Chapter Text
Trigger warning manipulation, physical abuse, poor mental health and su1c1dal thoughts. If any of this is a trigger to you please reach out to someone and take care of yourselve.
- - -
I’ve been walking through a strange house for what feels like hours. But wherever I go there are always new rooms I haven’t been in yet. It is a warm light house. In every room is the same decoration. The rooms look different. All being individual rooms, but looking so similar at the same time. It’s starting to give me a headache. Every room is full of smaller and bigger figures looking like stags. All of a sudden I hear something behind me. I swing around and see a black dog standing in front of me. It growls softly and I take a step back. The dog starts walking towards me. My whole body feels paralysed and I start running. Room for room, not paying any attention to the rooms like I did before. The dog is getting closer and closer every second. My lungs feel like they’re on fire and the house is starting to feel colder until I find myself in the ballroom of our family’s house. The dog is gone but I wasn’t alone. The adrenaline starts rushing through my whole body when I heard muffled screams. My hands start shaking and I walk towards the screams it comes from the storage room connected to the ball room. Entering I see Lucius, Bellatrix and Sirius. Bellatrix starts smiling widely. ‘Regulus, Regulus, Regulus! Look at you! All your long hair is gone. It looked so beautiful!’ She sighed. ‘But I don’t care. Hair is hair. Anyway, You,’ she points at me. ‘Should join us! We’re just showing Sirius how terrible it is that he won’t stop showing up in these disgusting Muggle clothes! Look at him! Don’t they look disgusting?’ I don’t awnser. My eyes are on Sirius who is laying on the floor, blood and sweat covering his dark gray black sabbath shirt. Lucius steps beside me. ‘Well, well Regulus cast the spell. It’s easy and if you want to impress the dark lord you will have to know how to use the spell. This is a great opportunity to practice.’ I shake my head. The blond man leans over, down to my ear and starts whispering: ‘you know…, I know your secret. I know it, and I know that if Walburga finds out you are going to be in a lot of trouble. I heard she wasn’t too happy about your new haircut. I don’t care but if you don’t do this I’ll tell Walburga and Orion about your dirty little secret and maybe just add that it’s a more common thing in the Muggle world.’ My whole body is vibrating. I swallow hard and close my eyes. My hand slowly reaches down to where my wand was placed. I put my hand on it and I hear Bellatrix’s laugh. ‘This is going to be so much fun.’ My hand is shaking more and I raise my wand. Closing my eyes I whisper the words. ‘Crucio’ Sirius screams fill the room again and they slowly mix with Bellatrix laugh.
Heavily breathing I wake up. My whole body is covered in sweat, I am shaking and I can’t focus. I slowly sit up and after a couple of minutes I’ve calmed myself enough to get up. Quietly I pick up a black hoodie and throw it over my head. Sneaking out of the room, down the stairs in the common room and out in the dungeons. I’m walking down the hall and when I hear whispers from behind me, I slow down and turn around. No one. Awkwardly I keep walking until I’m outside. Without even thinking I walk towards the Astronomy Tower. I still hear the whispers and start walking faster. When I get to the tower the whispers stop. –I’m goinginsane- I trow open the door and walk to a window to sit in it. ‘Hey.’ I whisper into the night looking up. I was a little cloudy and you could barely see the stars. Sighing my eyes wander to the slowly shrinking moon. Full moon was exactly one week ago. ‘I am sorry. I didn’t wanted to do it, really. But… but Malfoy, he forced me. I really should’ve stood up to him. I’m so sorry I couldn’t. You always saved and protected me from Mother and Father. And I? I couldn’t even stand up to them. I keep having dreams about that night. And I feel terrible. I hope you’re doing better at the Potters. You must be. The past year, you started looking so much healthier’ I look down, a silent tear rolling down my face. –What if I just slowly slide down the edge? Who would even care? Evan and Barty have been slowly distancing themselves, Pandora and I keep getting into small arguments, the only thing my parents care for is that I’m the new heir. Which I don’t wanna be anyway. And Sirius? Sirius hates me anyway. And I can’t even blame him. He has every right to.- This is not the first time I sit here. I am prepared I wrote a letter to everyone in advance. Although I highly doubt they will be read. Slowly, I slide a bit forward. The door opens –shit.- ‘Regulus?’ I hear a quiet voice ask into the dark. ‘mh-?’ I asked, not turning around. I knew they wouldn’t leave so I hoped they tell me who they are without me having to face them. ‘Uhm, it’s me, James. You know Sir-‘ I cut him of not wanting to hear my brothers name. ‘Potter.’ I say softly. Without looking I knew he was smiling. ‘Yes!’ he walks a little closer, not much though. ‘What are you doing? Can I get closer?’ he asked carefully. - He knew what I was about to do. Great. Just amazing.- ‘No.’ I reply coldly. ‘Can you step back. Just so I know your save.’ He asks still careful as if a just a wrongly pronounced syllable would break me on the spot. And I hate it. ‘what do you care?’ I spit at him although I do turn around facing the older boy stepping a bit forward. –stop smiling at me. You look like an idiot. Stop it. Stop it. Merlin stop.- ‘thanks’ he just says still smiling.
The night slowly comes to an end and the sun starts to rise. We did talk the whole night. Well Potter talked and I ignored him. But then we got to the topic of music. He likes the Bee Gees, and ABBA the most. But we sort of bounded over Queen. We talked about `a night at the opera´, their latest album. His favourite songs are ´Love of my Life´, `Bohemian Rhapsody´ and `Sweet Lady´. `I’m In Love With My Car´ had also a special place in his heart, like he said. ‘dad and I played it non-stop because it annoyed everyone. My mom threatened to throw the record player out if we wouldn’t stop!’ he exclaimed laughing. I slightly smiled at this.
‘Well Potter, we should leave its getting early.’ I say flat and he nods. ‘You know you can call me James. Also, it was nice talking to you. I always thaught you were…’ he said. I looked at him raising a brow. ‘you thaught what?’ I asked. He smiles a little embarrassed ‘Uhm,… boring?’