Chapter Text
The Avengers looked perplexed at the door Tony disappeared though a little bit ago. None of them understood what just happened.
Hawkeye was the first who started to talk. “What the heck was this?”
The other Avengers had no chance to say something before Rhodey started talking.
“I think I should be the one asking this question. Why did you do this?” He wanted to know.
“Why are we throwing him a birthday party? Because it’s his birthday.” Sam answered.
“And he just ran away from it. I mean we did the whole thing at the last minute but I made a great cake!” Hawkeye said.
Rhodey looked at them in disbelief, then he sigh heavily and massage the bridge of his nose. He needed a little while to gather himself.
“Okay, this is not your fault because he probably didn’t know better.” He started to say and the Avengers looked at him confused.
“Tony hated his birthday. That's why he never celebrates it.”
“Why does he hate his birthday?” Natasha wanted to know. The spy noticed a long time ago that Tony wasn’t as narcissistic as he always acted. She knew what a mask looked like. But she had to admit it was really hard to look behind his mask. Actually she couldn’t say what the genius was actually thinking most of the time.
“I don’t know.” Rhodey answered.
“Oh come on, you’re his best friend. You have to know the reason.” Hawkeye said.
“I have known Tony since he was 14 years old and he already hated his birthday back then. He never wanted to talk about it and at some point I just accepted it.”
“But we’re talking about Tony. He loves throwing birthday parties!” Hawkeye threw in.
“Yes, he loves to throw them for people who are not him.” Rhodey said.
“And now? Should we apologize for throwing him a birthday party? I think that would be the weirdest apology I ever made.” Sam asked.
“I would say we should just give him some time. As I know him he doesn’t want to talk about it. Ever. Believe me I tried.” Rhoedy said. To hush up the problem of a teammate didn’t really sit well with them but it seemed like Tony really didn’t want to talk about it. Which was weird because Tony normally loved to talk and couldn't shut up.
“Does that mean we can eat the cake?” Clint broke the silence. Natasha gave him a deadly glare.
“You’re impossible.” She said.
“What? I put a lot of work into this cake! It would be a shame not to eat it!”
It wasn’t hard to leave Tony alone in the next few days. Firstly because they didn’t see Tony at all. He locked himself up in his workshop and none of them saw him leave it for several days. JARVIS assured them that Tony was fine, so they let him be.
Tony was gone for six days and Steve started to worry how much longer the genius would lock himself up. Rhoedy told them to leave Tony alone but maybe he should still try to talk to him. Hopefully it wouldn’t make Tony angrier if Steve would try to get him to leave the workshop.
It turned out he didn’t have to go to Tonys workshop to get him out because he could hear Tonys voice when he headed for the kitchen. It seems like the genius finally came out of his cave.
“Thor for the last time. You don’t have to destroy the damn microwave just to get your food out. And you don’t have to shoot lightning at the microwave either!” Tony said.
“How am I supposed to get my food out of your magic box if not by force, friend Stark?” Thor asked.
“There is a button. Right there. And it’s not magic.” Tony said and pointed at the button. He didn’t give Thor the time to answer.
“You know what? Just tell JARVIS when you want to do anything with the microwave and he will manage it. Just try not to destroy my kitchen. It’s tiring to repair it every second day.” Tony said to the god. Steve decided to step in the kitchen and ended the conversation between Tony and Thor.
“Tony”
“Ah Cap, do I need to explain the microwave to you too? Or is it the toaster? Honestly just ask JARVIS if you don’t get any of the kitchen machines. Or any other machine in my tower.” Tony said.
“No, I'm not here because of the microwave. I wanted to ask you how you are.” Steve said.
“I’m doing peachy and you cap?” Tony dismissed the question and acted like he didn’t lock himself in his lab the past few days.
“I’m doing fine.” Steve answered and before he could say any more Tony already started talking again.
“Great, so we are all doing fine. Would you excuse me now? I still have work to do. And Thor, please remember to just ask Jarvis and stop destroying my kitchen!” He said and started to leave the kitchen.
“As you wish man of Iron.” Thor said and slammed the door of the microwave shut which destroyed the glass of the microwave. Tony didn’t even look back at them. He just sighed and said: “Why do I even try?”
"Tony, wait!" Steve tried to stop him but Tony was already gone out of the room. The only way to talk with Tony seemed to be to follow him in his lab. In the lab Tony already started working on something on one of his tables.
“Tony” Steve startet.
“What is Cap? Can’t you see I’m working?”
“I need to talk with you. Could you lay that thing away for a moment and have a conversation with me?” Steve asked.
Tony didn’t look pleased by Steve's question to lay his important work away but he laid his work away.
“What do you want to talk about?”
Steve battled with himself, not knowing if hw should really ask Tony why he hates his own birthday that much. After all, Rhodey told them to just forget it and to never talk about it again. But Steve didn’t feel good by just ignoring the problems of a teammate.
