Chapter Text
Baz
One of the side effects of being a vampire is that I’m always cold. It doesn’t matter how many clothes I’m wearing or how hot the weather is. I’m always cold.
And since the Mage locked me in his cell, I have been feeling much colder than usual. I don’t know if the place was too damp and cold or if there was something in the water he gave me, but not only I was feeling like shit, but also like an ice cube.
But for the first time, probably since I was five, I’m not cold. I’m actually very comfortable and warm.
It takes me a second to realise that I’m on my bed and another second to remember what happened. Only then do I feel that there is someone with me, I feel arms around me and even though I haven’t opened my eyes yet, I know it is Simon. I would recognise his smell anywhere.
I don’t want to end this moment yet, but I need to open my eyes and see that it is real. That I’m not in that cave any more. That Simon is here.
So, I take a deep breath and open my eyes.
This could be a dream, because it’s hard to believe that Simon Snow would be lying down this close to me, sleeping peacefully around me almost as if he trusted me. He looks as beautiful as I remembered when I saw him the last time when the classes were over. But he still looks too thin.
By now he should look better, he should have eaten enough to go back to his usual self. But he is not.
I want to touch him to see if he’s real. I want to get closer, but I feel a burn on my throat that makes me remember that I haven’t been drinking my quota of blood for days and I’m more thirsty than ever.
Even with the blood Simon got for me, I’m still thirsty. I could still drain him.
Thinking about it, about Simon getting me blood and helping me drink it makes me more embarrassed than ever. I always denied that I was a vampire, but now not only he had enough proof but he also had helped me feed.
My eyes widen when I remember that he even offered me his wrist for me to drink it. That gorgeous moron.
I always thought that the day he could prove that I was a vampire he would gloat or look disgusted at me. But he was kind, too kind.
The proximity to him makes my fangs ich in my skull. I’m obligated to push back, which makes Simon open his eyes.
I wait for the moment when he’ll realise what he’s doing. For the moment when he’ll remember who I am and will jump away from my bed. For the moment where hate and disgust will come back to his eyes. But the moment doesn’t arrive.
“Hey,” He says and smiles softly at me. What the fuck is happening? When did Simon Snow get soft with me? “How are you feeling?” He puts his hand on my forehead. “Good, you’re not burning anymore.”
“I … I …” Am I dreaming?
“Are you thirsty?” He asks. “I mean for water, not blood, although I guess you’re thirsty for blood too, right?” I nod, because I don’t know what to do. “Here,” He sits and hands me a cup of water, so I sit too. “I can try that spell to catch a few birds for you, or you could …” He shows me his wrist and I shudder.
“I won’t drink your blood,” He seems confused. “I’m not a monster,” I add quietly.
His eyes soften. “You are not a monster, I know that,” I look down still not sure of what to do with this new Simon. “But you are weaker than usual, the Mage said he left you without blood for days, I don’t know how long and for what I can guess human blood is better right?”
“Right. I mean I wouldn’t know, but I think so.” I shake my head. “But I won’t drink from you, I could hurt you, I could lose control.” My biggest fear since I started aching for blood. For his blood especially.
“I trust you won’t. But it’s okay, I can call for the birds.” I nod and drink my water, even though I know it won’t make me any less thirsty.
I watch as Simon stands up and opens the window and it’s when I remember that he did this before. And more than that.
“You shared your magic with me,” I say. I kind of hope he’ll look at me and say that I’m crazy but he just turns to me and nods.
“I did, sorry if it bothered you.” He seems a bit guilty about it. “Penny once said that feeling my magic was terrible, but when we were in there I wanted you to be awake and I just thought of pushing my magic into you and it worked, because you woke up. And then I noticed that you felt better, looked better when I shared my magic with you, and I could control my magic better too, which is a plus.” He shrugs. “But I’m sorry if …”
“No, don’t apologise. I did feel better. I don’t remember much, but I remember feeling lighter. The pain stopped.” I say.
“Are you in pain now?” He sounds concerned.
