Chapter Text
Severus Snape was proud to say he was one of the best Occlumens in the UK, if not the world. The fact that the only other wizards that are just as skilled as he were Albus Dumbledore and the dark lord himself, only made him feel even more certain of his skills. His shields were nearly impenetrable, which was necessary if he had to spy for both Albus and Voldemort. His thoughts, memories and emotions were locked away, hidden where no unwanted person would be able to view them without his consent.
Despite the dark lord having been gone for thirteen years, Severus refuses to let his guard down. Because of this, his shields have only gotten stronger due to him never letting them down, not even in private. It was after all how Severus was able to spend thirteen years grading the ridiculous essays that belonged to the dunderheads without losing what little sanity he had left. And of course if the dark lord was to return, his ability to occlude would determine whether or not he lived or died.
That was of course before Harry bloody Potter showed up turning everything Severus thought he knew of the child on its head. He supposed he shouldn't be too surprised about that. If there was one thing he learned over the past three years, it was that Lilly's son was both unpredictable, and nearly impossible to keep an eye on. Severus had hoped that he only had to look out for him during the school year, though judging by the events of their first occlumency lesson, that wasn't to be. In no way was he the spoiled arrogant prince he'd been made to believe. In no way was the child a carbon copy of James Potter, his worst and most hated enemy. No, the truth was nothing like the stories Albus had told. Potter's... no, Harry's childhood had been identical, if not worse than his own. It was like looking at a twisted reflection of himself back when he was a child. What he knew and what he could deduce from Harry now, filled him with a twisted sort of fury, and for the first time in years, Severus lost control of himself.
As soon as Severus made sure Harry had left his rooms, he felt his shields go crashing down. A wave of raw magic exploded from him, destroying everything in its path. Books were thrown from their shelves, landing in discordant heaps and scattering across the floors. The coffee table was knocked over, it's Contents flying in all directions, joining the books on the floor with a loud bang, which was a mere whisper in the chaos that was Severus's mind. The air crackled, charged with his emotionally overwhelmed magic. Even his skin was sparking with power. It was as though every unpleasant memory he'd tried to keep behind his occlumency shields were coming out at once, leaving only devastation behind.
Asphodel let out a yowl and leaped at him, her claws digging into his flesh as she tried to shelter herself from the total mess his rooms had become. No doubt he was covered in dozens of scratch marks, though Severus didn't notice the pain, to busy lost in the storm of thoughts and emotions that had flooded his mind upon the lowering of his shields. He saw flashes of memory, both Harry's as well as his own. He now could understand why the child had such a reaction when Severus had looked through his mind earlier that night. The memories that now plagued him seemed too real, too vivid to be anything but real that he could almost believe he was back in his childhood home, his father taking out his drunken anger on him and his mother.
A sharp pain shot from the side of his head, tearing a yelp from his throat. Slowly, his rooms came into focus, and so did Asphodel, who had one of her claws wrapped around a strand of his hair. She gave it another tug, causing him to hiss out in pain, nearly dropping her.
"Okay, okay, I'm fine now you blasted cat!" He grumbled, but ran a hand through her fur in thanks.
It took every bit of his self control to rebuild his shields, forcing every one of his troubling memories back in its place. Slowly, the storm of wild magic that had destroyed his rooms slowly dissipated, leaving Severus feeling both physically and mentally exhausted. Once the last of the magic was gone, Severus stared around his room, his wide eyes taking in the result of his fury. It was hard for him to fully comprehend that he had caused it. It was hard to believe that years of pent up emotions had finally been released, all because of Harry James Potter.
Perhaps the fact that it was Harry wasn't what was surprising. Instead, the fact that Albus Dumbledore would dare place the son of the only friend he had with said friend's awful sister, fully aware that she hated anything to do with magic that truly angered the potions master. If Potter was to be believed, which he probably was, Albus had been told about the child's abusive home life, and chose to ignore it, sending him back year after year. Albus, if he had known, had decided to stand by while a child was abused and had denied him a place to escape to. If that was true, he was no better than those muggles in Severus's eyes.
