Chapter Text
Louis finds him in the spot he slowly came to associate with Harry's long, struck-by-inspiration sessions, where he sits hunched over a paper pad and writes in long, never-ending sentences, chasing the point with digressing thoughts and tying it all up with the last word, like magical glue that holds two of the same magnet poles together. Harry is usually in his lavender wool sweater during those, smell of baked cookies and autumn clinging to him sitting on a window sill. Today, Louis stole the sweater for himself and Harry is wearing only boxer shorts.
He looks better. Almost unharmed, if it wasn't for frowny faces he pulls every now and then, leaving no doubt as to about what he is writing. Louis adores him, has for quite a while now, but this renewed, strong, emotional and brave version, comfortable in his skin and scars, it makes him love the boy (the man) even more.
„How is that novel coming up?“, he asks, leaning on the door frame and Harry doesn't even lift his head up from the paper, shrugs and continues scribbling. Louis leaves him to it, a smile on his lips.
Later, he is putting the cookies Harry made in a jar and whistling along with a song playing from the kitchen radio, when Harry wraps himself around Louis’ back and hums. It is familiar and comfortable and feels like running a marathon and losing spectacularly, having your world sink in tears and then finding that one person staring at you like you always had the medal hanging around your neck. It feels like rejoicing in spite of the madness. Louis has accepted a long time ago that life is always going to be a bit bullshit. And even though life holds its part of the bargain, Louis pulls back occasionally, looks over to Niall and Zayn cuddling on his couch like kittens saved from a rainy night, sees Harry grow into what he always would become and, sometimes, he sees his own reflection in surfaces and recognizes a happy boy shining back at him.
“I am not writing a novel, it’s just… Nothing.”, Harry murmurs against Louis’ back and he turns around slowly, looks at the boy like he invented the Earth and smiles.
“Nothing is nothing when you do it.”
And he believes it.
***
Gemma is a regular now around them, since she moved to London a few months ago. Louis adores her and Harry is blossoming in having someone he missed so much beside him. She is unreasonably protective sometimes, drives Harry crazy, but Louis can see how loved and cared for he feels. She drags them out more often, clubs and gigs and it is a bit of a whirlwind of trying to catch up with memories and inside jokes of siblings, the kind that distance or time can’t touch. Harry giggles in a way a kid would, plays up the protective brother role every time a guy even looks in Gemma’s direction, makes silly faces to cheer her up when she begins moaning about her stressful job.
Anne calls each day, with silly typical mum stuff and Harry is visibly excited to hear from her, blabbering out jokes that nobody finds funny but they laugh anyway. Silently, Anne asks Louis with gestures and meaningful looks, about Harry and Gemma and the tiny snippets of insecurity that they both slip into sometimes, but Louis worries even without her having to ask him about it.
Harry is not quite there yet. Better, stable, happy as can be, but trauma is something that doesn’t go away, a shadow that shrinks and fades, but is never erased. Zayn says he doesn’t see the sadness in Harry anymore, gushes about how proud he is of Louis for pulling through the rough patches, but Louis knows it isn't over and probably will not be for a lifetime. Harry flinches from touches of strangers and can’t look at happy families outside of their little bubble, like he knows there is something twisted and broken inside of him, something fought and defeated, but not killed.
“I don’t want to remember it. But I know I have to.”, Harry tells him one night, both of them snuggled under the covers and breathing shallow, as to not to disturb the silence.
“I love you. No matter what.”, Louis says back, because there is nothing else he can possibly say. There is a fine line at which Harry’s demons become truly and only his and even though he tries to move into Harry’s skin and suffer through the sobs instead of him, it isn’t realistic. He can’t be anything else but support then and there and maybe it hurts, but they both have to learn that it is all he can be.
“I know.”, Harry says back, snuggles closer and aligns the tattoos on their hands, rain and starving earth and stares at it.
“I sometimes think you are going to disappear when I open my eyes in the morning. That it will all be just a dream, meeting you and running away and having this life now.”, he whispers and Louis’ hands tremble in horror. He scoots down the bed until he is on eye level with Harry, pushes himself into his space, breathes in when he breathes out and combs his fingers through Harry’s hair, long curls down the back now, like rivulets of resistance.
“Never gonna let you go. Always with me Harry, I promise.”
He doesn’t really know how much it helps. Niall claims it must not be completely healthy, the clingy and needy way they orbit around each other, like stars pulled together and not remembering how to let go. Then again, none of them are completely healthy, separately or together and maybe that is the point in it all.
Harry kisses him with eyes opened, staring into Louis’ eyes like he will blink and it will all go to hell. They deal, somehow.
