Chapter Text
I woke up the next morning, with the sun streaming in through the windows and birds calling from the other side of the glass. My sleep had been wrapped around terror, the sensation of running fogging my dreamless rest.
When I sat up and glanced at the window, I was reminded of the night before. Of the lord and the strange man with the strange eyes. Who could Lord Haruka want to have followed? Who was the man that he hired?
And then it clicked. Shirayuki, the woman with the red hair that had permission to enter the castle by Zen himself. I was the only thing that made sense.
I thought about reporting what I saw, but I quickly vetoed that idea. There was a chance that the pretentious lord would intercept the report and it wouldn’t get to Zen. In turn, he would tell the man he had hired, who I was sure had more talents than just surveillance.
I shivered at the idea. I couldn’t put myself in danger like that.
My next solution was to run it through the rumor mill. Tell Sofia what I had seen and she would take care of the rest. Something juicy like that could never stay a secret for very long, and word would spread like wildfire.
Maybe that isn’t a good idea either. I thought to myself, thinking of the strange man once again. He’ll probably hear about it himself and do something of his own accord.
I didn’t want to believe that keeping this secret was my only option, especially if someone’s life was in potential danger. There had to be a different angle that I wasn’t seeing.
*~*
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sofia asked me as she worked the ointment along my skin. I was sitting on my bed, her balancing on her knees behind me. “You seem distant.”
“Yeah, just thinking of the strange dream I had” I told her. She capped the jar that I had given her and I moved back my dress in its proper position.
Sofia and I were wearing similar styles. Given the season and the cloudless sky, it was going to be warm today so our dresses had shorter sleeves and less layers attached to the skirt that gingerly brushed against our ankles. The simple brown color that I was adorning was a far cry from the vibrant fabrics I used to wear in my previous life.
“Do you want me to braid your hair since I’m here?” She asked me as she leaned farther back on her knees.
“If you’d please” I told her. I loved it when she braided my hair. Not only did it remind me of my previous life, but she did it in a style I wasn’t familiar with. Her plaits were looser and filled out more and always woven a ribbon or two within, tying the two together at the bottom and keeping the braid in place.
*~*
“Helaina!” Agnella exclaimed as she pulled me against her into a hug. She had just come out of the kitchen, abandoning her cooking to say hello. “How’ve been? I hope you’re not working too hard”
She must’ve seen the way I winced when I reached out for her hug. The ointment did wonders, but it didn’t fully take away the pain.
Agnella looked much younger than she actually was, her rosy cheeks still filled with youth as sweat beaded at her forehead. Her dark eyes sparkled as the sunlight poured in through the door behind us. She was glowing, her belly protruding outwards. She was pregnant with her third child.
“It’s always those darn floors” I told her unasked question. “They always seem to make my shoulders scream” Her brow softened a little. It hadn’t been the first time I came over with sore muscles.
“Maybe a warm meal will help then” She said with a gentle smile. “Everything is better with a full belly” I couldn’t help but agree and follow the woman into the kitchen area. It smelled like eggs and bacon.
“I’ll let the kids sleep in a little so that you two can eat in peace” The mother of two said. “They can be a handful first thing in the morning” She smiled fondly, letting us know that she didn’t mind.
While we ate, we talked with Agnella, Finnan coming down the narrow staircase halfway through yawning and with his hair wild from sleep. He was a handsome man, and his eyes softened as soon as he spotted his wife.
“Good morning darling” He said as he crossed the room to the woman. “Why don’t you sit down for a while? I can finish the cooking.” He was now standing at his wife’s side, placing his hand lovingly on her back as she looked up at him.
“The kids hate how you do their eggs” She told him, though a smile was still on her face.
In my previous life, I used to imagine what true love would have been like. I didn’t know that true love as a princess came with its limitations. That love only counted as long as someone had a title. There were rare occasions where these rules didn’t apply, but those occasions were too far and in between.
When I first met Agnella and Finnan, the way they acted around each other was a shock to the system. When someone of the nobility wed, usually there would be a space between the couple. They also acted rigid around each other, almost as if they were strangers. Finnan and Agnella didn’t have any space. They always found each other and they were always touching and hugging each other.
I was suddenly reminded of Emmalina and her husband, for they were the exact same way. While everyone complained about their marriages, the two of them spoke of respect and pride.
“It’s been a while, How have you been Helaina?” Finnan asked as he stood in front of the stove, cracking a few eggs into the already hot pan. They sizzled as they cooked.
“I’ve been alright.” I responded, taking a bite of some bacon.
“That’s good. I heard you helped one of the butlers bandage up their arm after they cut it. Said he was impressed that you knew how to do it so well”
I could feel a flush of heat at the compliment.
“It wasn’t that hard” I stated, focusing on the food on my plate. “Anyone can apply a bandage.”
“Yeah, but not as clean as you did it” Sofia chimed in. “I saw it myself. It was done really well”
The only time I felt as much pride as I did now in my previous life, was when I was training to fight with a sword. Before becoming king, Father had been a knight and had first hand experience of how often a royal’s life was put in danger. He used to say that he would be damned if he allowed his daughters to be raised defenseless and so, almost as soon as we could stand on our feet, he put a sword into our hands.
