Chapter Text
Love is unmerciful and unyielding. It hurts the core of the soul, for nothing in this world is more powerful than love. Keigo knows that well enough as he feels this ache in his chest that refuses to go away, and there’s nothing he can blame other than love.
He stays in his penthouse, which feels cold and sterile. The white furniture and gray walls aren't welcoming nor comforting for him. Though, nothing lately has been; for he lost the warmth that he grew so accustomed to.
He sighs as takes a sip from his coffee cup. It’s already midnight and perhaps he shouldn’t be drinking caffeine, but time and sleep hasn’t been a priority of his anyway. Every day felt the same to him, and it’s that hole he feels in his chest that he can’t get rid of and makes him stay up all night. Keigo is tired of being like this , coming back to his empty house where nothing awaits him other than the tear-stained pillows on his bed.
Keigo tries his best to keep this facade of his usual optimism, but he knows a certain bunny-eared hero and bird-head sidekick have seen right through it. He smiles as he recalls Tokoyami. Bless that bird’s gloomy face and gothic ways, as it’s perhaps the only thing keeping his true smile.
“I don’t mean to intrude, Hawks. Yet, I feel something troubles your heart. I only wish to help you.”
Keigo wasn’t expecting those words from Tokoyami. The two were sitting down in the corner of a yakitori restaurant. Patrol was fairly easy today, so he invited Tokoyami for lunch. He hoped a change of pace might help him as much as it helps his sidekick.
“Nothing troubles me, Tsukuyomi.” Keigo responds, but he knows his strained voice betrays him.
The youngster remains quiet for a moment. Keigo eyes him carefully, but Tokoyami keeps his expression frozen as usual. Keigo is used to it and he even understands it. Tokoyami keeps calm even in moments of great stress or else he knows Dark Shadow won’t.
Tokoyami finally sighs as he uncrosses his arms and places his hands on his knees. “I may not be the person adequate nor the person you want advice from, but I have my suspicion on what might be causing a dark storm inside your heart.”
Keigo’s breath hitches. He isn’t given time to ponder before Tokoyami continues.
“You sacrifice your happiness for others, Hawks. You dwell into the depths of pain and sorrow just to assure no one you love will experience it. Dark Shadow can feel the heartache you have right now, and I just wanted to…express that you are not alone. Don’t hurt alone when there are people around you that care. People such as I and hero Mirko.”
For the first time, Keigo almost cries in front of someone. And it will be in front of his mentee no less.
“Thank you,” Keigo says as softly as a whisper. “I promise to hear your words. I just need some time.”
Tokoyami nods in understanding and finally lets Dark Shadow out to eat.
That happened a few weeks ago, and Keigo still doesn’t feel like he has the strength to seek the comfort of his friends. He doesn’t know if there will ever be a time when he will feel ready.
For now, sits in silence inside his lonely apartment.
-
Enji hovers the scar on his face as he sees his reflection in the mirror. A physical reminder on how he failed as a husband and father. A reminder that nothing can change the pain he made his family go through.
No. Keigo never saw it that way when he kissed it. He saw a broken man living with his sins as it tears him apart inside.
Now it’s a reminder of how he failed as a lover too.
“You’re cold.”
Rei’s sudden words startle him as he turns around to eye her.
“What?” He asks, noticing his deep breaths. She gives him a sad smile and extends her arms - reaching out to him.
“Grab my hands,” she says. “Follow me.”
Enji's eyes widened as he glanced at her hands. He hesitates from touching her, since nothing good ever came from it. Only pain and suffering.
“Enji, just grab them. I’m fine.” She assures, and Enji carefully places his huge hands on her pale ones.
She directs him to their room where they both sit on a couch. He shifts awkwardly as Rei gazes at him intently.
“Is there something you need?” He asks slowly, still afraid he might scare her. Rei shakes her head.
“What do you need?” She asks back, and Enji furrows his brows.
“I don’t know what you mean-”
“I think you do,” Rei continues, leaning forwards towards him. “Like I said; you’re cold. Something is dimming your fire and I believe you know why.”
Enji feels his heart beating faster than usual. This is what he was afraid of. He promised himself and Fuyumi he would do things right, but how can he when he promised Rei to start over? How does he let her know that he can’t continue this way?
“Rei I-,” Enji begins, and he hears his voice breaking. “I’m not…happy with this situation.”
Enji expects her to be shocked or worse, to feel hurt and lied to. Yet, she remains calm and patient.
He doesn’t know what prompts him to continue but he can’t stop now. “I want you to know that you are not to blame for it. I have wished for nothing but your happiness since the moment you walked out of that hospital. I just- I-”
“Enji,” Rei lifts a hand to interrupt him. “In these last weeks you have done nothing but make sure I have felt comfortable. I had my doubts and fears, and I know that will never go away. I also thought perhaps we could be a family again, but I would not sit here and see you feign love that isn’t there. I know more than anyone, perhaps even more than you, that what we had was never true love.”
Enji looks down at the floor. He can hear Rei sigh softly.
“Maybe we did love each other in a way, but all that has been lost.” Rei admits, and Enji closes his eyes. “But I still care.”
He finally opens his eyes to look at her. Rei chuckles lightly as she looks down at her hands. “My past self would have never believed she would say these words. Then again, much has changed. You changed. Do not think that I wouldn’t want your happiness as much as you want mine and our children.”
Enji gulps as he tries to heal the pain in his throat, but there seems to be no cure. “My happiness lies with another man. But I do not deserve it. I didn’t even deserve you giving me the chance to be with you.”