“No. I’m just thirsty and hungry.” He nods and sits back on my bed.
“Can I?” He asks, holding his hands above mine. I nod. When his hands touch mine I feel instantly his magic. I feel steady, more than before, and I feel like my magic it’s completely charged, like never before. I feel like I could cast anything in the world. “Birds.” Simon casts and only seconds later a few birds fly into our room, they fall dead on the floor in the same instant.
“Let me,” I try to move and stand up from my bed, but I’m very dizzy and weak especially when I let Simon’s hands go and his magic retreats.
“Easy.” He says. “You are weaker than normal, let me take these to you. I can put them in a cup as I did before.” If I had blood in me I would be blushing.
“No, you don’t have to. Just help me please,” I say. “Can you take the birds to the bathroom?”
“Sure,” He stands and takes the birds to the bathroom.
I try to stand up again and even though my legs are weak and I feel a bit nauseous I can walk to the bathroom.
“Hey, I would have helped you,” Simon says, already coming to my side and helping me to walk the last steps.
“Can you …” I don’t want to be rude to him, but I also don’t want him to see me drinking. “I’m okay in here, can you go back to the room?” I ask in the softest voice I can.
“But you can fall.” He says.
“I won’t and I don’t …”
“You don’t want me to see you drinking.” He guesses. “That’s alright, I don’t mind, but if you don’t want me to see it, I’ll turn away. But I will stay in case you need me, I’ll just turn my back on you.”
I nod. “Thank you.”
He turns and only then do I pick one bird and start drinking. The taste’s not great, but I’m used to drinking rats, so I’m not going to complain. In comparison, Simon’s blood would taste delicious. But I can’t think about it now.
I drink all six birds, and even though I still feel like I could drain something bigger, I’m feeling a lot better. The agony I was feeling before at least is gone.
“Done,” I say while I wash my mouth.
“Great.” Simon starts picking the birds from the floor. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah, a lot better.” I watch as he walks back to the room and throws the birds through the window, only then do I notice it’s already dark outside.
I walk back to the room too and sit back on my bed. I see a plate of food on top of Simon’s desk.
“That’s food?” I ask. Now that the thirst was mostly gone, I realised how starving I was.
“Yeah, I picked a few things for you, I imagined that you would be hungry.” I nod.
“I am. The Mage didn’t usually give me food. He started giving me a bit of blood every day, but not food.” I can’t decipher the expression on Simon’s face.
“Here.” He gives me the plate.
“Thanks,” I say. “How did you find me? He took you there?”
Simon sits in front of me. “No, I was looking for you since the classes started and you didn’t show up.” I don’t let myself think too much about what he just said.
“How long has it been? Since the classes started?” I ask.
“Eight weeks,” Simons says.
“I don’t know if it seems more or less than what I thought. I lost track of time while I was there.”
Simon nods. “I’m sorry.” He says. “Well, anyway, sometimes I can use my magic without my wand and without a spell.”
“Like you did now.” I point to the window.
“Yeah, that. Anyway, I was able to use my magic that way and I was drawn to the Whispering woods and I found the cave.” He says. “And when I went inside I saw you in there, inside the cell.” He looks down and swallows. “How did the Mage capture you?”
“I don’t remember much. I just remember that I was at the club and something hit my head. When I woke up I was in that cell. It was dark and I was alone. I didn’t even know that I was in Watford until now.” Simon shakes his head.
“I’m so sorry Baz, what the Mage did to you was terrible.” He says. “He told me he was doing an experiment on you and left you without blood for days.” He sounds furious. “And he gave you a drink with a plant that has effects on vampires, probably the reason why you felt so much pain. Pen cast a lot of healing spells and she said that the poison probably will leave your blood on its own.”
“It’s not your fault, you know,” I tell him because I can hear the guilt in every word he says.
He shakes his head. “I trusted him. And he … He is the reason your mother is dead, that you were turned.” I nod.
Right, the part that I didn’t want to think about now.
