Chapter Text
Alexander had always hated telling people about his life. It was bad enough being an orphan, he didn’t need people to remind him of it all the time.
Eliza had known barely anything about Alexander’s past, even months into their relationship. It was only after their marriage that she found out that Alexander’s mom had been a prostitute. He had said it as a joke, she did not find it very funny.
And that’s why he hated bringing it up. Turns out saying “my cousin was my best friend and then he killed himself and I found his body” was a raging buzzkill, or maybe because “my dad beat me so electric razors freak me out” was a major mood killer (and he found that out the hard way).
Well, at least Thomas found it funny.
“I think my mom was addicted to opioids when I was a kid.”
“Dude, what.”
Thomas shrugged, “I don’t know, she always had a bottle of something in her purse and she was always taking them.”
Alexander gave a confused smile, “You never bothered to ask?”
“No, Alexander, I never asked “Mommy, are those prescription painkillers?”, I just kind of assumed they were weird adult candy or something,” Thomas shoved a bite of salad into his mouth. “Thank fucking God I hate hard candy.”
Alexander grinned, “Opiods are the rich person drug-of-choice, then?”
“That and cocaine, mostly.” Thomas leaned back, “What’s the poor person drug-of-choice?”
Alexander ate an Oreo, “A lot of everything. Alcoholism was just the baseline, all the other stuff stacked on top of it. You were an addict on that island when you were high on three things at once on the regular.”
“Damn, poor people got it tough,” Thomas said wisely.
Alexander pretentiously held his chin, looking up, “You’ve figured it out, Sherlock.”
“Shut up.”
Lately, their relationship had been anything but usual, at least not by their standards. Fighting had almost completely stopped ( almost ) and now the rumors of their workplace affair had become common knowledge. It’s why Thomas Hated Charles now (Hated with a big, capital H, this time) and officially wouldn’t speak to him, and why most of their coworkers had begun picking sides. So far, Thomas was losing.
Most employees were not willing to risk getting their time off taken away to associate with Thomas, so his schedule of criticizing people to their face and then eating a communal lunch with his victims and their other abuser (Charles) had been compromised.
Now, Alexander (and occasionally Jay) were the lunchtime ears for Thomas to talk at. Today, Thomas seemed interested in talking about opioids and ranting about his mother.
After a bit of silence, Alexander leaned back in his chair thoughtfully, “I think my half-brother was addicted to opioids.”
Thomas furrowed his eyebrows, “You have a brother?”
“ Had and half -brother. We talked like, once. I think he’s dead now,” Alexander shrugged. “It was weird, like, we knew we were half-brothers and we kind of acknowledged it but we never really did. We were only brothers in that we came from the same dick.”
“Like the body part or person?” Thomas asked.
“Both.”
Thomas hummed, looked up at the ceiling for a second in thought, and then pushed his eyebrows together, “I wish my sister was addicted to opioids, then I’d be the favorite.”
Alexander giggled, “I don’t think you want that.”
Thomas looked at him thoughtfully, “No, I don’t. Being the favorite involves a lot of talking to my mother, which is no good. I’d rather be the perpetual scapegoat of my parents shame then have to brave a phone call with my mother once a month. Twice a year is about my limit.”
Alexander smiled, “You don’t talk to your dad?”
“My dad?!” Thomas put his hands in the air dramatically, “Talking to my dad is like talking to a wall. He doesn’t talk, which I guess is bearable. He just looks disappointed, my mom has to vocalize it.”
Alexander raised his eyebrows, “Well, talking is certainly a Jefferson trait on one side of the family.”
He furrowed his eyebrows, “Shush. You like hearing me talk.”
“About your family I do,” Alexander announced. “Makes me feel better about not having one.”
“They aren’t worth the hype,” Thomas said simply.
“Apparently not.”
The two had been actively ignoring Washington, who stood staring at them for around 30 seconds before they both looked in his direction. He stood like a ghost.
He bounced awkwardly on his heels, “Look at you two. I had to make sure I wasn’t going to clean up a crime scene,” he gave a big smile, apparently he was trying to make a joke, because he laughed a second after. “This is very good,” he said theatrically. “Good workplace relationships. Not too good, I hope,” he winked.
They both looked at him, unimpressed.
“I’m leaving,” Thomas stood up.
“Not yet!” Washington rushed over. “I have a proposition for both of you.”
Neither of them talked, Thomas continued to stand.
“I think you two should help me and Martha represent the company and…” he put his hands out like the two were expected to answer before he finished.
Ew.
Thomas shrugged, “Ok.”
“I would rather kill myself,” Alexander said.
“Alexander,” he scolded.
Alexander shook his head instead, “No.”
“You work for me so you have no choice,” Washington’s face fell immediately. “This is life, Alexander. It’s in your pay.”
“Then I quit,” Alexander looked at him with a bored expression.
“Oh hush, you’ll do it.”
There goes that option.
Ever since the New Years party, Washington had made many attempts to push Alexander into socializing with his coworkers or appearing like he enjoyed the presence of others, all of these efforts were fought against by Alexander, and in some cases, the poor victims who fell into it. At one point, he had mistakenly toted Alexander down to the breakroom during their lunch break, to which Charles immediately left, Thomas swore at him and Alexander finally revealed he didn’t eat lunch. Washington looked defeated as they both trudged back to their office.
“What’s the and?” Thomas sat back down in his chair he had pulled to Alexander’s desk, he spun.
Washington folded into himself to give a dramatic, “You guys will come to a conference with me! Yay!” he jazz handed.
“Why?” Thomas asked.