Rei tilts her head as she hears him. “You don’t get to choose what you deserve, Enji. But you can decide to be happy, and why wouldn’t I want that for you? Maybe it’s time we say goodbye. Maybe we both can find our happiness elsewhere.”
A single tear drops from Enji’s cheeks and Rei suddenly catches it. She turns it into ice and Enji stares at it with wide eyes.
“This tear calls for the one you love. Don’t stay here when you can be with them.”
With her words, Enji feels a surge of confidence but also desperation. A desperate feeling to go and see Keigo; the only one that can quell this heartache.
“I hope one day to find that person too, one day.” Rei says, and Enji hears her melancholy. This time, without hesitation, he holds both her hands.
“There is no one as loving and more fair than you, Rei. I have hurt you and broken your spirit, and for that I could never be forgiven. I hate myself, for I know that I prevented your happiness for so long. But I am hopeful one day you will find that person, and I know those beautiful gray eyes will brighten again.”
Rei smiles and gently nods, gazing at their linked hands. They’re no longer too cold or hot for both of them. There has never been more of a balance until now.
“I am hopeful too, Enji. Now go, and find your true happiness.”
-
The coffee grows cold in his hands and everything seems to still. Keigo knows it is an hour past midnight but he can’t seem to get up from his couch. His day would be the same as it has been. Patrol and then spend some time with his sidekicks until he rushes home.
A knock shocks him awake from his deep pensive state. He frowns as he gets up quickly from the couch.
Who the hell is visiting me at this hour?
Few are the people that know where he lives and he likes to keep it that way. He slowly walks towards the door where two more soft knocks occur. His feathers pick up ragged breaths and heartbeats.
Keigo’s eyes widen when he senses those quick and powerful heartbeats. He knows that rhythm better than anyone in this world. It’s strong and unrelenting like no other; one that makes his own heart stop. For Keigo, it’s like music for how much he loves it. Which is why he stays frozen as he realizes who it is.
Enji is behind that door. The reason for his heartbreak is only a few inches away from him.
He knows Enji is waiting for him to open the door. Keigo just can’t move from his place no matter how much he desires it.
“Keigo, it’s me.” Enji simply says, like if Keigo didn’t know from the moment he heard that knock who it was. And oh that voice! That deep voice he holds so precious in his heart. He feels his soul crumbling just from three words.
Perhaps it is a mistake, but Keigo is going to open the door. He will open the door and let in the one person who could break the last remnants of hope in his heart.
He walks towards the door and places his head on it. He closes his eyes and doesn’t even think. Keigo tries to calm his breath before slowly opening the door.
Any wish of composure or peace is out the door once Keigo stares into the depths of those turquoise eyes. Enji gapes when the door is opened, but he doesn’t move. Keigo has to look away or else it would be too hard for him. With his head, Keigo gestures for Enji to enter his home.
Home . Keigo thinks - it doesn’t feel like a home.
Enji closes the door behind him and waits for Keigo to turn around and look at him. Keigo can sense Enji’s eyes on him and Keigo doesn’t know what to do.
“Why are you here?” Keigo solemnly asks, hoping it is just a dream.
No, he’s lying. He doesn’t want it to be a dream. He wants Enji to be here, but to be beside him, holding him close.
Keigo hears Enji clear his throat. “I am here to ask for your forgiveness.”
Keigo turns around and he knows there are tears in his eyes. Oh, how he hates them. They are the tears of a broken man. Tears of someone who is angry that they are being reminded of who he lost.
“Apologize for what?” Keigo says, and he knows it came out harshly. “You have nothing to forgive. You have already chosen. Are you here to remind me or what?”
Enji winces at Keigo’s words, but he quickly composes himself. He walks closer to Keigo and suddenly it feels like the air has left. Keigo doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to think .
“I am not here to remind you of anything, Keigo.” Enji says softly, and hearing his name from Enji’s lips creates a warm feeling unlike any other. “If only of the love I still feel for you.”
Keigo’s eyes water and glimmer at those words, and Enji cups his cheeks gently. His cheeks fit perfectly against those huge calloused yet caring hands. He can’t believe what he is hearing.
Enji doesn’t stop there. “Keigo, I am sorry for casting you out. Your love has always been returned by me, more so than you think. I’ve hurt my family, Keigo, you know that. I thought that being Rei was going to give my children and her the family they always wanted. Yet, it was my own children and Rei that showed me how dumb it was to leave something so dear to me like your love. I hope you can forgive me and all my stubbornness.”
Enji bows his head while still having his hands on Keigo’s cheeks. The vulnerability and pain of Enji’s words was all too much for Keigo to take without wanting to do anything but hug the man in front of him. Keigo felt like his heart was about to burst from all the intense emotions inside. Even then, with all the care and gentleness he can muster, Keigo places a hand on Enji’s chin and lifts up his head. Enji’s eyes are also on the verge of tears.
“Enji,” Keigo says, and saying his name out loud feels like a breath of fresh air. “Like I said, there is nothing to forgive. My heart is still yours.”
“And mines is yours.” Enji says before pulling Keigo into a passionate kiss. Their lips dance with the passion and desperation of fire itself. They kiss in a desperate need to relive those loving moments they spent knowing one another - body and soul.
They keep their embrace and Keigo places his head on Enji’s chest. For just a moment, everything felt right . Keigo knows this love can’t break or fade, it could only grow.
Love means letting go.
Yet, sometimes, love also means to stay.
Enji and Keigo stayed.