Chapter Text
Barbara kept sobbing. Fischl could feel how tense her body was, so she stroked her fingers through her hair. The sensation was calming enough for Barbara to relax a little.
“Take deep breaths. I just want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all.” Fischl said quietly.
“I’m so sorry…I didn’t tell you…*hic*...I don’t like sex…I’m asexual…I can’t do it.” Barbara choked out. “And…and I never told you, and I’ve just been leading you on this whole time and I’m so sorry…I’m sorry…I can’t give you that…and now I’m depriving you of it…”
“Depriving me? I did that because I assumed that’s what you wanted.” Fischl said.
“What? When did I ever say anything like that?”
“...You didn’t.”
Suddenly they both realized they had each made some rather egregious assumptions. Fischl took a moment to lean over to grab some tissues from her bedside table. She dabbed the tears away from Barbara’s eyes and wiped the snot from her nose.
“I’m so sorry Barbara.” Fischl said. “You really didn’t do anything wrong. I should’ve asked, I guess, I just figured that’s what people are supposed to do, and asking something like that would just reveal my inexperience…”
“I mean, aren’t people supposed to?” Barbara asked.
“I don’t know, maybe? But we definitely don’t have to do it if you don’t want to! It really won’t bother me, I promise.”
Fischl placed a hand on her cheek as gently as she could, and stroked her thumb across it. Barbara’s eyes were stained red from crying, but it did nothing to tarnish their beauty. Soft, pale blue-gray. The color of rain over the ocean, when the sky and sea turn the same color, blurring the horizon line and stretching it into infinity.
At this point, she was beginning to calm down. She leaned into Fischl’s touch and sighed.
“I was just scared…of telling you. I guess it’s not something I ever really think about, but when the thought did cross my mind, I was worried you would want to leave because I couldn’t like…do that stuff…I wouldn’t blame you if you did…”
“What? No…I don’t care about that.” Fischl said as she tucked a strand of hair behind Barbara’s ear. “I don’t want to leave you. I love you.”
Barbara started sniffling again. “Even if…you can’t do all the stuff you want?”
“That stuff doesn’t even matter! You…”
Barbara was so wonderful, she had no business worrying about something like that. Fischl sighed. She slowly pulled Barbara into a firm hug. Every movement she made had suddenly become careful and calculated. She held her like she was the most fragile being in the world, capable of shattering in an instant.
“Though mine eye has seen the beauty of 10,000 worlds, and has seen the tapestries of countless stars throughout the firmament of infinity, I can say with full credence and conviction, that as Prinzessin of the Immernachtreich, there is no world I would rather reside in than this one, right here, with you.”
Fischl leaned back to look Barbara in the eyes. She cracked a smile.
“And I mean that.”
Barbara chuckled and wiped her nose.
“Well…heh…I suppose it would be foolish of me to question the word of the Prinzessin herself.”
Fischl leaned in to kiss the tears away from her cheeks.
“Please don’t worry, it’s really no issue at all. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, okay? And you’re not depriving me of anything, you make my life better, actually.”
Barbara hugged her tightly.
“You make my life better too, Fischl.”
Fischl rested her head against Barbara’s shoulder. She felt like she didn’t deserve her affection, but she took it anyway. Barbara loved so openly and freely, and Fischl vowed to strive to be worthy of it. The thought of hurting her like that again made her shudder.
“Well, I guess I really managed to mess up this sleepover, huh.” Fischl said.
To her surprise, Barbara leaned in and kissed her, gently.
“You stopped when I asked you to. Didn’t you?” Barbara said.
Fischl never got tired of her voice. It was soft and sweet like honey, and a little hoarse from crying.
“Yeah, I suppose I did.” Fischl replied.
“And we’ve got the whole night left. It only got dark a little while ago.”
They both turned to look out the window, and leaned against each other. Nightfall had come, and the room had become quite dark, except for the pale moonlight pouring in. It was pleasantly quiet. Though they could not see well in the darkness, it mattered little to them. They both felt quite safe with each other.
Barbara yawned. “You know what I was really looking forward to the most about this sleepover?”
“What’s that?”
“Mmm. Just cuddling and sleeping. I just like being with you.”
Barbara truly had a knack for being effortlessly sweet.
“Sure, we can do that. But let’s do something fun tomorrow morning. I want to make it up to you.” Fischl said.
Barbara yawned again. It seemed that all that crying had tuckered her out.
“I’d like that.”