Chapter Text
The roof was quiet.
Kate stood high above the world, her gaze fixed even higher as she watched the stars above drift in and out of view as the clouds moved over them, shining bright. The moon was behind her, and if a photographer stood below the image they took would have been majestic. Her hair was out of its usual ponytail, now floating gently in the breeze, brushed off her shoulders with each gust.
Whenever she found herself overwhelmed or unable to sleep, she found herself in one of three places. The gym, her room, or the roof. The gym was the most understandable, able to physically fight something as a way to fend off the thoughts that threatened to overwhelm her, the same way she did back in Backcells.
Her room was less for when she couldn’t sleep (or go back to sleep) and more for when she needed to hide away from the overstimulation that came with freedom. Her body was so used to the minimalist diet of stimuli that came from Backcells to the point where bright colours could give her headaches, the smell of fresh air could make her nauseous and the taste of mixed spices could become unbearable. Not that she ever let on to these, but her room was so similar to Backcells, yet just different enough, to be comforting and safe when everything became too much without bringing as much of her history back to her.
And the roof… she’d only started coming up here recently, after finding the stairwell while wandering the halls at midnight, only to find herself transfixed by the blinking lights above. Her memories of before Backcells were sparse but the stars and sky were both features other prisoners often discussed, normally wistfully and sometimes bitterly.
The night was also quieter, she found, with the only sounds being the rustling of plants in the breeze, the scuttling and calls of local fauna and the distant sounds of the city. Overall, so much calmer and quieter than daytime.
Tonight was such a night where her thoughts demanded attention and dragged her away from any semblance of sleep. The gym had barely helped, and in an exhausted, but not tired, daze, she found herself up here, looking at the stars. Something in the back of her mind stirred, like a memory trying desperately to be remembered, but all she caught was a glimpse of stars so similar yet so different before it slipped away like an eel in the banks of a river.
She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see a floofy mess of green hair. Astra stood frozen and blinking at Kate, before shaking her head and walking up beside her. They stood in silence for a few minutes, before Astra pointed to the horizon.
“That tower there, the second tallest on the horizon- that’s the building where the government officials who let us keep this building work out of.”
“Ookay.”
“That dark patch, where the lights seem to stop in a line, that’s the riverbed. On the last weekend of each month, it’ll be brighter than the rest of the city because of the night market.” She didn’t say it, but Kate had noticed that on a few of her previous visits here. Not that she’d known what it was, but still.
“There, between those two buildings,” Astra continued, raising her hands to make a square in front of her eyes and stretching it out to frame something, “Is a park that has a bunker in it from hundreds of years ago. It’s still standing and normal folk weren’t allowed in, until it was used during the demon war. It’s back to being off limits now, but not many people really wanna go back down there anyway.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Astra’s jaw shut with an audible clop, and she opened and closed her mouth several times before sighing and looking back out to the horizon.
“I come up here to get away. From the noise, the nightmares, the negativity… whatever it is. I’ve been coming up here since… well, when I was still, y’know, ‘Diamos’. I found pointing stuff out can help keep my mind off whatever I’m trying not to think about.” She paused and swallowed. “Is it not helping? Am I being too loud?”
No, it’s just- I didn’t think anyone else came up here.”
“Me neither.” Kate looked over at the other woman, and while she knew it wasn’t important, she was still curious.
“What was it this time?”
“Huh?”
“That you’re getting away from.” She elaborated.
“Oh… nightmares.” Kate nodded.
“You?”
“Same.”
“Ah.” They lapsed back into silence before Astra broke it again.
“I was back with my mother.” Kate frowned. She’d only heard a few things about Astra’s past, and aside from that her mother was pretty shit, she didn’t know anything else. Although, from how Sterling had spoken about it, it seemed like something she didn’t care to elaborate on.
“My hair used to be longer. Longer than yours, down to my waist.” She hesitated, then her jaw clenched.
“It was a way to control me. So I wouldn’t ‘misbehave’. And in the dream I had messed up. Bad. So…” She trailed off. Kate didn’t know how to react, although her mind drifted back to her own nightmares.
“I was back in Bestar’s fighting arena. It started normally, but then my opponents turned into the others. Ana. Jake. Sterling.”
“The others showed up in my dream too. At first they were just there, watching. But then she was hurting them too.”
“I killed them.” Kate whispered. “And I didn’t even hesitate.”
“I was helpless. I just screamed.”
“And then I woke up.”
“And then I woke up.”
They just looked at each other. Then, Astra asked,
“Do you feel better?”
“...Kinda, yeah.” It was weird, the dream had made her feel horrible, but now she’d recounted it, it didn’t feel so… real. Scary.
“Me too.” Astra grinned weakly at her. “I’ve never admitted that to anyone.”
“What, the hair thing?”
“Yeah.” Her hand drifted up to run through the mess of green. Kate noted that, like her own hair, the roots were the same colour as the rest. Either Astra dyed her hair a lot, or, again like Kate, her hair naturally grew that colour.
