Chapter Text
Beatrice was beautiful. Ava had always known this, but after spending the last half hour staring at Beatrice’s face, she was certain that no other person came close to her beauty. If she was a poet, she could probably have written entire epics on the curve of Beatrice’s lips, how they accented her mouth and cheeks just so. Or how her eyes, which were now unfortunately closed, shown like liquid gold in the sun, sparkling and shimmering the way that only brown eyes like hers could do.
But Ava was not a poet. She was, however, in trouble.
“We are supposed to be meditating,” Beatrice said after opening her eyes and seeing Ava staring at her.
“I may have gotten distracted,” Ava crawled over to where Beatrice was sitting cross-legged on the floor. “How am I supposed to meditate when I could be looking at you?”
Beatrice’s eyes narrowed disapprovingly, but Ava could see a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. “Oh, so I should leave then?”
Ava shook her head quickly and climbed into Beatrice’s lap. They readjusted slightly so that Beatrice’s legs were wrapped around Ava as she sat facing Beatrice. Ava draped her arms over Beatrice’s shoulders, and Beatrice clung loosely to her waist. It felt so natural that they had come into this position, as if they had done it for a thousand lifetimes. How had they ever gone without constantly invading each other’s personal space like this? It had only been two weeks since Ava had been back, but she was struggling to remember what life had been like before she and Beatrice had gotten together.
“If you were to leave,” Ava said, running a hand through Beatrice’s hair. “I would be even more distracted. I’d probably have gotten up to try to find you.”
“Ava,” Beatrice said in her stern teacher voice that did things to Ava that she was not yet ready to articulate. “We need to find a way for you to remember what happened in Reya’s realm. Meditation should help, but only if you participate too.”
“Maybe we should try meditating somewhere else? Like our bed?”
Beatrice laughed, “Do you actually think that would help or are you just trying to get me into bed?”
“Why Beatrice, I would never!” Ava exclaimed with mock indignation. “But it’s also worth a try. It certainly can’t hurt.”
“You might just end up falling asleep,” Beatrice countered, her fingertips drummed at the hem of Ava’s shirt as she considered it.
Ava pressed a kiss to Beatrice’s cheek then whispered in her ear, “Well, you could always find ways to keep me up.”
Beatrice blushed and sighed (the sigh was certainly just for show and out of habit). She extracted herself from Ava’s limbs and stood up.
“Come on, let’s give it a try then.” She held her hand out to help Ava up.
Always such a gentleman, even when I can literally float off the ground. Ava took the offered hand happily, always eager to have another excuse to touch Beatrice anywhere. They held hands as they walked the ten steps from where they had been sitting on the floor of their bedroom to their bed. They settled under the covers facing each other. Ava traced her fingers along the side of Beatrice’s face, earning her a small smile.
“You do actually have to try to think about Reya, or I will leave you here,” Beatrice told her, and Ava was tempted to call her on that bluff. She couldn’t imagine that Beatrice would actually have the willpower to leave her now that they were in bed together.
“Trying to get me to think of another woman while we’re in bed? Sending some mixed messages there, Bea.”
Beatrice just glared at her, and Ava immediately caved.
“Right, right. Okay, non-stop Reya thinking here we go.”
She forced herself to close her eyes and pull on the fragments of memories that she had of Reya’s realm. As she did so, Beatrice ran her hands through Ava’s hair in a constant soothing motion. The gesture lulled Ava closer and closer to sleep, but she refused to tell Beatrice that. Instead she lay there, drifting in a half-conscious state, trying to remember to think about Reya’s realm.
It was here that Reya found her. Or rather, Ava realized immediately, the memory of Reya found her.
“You who have wanted nothing more than to live,” Reya had said. “I will grant you what you wish.”
“Why?” Ava found herself responding. “After all that you have taken from me, my sisters, and those who came before us? Why would you extend this mercy to me?”
Reya cupped Ava’s face in her hand. Her touch was cold and lacked any degree of comfort, despite the gesture and the smile on Reya’s face.
“I am She who knows all and sees all. Life is not something that I cherish. Why would I? It is as expendable to me as a grain of sand to you. But you have reminded me that it can have value. To see the anguish with which you fought to live, the joy that you felt when you had been granted a new life, and the anguish when it was once again taken from you. It has re-emphasized to me that life can have importance to others. Even if not to me.”
She released Ava’s face and turned her gaze to the distance, “It is a rare thing for a mortal to have had an impact on me, and I will reward you. So, I give you this: your life to the fullest extent that mortals may live. There will be no Holy War as long as you remain the Halo Bearer. You can live your days out and it will be little more than a blink of an eye to me. Now go, and know that this is my gift to you.”
In an instant Reya’s realm faded from her view and Cat’s Cradle blinked into existence around her.
“Holy shit,” Ava said, shooting up straight in bed. “I can’t believe that worked.”
“What is it?” Beatrice asked, sitting up with her.
For a moment, Ava could only stare at her with her heart racing. Could she believe what Reya had said? Could this truly be a gift that Reya had given her? Tears filled her eyes and she reached for Beatrice, enveloping her in a hug. With her head pressed against Beatrice’s chest, she told her everything that she had just remembered.
“If this is true,” Beatrice began once Ava had finished, but she trailed off.
