Chapter Text
Jisung immediately stood up and picked up all his stuff so it will be easier to maneuver all the way to the door when Hyunjin knocks. As soon as he recieved the text, he replied their room number and asked if he can pick him up there.
He knows that there are better ways to do it and he most likely get his hyung confused with his change of attitude since dinner, but he really doesn't care at the moment. He can't even think straight. He's been trying not to have a panic attack in the bathroom and alert Minho or anyone else.
He's too exhausted to think. If he could make Hyunjin carry him from here, he would.
He just wants to go home. Lay in bed and maybe convince Hyunjin to stay with him for the night. And the night after. Though he knows Hyunjin doesn't need convincing. He can't say no to Jisung anyway.
While in his head, he heard the knock outside, obviously from Hyunjin and Minho getting up from bed and getting the door. He saw this as an opportunity to get out of the bathroom without actually having to face his hyung and ask him questions. Being suspicious be damned. He just wants this over with.
He got out and he instantly heard noises from the front door. He couldn't really hear them clearly but he could feel the tension between them from where he was standing. He could understand Hyunjin's hate for Minho to some extent, like his knowledge about Jisung's unrequited love for his hyung. About what he involved himself into and all the warnings he said along the way. But aside from that, there's nothing really.
That's why he couldn't really get why Hyunjin get so agitated and worked up when he's in front of Minho. Even just talking about Minho makes him want to flip out. He knows even though Hyunjin tries not to show it.
He knows because they've known each other for years that he even memorised his routine throughout the day. From when he wakes up and goes straight to his bathroom to do his skin care routine before making his sweetened iced americano to when he calls Jisung at night to tell him all about his day and some juicy tea that happened at his workplace until they fall asleep.
One of the reasons why he didn't let anyone know where he was going tonight.
His other friends are also not that fond of him meeting up Minho. Not as much as Hyunjin but still. Though they don't really know in detail what he has with his hyung, neither do they know about his dumb heart beating irregularly around him, they could tell something's not right whenever Jisung calls all of them over to have a drink.
He's lightweight so it's not really a wonder that he slips Minho's name every now and then bawling his eyes out in front of them after three bottles of soju. Then before he knows it, Hyunjin is calling their night off and shuts them for asking further questions. He stays with him until morning. Like he always does.
But he didn't need someone to nag him about something he already know he's doing wrong. Couldn't take the truth that's right there in front of him. He knows.
It took him a couple of seconds to contemplate if he should interrupt whatever stand off they had going on or not but Minho spoke first before he even get to decide.
"Hyunjin. It's like, 3—almost 4 in the morning. What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to pick up Jisung."
"Pick up Jisung?" He turned and Jisung felt frozen in his spot. Minho's looking at him like he's asking if it's true. He looks so confused and he just wants to go to him and give him a hug and tell him that he doesn't want to lea—
"Yes. He texted me to pick him up. So if you'll excuse us, we better get going. Come on, Ji. Let's go."
Jisung realised that yes, he needed to go home. He needs to actually move his feet to go home. He needs to stop staring like a fucking moron who's utterly in love and already longing for his hyung's touch. He needs to stop being delusional that his feelings could actually be reciprocated. Needs to stop this stupid feelings until it gets too much.
He nodded his head in Minho's direction implying that he's gonna go ahead. He took a step forward and another and another and then he felt a hand wrapped around his arm. It's not too tight but it's not loose either. But it still makes his head a bit floaty. His breath hitched because no. Please not now.
"Sungie, what's happening? You've been weird since dinner. No, not even. Since two weeks ago. Tell me what's happening."
He can't. Not here. Not when his mind is all over the place. Not when he can't get his feelings controlled. No. He can't. He can't breathe—wait, he can't breathe.
He squeezed his eyes shut and tries to regulate his breathing. He tries to focus on the strap of his bag that his holding in tight grip to ground himself. To feel his toes in his fluffy socks that Hyunjin gifted him on his birthday. To feel something and everything except the grip on his arm that reminds him why his in this state. Anything but that.
When he have his head in a bit clearer space, he can hear arguing. Not too loud and but just enough to consider it yelling with how close their proximity is. He opened his eyes and saw Hyunjin angry at Minho and Minho still holding him. He can't make out what they're talking about. But he knows if he doesn't do anything, it'll escalate to something they might regret later. Just because of little old him.
He removed Minho's hand on his arm and it took him a bit of effort with his foggy brain could manage. That got their attention but before they could talk to him, he put up his hand signalling them to shut the hell up. He can't handle another attack in that place.
He took Hyunjin's hand and dragged him to the elevator without saying anything. Not that he can. He's still shaking as it is. Hyunjin might've read the situation, like he always does, and doesn't say anything.
When they got on, Hyunjin pushed the button to the ground floor. But before the doors could close completely, he saw Minho sprinting and stopped in front of them saying something along the lines "I'm sorry" and "Text me when you get home" in his boxers and shirt. And now that he's not wearing his leather jacket, he could see that it was his gift to him on his birthday. That was two weeks ago too.
But before he could dwell on what that means. What it meant for both of them. For him. He felt something brushed against his hand and saw Hyunjin silently asking if he can hold his hand. Jisung managed to give him a small smile and nodded. He took his hand gently and squeezed it three times. Their little gesture meaning I got you and I'm always here.
Jisung wondered what it'd be like if it was Hyunjin instead. If he loved Hyunjin instead of harboring feelings for another who can't give back. Would he finally be happy then? Would Hyunjin be happy?
He won't. A voice inside his head says. Don't be selfish. Hyunjin deserves better. You're already broken, Han Jisung. You'll just break him too.