Chapter Text
"So," Ruby began, "If you're not a real person, then... Are you, like. A hologram? No, then the truck would have killed me. Wait, hard light Dust exists - wait, are you a DUST CONSTRUCT-"
In a flash, the blue ball came in, spelled "Penny Polandinho Soccer 64", and then Penny's high-pitched voice screamed "Polandinho Soccer!" at an incredibly fast speed.
"I am sorry," Penny rushed to apologize, "But I need you to pay attention and that was the first thing I thought of. I am not a hologram, nor am I a Dust Construct. I do not think those are a real thing. I am a prototype android, the very first robotic humanoid to be able to generate Aura." Penny seemed to sadden. "I am... Not a real person."
"That..." Ruby blinked. "That's so COOL!"
Penny stepped back, startled. Ruby sped up to Penny and began to examine her.
"This is so exciting!" Ruby grinned, "So you're fully synthetic? But you have Aura?! That's so- That's revolutionary! You're a marvel of modern science, Penny! And I don't know what's realer than being a walking, talking, living weapon- oh, no offense, Penny, it's just, y'know, I love weapons, and if Cressy could talk to me I'd be SO happy-"
"Ruby, I am-" Penny blinked. "You are... Taking this rather well."
"Of course!" Ruby smiled. "You're my friend, Penny, and you being made of metal isn't gonna change that - GODS, you outclass all those Atlesian Knights by a million times! Aura!" Ruby took a deep breath. "Who cares that you're a robot, Penny - we're friends!" She reiterated.
"Oh... Ohhhh, Ruby!" Penny's voice wavered, and she tackled Ruby into a tight hug. "Thank you! You really are such a good friend!"
"Oh," Ruby blushed as she was crushed by Penny's bear hug. "So you're strong, too. Your father didn't skimp on that, huh?"
"My father!" Penny realized, and she let Ruby go. "Ruby, you simply MUST meet my father!"
"Woah, that's going a bit fast, isn't it-" Ruby wheezed.
"My father will be so pleased to know I have made a friend!" Penny continued, gently placing Ruby down. "He is very sweet, you will love him!"
"I'm... I'm sure I will..." Ruby breathed deeply. "Hoo, you're STRONG... Did your father build you all by himself?"
"Mostly!" Penny nodded. "He had some help from General Ironwood, as well!"
"Oh, that's why those soldiers were after you!" Ruby realized. "Because you're basically James Ironwood's daughter as well!"
Penny froze.
"Penny?" Ruby asked, concerned.
"A SECOND FATHER?!" Penny exclaimed, jumping into the air excitedly. "I had not considered such a thing! I must get Father Ironwood something for Father's Day!"
From the mouth of the alleyway, a voice echoed, "She went this way!"
"Oh-!" Penny started, before picking Ruby up and placing Ruby in a nearby dumpster.
"Hey, wait-"
"Shh!" Penny urged, holding a finger to her lips. "It is not that I do not like you, but I cannot have these soldiers see us together! I am enjoying our time together, and I am anticipating you meeting my fathers, but for that to happen, you must not get into trouble!" Penny seemed to consider something, then continued. "Until then, do not tell anyone I am a robot. Please?"
Ruby blinked. "Okay, but- but a dumpster?"
Penny slammed the lid shut, and Ruby was engulfed in garbage smell and darkness.
"Miss Polendina!" A voice shouted, footsteps rushing up to the dumpster.
"Sal-u-ta-tions!" Penny's voice enthused. "Did you know that the dumpster was invented forty years ago by Andrew Dumpster?"
"...What?"
"Miss Polendina," A second, sterner voice interrupted. "Where is the other girl?"
"What other girl? I have been alone all day!" Penny disagreed, and then she hiccupped.
"Well, what about your hands?" The first voice pointed out. "Are you alright?"
"Peachy!" Penny responded, and from the way one of the soldiers hissed, Ruby assumed that Penny had held out her hands.
"Oh, Doctor Polendina isn't going to be happy about this..." The first soldier tsked.
"Please, come with us, Miss Polendina." The second soldier urged. "We must ensure you are in mint condition before we return you to your father and General Ironwood."
"Oh, yes!" Penny chirped, walking away from the dumpster and hopefully leading them out of the alleyway, "I must get Father's Day presents for Father Ironwood!"
"...FATHER Ironwood?" The first soldier whispered.
After a few minutes of silence, Ruby poked her head out of the dumpster, and, after making sure the coast was clear, climbed out with some difficulty. "Oof," Ruby huffed as she hit the ground. "I need a shower..." With that, she made her way back to Beacon.
