dodging the couple of knights that try to grab him, and scurrying up the stairs, he’s relieved to find the doors of the alchemical lab open.
“ALBEDO!” he yowls as loudly as he could in his feline form, “ALBEDO HE WANTS TO CASTRATE ME!”
Albedo doesn’t turn to look at him, face still buried in his notes as he hums, “Ah, you turned into a cat this time.”
“Who the FUCK cares about that-my balls are at stake here!”
“Hm?” Albedo tilts his head, still busy with his notes, “That’s interesting. I wonder if your castration would reflect on your human form once you turn back to normal.”
“That-you’re not making this any better!”
“Hm. Master Diluc’s barely had you for a day and he wants to neuter you already?”
Kaeya hops onto the table.
“What do you mean a day-I’ve been like this for four days now.”
Albedo stills, finally turning towards him.
“You transformed earlier-stop that.” He swats his paw away, which was threatening to push a beaker off the table, “Hm. Probably because the fish incident was an anomaly and the solution did not have enough reagents to support that fo-”
“Ah. There he is.”
Kaeya whips around in horror, to see Diluc standing at the doorway. He yowls, before leaping off the table and towards Albedo, hiding between his legs.
“SAVE ME!”
“Master Diluc. It has been a while since I heard from you.”
“Likewise, Chief Alchemist.”
Kaeya stares at the two before-
Before his mind travels back to something Albedo had said before.
“Hey . . . how did you not realise I was a cat before? Didn’t Diluc tell you about your fish I supposedly ate?”
.
.
“Why would I need to do that?”
Kaeya whips towards Diluc again; the redhead was looking right at him as he spoke, “I know you never really ate that thing.”
. . .
Diluc wasn’t talking to Albedo. He was addressing Kaeya.
“Wha-” Kaeya backs away from the duo slowly, looking between them frantically. Diluc’s smile only grows wider; the cogs turning inside Kaeya’s kitty brain plain as day to him.
“You-” Kaeya stammers as realisation dawns upon him, “You knew! All along.”
“Not all along.” Diluc raises his hand up to tuck away the lock of hair covering his ears. To reveal a tiny earpiece behind it, “Albedo informed me about your situation on the day I found you and Klee.”
“I don’t think I need to explain myself.” Albedo replies, neatly dodging the barrage of claw attacks Kaeya unleashes on him, “No matter what we decided, you always found yourself in danger; it was only prudent that Master Diluc was informed.”
“I didn’t believe him at first.” Diluc steps forward to grab the raging Kaeya by his sides and lift him up in the air, “Until he gave me an earpiece, and I got to hear you telling him to cease his ‘flirtations’ shortly before he was about to leave.” Kaeya stills as Diluc holds him up right before his face, allowing him to register the horrific implications of those words, “And yes, I perfectly heard all the sexually explicit stuff your fish self chanted whenever I undressed before you.”
“You bastard.” Kaeya gasps.
“It was a little jarring to hear how much a fish wanted to ‘lick my abs’ and I had to keep reminding myself that it was you.”
Kaeya covers his face with his paws and screams.
“No-no way you just accepted it was me from one sentence alone!”
“I wasn’t without my own suspicions before Albedo’s revelation.” Diluc kisses his nose, “You succumbed to your affections for me too many times . . . for an animal that had not even been around me for a day, you were too friendly towards me.”
“I wasn’t-”
“I heard the first thing you did when you met him as a peacock was do a courting dance.”
“I was just trying to-”
“Normally, if you put a finger in a fish tank, the fishes would run away, yet you eagerly approached my finger lacking any fear of humans. Despite what Klee did. You even performed tricks for me.”
“Yeah, but for all we know, I could have been an experimental fish made by Albe-”
“And the damning observation I made was . . .” Diluc goes silent for a second, as if waiting for the perfect moment to break it. Suddenly, a whistle of an eagle is heard as one swoops in through the window.
