Chapter Text
“Laura, can we just get this over with?”
Carmilla sat on the couch, her body language of someone who was defeated. Laura was cleaning up their room, making the bed and throwing trash away.
“I’m sorry, I’m just weirdly nervous to hear this.”
“If you’d rather I not--”
“Don’t even try that, Carmilla! It’s just--I know you well enough to know it’s pretty special when you decide to share backstory.”
“Yeah,” Carmilla said softly, looking at the floor, “It is. Also, this will technically cost my family millions of dollars if it gets out.”
“Oh my God the suspense is killing me,” Laura sat down at the edge of the bed, leaning in. “Alright. I’m ready.”
“...Okay. First of all--”
“Wait!” Laura got up and ran to the door, putting the ‘do not disturb sign’ on the doorknob. She turned back to Carmilla.
“Sorry. Now I’m ready.”
“Not how I hoped we’d be using that sign,” Carmilla grumbled to herself, then sighed when Laura sat back down. “First of all--Karnstein is actually a stage name. Or, you know, my mother’s maiden name. My real last name is Morgan.”
Carmilla Morgan...Laura liked Karnstein better. She nodded. “Okay.”
“And my father’s name was Thadeus Morgan. Does that ring a bell?”
Laura frowned. “Um...maybe? I’m not sure.”
“He wrote ‘27’.”
“Oooooh!” Laura slammed her palm on the mattress. “That was super popular for awhile, wasn’t it? I hear it on the radio all the time! I mean, it was popular a long time ago, but still.”
“Yeah,” Carmilla answered, “My mother was his PR manager. And ended up marrying him. She had me at the ripe old age of twenty-one.”
Laura tried to recall the bits and pieces of information she knew about him. Tad Morgan. The quintessential rock star. A bit of knowledge floated to the surface of Laura’s mind, and she paled slightly.
“Didn’t he…?”
“When he was 31,” Carmilla answered. Her voice was devoid of emotion, but her eyes were cast to the floor. “Of a heroin overdose. He did a lot of partying.”
Immediately a hand went to cover Laura’s mouth. “Oh my God, Carm, I’m so sorry.”
Carmilla shrugged. “He was barely around. Mother took it a lot harder than me. She got really freaked out about it--she thought if I got into music I would end up getting into drugs like he did. So she tried to keep me from playing anymore.”
As she spoke her shoulders slumped. “I can remember when I was ten, watching her throw out the little guitar I had gotten on my birthday. Dad had sent them while he was on tour. But then I dug it out of the trash,” a little half smirk formed, “I was too young to understand why, but I was smart enough to know that I should hide it under my bed and only play it when she wasn’t around.”
Laura wanted so badly to run a hand down Carmilla’s face, to kiss her, to hug her, something. But she was afraid that if she did anything it would make Carmilla change her mind. So Laura only bit her lip and folded her hands tightly in her lap.
“Dad had taught me how to play guitar since I was old enough to understand what a chord was. And I was good. There was no chance in Hell I was going to let anything stop me. So I went on the internet, hid more lesson books under my bed, and kept practicing when Mother was at work.
“She caught me a few times over the years. And we argued. A lot. It came to a head when I was fifteen. I snuck out to a concert with some of my friends--they smoked pot. I didn’t, but the smell got on my clothes. I came home and Mother got so pissed when she smelled it on me, that--”
Carmilla paused. She leaned back on the couch, refusing to look at Laura.
Laura’s mouth opened in shock, unable to stay quiet anymore. “Carm...she didn’t hit you, did she?”
“...More of a slap,” Carmilla grumbled, “Anyway, after that, she thought it’d be better for me to live with my older sister.”
“You have an older sister?” Carmilla looked at Laura now.
“Yeah. My dad had a fling when he was a teenager or something. Mattie and I didn’t get to see each other a lot, but we skyped. We’re pretty close. She knew everything that was going on and she thought Mother was being an idiot. Which meant sending me there was the worst possible way to keep me out of music.”
She smiled again, looking up at the ceiling. “Best year of my life. I started booking gigs, getting a little fanbase. I could finally pursue my music and Mattie gave my Mother lots of fake updates about how I was staying out of trouble. Things were going good and I was on track to maybe get a recording contract if I kept at it.”
Her smile was so warm, gaze softening with remembrance, that Laura couldn’t help but smile too at seeing her...Carmilla so happy.
But then she frowned again.
“When I was sixteen Ell Kershaw came to town for a concert.”
Laura couldn’t help but squirm a little in her seat uncomfortably. She realized what Carmilla was doing. The whole backstory? She was stalling. Now was the part for her to get worried about. Carmilla cross her arms over her chest.
“Mattie got me a ticket. And...you know, I was lying through my teeth. I was pretty much her biggest fan. Like, tween girls love Justin Bieber kind of a fan, you know? It’s, uh…” Her cheeks started to turn red, “It’s kind of embarrassing now, but I snuck backstage after the concert--”
“I knew you liked her music!” Laura exclaimed, “I knew it, no one doesn’t like Ell Kershaw--”
“You still going to be smug if I tell you we hooked up backstage?”
Laura’s face immediately fell, eyes widening. Carmilla looked at Laura again, raising an eyebrow. “Oh. Um. Wow. Okay. I mean, I guess I should have seen that coming as a possibility, but...um. Wow.”
“I knew this was a bad idea,” Carmilla groaned.
“No! I swear, this isn’t that big a deal. Seriously. What else happened?” Laura leaned in. There was no way Carmilla was stopping now. Carmilla looked at Laura for a moment before rolling her eyes.
