Chapter Text
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
What people saw and what she portrayed in the aftermath were two very different things. On the surface, Katara return to normal. She moved to Republic City as planned, and participated in counsels. She finally reconnected with Team Avatar, helping them continue to move the world into a new era; which had been greatly needed. Behind closed doors, however, there was a very different story.
Months ticked by, slowly becoming years, and Katara still found herself crying nightly. Despite her attempts to move forward, to lose Zuko so traumatically in the midst of hope and promise etched sorrow into every part of her life. The loss of a loved never truly fades; they always remain in the heart.
It was apparent that Iroh knew what Katara was going through because he had trouble dealing with the loss as well. She had no idea how he could handle with the loss of both his son and nephew. She did notice that he became withdrawn like she did. The difference was she fought to put on a mask for the world, whereas he never attempted to resurface.
In the almost two years since Zuko's death, the Fire Nation had found itself on the brink of war. Political figures each sought the throne; each tried different tactics to gain the crown. None had succeeded as of yet, but it was only a matter of time. Aang could only keep the peace there for so long.
Aang. He had been the one to help her during this time. He offered to share his home on Air Temple Island with her. For this, she was extremely grateful. They had found a way to coexist in a sibling way which only helped Katara in the long run. The Avatar never said anything, but she wasn't oblivious to the fact he knew she still mourned.
Chimes jingled in the distance behind her as she looked over Yue Bay. The blue waters, the breeze kissing her skin, the sun playing peek-a-boo behind clouds; it all reminded her of her last day with Zuko. Katara couldn't afford to think about this now; she was due in town.
The chimes again caught her attention as did a branch cracking behind her. Startled, she spun and looked for the source. Her blue eyes caught someone before her. Dressed in black from head to toe was a man with a blue mask.
Her breath halted in her throat as she recognized the costume. It had been lost years ago; thrown into the water, signaling a change. Why on earth was it back? Had something changed in the past two years?
She watched as he walked to her. In his hand he held a panda lily which he extended towards her. Taking it, she looked up at him.
"Zuko?"
A gust of breeze rushed past, and the man before her disappeared like smoke leaving, her alone and cold.
Dead. Her breath caught in her throat. That one word caused the world to spin out of control and crash. Dead. It couldn't be. Her eyes flashed open. Two years had slipped by. She looked around. Two harsh and lonely years gone.
Sitting up, Katara gathered her bearings. She was in her room at Air Temple Island. It was still night. No chimes were heard. The air was still, without a hint of breeze. There was no flower in her grasp. It was a dream. A shaky hand reached her forehead as she fought back the sting of tears. He was gone. She shivered.
The winter she had once told Zuko she felt in his absence was now permanent. Despite caring for friends and family, the water bender was cold and dead inside. Her heart was torn to shreds with no way to repair itself. The hell she constantly felt was relentless in its constant need to consume her. This was something she was never going to overcome.
Rising from bed Katara padded down the silent hallway. At this hour no one in the temple was up, and for that she was grateful. Out into the night she slipped quietly, making her way along the paths towards the dojo. Here she could meditate and think.
An hour passed by in silence as Katara sat letting her mind run blank. It was the most peaceful she had been in a while. All the built up sorrow she had, she pushed aside just for a moment of tranquility. Questions slowly began to creep into her mind. When was she going to move on? When would she get passed this? Would she ever feel normal again?
"Katara?"
Startled from her reverie, she turned around. "Aang. Hi."
"How are you, Katara?"
"I'm fine, Aang. Just getting in a few quiet moments out here."
"Did you have another nightmare?" The Avatar settled down next to her.
Katara turned away. Nightmares weren't uncommon for her. However, she didn't think that others knew about them.
"I know it happens to you sometimes," he replied, taking a meditative position. "It's understandable after everything. You loved him."
Katara didn't respond. She simply looked out into the night, trying to fight back any emotions.
"It's okay to mourn him, Katara. It's okay to show that emotion. You've always been strong, even when we were kids. It was you that held us all together. I've never seen you this closed before though. It's like you don't want to share any emotion. Are you afraid to fall apart?"
The water bender let out a soft sigh. "How can I… Aang, I…I don't know."
"You don't know or you're afraid to fall apart?"
A tear slid down Katara's cheek. "Both."
