Chapter Text
It would not be accurate to say it was quiet because this ship had its own odd sounds. Ones that Deanna Troi wasn’t used to hearing. Ones that had, more than once, triggered her startle reflex. She was keenly aware that her entire system was oversensitized at present. Currently, she was curled in a nook underneath a weighted blanket as she watched stars and galaxies whiz past at warp speed
She wasn’t sure what the stardate was. Or how many hours (or was it days?) had passed since she and Will had beamed aboard. It didn’t even matter– not really– which ship they were on. Only that they weren’t on Valdore. As much as Donatra had helped, she didn’t want to think about having needed to be on anything that wasn’t a Starfleet ship at the moment.
Everything felt distant right now, as though she were encased in layers of… something. It was hard to think, hard to process much of anything, and she was too exhausted to try to push through it. Eventually, she would have to process it. Find words to match the horrific things that had happened, and to feel around the gaping hole that Data had left in his wake.
The chime was so distant that she nearly missed it. She was, she supposed, more accustomed to sensing people around the time the chimes sounded. But that sense was missing right now. Or rather, intentionally muted.
Part of her didn’t want to answer it. It would be easier– so much easier to stay quiet. She didn’t have the capacity to do much. “Come,” she called, her own voice sounding strange.
“Deanna,” it was a familiar voice. Deep. But not Will. Worf, tall in the doorway and almost able to be mistaken for Will in the low light. He paused for a long moment, as though unsure he was truly welcome. “May I come in?”
“Yes,” she answered softly, attempting to push back the blanket a bit and sit up against the cushions.
He reached for the blanket to help her, eyes widening a little at the weight and helping her resettle it before taking a seat across from her. “You acted bravely, and honorably.” Leave it to Worf to get to his point. “Although I would have been glad to tear him apart with my bare hands myself– though I would have given Commander Riker that pleasure.”
For a long moment, Deanna wasn’t entirely sure whether he was referring to Shinzon or the viceroy. She decided it didn’t matter. “My planet is largely peaceful, but I might have taken it upon myself.”
“I believe you did.”
Her mouth dropped open slightly, and she closed it almost immediately. There had been no time to process any of it. It wasn’t the first time Enterprise had crashed. But it was the first time she had deliberately used it as a weapon, ramming into a ship of other beings. She had felt it– that moment of anger, washed with terror as she guided them into the heart of the Scimitar. And ushered him into death.
“If I have overstepped–” Worf began, clearly unnerved by her silence.
Quiet was a constant in her world right now. She couldn’t truly sense it, but every bit of her training in psychology and body language told her that it unnerved her husband. It wasn’t the first time she had been upset or hurt. Will knew better than anyone else her need to be held, for deep pressure, although she couldn’t handle being under his body weight right now. Not after…
“Deanna?” there was a softness to it, concern in the tone.
She shook herself slightly, as if to brush away the repulsive memory. “I don’t regret any of it,” came her rough reply.
Worf shook his head slightly and shifted. “Nor should you. You have the heart of a warrior. I came to see if you would like to go through some mok’bara forms. I have not had time in the last two days, and I find it… centering.”
Deanna pressed her lips into a thin line, struggling to consider. Getting up felt like an impossible task. Changing clothes might take all of her energy for a week. The deeply embedded training within her knew it was a good idea. That she should do it. Movement might seem exhausting, but it was far more than merely a literal step forward.
Taking a deep breath, she shifted to regard him. “Who will be there?”
“Dr. Crusher and I will be there, and I assumed you would ask Commander Riker to join us. We will have a place to meet at fifteen hundred hours. Commander Yvel is confirming the exact location at lunch.”
She paused a long moment, fingers toying with the blanket draped over her. “The captain?” she finally asked the real question. She had avoided thinking about him. During the fight, there was too much happening at once to think about him. And then she was in Beverly’s lounge. And then hours that seemed to stretch out endlessly and pass in a blink all at once. A biobed. These small, utilitarian quarters she and Will were temporarily occupying.
But she didn’t want to think about the captain. That he had denied her request to be relieved of duty. “Worf?”
He cleared his throat and straightened in his seat. “Captain Picard chose to remain on the Enterprise with Commander LaForge and the engineering teams sent over to stabilize the ship.”
Deanna exhaled a long breath she didn’t know she had been holding. “I… I’m not sure that I can complete a full class.” She brushed a stray lock out of her eyes, fingers brushing against the sensor still in place above her right eye. It was the condition under which they agreed to let her rest in regular quarters– that and check ins twice a day with the medical team.
“If you need to take a break, you can rest on the side while we finish the forms.” It was standard practice for all of their classes. At any time, those who needed to pause or rest could sit to the side.
She should . She really should. There was no real reason not to. “Sparring?”
“Only those who wish to,” he answered simply.
“I’ll talk to Will,” she answered softly. “And see how I’m feeling. Even if I don’t go, I’m sure he’ll want to.”
Dark eyes searched her for a long moment, and he stood and straightened his baldric. One hand reached out, nearly touching her shoulder before pulling back as though second-guessing the gesture. “I am sorry you had to go through this. You will find your spirit again.”
She reached for his hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “Thank you. Your support means… a lot.” The words were wholly inadequate. But then again, she felt largely inadequate in the past day or two.
He reached for the edge of the blanket, pulling it up around her shoulders when she shivered at the cooler air in the room. This ship was colder than Enterprise , and Deanna hadn’t bothered to try to find the environmental controls. “Rest well. If I don’t see you this afternoon, may I visit again?”
She nodded and settled back into cushions and pillows. As he slipped back into the hallway, Deanna realized that restlessness was settling in. Her body felt vaguely achy from so lounging for so long. It took energy to stand and push aside the blankets.
Everything damn thing took too much energy. With a huff, she grabbed a cushion and threw it at the nearest wall. It landed with a satisfying thud against the bulkhead before tumbling to the deck. A second followed it. And a third, until she had emptied the couch of all eight free pillows. The few that were within easy reach, she swung with vengeance back to their home.
Time was closing in on a point when she would need to meet with her own counselor. But she still didn’t have the words. So she turned on her heel and settled on a sonic shower instead.