Chapter Text
An annoying beeping sound wakes me from my slumber. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I open my eyes and see that Peeta and I are still in the same position as last night, my hand is still in his hair and the breaths he lets out are tickling my neck, where his head is resting. Once my brain is a little less foggy, I realize that the beeping sound is the beating of Peeta's heart, which makes it rather comforting instead of annoying. He is safe, no longer in Snow’s hands, and most importantly, with me. I don't question myself on what these feelings mean; the answer scares me way too much. When my father died and my mother closed herself off, i promised myself that I wouldn't give into love, that it could only lead to pain. Instead of thinking, I decided to repeat my mantra in my head.
My name is Katniss Everdeen.
I am seventeen years old.
My home is district 12.
District 12 was bombed.
I was in The Hunger Games.
I escaped.
The Capitol hates me.
Peeta was taken prisoner.
He’s back.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Peeta says with a groggy voice. I look down, and he’s looking at me, and a little smile is dancing on his lips.
I can’t resist kissing them.
It doesn’t last long, longer than a peck however, but shorter than most of our kisses in the arena.
“Well I said a penny, but a kiss still works.” Now he's laughing, and I can't help but join him. How delirious we must look, laughing in a hospital bed; to be fair, I am considered mentally disoriented, and he must be too, considering everything. We talk for a little while, not really about anything, of course, he is the one leading the conversation. It seems Peeta still is the same, not exactly , but a more or less same version of Peeta; broken, but still the boy with the bread. But I can see the questions in his eyes, and I have no idea how I am going to explain everything to him. Does he know about 12 and his family? How can I explain the rescue? And the rebellion?
It seems I don't have to.
We hear a knock at the door, it opens slowly, revealing Haymitch.
“Hey boy.” Haymitch talks with a slow voice, seeming scared of Peeta’s reaction. It’s fair considering the fact that Peeta is looking at him so angrily. It’s not even projected at me, and I'm feeling a little uneasy.
“Thank you for the rescue Haymitch, it was really appreciated.” Peeta deadpans. Haymitch flinches.
“I wanted to. I tried to, but it was too late Peeta.” I’ve never seen Haymitch like this, long gone is the drunk, sarcastic and cold mentor, in its place is a desperate Haymitch. I know he loves him, and even if it took me a long time to understand it, I know he wanted to save him, and that it broke him that he couldn’t.
“So you couldn’t have told us? About the rebellion? About the plan? About the other victors included? You blindsided us Haymitch, you left us go in the arena clueless!”
Hearing him talk, I understand his frustration. I still feel the same, but I also understand that he seems to know a lot of information. Did Snow tell him? Did he see any footage? What does he know?
“ And even worse, you left me Haymitch. Why couldn’t you have saved me? Do you have any idea what they did to me?” Peeta now has tears running down his cheeks. So does Haymitch, and I realize that this is the first time I have ever seen him cry. He looks heartbroken, but Peeta needs to let go, I can feel that he needs to. I try to stay strong for him, I really do, but hearing his sobs, the fear in his voice, and his sadness, I can't help myself anymore. I fall into heavy sobs. Peeta looks at me, visibly feeling guilty and confused. I must sound as delusional as when his heart stopped in the arena, and I feel so bad for him, I take him in my arms, where we both cry in each other’s arms. I won't ever let anyone hurt him again, I don't care how many people i have to kill, if i need to hide him forever, no one is ever going to touch him again. I whisper this thought in his ear, and it shows how broken he is, because before, he would’ve gone into a rant about how I don't need to do this, and that he wants me just as safe, but instead, he only nods. Haymitch looks at us with a sad and miserable look in his eyes, then decides to enlace us in his arms. I’m scared at Peeta's reaction, but he only sobs even harder. How weird we must look. Three broken, sobbing victors. We stay like this for a while, and Peeta and I eventually stop sobbing, and then Haymitch releases us.
“I’ll come back later with food, okay? You and sweetheart rest.” Haymitch says with a sad voice, leaves without saying anything else, and Peeta and I are back to being alone.
“Peeta, what has the Capitol told you?” My voice sounds unsure and shaky, but I need to know.