“. . . Dawn Hawk.” Diluc finishes, as the eagle flies over to him and perches on his shoulder, “He kept delivering the letters meant for you . . . to you, but you were a peacock at that time.”
Kaeya suddenly remembers a certain nightmare.
“And when you went missing . . . I thought if I get Dawn Hawk to deliver a letter to you, the human, he would lead me to you, the peacock.”
“That’s why Master Diluc visited that day.” Albedo rests his chin in his knuckles, “I found it strange that he had travelled all the way to meet a worm-one that he should hardly be attached to. But he was just looking for the letter.”
That was why the envelope was nowhere to be seen when Kaeya had woken up.
Diluc tucks Kaeya’s defeated cat self into his coat, “Of course it made no sense to me at first. But noticing the features all the animals shared with you, Jean and Albedo’s strange behaviour . . . combined with Albedo telling me the truth. Everything made sense.”
So Dawn Hawk had recognised him. The eagle looked rather pleased with itself, making tiny squeaky noises at Diluc who gives it the rewarding scratches it demanded.
“I can’t believe you knew it was me and still wanted to cut off my nuts.” Kaeya meows as Diluc carries him upstairs after dinner. Not that he couldn’t walk up on his own in his kitty form, but it wasn’t like Diluc carried him around much in his time as a human and Kaeya intended to take full advantage of his current self.
“I only wanted to make you experience a fraction of the worries I went through on the daily after your disappearance.” Diluc tosses him on the bed, coaxing an indignant squeak out of him, “The audacity of you to stay under my roof, relishing all the comforts I provided and not say a word as I spent days in anxiety over you, calls for some retribution, I believe.”
“Look, in the beginning, there wasn’t any antidote and I didn’t want you stressing over that. Besides, it wasn’t like I was in any immediate danger!” Kaeya turns over on his back and swings his tail sideways, his usual silent cue for demanding pets from the redhead, “You could have just believed I was with Varka; I could have turned back to normal and come back, no need to talk about my animal phase.”
Diluc doesn’t budge an inch.
“Why was it necessary? You left me worrying regardless. And you could have told me once the situation was clearer.”
Kaeya stares at him, lost for words, because shaking his head wildly and pawing at Diluc to come closer, who now seats himself beside him, “Look, what matters is the present and, in the present, you know. So, let’s just leave this behind us, shall we?” he wiggles his tummy again, a silent plea for Diluc to take the hint.
Diluc narrows his eyes.
“No. I believe there is something else that you must say to me and until you do so, no belly rubs for you.”
Kaeya lets out a screeching meow at that but Diluc, heartless as he was, doesn’t relent.
After a few minutes of silent glowering at each other, Kaeya concedes.
“. . . I’m sorry.”
“Are you truly apologetic or are you just that desperate for pets?”
“Oi, I actually did feel bad about it you know.” Kaeya swipes a paw at Diluc, “I saw how stressed you were; I even tried to tell you, you know. But you took away all the inks and then I turned into a worm and I didn’t even know that could happened at that point. It was just . . . a lot of shit happening at the same time.”
Kaeya curls up into a ball, too humiliated to show his tummy at this point, “And when I learnt I wouldn’t be in that state for as long as initially estimated, I didn’t see the point of telling you anymore . . .”
“Kaeya.” He feels Diluc’s hands on him, uncurling him so that he was forced to look at his face, “Kaeya, were you embarrassed?”
“What? Embarrassed? Me? How did you even arrive at that conclusion?”
“. . .”
“. . .”
“. . . . . .”
“. . . The whole thing was just stupid.” Kaeya yowls, attempting to hide his face again, only for Diluc to hold him down, “Having a stupid potion get dropped on my head, going from a respectable captain of the knights to a creature that eats worms or shits in a box. I didn’t want you to see me like that-it was pathetic.”
“. . .”
Kaeya’s initial plan of going into a silent spell of self-loathing and remorse after his words is interrupted by Diluc massaging his belly, dissolving him into a puddle of purrs.
