Chapter Text
I am a God. Shouki no Kami they call me.
I am a God. So why do I not feel like one?
The people; they pray to me, they worship me. They make statues of me, they write stories of me, they sing songs of me. Even if I were to cease to exist tomorrow, the idea of me will live forever within these statues and stories.
But these stories they tell…the songs they sing…I do not know what they speak of.
I took my first breath into this world in a cold dark room connected to this vessel I call my home. I am this vessel and this vessel is me. That was my first memory.
So who is this God they speak of that brought the seeds of wisdom flowing back into Sumeru? I have not left these chambers once yet the tales they tell make me seem like a riveting adventurer and fighter. I wish to live up to that name. To be freed from this empty shell and wander the lands searching for the wisdom my people praise me for.
There is something out there calling to me but I do not know what. I am anguished with a heavy feeling resting between my chest. I have nothing to be anguished about for I have never experienced the human world. There is a part of my head that feels empty like something is missing. How can I be the God of Wisdom if I have no knowledge of my own self?
At night I dream in shades of purple. And in this purple landscape there is a woman. I do not know this woman but I find comfort in her presence. Like she is the wiser being I crave to seek guidance from.
I do not know this woman. But I sit with her in my dreams and let the hues of the purple sky envelope us. By sunrise, I awaken with tear stained cheeks.
I am a God. But I am too fragile to be in this position.
Today marks the annual festival celebrating my birth. I watch from above as the people cheer and dance around the bazaar celebrating a being I feel detached from.
“Shouki no Kami, please give me the knowledge to pass my exams,” one begs.
“Shouki no Kami, may you continue to watch over us for many more years to come,” another cheers.
As the festivities slowly fade into quietness and the people retreat back into their homes, there is one soul still awake in the city of Sumeru. Who could possibly still have the energy to be awake this late at night? Drawn to her presence, I keep observing her.
Her face obscured by the darkness, she walks with an elegance to her step towards the altar where people have left gifts and offerings. The woman kneels in front for a while, her back turned. I do not know why but I am compelled to keep watching.
After a few silent minutes to herself she gets up to leave. But not before gently placing something down at the center of the altar. A mirror with an electro symbol radiating from the center. For what purpose would this mirror serve me?
I am a God. But I do not feel like one.
As the woman gets up to leave she turns around and takes one long look at the sky as if she were staring right into my eyes. And at that moment I really did feel like we were gazing right at each other. My chest clenches as I feel the air knocked out of my body.
These eyes. These eyes gazing at me with a sorrowful expression. These eyes only seen to me in the form of a dream are now looking upon me in the waking world. My mechanical vessel pinning me back from reaching my hand out in an attempt to descend from the sky and grasp onto her.
I am not a God. I am a vessel.
A puppet made to hold onto a power that is not mine.
“Mother,” I speak in hopes she can hear my calls.
“Free me from here,” I beg. “Tear me apart and rebuild me once again. I swear this time I will make you proud.”
She is my creator. She is my God.