“Yeah, I remember him admitting.” I look down. “If I’m being honest I still don’t know what to think about it. I feel like a part of my brain is still numb.” It’s true. I can’t process everything that is happening now. “But you have nothing to do with that. It’s his fault.”
“I know, but I was the Mage’s heir, he is … he was my mentor and …” I put my hand on top of his and he looks at me.
“That’s alright, you were his ally but you are not him,” I say. “And the biggest proof of that is that even though we are enemies and even though you hate me you saved me anyway.”
“I don’t hate you.” He says.
Before I could elaborate on any answer the door of our room is open and my father walks in with my aunt.
“Basilton.” My father doesn’t even look at Simon, he just walks in my direction and Simon stands up from his bed. “Are you okay?”
“Chosen one, out,” Fiona says and Simon steps back.
“Fiona, this is his room,” I say. “You don’t need to leave,” I tell Simon. I don’t want him to remember why we were enemies, I don’t want him to go back to hating me, especially now that he said he doesn’t hate me anymore.
Simon smiles faintly at me. “That’s okay. I have to talk to Penny anyway.”
I watch as he leaves and when the door is closed Fiona turns back to me. “That was incredibly rude,” I say.
She shrugs. “He is the Mage’s heir.”
“Don’t call him like that,” I say. “I would not be here safe in my room if it wasn’t for him. He saved me from the Mage and he called the coven.” If she is surprised she doesn’t show.
“Well, that’s the least he could do after his mentor kidnapped you.” She says.
“Are you okay, son?” I look back at my father and see that he looks worried.
“I’m fine, Father. I’m tired and not exactly at my full strength, but I’m fine. Better than before.” He nods and looks around me searching for any wounds.
“Do you need something?” Fiona asks. “Food, healing spells or …” She looks at my father and doesn’t complete, but I know she means blood. Just because my father chooses to ignore this reality, doesn’t mean it’s not real.
I shake my head. “I don’t need anything now, thanks, Simon already got me everything I needed,” I say so they can understand that he is not an enemy. Not anymore, everything changed.
Fiona nods. “I see.” The way she narrows her eyes at me makes me wonder if she understands more than what I just said. “Well, the coven will reunite to decide what to do with that bastard, but I think it’s safe to say that he’ll be away from here for good.”
“He was responsible for mother’s death,” I say and they stop moving, maybe even breathing to look at me. “He called the vampires.”
Fiona puts her hand on my shoulder. “We know. Mitalli told us.” My father says.
“We’ll make sure he pays for what he did,” Fiona adds.
“I know.” Fiona puts her arm around my shoulders and pulls me close.
“We were worried.” She whispers and I allow myself to relax.
“I’m sorry,” I say even though it’s not my fault.
“Daphne wanted to come,” My father says. “She was worried to death with you, but Petra got sick last night and didn’t let Daphne walk away from her.”
“That’s okay,” I say. “I understand.”
“And Vera asked me to bring you those.” He hands me a box of cookies, my favourite kind. I smile at that.
“I did miss Vera’s food,” I say, already picking one and eating. “How are the kids?”
I sit back on my bed with my father on my side and listen while he tells me about what my siblings did these last months. I miss those little monsters.
My father tells me that all of them, except for Swithin of course, asked for me and all of them missed me a lot those weeks I was gone. The way my father speaks to me makes me a bit emotional because I think I never heard him speak with so much care, not with me at least.
With all our fights it’s easy to forget that my father still loves and cares about me. It’s good to see that this is still true.
“Oh,” My father stops talking when his phone starts ringing. “It’s Daphne, just a second.” He takes the call but goes outside to talk to her.
“So,” Fiona sits by my side, where my father was before. “Do you want to share something with me?” I frown. “Like why are you defending the chosen one so much?” Even though I drank not too long ago, I don’t have enough blood on me to blush, which is lucky.
“Don’t call him that,” I say, remembering when I heard him telling Bunce that he hates being called that.
Fiona raises her eyebrow at me. “Am I getting this right? You have a crush on Simon Snow?”