In the slums of Vale, a motorcycle skidded to a halt, and Yang dismounted by doing a forward flip.
"Whew!" Yang sighed, "Place's still as shitty as I remember!" Yang nodded towards a well-lit nightclub. "Man, I fucked them up good - those chairs are new, I think. You alright, Neptune?"
On the motorcycle, Neptune shakily fell off, his hair blown back and his hands twitching.
"Tch, I only ran ONE red light," Yang shook her head, picking Neptune up and putting him on his feet.
"Where did you learn how to drive." Neptune demanded. It was a soft demand, as if he was afraid speaking up would shatter himself to pieces.
"Never did." Yang answered flippantly. "C'mon, we're burning twilight."
Inside, a stocky young man with short black hair and a trimmed black beard was standing behind the bar, fixing his suitcuffs. His title card flew in, and a pour of clear alcohol filled the white card, revealing the name Hei Xiong in black ink.
Suddenly, a man in a skintight tuxedo and a rabbit-themed half-mask ran in. "BOSS! SHE'S BACK!" He immediately began to bar the door.
"What are you-" The man began, before a punch indented the metal door. "Oh fuck."
"MELTY QUICKSILVER..." Yang's voice called out, and the door crackled before collapsing like a soda can and careening into the upper level of the club. "OVERDRIVE!" With that, Yang strutted through the dust, Neptune trailing behind her. "Hey, Junior! Did you miss me?"
In response, five men in tight suits and bunny masks and three women in pinstripe suits and fedoras pointing tommy guns at Yang's face.
Yang smirked. "Talk about a cold welcome. No drinks?" She snarked.
"Blondie!" Junior called out, swiftly walking up to defuse the situation. "It's so nice to see you back... Alive... How may I help you?"
"Question," Neptune asked. "Are those rabbit masks, like, racist?"
"It's kind of like the fursona loophole." Yang explained. "Sorry, boys, he's new."
"What does that-" Neptune started.
"Anyways," Yang grabbed Junior by the arm and began dragging him off. "I've got a couple questions for you, and if you give me some answers that are juuuust right, I might take a couple thousand off your debt..."
Blake traced the three scratch marks in the stone. "We're here." She muttered to Sun. "Hoods up - we can't risk being recognized."
"Easy for you to say, Miss Shashti," Sun muttered, "You've got ears."
"Apologies." Blake responded off-handedly, watching a man with scales running up his neck usher in two masked Faunus, a deer and a red panda.
"New recruits to the right," The guard muttered, pointing them after the deer Faunus.
"Thank you, brother." Blake nodded, and she and Sun made their way down the hallway.
"So, one thing's been bothering me about the White Fang." Sun remarked.
"One thing?" Blake sarcastically muttered.
"Well, it's the masks. You can't deny they aren't a little creepy, 'ttebaru." Sun thumbed his mask.
"They're modeled after Grimm." Blake explained. "The concept behind the design was that, if humans are going to treat us as human Grimm, we may as well look the part." Blake huffed. "As a Hunter, it's in pretty bad taste. As a White Fang member, though..."
"Ah," Sun paled beneath his mask. "Noted."
Blake nodded, and the two fell silent as they entered a large antechamber. The deer Faunus fell into a line next to a stage, and so Blake and Sun followed suit, falling in line as a large man with a horse's tail and tattooed arms took to the microphone.
"Thank you all for coming." The man began, "First of all, whoever is the owner of the hot pink Ford, you left your lights on." Someone cursed and ran out of the building. "Second order of business, the potluck is next week, so if anyone has yet to sign up, please make sure to do so now. As a reminder, Sister Brahma cannot have eggs, so please try to make something without eggs in them. Please see Brother Michaelis about sign-up." He gestured to a reedy man with a rat's tail and a clipboard. The speaker cleared his throat. "With that out of the way, allow me to introduce to our newer members to a very special comrade of ours. And trust me: despite what we may think, he might hold the key for a decisive Faunus victory!"
Before he had even finished speaking, a man strolled out onto the stage, a cigar in one hand and twirling his cane in the other - Roman Torchwick. Behind him trailed a slender pink-and-brunette woman with a shock of white hair and pink eyes. She also had on a cropped white leather jacket with pink lining, dark brown trousers, a brown corset, matching gloves, white spats, and an assortment of beaded necklaces that, despite their visible movement, were utterly silent.
In fact, the woman was making no sound whatsoever, even though she was wearing heels over her spats.