Neither of them could truly believe. The whole time they had known each other, there had been nothing but conflict and death. Could it really be that that was over?
“Even if it’s not true,” Ava said after a long silence. “What else can we do about it? Why not live our lives now as if there won’t be a Holy War? We can’t prepare for something we know nothing about.”
Beatrice squeezed Ava more tightly to her chest but didn’t respond. They clung to each other like this in silence until Ava wiggled free to look at Beatrice’s face. Only then did she realize that Beatrice had been crying.
“What is it?” She asked, wiping a tear from her cheek.
“I’m afraid,” Beatrice admitted quietly. “Afraid to let myself fully embrace the idea of wanting to live a life with you that is free of war.”
Ava kissed Beatrice’s forehead, “I’m afraid too. But let’s do it anyway. Let’s be brave together.”
Beatrice chuckled through her tears, “I’d like that, Ava.”
***
It took several more days to convince the rest of the OCS that the Holy War truly might not be coming. Mother Superion was the last to accept that this was a possibility, but reluctantly she agreed that Reya had the power over time enough to prevent a Holy War in Ava’s lifetime. The OCS would research and prepare for a war that could come in a few decades. Time could be on their side for the first time in any of their memories.
Ava, however, was not terribly interested in helping them with their research. At least not for the near future. As far as she was concerned, she had a life to live and a beautiful woman to live it with.
“What will you do now?” Beatrice asked her once they had gotten back to their room after finally convincing Mother Superion.
Ava turned to her with a grin, “I have at least a thousand places I’ve always wanted to see. Maybe you could come with me?”
Beatrice hesitated for a second, and Ava felt herself spiraling back to that moment with JC on the ferry. She saw his bored affect as he flipped through the postcards of places he had been that she had only dreamt of. Of course, Beatrice wouldn’t want to travel the world with her. She’d probably been everywhere Ava could imagine and probably a million more places that Ava didn’t even know about.
“I mean, sorry, you don’t have to come. It’s stupid, you’ve probably seen everything there is to see.” Ava immediately backtracked. “What do you want to do?”
“I want to go with you,” Beatrice said quickly. “Anywhere you want to go.”
“But you’ve seen it all, surely.”
“No, I haven’t. I might have been there but I didn’t see it. Not the way I’ll see it when I’m with you.”
“Bea, it’s okay, really. You don’t have to lie to try to make me feel better.”
“Ava,” Beatrice breathed and cupped her face with both hands. “I’m not lying to you.”
“Okay,” Ava mumbled and dropped her gaze.
Beatrice bent her knees to reconnect their eyes, “Hey, I can tell you don’t believe me.”
Ava started to protest, but Beatrice just shook her head and tenderly squeezed her cheeks. She dropped her hands and walked to the nightstand beside the bed. Out of it, she pulled out a well-worn bible—one that Ava had seen her reading from countless times in Switzerland. Beatrice sat down on the bed and gestured for Ava to join her. When she did so, Beatrice handed the bible to her.
Ava turned the book over in her hands, “Um, I doubt there’s anything in here that would change my mind.”
“Oh, I think there might be,” Beatrice said with a soft smile. “At least I’m hoping there will be.”
Ava went to open the bible, but Beatrice rested her hand on top of it.
“Not yet, just let me say this first. As you know, I went to boarding school in Switzerland—spent two whole years of my life there. Whenever I thought of my time there, it was a blur of stress and fuzzy grey surroundings. Life was a haze, to say the very least.”
At this, Beatrice chuckled somewhat bitterly before continuing, “But when we went there together, you were in awe of everything. The first time we went for a run, you made us stop almost immediately because you had seen a field of flowers. Initially, I thought you were trying to get out of exercise, but the look on your face immediately changed my mind. You were just in awe of the simple beauty of the wildflowers around us. It occurred to me then that I had never noticed they existed. After that, I started seeing them everywhere I went—little buttercups peaking out of cracks on the sidewalk, tiny bluebells swaying in the wind. This place that had only ever been a dull blur in my mind suddenly became a place of infinite beauty.”
“So that’s what I mean, Ava. You help me see the joy in living, in a way I’ve never been able to. You can find joy in something as simple as a giant blueberry in a carton full of little ones.”
Ava remembered this blueberry—it had been a pain and a delight to eat it, “I can’t believe that didn’t amaze you too!”
“Exactly,” Beatrice bumped their shoulders together. “I find myself looking for these things now, so that I can show you. Before we left Switzerland, I took one of those little flowers with me to remind myself of our time there and of the invaluable lesson you had taught me.”
At this moment, Beatrice opened the bible in Ava’s hands, revealing a single pressed edelweiss flower. Ava gently traced her finger along its stem.
“I can’t believe you did that.”
“Well, of course I did. I fell in love with you there, and I needed something to have to keep that time with me.”
“Beeeaaaaa, that’s so sweet and so gay of you.”
Beatrice laughed and Ava joined her, “So, do you believe me now? Will you let me travel the world with you?”
Ava carefully closed the bible and set it beside her. She then pushed Beatrice back on the bed a little and sat on her lap, draping her arms around her shoulder.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to let you out of my sight again. Please come see the world with me.”
Beatrice smiled and pulled her into a kiss, “I’d like nothing more, darling.”