“The security tried to kick me out. She caught a glimpse of me and thought I was hot. So she told them she knew me. I lied to her and told her I was eighteen, she invited me back to her dressing room, I lost my virginity,” Carmilla continued dryly.
She regretted saying that immediately, and she added, “Fuck, that was a little too much information. I haven’t been able to tell anyone for years and it kind of just came out. Sorry.”
Laura couldn’t even speak. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish before she finally managed to get out, “...No. No, you can finish.”
Carmilla ran a hand through her hair uncomfortably. “Shit, Laura, do I need to--”
“You cannot say ‘I lost my virginity to a pop star’ and refuse to finish the story!” Laura exclaimed.
“...You want to hear about my six month illicit affair with her?”
“In the way that you can’t take your eyes off a car crash and what do you mean six months.”
Carmilla shrugged. “I told her I was eighteen. She asked me to go on the tour with her. I was a groupie. Mattie covered for me--apparently the idea of how pissed Mother would be was more appealing than not letting her sister go on the road with a strange woman. I kept skyping her to let her know I was okay, she made excuses when Mother wanted to speak to me. It helped that we lived on opposite ends of the country.”
“You...dated...Ell Kershaw?”
“Dated?” Carmilla laughed bitterly. “We never went on a date. She was sleeping with plenty of other girls. I was just her favorite. She...I hate to say it, but a lot of what I learned that really made me a contender on this show, I learned from her.”
Laura remembered Ell’s little self-satisfied smiles and her arrogance. She had to admit; she could see how some of that had rubbed off on Carmilla. It made sense.
“Okay, so what happened?” Laura asked softly. Carmilla heaved a sigh.
“Mother got suspicious and showed up at Mattie’s place. Unannounced. And as tough as my sister is, it’s pretty much impossible to lie to my Mother face to face for too long. She figured out where I was. Showed up at one of Ell’s concerts in a fucking rage. Threatened to get her collared for stat rape,” Carmilla winced, “Which is how Ell learned I was sixteen. She blew up on me. And threatened that if I ever told anyone--”
“The non-disclosure agreement thing?”
Carmilla sucked in a breath and nodded. “Six months of all of that, and I was forced to pretend it never happened. And she basically told me I was just a fuck buddy to her. I thought--shit, I was sixteen and she was a rock star. I know it was ridiculous but I really thought I was falling for her. The worst part is...it was my fault. I lied to her. I told her I was legal and I wasn’t.”
She ran a hand down her face, taking a breath. “...And there you go. Mother locked me in the house for two years and I finally got out to audition for this. Here we are,” she smiled weakly, “So, still happy I told you?”
Laura didn’t say anything.
“Look, I know my past is super sleazy. If you don’t want to do this anymore, I understand. I’m not exactly proud of everything either--”
“Oh. My. God.” Laura got up, bending down to kiss Carmilla. She pulled away and Carmilla blinked.
“Uh. Wow.”
“My girlfriend,” Laura said, “Managed to sleep with the hottest musician in the world, and she is choosing to date me. How is this supposed to make me feel bad about myself, again? Also, Ell is a total raging bad person. Seriously.”
Carmilla’s gaze softened. She pulled Laura down into her lap, arms wrapping around her.
“You don’t think I’m a douche who lied about her age, then?”
“She was, what? Seven years older than you, Carmilla? It doesn’t matter what you did. It couldn’t have been that hard to figure out how old you really were. She took advantage of you and it doesn’t matter if you said you were eighteen or not,” Laura started to kiss Carmilla on the cheek. “I am so sorry that happened to you, though.”
Carmilla closed one eye as Laura continued kissing her face. “So you’re not super intimidated now that you know I was with a celebrity?”
“Of course I am. But I was already really intimidated anyway. You’re all dark and broody and mysterious. Except now,” Laura mused, “You’re a little less mysterious. So I guess that helps.”
“You’re not going to miss that air of mystery that made me so attractive, then?” Carmilla teased.
“Actually, watching you open up to me is kind of extremely attractive.”
Carmilla didn’t hesitate to kiss Laura. For a few moments Laura melted into her arms before pulling back.
“We will get through this. I promise. We can’t let her get to us, you know? I promise I’ll fangirl about her less. As in, never. Okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Anything else I can do, just let me know?”
Carmilla looked away, running a hand through her hair. “I want to pretend none of that happened. Can we do that?”
Laura bit her lip. “Of course. Totally. We can do that.”
She got up. “I’m going to get dressed for bed, okay?”
“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart,” Carmilla drawled, stretching back out on the couch.
Laura grabbed her clothes, walking into the bathroom.
Carmilla had an affair with a celebrity.
Laura had to work with her for the competition.
If she even hinted that she knew anything, Carmilla was in huge trouble. She had no idea how those non-disclosure things worked, but she assumed something bad happened if you broke them.
Had Laura mentioned to Carmilla that she was terrible at keeping secrets…?
No. Okay. Well, Laura just had to get really good, really fast, at keeping this secret.
She walked out, extending a hand to Carmilla. “Come on, Carm. We share the bed from now on.”
Carmilla grinned, taking Laura’s hand and following her to the bed. Laura’s arms wrapped around her from behind.
“...Why are you the big spoon?” Carmilla grumbled.
“I like it,” Laura answered.
“You know, I did just tell you all about my tragic past…”
Laura sighed. “So much for pretending it never happened.” She rolled over, and Carmilla pressed herself close to her back.
“Night, Cupcake,” Carmilla muttered, kissing the top of Laura hair, “Thanks.”
They had been kissing practically every chance they had gotten since the first time, but so far this one had to be Laura’s favorite.