As the two humans made their way to the podium, the crowd's shocked disapproval became known by jeers and boos being levelled at thw two.
"Thank you, thank you," Roman Torchwick sneered, puffing his cigar. "Please, hold your applause until the very end."
"What's a human doing here?!" The deer Faunus demanded.
"Good question, sweater," Roman stated, pointing at the Faunus. "And you're right, you know - humans are garbage." He mockingly took a bow. "As if I need to tell you. So why, exactly, should you listen to me when I'm a perfectly good target?"
The assembled Faunus's ruckus had died down, and they were now muttering amongst themselves.
Roman smirked. "Because I'm your best shot." He revealed. "As some may not be aware of, I've been behind every last Dust robbery in the past, oh, half a year? The humans are panicked, they're losing Dust, and all this because I HATE those meddlesome humans who run our society!" There were scattered cheers at this. "Those holier-than-thou idiots at the head string who think they're better than us, just because of what they were born into!" The room was applauding. "They're to blame for your lot in life, and mine as well!" The room was uproarious now, and Blake and Sun were shooting each other alarmed looks. "But luckily for us, I'm not just going to play the lemon and take it. Neo, if you would?"
With a silent giggle, Neo took out a folded-up parasol and swung it at the sheet. At once, it shattered like window glass, falling to pieces and dissolving into cream-white aura as she revealed an Atlesian Paladin - the very same that James Ironwood had been debuting in his tech demo.
The camera zoomed in on Neo, and her title card revealed her name to be Neopolitan, right before it cracked like glass and vanished.
"Where did he GET that?!" Blake exclaimed, almost drowned out by the crowd's cheers.
"I could probably take it, 'ttebaru." Sun remarked.
Blake turned to look at Sun, before she muttered, "Oh, he means in a fight."
"As you may know, this little toy is Atlas's latest Anti-Grimm Armament." Roman explained, slapping the chassis like a used car. "Designed to be piloted by a human and respond to any Kaijuu-class Grimm attack. My employer has procured a few prototypes, and they've happily given them to me." Roman began to pace slightly. "Now, some of your brethren have been moved to our southeast operation, and if you'd like to join them, that's great. But if you're an urbanite, such as myself..." He pointed Melodic Cudgel at the Paladin. "This is what we can offer you."
"We've got to get out of here," Blake muttered, "Now-"
"New recruits!" The speaker shouted. "Please approach the stage for your initiation!"
"Guess we don't get a choice, 'ttebaru." Sun remarked as the two were shuffled to the stage.
Junior slammed back his drink before wiping his lips. "Again, I don't know, Goldie."
"How can you not know?" Yang pressed.
"That's just it!" Junior spat. "Bitch left with four of my best men! I'd probably have more of a memory on him if SOMEONE-" He passive-aggressively motioned towards Yang, "Hadn't decided to blow up my bar!"
"I didn't blow it up!" Yang protested, "I only slightly mangled it."
"He didn't even have the decency to return my men, either." Junior sulked. "Sure, Balam's replaceable, but Bottom? He was a stand-up guy!"
"So where'd they go?" Neptune asked, pushing Yang aside.
Junior slowly blinked at Neptune. "They. They didn't return." He turned to Yang. "Is this guy for real?"
"Go easy on him, he's new." Yang shrugged Neptune off of her.
"That's all I got for ya." Junior shook his head. "Torchwick comes in, he rents four of my guys, they vanish after that one job. Arrested, I'm told, but I don't trust that Torchwick as far as I can throw him. I don't see Torchwick again after that. Y'happy?!"
"A little too cold, but I'll take it." Yang sighed. "Come on, Neptune." She got up and headed out the door, Neptune trailing on her heels like a puppy.
"Did I do good?" Neptune asked.
"No," Yang shot him down as they got on her bike. "But I got what I could out of Junior. Let's hope the others had better luck than we did."
The roaring cheers of the White Fang were almost deafening as Blake and Sun were shuffled with the recruits up to the stage.
"So, I don't mean to make you panic or anything," Sun whispered to Blake, "But do you or your fancy book have any ideas, 'ttebaru? 'Cause Torchwick's gonna see us and absolutely figure out it's us."
Sure enough, Roman had noticed Blake and Sun in the exact same disguises they already had worn. With an eye twitch, he whispered to Neopolitan and pointed the duo out. Neopolitan, in turn, shot an incredulous look at the two before giving an exaggerated facepalm.
"Oh, I have an idea, alright." Blake muttered, thumbing Shroud.