“No, I do not,” I say and it’s true. What I feel for him is much bigger than just having a simple crush. “Simon saved me, and he stood against the Mage even though he trusted him the whole time. He could have stayed by his mentor’s side but he didn’t. And more than that he made sure that I was okay, he could have dragged me to the infirmary or asked someone else to check up on me, but he didn’t. He even summed birds so I could drink.”
Fiona raises her hands. “Fine, I’ll stop talking about him then. But I think someone here has a crush.” She mocks me and I roll my eyes.
“It’s not a crush.” I let it slip and she smirks.
“More than that? Oh, Merlin.” She laughs when I roll my eyes again. “Okay, I’ll stop now. I’m just glad you’re okay, boyo.”
I smile. “Me too, Fi.”
My father walks in again. “It was Daphne, Petra’s fever got a bit worse so she’ll take her to a hospital. She was just calling to check how you were and to inform me.” He says. “But the coven will meet in a few minutes at the white chapel, are you coming?” He asked Fiona.
“Sure, I want to see that son of a bitch being punished.” She smirks. “You should rest, you still look like shit.” She tells me.
“Thanks.”
“Come on Malcolm.” She turns to him. “It’ll be late when we leave the meeting, so we’ll let you rest, tomorrow we’ll come again.” I nod.
“That’s okay, thank you for coming.”
We say goodbye and I watch them leave.
I stay still for a few seconds before deciding to take a shower because even though I’m not smelling bad - an advantage of being a vampire and I guess also from one of the spells Bunce cast on me (and maybe even Simon’s magic) - it’s been eight weeks since I took a proper shower and I need to take one.
I’m still feeling my legs a bit shaken and a bit lightheaded, but I take a change of clothes that stood here from last term and head for the shower.
I don’t know how long I stood there just feeling the hot water falling on me, but it certainly was less than it seemed.
Simon is still not back when I go back to my bed. I imagined that he has a lot to talk to Penelope about, so I lay back and take the cookies my father brought and eat a couple of them.
I want to wait awake for Simon, so we can talk, but I’m still so tired that I end up sleeping while holding the cookies.
I don’t know how long after I woke up with the sound of the door being shut. I look to my side and see Simon leaving the bathroom.
“I’m sorry,” He says. “Didn’t mean to wake you. But you can sleep now, it’s pretty late.”
I shake my head. “It’s okay. Something happened?” I ask.
Simon sighs and sits on his bed. “I was at the coven meeting.” That surprises me.
“They let you in?” He huffs a laugh.
“No, Pen and I were hiding so we could hear what they were saying.” Oh, of course, that’s more likely. “They talked for hours.” He looks tired.
“And what did they decide?”
“There will be a trial for the vampire attack.” He says carefully, almost as if he was afraid of how that would affect me. “The Mage admitted everything, but still they need to see everything that happened, what he can be charged for.”
“My mother’s …” He nods.
“The main charge will be your mother’s death.” Good. He deserved to pay for what he did. “But he was already taken by the coven, he’ll be locked while he waits for trial, he already is considered guilty of kidnapping you.” I nod. “How are you feeling?” He sounds worried.
“I’m good, considering everything.” I shrug, which is usually Simon's move. “And I’m sorry for my aunt before…” He shakes his head and smiles lightly.
“That’s okay Baz. She has all the right to hate me and not want me around you.” He looks down. “She doesn’t trust me and she has all the reasons for that.” I can hear the guilt dripping from his voice.
“This is not your fault,” I say. “You saved me.” He looks at me. “And I trust you.” His brows relax and he seems to believe in me. “I didn’t thank you for everything you did.” He shakes his head again. “You did more than anyone would, not only you saved me, but you took care of me.” I can see him blushing a bit. “You even got me blood,” I say, happy that I couldn’t blush.
“That was the least I could do Baz.” He says. “Besides, I feel that it is a bit of my fault, I kept telling everyone that you were a vampire. If I hadn’t insisted maybe the Mage …” I stand up and sit by his side.
“He already knew. Probably since the attack.” I say. “It was not great having you announce to everyone through the years, but I doubt it was that that encouraged him to do anything.”