"Sometimes talking can be the best medicine out there."
Her blue eyes shifted over to him. "You don't owe me anything Aang, especially after what I did to you."
"Aren't we past that Katara? I thought we were. It never would have worked out, anyway. We weren't right for each other."
"But the way it happened. Aang, I'm so sorry—"
"Katara, stop," Aang cut in. "I said it's in the past. This isn't why I came out here tonight. I came because you were plagued with another dream. The memory of Zuko still haunts you."
"It does."
"He died honorably, I heard. You know, I just keep thinking I should have been there. Maybe I could have made a difference."
"He asked you to go?"
"No, I offered and he declined. He said it was something he alone had to take care of."
"That was always his problem. He always thought he had to take care of things on his own. He never wanted help."
"Sort of how you are right now?"
"I didn't mean—"
Aang chuckled. "You're just upset, Katara. I get it. It's nothing close to how you feel but I'm still sad too. I blame myself for his death because I didn't go."
"You were respecting his idiotic wishes, though."
"He was my friend. I had too. That doesn't mean I shouldn't have stood up to him in some way or gone against what he asked. If I had, there might be a chance he would be here."
"You can't blame yourself Aang. These things happen. You have to let go, and move on from those feelings."
Aang glanced over as if she had just walked into a trap. "Shouldn't you do the same?"
"What?"
"These things happen, Katara. I can't change what happened even if I want to go back and fix it. I have to let go of what I consider to be one of my biggest mistakes. I have to move on from that blame otherwise I cease to live."
"It's not the same thing—"
"You're right, it's not. I blamed myself for his death while you dealt with his loss. You didn't have blood on your hands."
"You don't either."
"I don't see it that way. If I had gone he might still be alive."
"Or you both might have died."
"A new Avatar would be born in my place."
"But you have knowledge you have yet to pass on."
"So, you're saying people need me."
"Yes."
"People need all of me?"
"Yes, Aang. You know they do. "
"People need you too, Katara."
"How have I not been there?"
"Not allowing yourself to be emotional and holding that back from people is not giving all of you. You're depriving the world from a wonderful thing and that's not what Zuko would want."
"What would you know?" she hissed.
"I know he loved you. I also know he planned on marrying you. You would have made an amazing Fire Lady or Queen or whatever that title would be. You have passion and right now you're hiding that because you're refusing to mourn. It's not going to be something you overcome because you loved him, but it's something that can help another going through that. You can rise above this. Isn't it time that you moved on from this season? You may be from the cold but winter is not your season." Aang rose from his sitting position with a yawn. Turning back towards the temple, he looked once more at Katara. "Just a few things to think about. Get some rest, Katara." He then retreated to his room for the remainder of the night.
Several weeks later Katara took a day off from her responsibilities in Republic City. It was exactly two years since she had received news that Zuko had died. Despite the Hell storm brewing within, everything that existed beyond her was beautiful. The day was breezy and spring was in full force.
As she set to work completing neglected chores, her mind betrayed her. All thoughts turned to the fact she would be forever alone. Mang, the fortune teller, had been right. Katara had lost everything in her investment. If she had just chosen the other path, the one more traveled by, she wouldn't be alone.
Wiping a few tears away, Aang's words penetrated the darkness she had allowed to consume her. Was she really holding back from people? The way Sokka sometimes looked at her confirmed just that. Did people need her? There were times when Toph would seek her out just to vent about her day. Katara knew that with both Toph and Sokka that she kept barriers up; barriers they hadn't caused.
The Avatar had made some good points. It had to be time to move on. Her life couldn't freeze like this forever. People were counting on her. Her thoughts shifted into wondering how she was going to climb out of this hole.
Gathering up her wet clothes from the wash, she walked to the grass beyond her window. Stringing a line, she started pinning her garments to it. With the breeze gracing her skin and the new spring leaves fluttering about, it was peaceful and relaxing.
As time elapsed outside, Katara found herself allowing emotions to come up. Aang had told her it was okay to mourn. He had told her to talk it out. Maybe starting here and now was the answer. She wasn't comfortable crying in front of others at the moment, but it was only her. She could break down if it was just her. And that's how she began.