"Perfect, any day now!" Sun forced out.
"Battle of Fort Chateau." Blake explained. "Lagune lost because he couldn't see in the dark."
"Um." Sun's face screwed up. "Not to exactly burst your bubble, but wasn't he Beorc, Miss Shashti? We're kind of surrounded by Faunus."
"We are." Blake agreed. She aimed. "But I don't think Torchwick is."
She fired, and the fusebox exploded, plunging the whole building into darkness.
Hysteria immediately broke out. While Faunus darkvision was generally better than human's, sudden darkness would always be startling. Blake, having been the one to cause the blackout, was immune to this.
Unfortunately, as Roman had been watching her shoot the fusebox, he was also immune.
"Stop them, you idiots!" Roman screamed over the din.
"The window, Sun!" Blake urged, pushing Sun towards the street lights beaming through the window.
"They're getting awa- Oh, fuck this. Neo, darling?" He requested.
As Blake struggled to open the window, Sun stared at her before just smashing it with his staff.
"...Gods, I'm dumb." Blake muttered, jumping through the window and hoofing it.
"Not dumb, Miss Shashti," Sun winked, easily keeping up with her, "Just the wrong context for your smarts, 'ttebaru."
There was a whirring of machinery, muffled by the walls of the meeting house. At once, the wall exploded outwards, revealing the hulking frame of the Atlesian Paladin, surrounded by disoriented Faunus who were also giving chase.
'ATLESIAN PALADIN MkI'
"SPEAKING OF SMARTS," Sun screamed, "YOU GOT A PLAN?!"
"Yeah!" Blake said, taking out her phone. "Backup!"
"Oh, good idea!" Sun nodded, also taking out his phone. "Not how I wanted you to meet my team, but let's do it!"
"So, as it turns out," Ruby explained, braiding Jaune's hair, "There ARE papers on weird weapons that seem to do... Something with Aura, that AREN'T Aurasteel!"
"Wow!" Jaune nodded, "Is Lucario Aurasteel, do you think?"
{Fighting/Steel, Jaune.} Lucario gently corrected, filling out a crossword. It fidgeted with its reading glasses. {Although that would make some sense.}
The conversation was interupted by a low vibrating, and Ruby took out her phone.
"Group call?" She muttered. "This better be a status update..."
"Guys!" Blake shouted through the phone.
"Oh, Blake!" Ruby exclaimed. "Let me put you on speaker."
At once, the half of the screen was taken up by Blake's side of the conversation, blocking Jaune and Lucario from view.
{What the-}
"Hey!"
"Bonsoir," Weiss greeted them, her answering cutting in and her slice of the conversation now intersecting with the other two's sides like a triangle.
"Oh, wow, this is cramped-" Ruby began, pushing on the boundaries of Weiss's call window.
"Can you guys not fight like this?" Yang requested, her slice coming in from the bottom like a triangle, therefore evenly dividing all four conversation parties into a triangle window each.
"Can't we do this in a Celebrity Squares style?" Ruby complained.
"Or like ze FRENCH Bradie Bunche!" Weiss chimed in.
"FOCUS!" Blake demanded. There was a small explosion on her end and Sun yelping as he flew forwards. "I'm requesting backup. Torchwick present, piloting a mech."
"A mech?" Ruby asked, lightbulb going off. "Oh! Is it that new Atlesian Paladin that's coming out in a few months? General Ironwood was giving a tech demo earlier, but he said he couldn't bring one due to its size."
"That's awfully lucky, Ruubs." Yang remarked, sipping a drink through a straw.
"What are you eating?" Ruby asked, immediately distracted.
"Taco Bell. I got you a large Baja Blast, don't worry-"
Yang was cut off by another sound, this time a huge booming footstep on her end.
"Huh." Yang remarked. "I think I have eyes on you two."
"GET OVER HERE!" Blake shouted at Yang in person, before she hung up.
"Welp!" Yang grinned. "That's looking like a real hot fight! C'mon, Neptune!"
"Wait, we're gonna FIGHT-" Neptune was cut off, making the group call a one-on-one with Ruby and Weiss.
"Ruby, you are in ze FRENCH boi's dormatorie, yes?" Weiss pressed, getting up from her bed.
"Yeah?" Ruby asked, "Why?"
The door to Jaune's room burst open, revealing Weiss. Ruby jumped and hung up, eliminating the phone border to show they were all in the same room.
"Get up!" Weiss commanded. "We arre going to save our FRENCH teammates!"
"I don't think they're French-" Jaune began.