“Well, I’m glad that you are honest with me.” Diluc smiles, lifting him onto his lap.
“You know I’m trying to sound a little sorry here and you. Are. Not. Helpin-”
“I’ll miss your cat form, really.” Diluc proceeds with well-timed scratches behind his ears, “You are so much more manageable like this.”
Kaeya’s flurry of paw swipes is expertly dodged.
“Well, considering some of the things you did in this period, I’m not surprised that you were so averse to letting me know. Like that one time you threw up a hairball on my letters, had no idea what to do and proceeded to shred the papers and hide it under the carpe-”
“YOU SAW THAT?!”
“You aren’t as slick as you give yourself credit for, love. Not like this.”
“At this point, I prefer you’d just cut off my balls instead.”
“Or that one time when you got the zoomies at 1 in the morning and were attacking your own tail for hours. . . And all those egg-related fetishes you brought up as a fish which you thought I couldn’t hear-”
“STOP!”
Dignity and humiliation aside, Kaeya spends his last days as a cat as lavishly as one of his kind could. Adelinde’s attitude towards him underwent total upheaval once Kaeya revealed himself to her; all the displeasure was replaced with incessant coddling and petting and snack-feeding and Kaeya would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. Life as an adult human didn’t seem so appealing in retrospect.
“Kaeya.”
Kaeya doesn’t want to open his eyes; sleeping as a cat atop Diluc’s chest every night was alluring to him as wine. He purrs and rubs his nose against Diluc’s chin. Something felt off, but the redhead’s warm arms around his back made everything better.
“Kae-archons, do you even hear yourself right now?”
Kaeya meows sleepily before raising himself slightly, towering over Diluc who was now looking up at him. Blue locks of hair gently dangled over his bare collarbone.
Hair?
Kaeya sits up abruptly, staring at his now human, clawless hands, then at his bare legs, which were now straddling Diluc and completely devoid of fur. He pats around fervently near his lower back and head, for any tails or ears that could have been left over.
“I’m-I’m back!”
Diluc watches him sleepily.
“You are. And completely naked to boot.”
“Oh who cares-kiss me already.” Kaeya leans back down to press his normal, human lips against Diluc’s. He groans happily as arms wrap around his waist, from the joy of finally being human again, from Diluc embracing him properly, from getting to have as many scandalous thoughts about him as he wanted without the underlying guilt over pseudo-bestiality.
Not that being an animal deterred him from such thoughts anyway, but it was one less skeleton in the closet for him.
Kaeya was only beginning to register the abashment of being buck naked on top of Diluc when a sudden ache rages through his body. As if he had been physically holding up the weight of the entire winery on his back for months without rest.
“Fuck.” he falls to the side, groaning as the soreness hits him in full capacity. Even moving his limbs around in the slightest invited a wave of pain. Diluc was over him within seconds, the sleep completely wiped off his face and replaced with panic.
“What happened? Can you speak, Kaeya?”
“Oh, nothing, just feeling like I got swung around by a lawachurl a few hundred times.”
“Is this another transformation? Should I get-”
“Nah. Albedo suspected this would happen. Haven’t used my human body for months after all.”
Diluc blinks at him, eyes still wide before deflating into their default deadpan, “I see. I shall have a hot bath prepared for you.”
“There are other ways to exercise the human body into activity~” Kaeya tries to wiggle his hips and regrets it instantly, “Like a massage-a heated massage. Heat is good for cramps and stuff, you know, and who else can heat up his nice, warm hands an-”
“I shall also contact the church and make arrangements for physiotherapy, if need be.” Diluc looked utterly unamused and absolutely not hot and bothered by the sight of his undoubtedly irresistible naked form, as he tucks the covers around him, “You should rest meanwhile.”
Kaeya would have whined in protest at that but another bout of back pain sobers him up fast enough. He considers demanding more kisses from the redhead but he had already left.
All things aside, the idea of getting pampered despite his return to normalcy was enough to put him to sleep once again.