Chapter Text
“Honey, did you pack your bag?” Mom was standing in the hallway, tapping her foot. Her voice sounded stressed, after asking the same question for the third time. Each iteration got more terse.
The bag in question was stuffed with an assortment of his belongings. “Yeah” mumbled Sunny, more to himself than to Mom, closing the zipper. The bag had been packed for a while, several times too. It took him until now to close it up and accept what was going to happen. More specifically, what was going to change, and what had already changed. Leaving his room behind felt weird, even though it was only for two days. He took a deep breath. Two days, he could do that. Sunday evening he’d be back. That was still some weekend left for himself, and until then he would try to make the most of it. Under some clothes he had placed a book, a gameboy, and above the clothes his walkman. That was all the room he had next to the sheer mountain of clothes Mom made him pack. All his other things would stay here, out of reach. He lamented his bed, the only place where he could sleep comfortably, his bookshelf of not-yet-but-soon-read novels, his toys. The room had only been his for a few months, but he already felt so at home in it, and conversely the room felt quite lived in. Two days. With white knuckles he grabbed the strap and walked down the stairs. “Ready", he lied. He was not ready, not at all, but lying was easier than starting an argument.
“Let’s go, we’re gonna be late.” Eyes on her watch, she turned on her heel and walked out the front door. Some teenagers were playing on the street, but Sunny did not look or wave. Instead, he marched straight to their car. The inside of the car smelled like leather that had been cooked in the sun. He sank into the passenger seat and placed the bag between his feet. They drove off.
After several seconds, Sunny glanced over. “Mom, seat belt."
“Oh sh-” She bit her tongue and clicked her seat belt into place.
“I told you I don’t like that” grumbled Sunny, leaning his head against the window, feeling the car's vibrations.
“Sorry, Sunny.”
He played with the bag’s strap while watching trees zoom past the car. How long was the drive? He wondered whether he would have to endure this every week now, being pushed around like cargo, like some pebble. Things would be different moving forward. Maybe different was good, Sunny thought. Maybe there were going to be some positive changes.
Yet, he dreaded, every weekend he would be transported back and forth. Crammed into the car with a bulging bag of his stuff. He wouldn’t be able to just relax in his room on a lazy Saturday, instead he would play bargaining chip. Sunny would be the bargaining chip. Barely a few miles away from home, he already missed his bedroom. Adding to his discomfort was a slight nausea from the drive, only remedied by the cool glass touching his cheek. Another thing to look forward to every Friday. In frustration, he kicked his bag without realizing.
“You look thrilled”, laughed Mom. “Not that I could blame you.” She laughed again but stopped abruptly with a side-glance at her son, who glanced back. “I’m sure you’ll have a nice weekend.”
“I love being away from home and sleeping in a room that’s not my own, without all my stuff, that’s true.”
“Oh don’t be like that.” Sunny wasn’t sure if he heard amusement or exasperation in her response. “It’ll be fine.” Mom hit the steering wheel with one hand and turned up the music slightly.
Sunny leaned away from the window, realizing that there was an imprint of his face on the glass. He quickly wiped it away with his jacket’s sleeve before Mom would notice. “It’ll be like this every weekend now, right?”
“That is the plan. You’ll get used to it in no time, I promise. Did you pack everything?”
“Yes.”
“Clothes?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Books? Don’t want you to be bored all weekend.”
“I said yes, Mom. I packed everything.”
“Do you know what you’ll be doing - “
“No.”
“Well excuse me”, she glowered. “Don’t get mad at me about all this.” She gestured at him.
Sunny turned away and rolled his eyes, careful she would not see. Their ride continued in silence. It was getting late, but the sun was still up. Orange clouds swam beneath a deep blue sky, suggesting a nice and warm evening that would not come. Sunny continued playing with the strap. “Long drive.” Another surge of nausea prickled through him.
“Well there is a lot of traffic, if only these slow-driving idiots would - “ His glance cut her off. “Lot’s going on on the road.” Mom’s fingers were drumming on the steering wheel. “Just a few more minutes, hun.”
Those few more minutes stretched into eternity. Burking his nausea, Sunny propped himself up and looked at the strange, unknown neighborhood he found himself in. Houses looked different, so did the trees. Even the sky seemed to have a different tint here. Left, right, stoplight… If at least the neighborhood would have been nice, if there was some silver lining to this. At least it looked quiet, between the imposing buildings and the underpruned trees and hedges. He would have a room, he would be able to retreat, it would be alright, those two days.
Just the fact that he would have to do this every week stung. Having to see those unfamiliar buildings every week.
“What about Mari?” he asked, staring at the passing streets.
“What about her?” A particularly high residential building was approaching.
“Will she come too?”
“Where?”
“Here”, he answered drily.
Mom didn’t say anything.
“Just me?”
He could see Mom thinking for a moment. “Yes… just you.” Sunny was sure he heard an unsaid “sorry”. “It’ll take a while for her to come home, but I’m sure she’ll accompany you some time.”