"Oh lala! Ze FRENCH boi!" Weiss exclaimed, hearts in her eyes. "Maitenant, you may accompagnie us as welle..."
"That's a great idea, Weiss!" Ruby exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "Jaune, do you know how to drive?"
"N... No?" Jaune tilted his head like a lost puppy. Weiss sighed contently. "But I might know someone who can."
Yang, Blake, Sun, AND Neptune were all riding on Yang's motorbike. It would have been absurdly dangerous, had Sun not managed to turn his clones into a very rudimentary sidecar for Neptune to lie down in, utterly motionsick. This instead made it moderately dangerous.
This had the additional side effect of leaving Sun in his underwear, but no one was really focusing on that.
"Sidestreet!" Sun called out, and Yang swerved before shooting down the street, ignoring a one way sign in the opposite direction.
"Man, it's REALLY lucky that there's no one on the streets after seven PM apparently." Blake remarked.
"Ain't that mysterious." Yang nodded.
"Um," Neptune gulped down bile, "Won't that- Torchwick, you said? Won't he be chasing us down this street?"
"Too narrow." Blake disagreed. "Torchwick probably hasn't had that mech for very long, so he probably hasn't figured out how to uninstall the property locks."
"Property locks?" Yang asked, running a red light.
"You know I used to be White Fang." Blake explained, ignoring Neptune's strangled noises of surprise. "That meant a lot of recon, especially towards security measures. Atlesian robots have property locks installed so they can avoid dealing lasting damage to infrastructure. Apparently, it's to minimize insurance rates and resource mining? I got that last bit from a magazine article-"
"LEFT" Neptune screamed, too panicked to punctuate his sentence fragment. With a pull, he veered Yang towards the left.
"Hey, what-"
A car impacted where the bike would have gone, crumpling like a soda can.
"THE FUCK?!" Yang screeched.
"THE ROAD, WATCH THE ROAD!" Neptune demanded.
Far behind them, Roman grinned as he lined up another shot. As the Atlesian Paladin was only a prototype, it hadn't been loaded with real missiles just yet. However, that meant that, by smashing them all together end-to-end like a bunch of child's markers, Roman now had a rudimentary pool cue to use.
"Sorry, fishes, but I'm not looping back again!" Roman snarled, and he hit another car like a pool ball. "This time, it's a lock!"
"SPEED UP, SPEED UP," Neptune cried as the car flew towards them. "Wait, wait, slow down slow down-"
"Make up your mind!" Yang demanded as she instead swerved right, barely dodging the shattering glass of the car.
"Hm?" Blake's ears twitched. "What's-"
At once, several motorcycles crashed in from the rooftops, all being driven by White Fang members.
"Oh, COME ON!" Sun exclaimed.
"I'VE HAD IT!" Neptune screamed, suddenly standing up with a crazed look in his eye. At once, he pulled out his gun, the Tri-Hard.
"SIT DOWN!" Blake exclaimed.
"WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Neptune cried, and at once, his gun began to fire pearls of crackling light at the pursuing motorists. The two at the front were hit, electrocuting the bikes and causing them to bail out, taking two others with them. Several had seemed to miss, but they slowly curved towards other targets behind them, causing even more wanton chaos. A few more had cleared the motorists entirely, and were speeding towards the Paladin.
Roman cursed as he pulled at the controls to veer away from the homing bullets. Two clipped, one missed, and one hit, causing a sudden shock through the system and shutting it down for a brief second. When the power came back online, all of the motorcycles were speeding off into the distance.
Roman grimaced. The city streets were no battleground for this hulking piece of metal. "All units." Roman called into the radio. "Factory district's your cinch position. Stick to them like cling on a cue ball - over and out."
Roman whirled the control a bit. "Neo, darling." Roman called out. "You might want to hang on."
He paused for a few minutes, utter silence resounding around him under the hum of machines.
"Ruinous Technology." Roman stated, fire orange Aura flaring up a bit before fizzling out immediately. "Stealth Bomber Mk0."
With that, he launched his missile cue stick directly at the factory district. With another turn, the Paladin stalked down the wider streets towards its destination.
Eventually, with no motorists in sight, Neptune had collapsed into his makeshift sidecar and gone catatonic.
"Is he-" Yang began, "Is he good?"
"Hm?" Sun perked up. "Who, Neptune? Yeah, he's always like this. He wants to be included, and then panics when he does. It gets worse when we're on or near water, dude has major hydrophobia."