“I want to know what that was six days ago. Why do you hate your birthday so much?” He asked. Steve could see the shock in Tony's eyes and how his face got paler.
“That is none of your business. Can I go back to work now?”
“No Tony, we should talk about it. What would have happened when there was an emergency while you locked yourself in this room? What would have happened if we needed you?” He asked.
“But there was no emergency, so leave me alone!” There was no shock in Tony's eyes anymore but now there was anger.
“Tony, you can’t run away from this.”
“Oh I can. Leave. Now.” he ordered.
“I will not leave. Tony we need to talk!”
“Why do you even care!” Tony shouted.
“I care because you’re my teammate and my friend and I hurted you without knowing it and I don’t want to repeat that! That’s why I want to know what’s wrong! What if it’s the same with Christmas or with Easter? What if we keep hurting your feelings because we just don’t know the problem.” Steve didn’t want to shut at Tony but somehow he lost control over himself.
Tony stayed silent for a while and avoided looking at Steve.
“Tony I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scream at you.” Steve said. “I will leave-” Tony didn’t let him finish his sentence. Suddenly he showed Steve the palms of his hands.
“Look at my hands.” He said. Steve did as he was told and looked at Tonys palms. Till today he didn’t notice that Tony had a long burn scar over his palms. It looked old and as if something long and burning hot was pressed into his hands. After he looked at Tonys palms he looked back at Tony's face. He didn’t understand what his scars had to do with his hate for his birthday.
Tony tried to find the right words to explain himself. Normally he talked way too much but right now he was at a loss for words. It took him a while till he started talking again.
“I was really excited for my fourth birthday. I mean I was four and I guess when you are a little kid, you still love stuff like birthdays. I went to my fathers workshop and I guess I annoyed him too much with the fact that it’s my birthday and he… he…” Tony stopped talking for a while. Steve just looked at him and waited till he was ready to talk again.
“He was so annoyed because of me, that he said he has a gift for me and when I reached my hands out to get it, pressed a burning hot plate for a prototype of his newest projekt in my hands. I screamed and started crying but he didn’t care. He just said that if I like birthdays so much that’s what I will get and that I should fucking grow up and become a man. I ran back to my room and cried for the rest of the day. After that I did exactly what my dad said and grew up and stopped caring for birthdays. Well… I guess I didn’t stop caring for them, I just started to hate them because they always remind me of what my father did.” Tony stopped talking again and this time Steve wanted to say something but Tony lifted his hand to signal Steve that he’s not done yet.
“I’m sorry that I ruined the party you planned. I … I guess I had some kind of flashback and couldn’t stand being there.” He said.
Steve stayed silent for a while longer till he was sure that Tony was done with his story.
“Tony, that's horrible.”
“Yeah I know. It was a long time ago and I shouldn’t let myself get affected like that.”
“No, no, I mean what happened to you was horrible. I knew Howard could be an asshole but I never imagined that he would do something like that to his own four years old son!” Steve could feel how the anger inside of him kept rising
“Steve, it's alright. Nothing to get so heated up over.”
“I shouldn’t get angry over it? Tony, he clearly traumatized you. Why did you never talk about it with anyone?” Steve wanted to know.
“Because Stark men are made of iron. Something like that shouldn’t affect me.” Tony explained and Steve felt like Tony said that already so often to himself, till he started to believe it.
“Tony… you’re a human. You are not made of iron. You’re allowed to feel hurt.” Tony looked at him and showed him a little smile.
“You are way too nice Cap, do you know that?” Tony asked him.
“Caring for friends is not a sight for being too nice. I want to help you. That's all.”
“Help me? How do you plan to do that? Never mentore the word “birthday” ever again?” He asked.
“Well…” Steve actually didn’t know what he should do to help Tony. He wasn’t a psychiatrist and horrible child abuse wasn’t really a topic he knew much about. Before he could say anything Tony gave a chuckle from him.
“It’s alright Cap, there is stuff that can’t be fixed. I should know that, after all, I normally can fix everything.” Tony said and turned back to his workbench.
“No!” Steve said and stopped Tony from going back to work.
“Please Tony, I really want to help you. I’m sure we all want to help you.”
“Steve, I’m a big boy, I don’t need help.” Tony said.
“That’s bullshit.”
“Language Captain!” Tony said and couldn’t stop himself from laughing.
Steve fell silent again and thought about a plan.
“Okay, how about we sit together as a team and talk about triggers? Everyone shares some triggers they have. So you won’t be the only one who shares his issues and we know what’s a no-go.” Steve suggested.
For a moment it was silent again and Steve already feared that Tony hated his idea.
“You know, I think that sounds good. I would like to try.” He finally said.
Tony wasn’t the biggest fan of sharing his feelings and admitting his weaknesses, but he was part of a team now and maybe it was time to let some people inside his life.
It was a small first step but it was at least a start.