“I really didn’t know what he planned, nor that you could be stricken from the books or have your fangs removed.” I nod.
“I believe in you.”
“I didn’t want you to get hurt.” He almost whispers and if my heart could beat, I know it would be racing in my chest. “If I knew …” I put my hand on top of his.
“Simon, it’s okay. I don’t blame you.” He looks at our hands.
“I like when you call me Simon.” I know it’s impossible, but I swear I could feel my heart beating.
“Snow is your name,” I say to light the mood and also to antagonise him a bit. Old habits die hard.
Simon smiles softly. “You know what I mean.” I smile too.
“I do.” I’m not sure what to say next, so I clean my throat and change the subject. “They said something about interrogating me?”
Simon nods. “They will want to know exactly what happened. Of course, you’ll have to put aside the poison he gave you.”
“So, no one knows about me?” He understands what I’m asking and shakes his head.
“No, the only person I told was Penny and only because I needed her help and well, she kinda already knew.” Again there is a guilty look on his face.
But I don’t exactly blame him for that, Bunce is really smart, even if Simon hadn't told everyone about me she would have figured sooner or later.
“Okay.” We stay in silence for a few seconds and I gather the courage to ask him. “Why were you looking for me?” That was something I was avoiding thinking about because if I think too much about it, I’ll start to hope that it means something, that maybe he feels something for me.
He looks down. “I was worried about you.” He says. “When you didn’t appear I knew that something happened. At first, I thought that maybe the war was about to start and that your father didn’t let you come back. And then I thought …” He seems embarrassed.
“That I was plotting?” I say, with a hint of humour.
“Yeah,” He admits. “But then I knew it couldn’t be, I did consider that you might have run away with a secret girlfriend or something …”
I don’t know if it’s what he says, or if I just need him to know, but I blurt out. “I’m gay.” Only when the words leave my mouth is that I realise what I just said. Again, I’m lucky I can’t blush. “I mean, I wouldn’t have run away with a girl.” I try to explain.
“Oh,” Simon says and there is something in his eyes that I can’t decipher what it is. My hopeful side is saying that he is happy with that information. But I’m being optimistic. “Right,” He continues. “But even so, I knew you wouldn’t just drop school for that.”
“You were right.” Unless the choice was to run away with you , I complete in my mind.
“Yeah, so I knew that something bad had happened to you and I had a feeling that you were here, in Watford, so I kept looking for you.” He shrugs.
“And you found me.”
He shrugs again. “If I’m being honest, I’d rather be right about you being away plotting. At least, you wouldn’t be suffering for more than eight weeks.” I don’t know what to do with that. Does he mean something? “Do you remember what happened all those weeks?”
I shake my head, glad that he gave me a bit more time to think about what he said. “No, I was mostly unconscious. I remember more of the first days when I woke up there and the Mage showed up.” I say. “I was not hungry yet and I had drunk blood the night before I was captured. But soon the Mage cast some spell that made me sleep. He only woke me to give me blood, but he never gave me food.”
“How did you survive so long without food?” He asks surprised.
“I honestly don’t know. Vampires can stay longer without food than humans, but we need to eat. People usually just assume we don’t eat at all, which is not true.”
“But the Mage would know that.” I nod.
“I believe so.” Which means he intentionally left me starving. Something flashes in Simon’s eyes. “Anyway, I don’t know how I lasted so long. I think that having the blood helped. But then he started giving me that drink and everything started hurting.”
“I still can’t believe that he was capable of doing things like this.” He shakes his head. “Even if you were plotting, even if you were doing something bad, what he did doesn’t have an excuse. He was just being cruel.”
It shouldn’t, but it warms my heart that he sounds so defensive about what happened. So protective. “Careful, Simon, I’ll start thinking that you care about me,” I say it as a joke, but also as bait.
“I do care about you.” He says, looking offended by what I said.
“You do?” I know I shouldn’t be exactly surprised, he did a lot for me these last hours, but I can’t help but feel surprised, surprised that he at least admitted.