"That seems inopportune." Blake noted. "Does this extend to relatively minor bodies of water, like streams?"
"All sources." Sun shook his head. "It's his Semblance. See, when he was a kid-"
"Rrrrgh," Neptune groaned.
"Right, secrecy!" Sun mimed zipping his lips.
Blake's ears perked up. "Aw, hell..." She sighed, "Incoming from the on-ramps!"
With that, more White Fang motorists roared onto the highway. Some had picked up various objects lying around, such as pipes and chains.
"Damn," Yang tsked, "Exit five goes right past the Pipe and Chain Emporium."
"Where the hell are Ruby and Weiss?!" Blake thought aloud.
"Now isn't the time for that, 'ttebaru!" Sun exclaimed, pulling out Ruyi Bang and holding Jingu Bang in his tail. He aimed them at the pursuers before his ears also perked up. "Hey, Miss Shashti, you hear that-"
Suddenly, out of utter nowhere, the highway exploded into concrete shrapnel, launching several motorists in every direction and throwing the four off of their bike. In the turmoil, Sun's copies shattered, and Neptune and Sun were sent flying off the side of the highway.
"Sun!" Blake shouted. "Neptune!"
"Who the hell is that?" Yang muttered. Blake turned around to see Neopolitan standing there, her closed parasol stabbed into the ground leisurely.
"She was at the meeting with Torchwick..." Blake replied, studying the older woman. "I think she has some sort of glass Semblance?"
Neopolitan smirked, and then casually opened her parasol and held it aloft her shoulders. Her eyes switched from white and white to brown and white, then pink and brown. With that, she stalked slightly forwards, utterly soundless.
Blake and Yang prepared themselves, when a huge truck suddenly flew in over Neopolitan's head.
"What NOW?!" Blake's temper finally broke as the truck did donuts around Blake and Yang, effectively cutting off Neopolitan from them. Finally, the truck stopped, and the window rolled down, revealing...
"GET IN!" Sky Lark, of all people, demanded from the driver's seat. To remind us who he was, a stylized bird flew through his sky-blue intro card, leaving his name behind when the dust and feathers settled.
"No need to tell me twice!" Yang exclaimed, ripping the passenger side door open and clambering in.
Blake got in the back and saw Jaune, Ruby, Weiss, and Cardin crammed into the back seat. "What. Why-"
"We're here to help!" Ruby exclaimed. "Floor it, Sky!"
With a screech, the truck sped into the night, leaving Neopolitan in the dust. With a frown, she clapped her hands, the only sound she had made that night, with an odd sort of reverb to the motion. At once, several more motorists began to chase the truck down.
"So." Blake began, stuggling to find a seatbelt. "Not to be ungrateful, but why are they here?" Blake pointed at Jaune, Cardin, and Sky.
"Oh, because I asked Jaune for a ride, since Yang and Neptune were taking her bike." Ruby explained.
"And I didn't know you needed a license, so I asked Cardin if he knew anybody." Jaune continued.
"Am I LITERALLY the only one of us with a driver's license?!" Sky demanded as he cut the wheel and sped down an alleyway. "Where the hell are we going- WATCH THE FUCKING ROAD WHY DON'T YA?" He screamed at another driver going the opposite way down the one way street they had ended up on.
"Where did you even get this truck?!" Blake demanded.
"It's Professor Port's." Sky offered as he swerved around a White Fang cyclist. "I might be able to drive, but I don't actually OWN a car. Jaune stole the keys."
Yang twisted around in her seat to offer a high-five. "Seriously?!" She grinned. "NICE one, Jean!"
"I feel like you misspelled my name there but thanks!" Jaune offered Yang's high-five a fist bump. The two exchanged a rather confused celebration.
"Th-The lord Jesus might hate thievin'," Cardin grimaced from his position on the floor, "But if, I said, if'n it's to save y'all..."
"Why did you bring him along?" Blake instantly whispered to Ruby and Weiss.
"Ze FRENCH Jaune Arc insisted uponne it." Weiss explained. "So zat zere is no confusionne on Jaune stealing ze FRENCH Sky Larque? I was unclear on zat detaille."
The truck lurched to a stop, and there was a flash of navy blue Aura. The door opened, and Neptune and Sun were thrown in, followed by Lucario. {DRIVE, Human Sky!}
"MARIO KART!" Sky screamed, doing a u-turn in a one-lane road, "EIGHT!" With that, the truck barreled through several cyclists, with the others giving chase. Some began to actually shoot at the truck, causing Sky to curse and swerve onto a larger road in the opposite direction of Beacon.
