Chapter Text
Staring up at the ceiling in the dark, Donella’s body was half on top of her as the woman cuddled up against her side. She could feel her breath against her neck, it tickled and made her grin. Turning her face, her lips brushed against the other’s forehead. And maybe she would have pulled away if they were completely awake but right now it was like the darkness could keep her secrets. Pressing a kiss softly, she paused for a moment before gently patting her cheek.
“Donnie, I know you’re awake. I can feel you holding your breath.” She whispered and rolled over as the other shifted to lay on her side. Ulla could make out her form in the darkness, just barely though her eyes had adjusted.
“I was trying to spare you the embarrassment,” She teased and poked her stomach under the covers, making her squeal and press her cold feet to her shins. “Hey!” Feigning offense, the two grappled for a few moments which ended with the shorter laying across her chest. Her red hair tickled her nose, she wrinkled it and laughed as Ulla leaned down and pressed their foreheads together.
“Wanna go for a walk?” It almost sounded like an adventure when she said it, she could make anything sound grand with her inflections. In a way, she taught Donella how to do the same- to see the world as somewhere filled with opportunity and promise and light- but despite it all, her friend was always the brightest. “I can’t sleep.”
“Neither can I,” Pushing herself up, Ulla sat on her lap and draped her arms over her shoulders. Raising an eyebrow despite the lack of sight, she huffed, feeling how the other’s knees rested against her hips in this manner that was simply perfect. “I can’t get up until you do.”
“Give me a second, let me enjoy this,” She replied and tilted her head a bit. A few inches stood between them and a completely different future, just a second or two before- No. Her thumbs gently ran along the curve of Donella’s neck, trailing down to her collarbone. Closing her eyes, she sighed with contentment and pressed the slope of her nose to her forehead, perfect fit.
“Sometimes you have to slow down, Donnie. Never know what you may miss.” All those years slipping through her fingers, she could never get them back but small moments like these filled the void just a bit. Her fingers gently traced along the other’s jawbone, the left side as she memorized the curve of her features.
~~
Walking along the brick wall, she moved as if balancing on a tightrope. Donella stared at her, her lips pulling into a subconscious smile as she observed how the moonlight reflected off her fiery red hair and sat along her cupid’s bow and tip of her nose. Breathtaking.
Pausing for a second, she giggled before breaking into a run, looking over to see the other sprinting alongside her. The edge was coming up, stride by stride until the toe of her shoe hovered over empty air. She spread her arms wide, spun around, and tipped backwards, falling into Donella’s security.
She caught her bridal style and allowed their weight to spin them around, holding her tightly. Ulla put one hand at her neck, pulling her down so that she could press their foreheads together. The slope of her nose, once something that Donella didn’t particularly care for, fit so nicely against the curve of her forehead. How could she hate it then?
Staring into those green eyes, she took a second to just savor it. In a matter of time, the next day, this could all be over- but now, in this moment, it was just them in their own little world. It was a place where pain couldn’t get to them, nor time nor fate- it was just theirs. Her feet met the ground as she was set down, holding onto Donella’s hand and hooking her pinky around the other’s. They walked forwards, enjoying the company.
Eventually, Ulla broke the silence as she always seemed to do. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Donnie,” Well she did know- as in losing her mind in some eternal hell dimension while having way too much magic pumping through her system. She’d rather not know that.
“You’d probably get bored, that’s how I’d feel without you,” She responded lightly but glanced over to see how the other almost sulked. Raising an eyebrow, she bumped her with her hip, “What’s the face?”
“What? Nothing!” Ulla stood a little straighter and forced her cheeks to puff out, “This is just my face!” Not super convincing, she deflated pretty quickly and shook her head. “Fine you got me,” Holding up one hand in surrender, she sighed and used it to hold her opposite elbow all while still hanging onto Donella’s pinky. “I just- it’s stupid but I don’t want to lose you.” Especially since in a bit, she’d remember everything she did- remember the years of suffering she caused.
“Lose me?” A little scoff, she pulled her finger tighter in a silent promise, “Like that would ever happen.”
“But what if one day it does? What if,” She kicked at a pebble, watching it skirt off into the darkness and out of sight. Her stomach flipped, tendrils of anxiety clawed at her insides and threatened to constrict her, “What if one day I fuck up really really bad and I lose you because of it?”
“Well,” Pausing for a second to think, she stared up at the moon. There was this feeling in her ribcage, the same one she felt that very first night- like she had been missing Ulla for a long long time. There was something empty inside her, something hollow when she stared at the moon and pictured them miles apart, both looking at it but not together. “There will be times when you make me angry, times when I’m lost for a bit. But when I am, eventually, I’ll want to not- be lost anymore. Oh, that sounds stupid doesn’t it?”
“No, no it doesn’t,” Stepping in front of her, she took the other’s cool hands and held them both, running her thumb over her knuckles, “I thought it was quite nice.”