“Of course.” He says. Only then he seems to realise what he said because he blushes. “I … I …” He looks down and takes a deep breath. “I like you Baz.” What? “Everything that happened only made me understand everything and after all, I hoped that we could … I mean, not that you owe me anything, but I … Fuck, what I’m trying to say is that…”
Simon keeps babbling and struggling with his words, but I can’t keep just watching him, so I lean forward and kiss him.
But then he doesn’t kiss me back and fuck. I must have read him wrong. He must have said that he likes me as a friend, that he wanted us to be friends and not … not anything I wanted us to be.
I pull back, already thinking about what excuse I could give for acting like that. Simon is looking at me with his mouth open. “I… I’m sorry, I …” I’m the one babbling like an idiot when Simon pulls me and kisses me.
It takes me exactly five seconds to realise what it’s happening. Five seconds for me to react before Simon thinks I don’t want this too.
I put my hands on his hair and pull him closer, he makes a little sound that I decide it’s my favourite one now.
His lips are warm, just like I expected and he tastes like something sweet, something delicious. His tongue licks my lips and I open my mouth and let him in.
I don’t know if this is a good kiss, he is the first person I’ve kissed. The only person I’ve ever wanted to kiss. But for me, it’s perfect. It’s him, kissing me, touching me, like I’ve dreamed of for the past years.
His hand drops my pyjama top and holds my neck, but a few seconds later, he pulls away.
“You’re warm again.” He says without a breath.
I open my eyes and see him looking at me worried. “What?” I manage to ask.
“You’re warm again.” He repeats. “I thought the fever was getting lower.” He puts his hand on my forehead and I smile.
“Did you just interrupt our kiss to check if I was having a fever?”
“Well, yeah, you were really bad before and I don’t want you to …” I pull him against me one more time and shut him up with my lips.
“It’s cute that you worry like that, but I’m fine,” I say, kissing him again.
“But you were…”
I cut him again. “Simon, I am fine. Really.” He lets his head fall forward and his forehead touches mine.
“Really?” I nod the best way I can. Simon pulls back and looks at me with a smile. “You kissed me.” He says not meeting my eyes.
“And you kissed me,” I say.
“Yeah, but I already said I like you, so …”
“But you like me like me? Or like me…” He laughs and holds my hand.
“I just kissed you, what do you think?” He says, looking at our hands for a moment.
“Since when?” I ask because it’s unbelievable that Simon likes me. Because I want to know everything about what he’s feeling.
“I realised today when I saw you and saw how worried I was and how protective I felt towards you.” He says. “But that made me see that I’ve been feeling like that for a while, I don’t know how long. I just know that I’ve always liked looking at you and that I always liked to know where you were,” I cut him.
“You always liked following me, I just thought it was to assure that I wasn’t plotting,” I say with a smile and he laughs.
“Right, that too, but today I realised that I probably just wanted to be sure that you were okay and not hurt.” I let that sit in my mind. Simon likes me, actually likes me. “What about you?” He asks in a lower voice, almost as if he was a bit shy now.
“What about me?” I ask because I like to be difficult.
Simon glares at me. “You know what.” He says. “Do you like me?”
“Well, I just kissed you, what do you think?” I repeat his words and he smiles.
“So, you like me?” He asks.
“We are looking like 5-year-old kids.” He laughs. “But I do.”
“Since when?” He throws my question back at me.
I sigh. “A long time,” I say. It’s better not to just blurt out that I’m completely in love with him and that I know that since we were fifteen.
“I … Can I kiss you?” I nod.
And then his mouth is on mine again and everything feels better.
Simon kisses me with strength but with kindness at the same time, his fingers brush my neck which sends a spark through my spine and I just want him to do it again. He must sense it because he does it again.
I feel a burn on my throat, it's not bad as before, I don’t need to feed right now, but I’m able to feel Simon’s blood under his skin, flooding and pulsing on his neck. It’s just at that moment that I notice that he’s not wearing his cross.
“Where is your cross?” I ask in between kisses.