Katara had hurt Aang many years back and had yet to forgive herself. She wasn't brave enough at the time to tell him she wasn't in love with him. Instead, she had kissed Zuko seemingly in secret only to have all their friends witness it. She had told him she was sorry, but she constantly beat herself up for it. He forgave her, but she couldn't forgive. It was time she made amends with herself.
She was never going to marry Zuko. He was never coming back. He had given his life for his country. She was going to have to move on and learn to love another. That would take time, but Zuko would want that for her. Some part of her wanted that for herself.
With the realizations came the tears Katara couldn't keep away. Before long the tears overwhelmed her. Letting go of a dress, her hands rushed to her face as she covered a sob. Two years he'd been gone, and he wasn't coming back.
The dress before her fought to liberate itself in a sudden gust of wind. In a mad dash it broke free, only to be snatched from its escape attempt. "You almost lost your dress."
The water bender glanced up to see two golden eyes watching her. She wasn't surprised by this visit. How is it that these dreams never ceased to haunt her? They were now invading her conscious as well. Oh spirits let them stop.
"I don't even get a hello? How mad are you?"
He couldn't be real with his short shaggy hair. He looked skinnier than usual. Her subconscious must be pulling out all stops in an attempt to make her believe. She swallowed roughly. Dreams suck.
"Are you going to say anything, Katara?" He stood in front of her now, holding out her dress.
Reaching for it, her eyes dropped to study the blue cotton. "You're not real."
The Fire Lord chuckled. "I'm very real, Katara."
"No." She swallowed a sob as her eyes began to sting. "You're not real. This is just another dream, a dream in which I'll be left standing alone and cold with you blowing away into the breeze."
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing? You're just a figment of my imagination."
"Is that what you think?"
"It's what I know!" she snapped and took a breath. "If anyone other than Aang knew they would lock me up. I'm surprised Aang doesn't think I've lost my mind. And now I'm talking to myself. Good job, Katara."
"You've been dreaming of me?"
"Why wouldn't I? I loved you! You've been dead for two years now, and I can't move past it. I can't move on. I've probably failed you but…"
"I'm not dead though. I'm right here."
A rebel tear slid down her cheek. "No, you're not. You're my imagination and I'm never going to see you again."
"You don't believe I'm real?"
"No," she said and her voice cracked. "How can I believe? Oh spirits… Zuko, I wish… I need to stop… You don't exist."
"I had no way to reach you. I tried, but I couldn't."
Her blue eyes looked up at him. "What are you talking about? You've been trying to communicate with me this whole time?"
"Katara, I'm not dead. I was capture by the rebels. I've been trying to get back to you this entire time." He moved to touch her.
The water bender retreated from his touch and looked at him warily. "The rebels killed you."
"They didn't, Katara. Obviously."
"They had too. I was told you were dead. Iroh was told you were dead. We all were told that. You… You… I've needed you so bad these past few years. I've missed you so much. I put on a good front but not a day went by that I didn't want you to be alive. But you're not. You're not alive. You never will be again." She dissolved into sobs and tears.
Zuko reached out and pulled her into his chest. Enveloping her in a tight embrace, he rested his cheek against her head. "I am alive. I'm right here, Katara. I'm not dead."
She felt one hand hold her close while his hand gently run up and down her spine as more sobs racked her body. Was he truly back or was this another way of letting go? Could she afford to believe that he was alive and returned? Her sanity was already in question.
When Katara quieted down, he pulled back and looked into her glossy eyes. "I told you I was going to come back for you. When I was done with the rebels, I was going to return. It took a bit longer than expected though."
She didn't respond as a hand move to explore his face. He felt real enough. His scar, his warmth, his hair; they all seemed to be real.
"Do your dreams ever talk to you or catch your laundry?"
He had a point. They had never done any of that before. With a deep breath, she looked into his eyes. "Did you see Iroh? He was in town for your memorial."
Zuko smiled as he pulled away. Taking the dress from her clutches, he hung it on the wire. "He was my first stop. Did you think I would see you before him?"
"So it is you," she said.
"It's about time you realized that, water bender." He drew her in for a kiss.
Katara's mind processed this turn of events. Mang was wrong. The fortune was something meant to scare her, not based on fact. Fate was something that could be made. Choosing the path less taken, did not mean a dead end. The road may prove harder but it's more rewarding. Throwing her arms around him, she melted into his kiss.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
—Robert Frost