"Can we get rid of them somehow?" Blake grimaced as a bullet flew through the window. "They've been surprisingly persistent."
"Wait a minute! Sky, you said this was Professor PORT'S truck?!" Ruby realized.
"Yeah!" Sky gritted as he swerved through another hail of bullets. "Why?!"
"Because he talked about this in Grimm Studies class!" Ruby explained, pressing a giant yellow button on the dash. Suddenly, the sunroof opened, and Weiss was catapulted through as her seat rose up and extended a mounted gatling gun.
"Ohonhonhon!" Weiss laughed, manning the controls, "Say 'bonjour' to my FRENCH friende!" She began opening fire on their pursuers.
"Okay, so..." Sun stuck out his tongue and began counting everyone present. "Wait, where are Scar and Sage?" Sun frowned. "I for sure texted our location, 'ttebaru."
"What? No you didn't." Neptune replied incredulously. "You sent us your Ironwood fancam again."
Neptune held up his phone, which began to autoplay a pulsing slideshow of thirsty pictures of James Ironwood.
I can lick it, I can ride it while you slippin' and slidin' The phone blasted tinnily, I can do all them little tricks and keep the dick up inside i-
"That's enough, I said enough of that." Cardin interjected, gently moving Neptune's phone back into his lap.
"ALLE CLEARRE!" Weiss called down.
"Nice shot, Weiss!" Ruby complimented Weiss, pressing the button and lowering her seat back into the truck.
"Thank the gods," Sky muttered. He instinctually dodged Cardin's chop to the head. "Now where the hell are we?"
"I think this is the factory disCHEESE AND CRACKERS!" Ruby screamed.
Yang grabbed the wheel, and the whole truck swerved to a stop against a warehouse wall.
"What, I said, WHAT in the sam hell is that?!" Cardin demanded, pointing out the window.
"Is that an Atlesian Paladin?!" Ruby shouted, starry-eyed.
"A WHAT?!" Sky demanded.
"Torchwick." Blake gritted her teeth.
"Sorry to take so long," Roman's voice mocked from the giant robot, "But I needed my new boys to cinch this next shot for me. I don't quite like corner-hooking like this, but you understand, don't you? How I can't let you learn my- Actually, what did you even fucking learn." Roman stopped. "Like, no, seriously, what could you have possibly learned from this. You already knew I was stealing Dust with the help of the White Fang, and you already knew I have so many dropships. What could you have learned?"
"...I mean." Yang eventually spoke up, motioning to the Paladin in general.
"Hm. Fair, I guess." Roman shrugged, somehow getting the Paladin to mimic the movement. "Well, I guess it's less preparation time for you if you're dead!"
"I'm sorry, who is this?" Jaune asked, raising his hand. "I don't think we've like, met. Ever."
"Oh, sorry, where are my manners?" Roman replied. "Here."
'ROMAN TORCHWICK'
"Thank you!"
"Team, listen up!" Ruby announced in a text box, repeating the syllable "Rub" at quick intervals to simulate talking. "We can probably take down this mech with some Dual Techs! Simply select a character, and then choose another character with CHEMISTRY," (this word was said in orange) "And let the magic happen!"
"Nice, Ruubs!" Yang shouted, "It's a good thing you played all that Banjo-Kazooie!"
"How does that translate?!" Neptune demanded, aiming Tri-Hard.
"Ohohohohon! Zillie littel French boi!" Weiss cackled, creating a series of three bright white glyphs, cold air ghosting off her skin with each wave of Myrtlenaster, "Obzerve!"
With that, Yang flew into position, glowing gold. "Hooooooh...!" She inhaled, before shattering all three in one punch. "Blinding White Overdrive!" At once, the battlefield was covered in mist.
Roman immediately began to fiddle with heat signature recognition, but a sudden attack from Blake's Slim Shady caused him to immediately begin with laser sighting instead. The lasers automatically locked onto someone's movement - Jaune, who had, in the time it had taken to begin combat, transformed into his skirt and armor.
"Now!" Jaune declared, and various chains suddenly sprouted out of the ground, creating various web-like barriers.
"Heh," Torchwick chuckled, batting away the nearest chain. Immediately, he was hit from that angle with an Aura Sphere. "WHAT?!" He cried.
{Aura Barrier!} Lucario announced from that direction before speeding off with Extreme Speed, {10-Meter Variant!}
Suddenly, Roman was hit with a hail of bullets from Professor Port's truck.