I genuinely enjoyed learning how to wield a sword. It gave me something to look forward to, goals to reach when everything felt stagnant. My lessons were how I grew closer to my sister Amelia, for she loved learning as much as I did and we often spared together. She always won though, but I had always looked forward to the day that I would beat her. Now it seemed that that day would never come.
I now worried that maybe I had lost that skill in my new life. I hadn’t touched a sword in years and I was afraid that if I ever needed to, that all of the things that I had learned were gone.
“Thank you” I said, trying to fight against the heat that pressed against my cheeks.
When I was a princess, I didn’t understand how much apathy came with it. I had a certain box of emotions that I was supposed to feel, but ever since I’ve started to live this new life, I’ve realized how reigned in those emotions were. I could be happy, but not so happy that I jumped like a mad woman. I could be angry, but not so that I raise my voice. I was supposed to be the image of perfection, not the image of hysteria.
It was so ingrained in me, that when Zem used to point out how much I was holding back, I fought that I wasn’t. He had seen how much I stopped myself from feeling, that he was willing to give me a place to truly feel.
I still find myself building those emotional walls often. I believe that it will be a habit of mine for the rest of my life
“Aunt Sofia!” Two child voices screamed, pulling me from my reverie. Sofia’s niece and nephew ran towards my friend with outstretched arms and giant grins, racing each other to get to her first.
Her nephew, Dustin, won the unspoken race and clutched at the green fabric of her dress. Her niece, Orella, was only a step or two behind and it wasn’t long before she threw her hands into the mix.
“Hey kiddos!” Sofia exclaimed, gathering the two kids up into her arms in a hug. “I’m so excited to see you! I also brought Helaina with me to play with us!” She gestured to me and Orella jumped for joy.
“Helaina! Did you bring a book to read?” She questioned, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she clasped her hands in front of her. I giggled and ruffled her untidy hair.
“No, but we might be able to find one at the market today” I told her.
One of the first times I had met Sofia’ family, Orella had been trying to read a book to no avail. None of the family knew how to read enough words to help her, so I stepped in to help out.
“When will you learn that reading isn’t useful?” Dustin asked her. “Only rich people have use for reading.”
“That’s not true!” Orella snapped at her brother. “Daddy reads. So does Helaina!”
“I only know a few words that help me with work” Finnan said, a little ashamedly.
In my past life, I never realized how much my education was a gift. Due to my status, I had access to tutors and classes that taught me so much of the world and I didn’t think at all how that education was barred from so many.
In my new life, I learned that instead of being educated, the lower classes focused more on textile work. They became apprentices to learn their chosen trades and moved up that way. Some of them did have some sort of education, but a vast majority did not.
Orella pouted her lip and looked sadly at the ground. I smiled and lifted her chin. “Don’t listen to him. There’s plenty of things you can do with the use of reading, and there will be even more things by the time you are ready to find work” I told her.
“You think so?” Her face lit up.
“I know so.” I told her with every ounce of certainty.
*~*
When both kids were dressed, Sofia and I took up their hands and headed for the markets. The streets were busy and crowded by the time we got there, but that didn’t deter us. We pushed our way through, following the flow just as much as we could.
We took our time to look through the merchant stalls. Agnella needed ingredients for dinner, so every once in a while, we would stop at the food stalls and Sofia would grab whatever was needed. She even had Dustin carry some things to keep his hands busy.
I wondered if Emmalina did similar things with her kids. I could imagine her walking in the town her husband watched over with her kids in tow, buying from the most suffering merchants that were falling on hard times. I’m sure she would easy their fears of not being able to get through. She would then ask her kids if they wanted something, which if they did, they would have to carry it back to the carriage themselves. I was sure if the duke was with them, he would laugh as they struggled under the weight of their wants.
I stopped when I spotted a stall that seemed bigger than all the rest. A large canopy was covering the contents inside. I was curious to see what was inside.
“We’ll wait over there” Sofia said, pointing across the way to a simpler stall. She took up Dustin’s hand and they walked away from me and Orella.
Orella seemed just as curious as I was, and I was ready to feed that curiosity. I wasn’t sure what we were going to find, but I was certain that it couldn’t have been anything the little girl hadn’t already seen.
The merchant that owned the stall was a man that had wide shoulders and a chest so big that he barely fit into the tunic he was wearing. There was a long scar that etched across his face over his eye, making the pupil and iris a single cloudy color. He nodded as we stepped under the canopy.
The man had furs lying on a thick rug to our right, hanging from hooks across the canopy above the furs were different types of flat stones that shimmered when the light hit it.
To the left of the stall was a bookcase. Orella squealed as she spotted the spines and ran over to take a closer look. I had decided to leave her in her childish sense of magic, so I looked over at the glass case that sat at the back of the stall.
At first, I just thought it was an ordinary sword. It was resting on a stand in its sheath, sunlight beating down from a tear in the cloth canopy behind it. I stepped closer to get a better look.