He pulls back for a second to answer. “I took it out a few weeks ago. I don’t think I need it anymore, right?”
“You should wear it.”
“Why? You won’t hurt me and I don’t want to hurt you with the cross.” He really seems to think that.
“But I’m still a vampire,” I say. “And you don’t know, I could lose control.” Simon shakes his head.
“I trust you.” He said this before too. “Also, you haven't lost control in seven years.”
“Yeah, but I was not this close to you in these seven years.” He smiles.
“I like to have you this close, it’s why I won’t wear the cross anymore.” Am I living a dream? “Are you thirsty now? Being this close is bothering you?”
I shake my head. “It’s just a small inconvenience. I will be fine until tomorrow.”
“Okay, let me know if it gets worse.” I nod and then I shiver with cold. Simon puts his hand on my face again. “See? You’re getting hotter again, the fever is coming back.”
“Maybe,” I say, not wanting to say that he is right. “I’m not feeling as bad as before though.”
“Probably because you drank and ate.” He says.
“Probably.” I agree. “I don’t know what plant he gave me, but I don’t think the effects will fade this fast. Maybe after I feed properly.”
“Do you want to go feed?” I shake my head.
“No, I’m starting to be tired again and I’m not hurt as before, I can wait.”
“Then come here.” He lays against his pillows and opens his arms to me. “Lay down with me, maybe my magic can help a bit.”
I lay down because I would never deny any situation that put me close to Simon. But I keep thinking about what this all means. Simon says he likes me, he kissed me as he means it as well. And he is taking care of me.
But that means he wants something else with me? Or he is just curious about what could happen? I decide that I don’t need to know it right now and that I’m too afraid to ask him, so I just let him embrace me and share his magic once again with me.
I feel immediately better and more relaxed.
“Thank you,” I say and I relax even more when I feel his mouth against my hair.
“You don’t have to thank me.” He almost whispers. “Rest now, we can keep talking tomorrow.”
I nod already closing my eyes and fall asleep easily feeling Simon all over me.
I thought I would have nightmares the whole night, just like I have been having since I was kidnapped, but I slept peacefully. Better than the last few nights, better than ever actually.
Even so, I dreamed about a lot of things, things that when I wake up I’m not able to remember, but that leave me with a warm feeling.
What wakes me the next morning is the feeling of Simon’s fingers brushing my hair. Knowing that he’s here for real and that last night wasn’t a dream makes me smile, but I try to contain it. I don’t want to scare Simon by showing how happy and in love I am.
I move my head up and Simon stops moving his fingers, and when I open my eyes I find him already looking at me.
“Hey, good morning.” He smiles.
“Good morning.” I close my eyes again and snuggle closer to him. Maybe I could be a bit embarrassed for doing that if I was more awake and conscious, but I won’t worry about it now.
“How are you feeling?” His fingers keep brushing my hair.
“Sleepy,” I mumble and I feel him laughing. “Too sleepy to know.” I complete it.
“Well, you’re not burning in fever anymore.” I feel his hand on my face. “You’re just slightly warm. Throughout the day you will feel better.” I hum.
We stay in silence for a few seconds, me with my eyes closed, almost dozing off again, and Simon still playing with my hair, his other arm around me.
“You don’t have to go to classes?” I should ask if we don’t have to go to classes, but I don’t think I’m going anywhere today. Even though I’m not feeling like yesterday, I’m not ready to face a whole day of classes.
“It’s Saturday,” Simon says.
It’s weird how lost in time I am. When I was in that cave with the Mage I felt that time didn’t pass, but also that I was locked in there for ages. In the beginning, even though he kept me controlled with spells, I was awake enough to sense the hours passing. But when he drugged me with that plant I lost touch with reality. There was only pain.
But Simon doesn’t need to know that.
“Oh, right,” I say.
I open my eyes and look at him again.
Simon gives me his bright smile. “Hello.” He says.
“Hi.” He leans down, almost as if he wanted to kiss me, but I back away. “What are you doing?” I ask.