Fueled by a wave of fury, Severus stood, ignoring the mess for now. He had more important things to worry about than his destroyed living quarters. He needed answers. He needed to know why he'd been lied to, and why he'd been forced to believe the worst in Potter. He wanted answers, and there was only one person who could supply them. Whether or not he would was a completely different story. Regardless, Severus was angry, and he'd do whatever it took to get the old goat to talk.
He had no love for the man, especially after failing to protect the woman he cared for deeply. He would of course remain a spy, but it was not for Albus. No, Severus was risking his life to protect one person only, Harry. And yet, despite that fact, the one he wished to protect was also the one he'd hurt time and time again. Merlin, knowing what he did, Severus would give up anything to go back through time and change the way he'd treated the child. Pot... Harry had been mistreated enough at home. He did not need Severus to add on to it.
"I am sorry, child," He thought, struggling to maintain his occlumency shields with his emotions still a raging fire, burning beneath his skin. "I have failed you. I have failed to protect you. I would understand if you never do, though I hope you can forgive me one day." Merlin knows he didn't deserve the child's forgiveness. No, Severus couldn't change the past, but he could try to fix the present. However, he first needs answers.
Severus stared into his empty fireplace, trying to get his thoughts in order. Sure he was angry, something he had no intention of hiding, but he knew better than to just storm into Albus's office in his current state. While his magic was no longer swirling around him, the air still crackled with the leftover power and he was still trembling slightly. No, his current state would tip Albus off about the fact that he was starting to care about Harry and that wouldn't do at all. No one could know. He didn't care if it was Albus or anyone else on the light side. Severus trusted no one. After all, as seen in the previous war, people could be easily manipulated, forced to do things they otherwise wouldn't do. He knew that if anyone were to know how his feelings toward Potter had changed, it would take a good Legilimens to find out, putting him in danger. It was better for everyone that he kept his urge to protect the child quiet for the moment. Even so, Severus could still demand answers for what he'd seen in Harry's mind. He was supposed to hate him, but he drew the line at pretending to ignore abuse. While he may be harsh, he couldn't condone something like that.
"You are aware I cannot bring you with me, correct?" He said to Asphodel, who merely glared back, her eyes reproachful. She was clinging to the front of his robes, and despite the thick cloth, he could still feel her claws against his skin. He doubted they'd live marks, but it still wasn't a pleasant feeling. She had been terrified and he couldn't blame her. After all she'd never seen him lose control of himself that way he'd done tonight.
With a sigh, Severus allowed Asphodel to hide in the pocket of his robe. He knew she would remain hidden, only showing her displeasure by scratching the hell out of Severus, which he supposed was better than her attacking the headmaster himself. Whether or not it was deserved, Severus would soon find that out. Taking a deep breath to ground him, Severus threw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace, calling out the headmaster's office and disappeared in the green flames.
"Ah Severus my boy, what brings you here so late?" Severus steps out of the fireplace and waves his hand to dispel the soot from his robes. "Albus," he said, making sure his voice didn't give anything away. "We need to talk. It's about Potter."
Albus frowned, but motioned for Severus to sit. "Very well, Severus. Would you care for a lemon drop?“ Severus rolled his eyes. "You already know my answer, Albus." He snapped, causing the headmaster's eyes to twinkle in that infuriating way that always do. "An old man can hope," he said lightly, popping one of those infernal sweets in his mouth. "Now, what's this about young Harry? Surely your first lesson wasn't that bad."
Severus sighed, clasping his hands together in his lap, a habit of his for when he's stressed and unable to go to his lab. "In a sense. It is true that the lesson did not go as planned, though this time, the fault does not lie with Potter. It seems as though things aren't as I thought they were."
Severus made sure to keep an eye on how Albus reacted to to his statement, so he noticed the slight tightening of his jaw and the way the twinkle in his eyes had dimmed. He wasn't sure if it was due to the possibility of something being wrong with Harry, or because he knew the problem and didn't want Severus to find out. Either way, he made sure not to give anything away, keeping his face as emotionless as possible.