“ In the beginning, they told me Twelve was safe, but that it wouldn’t be for long if I didn't do what they told me. They told me my family was alive and well.” I close my eyes, feeling angrier than I ever remember feeling. They used him, and he did everything to save his family, which was already dead. I expect Peeta to cry, but he speaks with an angry and clear voice. “ The first interview they showed was filmed much earlier, about three days after I arrived. During those three days, I was staying in one of the rooms of the mansions, but after that, they brought me to the training center, and they…well, they were not very nice, but I don't want to talk about that.” His voice is quivering, and I hold his hand. “President Snow told me about the rebellion, and the propos, and the bombing, and told me that if I didn't try and stop it, he would make sure everyone from twelve, including you, my family and my friends would die. After that, I did everything to try and save you all. But then I saw the video of you singing, and I understood I had been duped, they were already dead.” After that revelation, he snuggles further into me, but doesn’t start crying, just stares off into space. I take time to observe him again, but this time it is much more comforting. I look at his eyelashes, which are still so long and blond. His eyes, still full of fear, but still the same blue as before.
“Katniss?” He says, interrupting my thoughts. I nod to him, and he continues: “am I really safe? Are they going to come back?”
“Of course you are,” I say, caressing his hair, my voice breaking, “I’ll never let anyone hurt you anymore.”
I don’t know what to do. I have never seen Peeta like this; hurt, defeated, sad and broken. How do I comfort him? How do I make him feel better? But most importantly, how do I help him? His body is constantly shaking, and every sudden movement seems to unnerve him. An urge takes over me, how grateful I am that he is alive, that he is with me. I lay down with him, my face right in front of his, and I put my lips against his.
It feels so good, even better than when we found each other on the train before the Quarter Quell. The kiss starts out as a shy, little kiss, but soon, passion overtakes us, and i can feel the hunger emerging, the one i felt on the beach, and i realize i don't ever want him to stop kissing me, holding me and don't ever want to be separated from him again. I can’t let him go; because what if he gets taken away from me again?
Is that what love is? Is that what my mother felt for my father?
Even if I wish that kiss could have lasted forever, we get interrupted by a knock on the door. Again, but this time, it’s Boggs and another of Coin’s soldiers. They get visibly uncomfortable when they see the way we are intertwined.
“We are sorry for bothering you, Mister Mellark and Miss Everdeen, but President Coin has requested a meeting with Mister Mellark. Alone.”
No. Absolutely not. What does she want from him? I want to answer no, but before i can, Peeta gives his answer:
“Yeah, I’m coming, just give me a second please.” He must see the panic on my face, and the tears threatening to spill, so he takes my face in his hands and tells me calmly:
“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. I just… I need to know everything. Please Katniss.” How can he be so brave, when I feel like screaming so he’ll stay with me. But if he wants to, I can't stop him. I take his hands in mine, lacing my fingers through his shaking ones.
“Okay. Just be careful, and meet me right here when you are done.”
“You won’t need to Miss Everdeen, we will come get you as soon as Mister Mellark finishes.”
Oh. I guess I should go see Prim, and Gale.
We look at each other until we physically cannot anymore, and I know what to do anymore. What is Coin going to tell him? What is she going to ask him about? I need to see Prim, she can help, at least to unnerve me. I leave the hospital room to go look for her, when I come face to face with Gale.
“Hey Catnip.” He says. He is back to wearing his uniform, so I guess he was discharged. He looks at me with a sad look, but honestly, I cannot deal with his feelings right now. I hadn’t thought about this, what would happen between Gale and I now that Peeta was back. Is he mad at me? It wouldn’t make sense, he was the one who volunteered to help with the rescue mission.
“Hi Gale, how are you?” I don’t really know what else to say.
“I’ve been better, but it’s not that bad. Listen, we’ll talk later, I have to go.” He can’t go now, I need to tell him something.
“Gale, wait!” I walk faster to catch up to him, and I look at him, he seems to understand what i want to say.
“You’re welcome, Catnip.” He says with a sad little smile, then takes off again, this time, I don’t follow him.