There are excellent periods. Louis will not say days, because their life is generally a fairy tale interrupted with and occasional nightmare and that is more than most people can say about their lives.
Zayn gets an offer to set up his own exhibition, a comic-book inspired series that attracts plenty of attention and puts his name in a bit of a spotlight. He is delighted, money starts appearing, honestly earned now and Niall is beaming like a proud peacock, bragging about his husband to anyone that would listen.
Louis has to interrupt a few more of Zayn’s breakdowns, all about him being worried that Niall deserves more than Zayn can give him. Louis also learns a lot from the marriage of his best friends, like how to let it go and love someone without suffocating them with worry, to listen and pay attention and give the world gravity only when it is absolutely necessary.
Niall spends a lot of time in his workshop, fixing this or that for their new house, that one place where they can’t invest the money yet. Harry sneaks in and either helps him or writes in the rhythmic noise of Niall working. They have built a bit of special relationship too, Louis sees it as clear as day. Niall is protective and silly at the same time, a bit like Gemma is. Harry learns to trust him more than anyone besides Louis probably, shaken out of his shell with Niall’s unpredictable antics. And it seems to work both ways, with Niall finding someone who can finally understand his insecurities and deeper problems, ones he would have never confessed to Zayn or Louis, knowing there is no way to tell either of them and hide it from the other one. From the tiny clues that Harry leaves him, Louis learns how to interpret Niall’s way of panicking about his marriage and life, help him or get out of the way when he needs Zayn to fix it up. It turns out for the better, because Louis knew for years that Niall hides a lot, always making his thoughts matter a bit less than the others, but Harry listens and fills in the tiny holes of loneliness perfectly.
***
Harry was trying to act strong and collected for an entire time of the trial process, the witness stand and questioning, doctors asking about past injuries and lawyers trying to corner him somewhere to make deals about letting his father go with something, anything. Jeff was a wall between him and the sharks, but there were reporters and paps all over the place, invading his peace and unsettling everyone who approached to talk to him. Gemma and Louis dealt with them in a sassy, dismissive way, but Harry was a piece of edible meat, trying to hide his own innocence and mild temper behind a mask of indifference.
People from all over showed up to confirm that his father was an abusive asshole with no regard for law or humanity, but Harry was very reserved towards everyone, aware that none of them spoke up for years and the only reason for their lack of silence now was that he managed to get enough details public, so that his father couldn’t cover it up.
Jeff pushed all of his other cases to the side and worked day and night on putting his father behind bars for good, but there were attempts from very powerful positions to stop him. It was all a game far too serious and well-played for Harry to understand and the wrath of his father was not decreasing. Jackson and his mother abandoned the sinking ship with the first droplets of trouble, but there were other minions appearing everywhere, so much that Harry had to ask for police protection until the case was over.
And then there was the day of his testimony, a bright Wednesday afternoon when he put his best suit on and went into a hell pit, trying to put his biggest demon down. Louis was trembling and loudly proclaiming the world a wonderful place where everything will work out after today, drowning out the clues of Harry’s panic. He needed to be strong, determined, put together.
“You played this game, now finish it.”, he was repeating to himself, but the bile rising in his throat didn’t help with remembering why he thought it is a good idea to rob his father blind and then expose him like this.
“Will you be ok in there kid?”, Inspector Keynes asked him when they arrived to the court house and neither Louis nor Harry answered him, looking at each other and stepping through into the room.
His father was a picture of an undefeated overlord, head held high as if he was about to be congratulated and awarded, not accused of molesting his son for 5 years. Flames in his eyes, he sized up Louis like he was a piece of trash and then looked Harry straight in the eyes, challenging for defiance.
And Harry provided. Saying the words out loud, in front of a room full of strangers was a terror less horrible than imagining that his father would ever get a chance to come near him again and destroy the life he built.
“My father did abuse me physically and emotionally for 5 years while I was living with him. Beatings, threats and general terror was a normal part of my life. He said I could never say anything to anyone, or he would harm my mother and sister.”
Jeff asked him why did he come out with this now and Harry looked back at his father, eyes screaming bloody murder at him, his lips twitching at the ends, like he is barely containing himself from slaughter right there on the spot. One thing beasts can’t stand is losing control over their prey.
“I escaped and tried to live a life in peace. He came after me and threatened to ruin it. But now, I had support, so I decided to protect myself.”
Louis’ eyes were following every movement of his father, focus clearly on reading and predicting, trying to see if he will be surprised that Harry didn’t choose to play a helpless victim card after all.