“Really?” Sunny’s gut told him the chance was pretty low. Mari would not accompany him. It was truly him who was the bargaining chip. The prospect of that, his nausea, even just how full his bag was were vexing. He did not want to be a pawn on a chess board, Sunny just wanted peace and quiet. Usually Sunny would have protested more, however a strange sense of finality made him not quite accept, but at least condone, his near future. Enduring it alone might have been easier after all. Mari’s presence would just complicate things. Still, she had it easy, on her own, deciding for herself. Just like she always would, leave him behind when things turned dicey. Most likely she would postpone coming home for a while to not touch the mess, leaving Sunny alone with it. A hint of resentment crept in at these thoughts.
That tall residential building was indeed where they were headed. Mom pulled over, gave him a kiss he did not want, and shooed him out of the car. “See you Sunday!” she called through the open window before driving off, faster than was likely allowed.
He raised his hand to wave, gripping the bag’s strap tightly. She was gone. He was alone. Exhaling slowly, he turned towards the building’s entrance. The structure’s cool shade made him feel small. Even the doorbell panel was intimidating, clustered with too many names of people crammed into a single residential prism. No turning back, Mom was gone. She would be back in two days. Hoping he was at the correct building, his heart beating furiously, Sunny scanned the panel for the correct button. It took him too long to find it.
The staircase coiled above. Another option was an elevator. Sunny decided to take the stairs after that lengthy car ride, unwilling to be squeezed into yet another vehicle, since riding the elevator with his churning stomach would have ended badly. With his heart beat still racing from the rush of getting the door opened, he soon regretted taking the stairs. Somewhere above him a door clicked and clunked open, dragging over a welcome mat. The sound echoed through the quite chilly interior. Not only did it sound strange, but there was an entirely foreign smell here, of cleaners and concrete. A low hum buzzed somewhere.
With burning legs, Sunny clambered onto the next floor, dragging his bag with him. Climbing to his cell, he thought. This was a prison sentence. A chopped up joke of a sentence, ruled just to annoy him. All his weekends perched up in a weird-smelling, ugly block of a house. Having to deal with Mom’s agitation before she would charter him across town, to deflect her snappy remarks and rolling his eyes at her impatient foot tapping. Enduring the nausea that came from her erratic driving, for which of course all those other drivers were blamed. Using up hours to pack things, to pack and unpack, to consider what to bring. Why did he have to pay this price? What sick joke made him bear the brunt of this shitty situation everything was in? Mom would have a nice weekend on her own now. Mari’s ability to evade everything, to dictate her own terms annoyed him. And now these stupid stairs were pissing him off too.
Nobody had bothered to even ask him. The totality of his opinions had been discarded. No, worse, they had been all but ignored. The possibility that he had something to comment, comment on his own predicament no less, didn’t cross anybody’s mind. So far he had been holding out hope, either that in truth everything had been an elaborate joke, a cruel joke, or that by his wordless contempt his sentence would be lowered. Adjusted. He wondered about this with aching arms. What would have been worse, cruelty or indifference, that landed him here? His bag landed on the floor with a thud.
The floor Sunny arrived on seemed to be the correct one. There was a door slightly ajar, stuck between invitation and instruction to stay outside. Once more his heart was beating quicker and quicker, reminding him of his fear that he was in the wrong building entirely. He approached the door and knocked, blood draining from his face. The shallow but rapid boil of anger and resentment yielded for an undulating, unanswered question. Yes, the drive had been annoying, and the prospect of having to repeat this on a weekly basis already felt draining. But, he wondered for the first time, did he want to be here? Did he not want to be here? In his apathetic temper, he could not come to any conclusion.
Yes, he had not been consulted. Any and all opinions he had wanted to voice never left his private thoughts. He realized with a bitter grin that these thoughts were condemned to remain unspoken and unheard, because Sunny did not know what they were. He remembered thinking them, complaining about them, yet he did not remember the thoughts themselves. The neat solution he envisioned was a farce. There was none. He never had one, which was likely the reason all his comments consisted of annoyed sighs and pervasive silence. A lot of this was his fault.
Before his fist hit the door for the third time, it swung open, scraping over the welcome mat once more. It took Sunny a second to peel his gaze from it and to look up at the person waiting there.
He was indeed in the right building, on the right floor, at the right door. Ostensibly. He pushed down the remaining feeling of nausea and the never-ending confusion twirling in his thoughts, replacing them with some attempt at a smile. Over the entirety of the trip Sunny had thought over and through the logistics and time allocation going forward, missing the most obvious, central question now burning in his thoughts. What should he say, how should he act. What was expected of him? Would he play dumb? Could he dig himself deeper if he was not careful? Then, his eyes reached the waiting person’s face. Sunny just had to pretend everything was normal.
“Hey champ” greeted a voice he had not heard in several weeks.
“Hi Dad.”