“I made it real short when I was Diamos. Short, black and slick. Hard to grab. Though after time it became softer than slicker…” She huffed, and a small whiff of steam blew from between her lips.
“Then I left. And I let it grow out.” She ran her hand through it again, then turned to Kate.
“What about you, you’re hair naturally that pink or you have some funky magic dye from Backcells working it’s wonders?” Kate looked away.
“It’s… complicated. I don’t think it used to be pink. Well, not all pink. It used to be mostly brown, but then overtime it became… this.” She tilted her head and gestured to the pink waves that flopped over her shoulder. Astra nodded slowly.
“I made my hair green. Let it grow, sure, but I kept it unnatural intentionally.” She smirked. “It has chlorophyll in it to make it green. Technically not hair, but plant fibre? I dunno what you’d call it. That’s why it’s so poofy. But there’s also the side effect that I technically photosynthesis too. Not much, but a bit. Enough to keep it green.” Kate raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. She let her eyes drift back to the horizon, in time to see a dark shape flutter across the moon. She expected Astra to say something else, but to her surprise, she remained quiet.
Looking over, she was surprised at the calm expression on Astra’s face. The woman was normally so expressive and dramatic that the quiet air surrounding her was unusual. Her hair, or whatever it was, waved gently in the breeze, the tips shining silver in the moonlight. Kate caught a glimpse of her own hair and noticed it too was tipped white, shining in the light.
“I’d forgotten what the moon looked like.” Astra looked over at her, her eyes following Kate’s gaze to the natural satellite far above them.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Astra smiled, a small, gentle smile.
“The first night I slept here, I woke to it perfectly framed by my window. I think that was the moment I knew I wanted to help preserve this world.” Her expression grew sadder, and her gaze dropped to her hands, folded on the rail in front of her.
“Sterling loves the moon. And the sun. He used to joke that his fire was stronger during the day and his silver was stronger during the night, and that he was most powerful at dawn and dusk.”
“He still does.” Astra’s head snapped round to look at Kate with wide eyes. She met those wide, golden eyes with her own level, mint-eyed gaze.
“With the kids. He joked that his powers reflected the day, and so he was weaker in Backcells because there was no sun or moon. So he would be infinitely more powerful outside.” A ghost of a smile flashed across her face. “Jake called him out on it. Ana wanted to know more about how that could work.”
Astra threw back her head and laughed, a loud, true sound that filled the night air. It was a sound Kate had heard Sterling and the kids make, but had never heard it from Astra. Not like that. It stirred a small spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, she’d laugh like that one day too.
“Of course he did.” Astra shook her head, still giggling. Kate’s mouth twisted up into a small smile, fiddling with the red and blue bracelet tied around her wrist.
“What was he like? Back then, I mean.” Astra relaxed back against the rail, thinking.
“He was brasher, definitely. Acted on impulse and trusted his instincts completely because it kept him alive. Though, it didn’t help him so much when talking to people.” She let out a short laugh. “He was a terrible flirt, he tried so hard too.”
She smiled and looked down to the grass lining the path leading to the front of the building.
“He’s grown a lot.”
Kate was surprised, though she didn’t show it. Sterling seemed so calm and relaxed that it was hard to imagine him acting recklessly or impulsively. Although, with a start, she realised that when Astra was talking about had been a decade ago. Kate had been 15 when they were fighting a demonic invasion. At the time she’d felt old simply from surviving so long, but logically she knew she was still young.
“...How old are you?” Astra’s head tilted, her ear raised to the sky, her eyes sliding to the stars, concentration creasing her face.
“Thirty five? I think? Give or take a few years, I never really counted.” Kate’s eyes widened a fraction as she stared at Astra. The woman looked to be in her early twenties and from how she acted Kate had honestly assumed she was younger than Kate. Astra caught her gaze and raised an eyebrow quizzically.
“What?”
“Nothing. I just assumed you were younger.” Astra shot her a lazy grin.
“I know, I look amazing.” She flipped her hair dramatically, though Kate noted that she was watching her reaction closely. She let herself smile and rolled her eyes.
“Not what I meant.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Astra looked away, then back again, her expression determined.
“Look, I know we don’t really know each other. And during the day nothing might change. But up here? …No-one comes up here anymore. So maybe this can be a little safe spot for us to meet if you need someone to talk to that’s not Sterling. If not, I… I mean, I can find somewhere else.”
“No way. This is your spot, if anyone’s gonna move it’d be me!” Kate exclaimed forcefully. “Besides,” she said more calmly, “I don’t want you to go. As long as you don’t expect me to talk every time.” She narrowed her eyes but Astra just smirked at her.
“Fine by me. Rooftop buddies?” She extended her fist out to Kate who bumped it with her own, snorting.
“Sure. Rooftop buddies.”