I sucked in a breath.
I recognized the worn sheath almost immediately, and the golden plated crest that was pressed into it where the hilt was jutting out.
My family’s crest was of a swan with its wings wrapped around a tree. It was based off of a Vrelian tale about a drought and dying crops. As the tale goes, a giant swan appeared, covering the sky and releasing water from its feathers; giving the crops the water they desperately needed and permanently ending the drought.
No matter how hard any of us tried to get our father to change the sheath of his sword, he refused. It was a gift from his mentor when he graduated from being a squire. He had the crest pressed into it when he married Mother. And while many blades had come and gone, the sheath never changed.
Somehow, this merchant got a hold of my father’s sword.
But how? I turned to look at the man who hadn’t gotten up from his chair. His single eye was watching us, but he didn’t seem concerned with our presence.
“Helaina!” Orella yelled, getting my attention. “”I need help!”
“Coming!” I said, glancing back to the sword before crossing over to her. She wanted me to read the titles to her, and I did so, picking out her favorite one.
“We want this one please” I told the man as I placed the book next to his boot. His one eye regarded me for a moment before he spoke.
“You seemed pretty interested in that sword over there” He grumbled, finally removing his booted feet. “Not many women are interested in weapons such as those”
“I recognized the crest. One has to wonder how they came across such a find.” I said to him. Orella pulled on my hand a few times, feeling uncomfortable, but I kept my eyes steady on the man before me.
“One does wonder” He stated, telling me the price of the book right after. I placed the needed coins into his hand and passed the book over to the girl, who pressed it against her chest happily.
*~*
“I think it’s time we start heading back” Sofia stated as Dustin leaned heavily into her, a yawn escaping his lips. Orella didn’t look much better, her arms were struggling to hold up the book in her arms.
I was about to verbally agree with her, when a familiar figure sliced his way through the crowd. He was so close to running into Sofia that I noticed the gold in his eyes.
“You go ahead” I said, starting to move around the little girl. “I just realized that I needed to get something.
I didn’t wait for Sofia to protest or agree, I just slipped into the crowd, following the man I had seen the night before.
I tried to stay a safe distance away, making sure I could hide if he ever noticed that he was being followed. I was wondering what he was doing here and not in the castle waiting for his target to arrive.
Maybe he is following his target. My inner voice whispered, making me shiver. Lord Haruka had told him to continue surveillance, maybe he was doing that now.
At one point, I lost him- I don’t even know how I did. He turned a corner, I turned the same corner and he was just gone .
Before I could process my confusion, a strong hand grasped my wrist and pulled me into an alleyway. I opened my mouth to scream, but another hand clamped down around my mouth, preventing me from doing so.
I was surprised to find the man I had been following as he pinned me against the wall, his golden cat-like eyes looking down at me as an amused grin stretched upon his lips.
“You know it's dangerous to follow a strange man like this” He quipped, his tone light, though his grip stayed tight. “But I guess I should be flattered that a pretty woman like you liked me enough to do so” The hand over my mouth slipped off and pressed against the wall beside my head.
Was this guy serious? I thought as I waited for my instincts to drop into my stomach and warn me just how in danger I was. It always did in situations such as these, but I was surprised when it never happened. It appeared that I was safe- for now.
“Who said I was following you?” I questioned him indignantly, closing one of my eyes and shifting my head to look at him with my open one. “Do you have any proof?”
He blinked at my statement for a minute before he dropped his head in laughter.
“You’re braver than I imagined. We both know how long you have followed me. Was catching me under the moonlight not enough for you?” He had leaned forward so closely, I could feel his breath stir hairs on my forehead.
I didn’t know what to tell this man. Why had I followed him? I was sure that surveillance wasn’t the only talent this man possessed, and yet I followed him just the same. I could have really put myself in danger
“No, it wasn’t.” I admitted, believing my instincts that I was currently safe. “Especially seeing you converse with an insufferable lord such as Haruka.”
I watched the amusement in his features immediately drop, his golden eyes now regarding me coolly.
“I would be careful about what you say about my master”
“Your master is a callous windbag who thinks nothing of you. Are you really willing to throw yourself away for a man who clearly has no honor? Who sees you nothing more than a pawn in his own game of chess? Seriously, he is making you chase a woman because of her social class. Nothing more.”
Considering his tone before, I would have thought that he would hurt me. I thought he would throw me onto the ground and beat me senseless. Instead, something unreadable flickered within his irises that I couldn’t read. He let me go.
“You don’t know my master” He said, disheartened.
“I know him more than you think I do” I told him, trying to keep my voice soft. “He cares more about the integrity of the crown than the people that the crown serves.”
I walked away, not sure why I had unloaded on him as I did. I was positive there was a reason why he lived that way, doing the bidding of others that didn’t want to get their hands dirty. It wasn’t fair for me to attack him like that.
I paused and fought the urge to turn back and apologize to him. I said what I said and it was the truth.. There was nothing for me to apologize for.
Except for hurting his feelings.