"I said, I said, boys!" Cardin shouted, "Pay attention to me now! Attack where you're hearin' the bullets hittin' metal, y'hear?!"
"No need to tell us twice, 'ttebaru!" Sun grinned. "Miss Shashti, if you will?"
"Right!" Blake nodded, and at once, Slim Shady and Monkey Business got to work, all attacking at once. "Chauvenet's Superposition!"
"You think I can't get out from this?!" Roman bashed against the controls as he fended off the hail of bullets, the errant Aura Sphere, and the multitude of Blakes and Suns, "I played Assassin's Creed!"
"That makes LESS sense!" Neptune screamed.
Roman didn't care. With a few desperate turns, the Paladin suddenly jumped directly into the air in a fifty-foot vertical leap.
"Shit-" Jaune hissed, and the chains retracted back into the earth and wrapped around his waist again. He stabbed Crocea Mors into the earth. "Brace for impact, everyone- Noblesse Oblige!"
The aura shield laced with whatever power source Jaune was drawing from the gem on his navel sprang into existence around the collected group, and not a moment too soon- Roman came down hard and fast, the terminal velocity combined with the sheer weight of the mech shattering the ground around him in an eruption of stone and concrete.
In an eruption of petals, Ruby appeared, stabbing the Paladin with Crescent Rose's blade. "Now, Yang!"
"ALRIGHT!" Yang shouted, leaping off of a stone spike and punching the scythe even deeper in. "LET'S GO!"
"OVERDRIVE OVERKILL!" The sisters shouted in unison, and the force of their combined efforts sliced the arm clean in half.
"Are you fucking-" Roman began to swear, before the thrust from Tri-Hard through the glass nearly skewered him. "HELLO?!"
"I am getting Sick and Tired of being included in this," Neptune hissed, "So maybe just die a little."
"I'll include you a little more, actually, you little-" Roman spun the controls, and Neptune was sent flying, where he was caught by Sun. "Ah, fuck, I knew I shouldn't have spent my missiles on-"
He stopped. There was a comforting silence.
"Ah, not a moment too soon, eh?" He grinned. The silence answered him. "You're right, we'll have to accept the scratches."
Outside the mech, Ruby aimed Crescent Rose's rifle form. "We ready for this one?" She asked.
"As I'll evair be, Ruby!" Weiss beamed, the cold air around her a near-constant by this point.
Jaune had his chain wrap around Weiss's waist, channeling his Aura and healing her through it. "I'm not too good at this, so you're still going to feel aftereffects," He warned, "You're just going to be good for this moment."
"Oh, merci, French boy!" Weiss swooned.
"I'm not- whatever."
"Ice Petal Rondo!" Ruby shouted, and her bullet ripped through the series of glyphs Weiss had made directly in front of the barrel.
The result was dazzling. A spectrum of colors erupted from the rifle, all different due to the Dust Weiss had laced into them via Myrtlenaster. The bullet, teeming with ice, lighting, fire, earth, plant, and water, screamed forwards in a spiraling haze-
Something shattered in front of the Paladin, like a sheet of glass, and the Paladin was behind it, exploding violently from the sheer power of the Dual Tech.
"Good fuck!" Sky swore from the driver's seat. "Did that dude just fucking die?!"
The sound of propellors was his answer. "Look!" Blake shouted, pointing at the sky.
Somehow, without anyone noticing, Neopolitan had come to Roman's aid, arriving not too late in yet another airship.
"And for now, I accept this loss!" Roman taunted the gathered teens. He mockingly bowed, flourishing with his bowler hat. "Neo!" He straightened up. "The safehouse, if you will?"
Team RWBYJSNLCL could only watch in a confused and incensed keysmash of an acronym as the two got away yet again.
"I wish Penny were here to Polandinho Annihilate their asses." Yang muttered.
At once, everyone nodded, including the ones who had no possible idea what Yang could possibly be talking about.
"Wait, hold on," Blake realized on the ride back to Beacon. "Jaune, where's the rest of your team?"
"Oh, they were busy." Jaune shrugged.
"With WHAT?"
"Bang bang." Nora stated, sitting on the floor with Ren and Pyrrha.
"Bang bang." Ren nodded.
"Bang bang." Pyrrha repeated.
They stared at each other.
"Bang bang bing." Nora reiterated. "Bang bing."
"Bang bing bing." Ren agreed. "Bingbingbing. Bing bing."
"Bang bing bing." Pyrrha announced. "Bang bing."
"Bing bing bing bing," The trio chorused in unison. "Bing bing bing, bing bing bing bing."