A heavy sigh where she didn’t seem totally convinced. Why was it that whenever she had to actually talk to Ulla she’d get all tongue-tied? It was awfully inconvenient, how the words she thought about most were the hardest to say. Donella stepped closer and lifted their grasp a little. Her gaze softened when those blue eyes stared back at her, filling her with warmth- making her feel alive. “I will always want to find my way back to you. I’ll always know how to find home.”
~~
“And done!” Varian held up the scroll and handed it off to Hugo for double-checking. The blond looked quickly between the writing and the chalkboard, making sure the transcriptions were correct. Eventually, he nodded and handed the page back to his partner.
“Did you notice how she sorta writes like you?” He muttered while walking over to the board. The other’s relationship with his mother was- complicated to say the least, but it was hard to ignore how they organized their thoughts in the same way and chose the same symbols to abbreviate and indicate connections.
“Yeah I- I did,” Setting the page down on the table carefully, he adjusted the goggles that sat on his head before taking them off and staring at his reflection in the lens. Whenever he looked at his eyes he saw her- or the Library version of her with that eerie teal glow. A shiver ran down his spine.
The doors flung open and Ulla hurried inside, taking the page excitedly and motioning for them to come. “I got her to her room, now come on before she changes her mind!” A little skip in her step, like if she didn’t do this right now she’d lose her courage. Like a top, she built upon her momentum. No time to think meant no time to second guess, if she hesitated she’d fall. Skirting to a stop from the sprint she initiated, she stared at the doorknob to Donella’s room.
“Did she forget how doors work again?” Hugo whispered to Varian who was panting a bit next to him. Sometimes it seemed those things still slipped her mind.
The paper was tucked into the pocket of her skirt, that little slip of fewer than fifty words could change her life- their lives. Demanitus knew they already had their fair share of magical interference. Donella’s words echoed in her mind, ‘I don't know if I can ever look at you again and not remember’. She played with her fingers, squeezing them as she stared at the wood.
“If I do this, I’ll lose her a second time,” The words slipped from her lips without much thought, as if they had just fallen out into the world by themselves. Even if she wasn’t completely cut off, Ulla didn’t know if she could live with Donella treating her the way Varian did. He was distant, she could see her own destruction in his pupils whenever they made eye contact. He would never fully forgive her and that was okay despite how much it hurt. But with her Donnie, she didn’t know if she could recover from those wasted years.
Because there was a before with her and only her. A time where she could look at Ulla and not see the monster- and for some reason she believed if Donella could look at her like that again, see her for a brief moment as just her- she’d be okay. She didn’t know if they could be okay and that was terrifying.
Just as she took a step back, Hugo rested a hand on her shoulder. He opened his mouth, hesitating. When he was young his mentor would always let him have the day off that specific date- clearly it was important to her. She’d leave the lab and come back in the evening, solemn and quiet- more than usual at least.
She did it for a few dates that he could remember. Recently he asked about it and she, with this tease and laugh, chided him for forgetting something as notable as her and Ulla’s friendship anniversary or the other’s birthday. If he was a few months younger he wouldn’t be able to understand how someone could still care about the person who hurt them. But then Varian forgave him for all he did. Staring at the woman as she was clearly working up the nerve, he saw a bit of himself trying to beg the other boy for any kind of forgiveness he was willing to give.
“She loved you,” He watched as those blue eyes turned to him, widening a bit, “Even when she hated you, she loved you. That won’t change. I don’t- I don’t think she knows how to stop. I don’t think she wants to either.”
Taking in a deep breath, Ulla nodded and extended her arms as she turned towards him as if asking if it were okay to hug. Hugo nodded and awkwardly stepped towards her. She squeezed him, he found his hands resting against the middle of her back. It was brief and clunky but it was a peace offering. Varian had given her an encouraging little smile and thumbs-up from over the blond’s shoulder.
She turned towards him, nodding, “Let’s go get your mom back.”
The boy seemed to relish in the term, something he took great pride in over the weeks. He was her son and she was his mom and it all felt so right.
Donella sat right at the edge of the bed where she had last seen her, clearly waiting for her to return. When she did her green eyes brightened, even more when Hugo entered the room as well. “Are you finally gonna show me what you’ve been working on for so long?” She didn’t really get why they couldn’t just do it at their Library but the change of scenery was nice.
Nodding as the blond sat down next to the woman, Varian hovering around to get a good demonstration of magic up close, she took out the parchment. Outside of the confines of that eternal hell dimension her magic wasn’t as bright, wasn’t as powerful, which was probably the only reason she was able to work her son up to looking at it without freezing. He wanted to see this, of course, even if he didn’t completely believe in the concept.
“Hey, Donnie? Can you promise me something?” She lowered the page and stepped closer, Donella tilted her head and nodded, reaching out and linking their pinkies. Staring at them, Ulla took in a breath to keep her voice from wavering. “Promise me that you’ll always find your way home,” She glanced at Hugo, the corners of her eyes crinkling, “Whatever that means to you.”
“I promise,” She replied in all seriousness, sensing that something was different about her friend as she nodded with satisfaction and dropped their grasp.