Nothing changed. His father stayed still and fuming, Harry talked, Louis watched and then it was done. Almost as if there was nothing to worry about.
Just as he was leaving, Louis’ hand clasped tightly in his own, Harry felt his father’s eyes following him, a judging look on his shoulders and back, a silent call to turn around and allow him this last piece of controlled terror. Harry held on tighter to Louis’ hand and marched out, a look thrown away the last thing he will see of his father.
The verdict put him in jail for 20 years. Molesting Harry was only a part of the package, including tax fraud and illegal business, distant connections to money laundry and other things that human laws generally pretend are equally punishable as striking a child until he crawls away in fear and tears. Harry didn’t hear anything from him, no warning and no threat.
Maybe it will come, he thought. Or maybe not. Whatever happened though, the control over Harry’s life was now in Harry’s hands.
***
“Thank you. For everything.”
Harry said it during a Sunday lunch with Niall, Zayn, Liam, Lou, Jeff and Gemma and Louis stared at him, surprised that he didn’t predict an outpour of emotion like this one.
All of them looked at Harry like he is an idiot for saying it, but their idiot nevertheless.
“Anytime Haz.”, Jeff clapped him on the back and then a quiet sniffle could be heard behind where Harry was trying to hide himself behind his hair.
“Oi! Love, none of that!”, Louis hugged him and the next second all six of them were a bundle of arms and hair. Niall was the first to jump on Harry and demand that he calm down and not make the rest of them cry, which Gemma already was.
Harry excused himself to the kitchen and Louis followed, waving at the others to start eating.
“Hey. What’s the matter love?”, he gathered the longer strands of Harry’s hair up, shaping a bun and wiping beneath his eyes.
Harry took a few deep breaths and then looked up, eyes wet and shinning.
“They helped me so much. All of you. And now they can’t even spend the money that was supposed to make up for that risk?!”, he sounded angry.
“Harry! You can’t really believe any of us did it for the money! It will come love, in a bit we can use it, but none of us ever cared, come on Harry. Niall, Zayn, Lou, Jeff, even Liam, they would all risk it again, only to help you!”
Harry was staring at the wall behind Louis’ head while he was talking and after, seemingly absent. When Louis took a shuddering breath in, he finally looked back at him.
“I never had people like this in my life. What if I don’t know how to keep you?”
Louis stared at him searching for sense and managed to find it in himself. Once, he was very convinced people he depends on don’t really need him at all too.
“None of us are leaving you. We all need you.”
Harry waved his head and looked down again, but Louis was having none of it.
“Hey. I, I need you. Rain and earth, remember?”
Small steps, Louis tried to convince himself of them when Harry smiled a miniscule bit and hugged him.
***
They were in the pub downtown, where regular Friday gigs for the band became a reality. Josh met a guy who knew a guy and, somehow, The Rogue was getting noticed. Louis was loving it, Niall and Zayn were loving it and Harry was losing his mind with all the people coming to see them, a camera in hand and trailing behind them like a crazed fan. It almost got him kicked out of the pub the first time, when he was nearing the tiny stage, armed with a camera and the widest smile during Louis’ solo on their song. It took quite a snogging session in front of the bouncer and the owner to convince them that Harry had every right to do whatever he wanted, since he was indeed dating the lead singer.
Now, the crowd gathered in front of the pub, on an abandoned parking place, for an open performance for the biggest amount of people Louis has ever witnessed paying any attention to him.
“I always knew I was dating a rock star.”, Harry whispered in his ear. He smiled and leaned further into Harry’s embrace.
“Yeah well, you have to let the rock star go up on that stage.”
Harry was pouting and holding him tighter, a stray lock of hair falling out of his bun and over his forehead. Josh was shouting at him to get up and start the second part of the performance, but Louis had more pressing matters to attend.
He lifted his hand to put that lock of hair behind Harry’s ear and then leaned in for a kiss.
“You better let me go, or you won’t hear this new song the rock star wrote for his boyfriend.”
Harry’s eyes widened and a blush crept up his cheeks rapidly, adorably, so Louis had to chase it with his lips.
“Louis!”, Niall shouted at him from the stage and he really had to go.
“Good luck.”, Harry breathed into his ear and let him go, hand extending to keep touching Louis.
“All right, you impatient people! A man can’t even snog his boyfriend in piece!”, Louis said into the microphone and the crowd laughed, a few whistles breaking through the noise.
“We have a new song for you tonight. This is, as always, for you love.”
Harry blinked up at him and hid a smile into his hands. Overcome with adoration, Louis pulled the microphone closer and started singing.
The End