"Do tell what the problem is, Severus. Is young Harry better at occlumency than you thought he'd be?"
"Surprisingly, the boy isn't as much of a lost cause as I thought he'd be. Though that is not the problem I'm here to discuss. What concerns me are the memories I was able to see while looking through the boy's mind."
Albus looked ready to speak, but Severus continued, wanting to get everything out in the open.
"You had told me that Potter was being well cared for. You made me believe that he was a spoiled prince who got everything he asked for. So can you explain to me why I found him living with Lilly's awful sister and her whale of a husband?"
Albus sighed, leaning back against his chair. Severus was furious to see that the twinkle was back. It meant that the old man would try to pretend as though what he said wasn't a big deal. From inside his robes, he could feel Asphodel make her displeasure known as well and he wished he could let her lose on Albus. Not only would it be deserved, but it would also prevent her from completely shredding his clothes.
"Well my boy, I'm glad to see you're growing to care for Harry, but I assure you that there is nothing to concern yourself over. Though Harry's aunt may not be as loving as Lilly would've been, she is his last living relative. It is important that he lives with her. Surely I've told you of the blood wards around his home? They are what keeps him safe."
Severus had many things to say to that. For one thing, blood wards would only protect the child from outside dangers, but it would do nothing to save him from his own family. It appears as though Albus knew that Harry is mistreated, but believed there is nothing he can do about it. As a matter of fact, Severus could think of many solutions. He knew for a fact that his friends would do a much better job of protecting him than his family have done.
"Send him to live with the Weasleys. They'll no doubt spoil him, but he'll at least be taken care of rather than be locked up in a cupboard." Albus shook his head with a sad smile. "I'm afraid that's not possible, Severus. The Weasleys, while a good family, aren't blood related to Harry. Their home won't be safe enough for him."
"Albus, there has to be another option. Potter is being abused for Merlin's sake!" Albus only smiled and Severus couldn't help but think it appeared condescending. "Are you sure you aren't starting to care for him, my boy? You are very adamant that he stays elsewhere."
Severus growled, his magic once again sparking. "You know I refuse to stand for abuse Albus! You know my childhood, how difficult it was. I won't allow anyone to go through the same thing. Not if I can do something to help. Even if it is Potter's brat."
Albus only shook his head. "I am sure it's not as bad as you say it is, Severus. Harry is perfectly fine. You know how children hate being punished for things. Perhaps his memory was exaggerated."
Severus wanted to argue, to insist that Potter couldn't possibly be exaggerating his treatment. He wanted to point out that the child acted like some of his own Slytherins that were abused, his little breakdown he had while lost in the memories being a good example.
As much as he wanted to make Albus understand, he knew it was useless. He knew the old man wouldn't change his mind, no matter what Severus said. Not only that, but he would realize the change of Severus's loyalties, which he couldn't allow. So as much as he hated doing so, Severus gave a terse nod. "Very well, Albus. If you insist, I won't push farther. I'll keep you informed on the progress I make with the boy's lessons."
Dumbledore smiled then, a flash of relief in his eyes. "Good to hear, Severus. Thank you for stopping by. Have a good night."
"Good night, Albus." Severus said, then flooed back to his rooms. He couldn't say he was surprised by how the conversation went, having expected it. That didn't mean Severus was any less furious about it. If he hadn't already destroyed everything in his rooms, he would've done it now. As it was, he had to be content with a bottle of fire whiskey.
As he poured his first glass, Asphodel leaped out of her hiding spot, perching on his shoulder. Severus sighed, petting her absentmindedly. "Well my dear, I suppose it's up to me to protect him." He told her. Of course, he had already vowed to do so, but this time, it felt different. Now, protecting the child wasn't just keeping him alive. He would sure Harry Potter would get the care he deserved, no matter what it took and no matter what he had to risk to do so.