Holding up the script again, Ulla gave it one more once-over before tucking it away and lifting her hands. Taking in a breath, she held it and allowed the air to push down, filling every square inch of her lungs. Slowly, her shoulders relaxed as she exhaled, that familiar tingling sensation flowing through her veins- magical energy. The room was dark, it was late, but that just allowed the blue glow of her magic to shine brighter.
Brighter- Varian found himself stumbling back, images of solid teal eyes and monstrous ghosts flashed before him. He couldn’t do it he- His mother met his gaze. And she smiled. Not the one he remembered from the Library that was a bit too wide and a bit too empty, but the one he remembered hanging on the wall. It was soft and understanding and- for a while, he wondered if it was dead. But she came back and she nodded at him, using her head to gesture to the door. He skirted out quickly, mouthing her a thank you.
Turning back to her hands, she grunted softly as the magic grew in strength, clinking noises came from her palms, the edges of the glowing blue energy trying to crystalize like gems. She watched as Donella blinked, a memory she couldn’t quite make out like the farthest ring in a ripple. Her hand ran over her right cheek, over the raised skin before-
A gust of wind coursed through the room, extending from Ulla’s power. It blew her hair back and knocked Hugo’s glasses awry. The light slowly returned to normal, everything settling back into balance.
They held their breath as the woman rubbed at her temples with her eyes shut. Fluttering them open, her gaze landed on Hugo who was holding onto her free hand. Without a word, she pulled the boy into a hug that left him stunned. His arm hesitantly wrapped around her, entire body melting to conform to her shape as he sighed. It didn’t work. “Hi, Don.”
His disappointment was audible, lifting his head in confusion as his mentor tutted her tongue. “You really think I have to have my brain magically fucked in order to hug you? I guess that says more about me than you actually-” Her hand gently pet the back of his head, lingering when he pulled away.
“You- you remember?” He choked out, sniffing in confusion as his face suddenly started to burn. She knew him better than he did as her thumb moved to wipe at his tears before they fell too far. “You remember our lab- our- our fight? The last few weeks?”
When she nodded, all the tension in his shoulders dissipated and he flung himself forwards to hug her properly, squeezing her so tightly like he was trying to make up for all the times he refrained. And she did the same, compressing all his broken pieces back together. She saved him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, not sure if he was apologizing for his actions or that or the world- maybe both.
“Sorry?” Donella replied with more confusion than anything, gently pulling away when he started to do the same, “Kid- Hugo- you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all.” Her hands lifted again to wipe at his face, he turned his cheek into her palm and sniffed, taking his glasses off as he rubbed at his eyes.
“I missed you. Are you- are you okay?” He held onto her wrist once his sputtering had calmed down, watching how she tilted her head in thought before nodding.
“Never better.”
~~
Eventually, after a little while of consoling Hugo and tests to make sure she actually retained everything and the spell was a success, the boys left to turn in for the night- leaving them alone. She finished up her notes and tucked them away, starting to head for the door. Ironically Donella had been the one to teach her how to take good documentation of her experiments.
“Wait-”
That voice called to her. Ulla’s hand rested on the cold metal, shaking. Part of her wanted to push on, to just avoid whatever heartbreak was about to happen. Clearly, she remembered those few weeks in mental limbo, she remembered everything they did and said, and- she remembered that they were happy. Maybe in another life they still were.
But something in her made her turn on her heel and step towards the bed. Donella took out a folded slip of paper from her pocket, handing it to her. It was squeezed between the woman’s middle and forefinger.
“I wanted to give it to you sooner but I had to finish the final draft-“ As in writing her words in her own handwriting this time and signing it, “And uh- work up the nerve.” Messing with her fingers, she pushed her knuckles into her right cheek as if she was attempting to flatten the raised skin.
Staring at the parchment, her thumb ran over the edge. “Do you want me to open it now or later?” Her voice wavered as she thought up what it could be- maybe a restraining order. But when she looked up the other’s eyes were soft in this way that made her want to fling herself into her arms- into that world of safety.
“Whenever you need.”
Where was that diving head-first personality she was supposed to have? That’s just what Donnie did to her. Gritting her teeth, she opened it fully to find a letter- her name in that familiar handwriting. Her eyes drew across the page, taking in each and every single word quickly- drinking up the information as if she needed it to survive. A little chuckle, yup that was definitely her friend’s voice.
Looking up, her bottom lip trembled. And it was so funny, how she spent so long fearing losing her that in a way she lost sight of what connected them. It was like coming up from underwater, the trust that through changes and regressions and growth- the fights and the falls, she’d always belong in her arms. They were made to hold her after all. Ulla felt her feet leave the floorboards as she flew across the empty space, a hand in her red hair smoothing down the strands. She let out a sigh of contentment, melting into her.
Holding her close, Donella’s lips pulled into a little grin. The skin on her right cheek tugged, she focused on the other’s warmth. “Welcome home.”
I guess that’s how I know I’m meant to be with you through it all. When your worst is nowhere near as unbearable as being without you.