“That’s a valid question,” Alexander confirmed. “ Why? ” He looked at him stubbornly.
“You. Quiet,” Washington pointed to him before turning back to Thomas. “All these different distributors come to this meeting to try and woo doctors offices. It’s like a liaison thing. You pay to send people to represent your company and you get to talk to some very important people about being their medical supplier. I need the right people, you two, are the right people.”
“Yes, send the asshole and the one that doesn’t talk to people,” Alexander swooned. “What a fantabulous idea!”
“Hey,” Thomas furrowed his eyebrows. “Bringing me is at least better than sending Charles.”
Alexander leaned back lazily in his chair, suddenly feeling tired.
He put his finger out, “Exactly, send Charles.”
Washington shook his head, “We both understand that’s a bad idea. Besides, I need a numbers guy, you’re the numbers guy. You know all the profit and sales stuff and whatever and Thomas is our poster boy.”
“Wow. Thank you,” Thomas crossed his arms.
“Shh. Take it as a compliment.”
Washington had crossed his arms and seemed thoroughly unimpressed with the both of them, they understood this was no longer an encouraging conversation, this was an order. This turn was unsurprising, and was something he and Thomas frequently ranted about to each other.
“I want to bring a newer employee too, less jaded,” he glared at them both. “He’s talkative, Thomas, you’ll like him. He's new, his name is Aaron. He reminds me of you,” he motioned to Alexander. “He’s young,”
“I’m young?” Alexander confirmed.
“You were.”
“Well damn, I fit that criteria,” Thomas interrupted.
Washington gave him a look.
“Once upon a time, Alexander, you used to be optimistic and would have been happy to participate,” Washington teased. “Aaron is very happy to participate,” he said, like a parent comparing their child to their friends. Alexander felt bored.
Alexander put his hand to his chest dramatically, “What is this feeling! It’s- Oh no!” he gasped. “I think I’m feeling… nothing! Could this be?!” He grew serious. “Try hard Alexander died with my marriage, try again. If you’re looking for enthusiasm, then you’re looking at the wrong guy.”
Thomas laughed.
“You’re not funny,” Washington said grumpily.
Thomas mockingly frowned, “You bite your tongue. Funny is all he has left.”
Alexander giggled, Washington looked vaguely violent.
“I liked you two better when you didn’t get along, I think,” Washington announced. Finally, they both laid off. “The conference is in February and it requires dressing up,” he looked at Alexander, who squinted. “I’m sure Thomas can help you with that.”
Thomas shook his head, “Dressing him? Surely you already know I’ll be no good at that.”
Alexander laughed, Washington either didn’t get or didn’t appreciate the joke, because he stared blankly at the two before turning on his heel and leaving.
Alexander pursed his lips, “Well, I thought it was funny, but I thought you weren’t feeding into the rumors?”
Thomas shrugged, “Eh, at this point, if people are going to believe we’re fucking, I don’t want to be doing it for something pathetic like an apartment. People are going to believe that the mysterious Alexander Hamilton is an amazing lay and that I’m a fantastic lover.”
Alexander shrugged, “Well, that’s at least half true,” he wiggled his eyebrows.
Thomas squinted, “Ok, Mr-Self-Esteem. When was the last time you ever pleasured anyone who wasn’t yourself?” He raised his eyebrow.
He gave a fake offended look, “For your information, I pleasured more than I ever received pleasure.”
“Please, you were the man in a heterosexual marriage,” Thomas scoffed.
Alexander brushed his hair back, he raised one eyebrow towards Thomas, “Where do you think I learned to fake an orgasm?”
Thomas laughed for a second before growing confused and then concerned, “Men can’t fake orgasms?”
“Well, that shows how spoiled you are,” Alexander leaned back in his chair.
Thomas pursed his lips, “Is that why you cheated on her?”
Alexander suddenly grew awkward.
“Because,” Thomas continued. “If that’s why I would understand.”
He furrowed his eyebrows, “What? You’d cheat on your wife if you had to fake an orgasm?”
“You did cheat on your wife,” Thomas said roughly. “I’m trying to understand your process.”
Alexander scoffed, “No, Thomas. I cheated on my wife for a lot of reasons I don’t really know, but not that.”
With both of their mood thoroughly ruined, Thomas hissed, “Sorry for bringing it up then.”
There goes their friendly banter.
They both sat in awkward silence. Alexander looked at the clock, there was 10 minutes left. Alexander knew 10 minutes was plenty of time for their no-fighting-streak to end. The two had been boasting a 14 day argument free streak, so far, their best.
Thomas looked down at the floor, seeming to weigh his options. Alexander prepared himself.
“Can we just go back to talking about drugs?” Thomas said quietly. “I’d really rather not fight.”
Alexander felt taken aback for a second, “yeah,” he stumbled. “Yeah. I would like that.”
Thomas looked relieved for a bit, before relaxing into his chair and giving a familiar smirk towards him, “See how grown up I am,” he bragged. “I guess therapy is helping you with something.”
“Helping you avoid asking about people's worst moments?” Alexander teased. "Most of us learn that as a small children, but alright."
Thomas crossed his arms, “Test me right now, Alexander. See how that ends up.”
“Okay, okay,” Alexander put his hands up. “Let’s just talk about drugs then.”
Thomas nodded, satisfied.
Suddenly, Washington began to make noise from their peripherals. “Look at the problem solving skills!” Washington swooned. Apparently his authoritative mood ended at the sight of healthy workplace relationships. “I’m so proud of you two! Maybe I should have you guys give a presentation on proper workplace conduct...”
They both looked bored.
“Ok, now I’m actually leaving,” Thomas said.