He frowns. “I’m trying to kiss you.”
“Oh,” I say. “But I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.” He smiles.
“Neither did I.”
“Exactly,” I say because provoking him is familiar. “One more reason for you not to kiss me yet.”
Simon rolls his eyes but keeps smiling. “Well, I don’t care about you brushing your teeth and I’m under the impression that neither do you.” He is right, of course.
So, when he kisses me I don’t push him away with disgust. No, I pull him closer, loving this proximity, the way that we both already seem to know the other so well. How his lips fit perfectly in mine. How it seems that we have been doing this for years and not only for a few hours.
But even though I love everything that is happening between us. I’m still thinking about what it means. I don’t want to ask him, I don’t want to show him that I care too much about it. Because what if it doesn’t mean anything to him? What if I expose my heart to him and he crushes it?
Simon pulls back to kiss my cheek and then my forehead, and then he lets his mouth rest against my hair. “Baz?” He asks quietly which makes me pull back a bit to look at him. “What is this?” I freeze. Has he been reading my mind?
“What do you mean?” I ask because I need him to spell it. I need to know that we are talking about the same thing.
“Us.” He says. “What is happening between us? I admit that is everything new to me, I’ve had less than 24 hours to process everything that happened, but I like this.”
“What is this exactly?” He glares at me.
“Don’t be difficult.” He says. “I like you and me together. I like not having to pretend that I hate you. I like that we are not fighting anymore. And I think you like it too.” Again, he is completely right.
This time I tell him so. “I do. I like this too.” I let my fingers brush his cheek. “I like you.”
Simon smiles softly and kisses my nose. “I’m sorry.” I frown.
“For what?”
“For breaking your nose and for everything else.” I kiss him.
“I feel like I should apologise for more than you.” He shakes his head. “We both did a lot of wrong things over the years.”
“I guess so.” He says. “But we should let it all be in the past right? Start something fresh now.”
“Something like what?” Yes, I will make him say all the words.
“Something like being boyfriends.” I try to pretend that I’m thinking, but I can’t contain a smile.
“That sounds good.”
“Does it, right?” He’s smiling too.
But I’m back to questioning myself now. Is he talking about dating and telling everyone? Or does he want to hide it for now? Why are relationships so hard?
“Hey, what are you thinking so hard?” He asks.
“I’m just thinking about everything,” I say. “Do you want to tell everyone? Because if you don’t…” He cuts me.
“The only person who I care enough about is Pen, and she kinda already knows.” I frown. “She saw me helping you yesterday and said that it made sense. That all my obsession over you should be something more. It was what made me start thinking actually.”
“So, I have to thank Bunce?” He laughs.
“No, I’d have figured it out later. She just anticipated.” I smile. “So, I don’t mind anyone else knowing. But I understand if you don’t want to tell anyone yet, with your family hating me and all…”
“They don’t hate you,” He looks at me like he knows I’m lying and okay I’m lying. “Okay, they think they hate you, but only because you were on the Mage’s side. Besides they have to be thankful to you, you were the one who saved me and brought the Mage to justice. So, no, I don't want to hide anything. I’ll tell them what is happening and if they don’t like it it’s their problem.”
“You make it sound easy.” He says. “But if you believe in that, I’ll believe it too.” I nod. “Besides I don’t think we need to figure it all out now, right?”
“Right, we can take one step at a time.”
“As long as we are together.” I smile.
“As long as we are together,” I repeat.
Maybe things won’t be as easy as I made it sound. Maybe my family won’t be thrilled to discover that I’m dating the Mage’s former heir, I mean probably they won’t. But honestly, I don’t care about any of that. I am dating Simon. Full stop. How would I care about anything after that?
I’ve loved him in secret for so long. I’ve pretended to hate him for so long. Now, I just wanted to show everyone the truth. Show Simon the truth.
We still will have to face a lot of difficulties, with the Mage’s trial and everyone’s judgement. But we could face it all. One step at a time.
And as long as we're together, as Simon said, everything would be alright.
I don't think there is anything else to hope for.