Chapter Text
There was a rumbling underneath Matthew’s cheek. “-just showed up in the middle of the night.” Oh, Taerae was talking to someone.
“But why your bed?” Ah, Jiwoong again. Matthew just tried to burrow further into Taerae.
“Hey, why not? We’re both ‘02 liners!” Taerae sounded a little indignant. His one arm draped over Matthew squeezed him a little tighter.
“No, I didn’t mean anything like-” Matthew piped up at that point, his words muffled by Taerae’s shirt.
“Mhmmm, Taerae and I are friends.” He disengaged from Taerae just enough to flop over to his other side to look over at where Jiwoong sat in his bed. He was now Taerae’s little spoon. Matthew stifled a yawn. “Nothing wrong with a friendly sleepover between friends, Jiwoongie hyung!” Gotta lay it on thick. Step 3: ‘Make sure that Jiwoong understands that his sleepovers with Hanbin were 100% platonic’ was currently a go.
The name of the steps might be changing but the general concept stayed the same and that was all that mattered to Matthew.
There was a soft knock at the door and a gentle, “Hyung?” came through.
“Yes, Yujinnie?” Jiwoong called back. The maknae proceeded to mumble something on the other side of the door so quietly that Jiwoong just had to go, “Yujin, just come in!”
The door creaked open, and Yujin popped his head in. He was dressed in his school uniform. “Hyung, which container was it that I was allowed to take for lunch?” Oh, god he was so cute! Matthew fully understood why Gyuvin was always squishing his cheeks and cuddling him. It was like that cute aggression thing.
“The one with the blue lid, but you can take anything else that you think you need, Yujin,” Jiwoong told him, smiling at the maknae. Such a good hyung. The pride that Matthew felt for Jiwoong was insane. It was overwhelming and a little uncomfortable. Tightness in his stomach and the way his heart sped up was a weird way to feel pride but that was what it must have been.
Yujin nodded and said a quiet thanks. He dipped his head in a quick bow to Jiwoong and glanced over at Taerae’s bed. His eyes widened and he froze mid head bob as he looked at the pair.
Good, Matthew thought. He would for sure tell Gyuvin and then Matthew’s platonic sleepover agenda will spread.
“Yujin?” Jiwoong said after he stood frozen for a bit too long. “Don’t you have school?”
Yujin finally blinked, but he didn’t look away. “Yeah, Hanbin said he’d drive me today, so I have to go now…” He didn’t move for another solid minute. Matthew didn’t move from Taerae’s arms the entire time.
When the maknae finally did finish rebooting, he didn’t look away even as he slowly shut the door, his head slipping out of sight at the very last second.
Jiwoong was the first to laugh, followed by Taerae and Matthew. Yujin was so cute! In his little uniform getting driven to school!
Wait…
Hanbin was driving Yujin to school…
Hanbin was leaving the dorms with just Yujin…
Matthew was ripping himself away from Taerae and jumping out of bed. He could hear Taerae’s noise of surprise, but Matthew had places to be!
“Sorry, I have to go find Hao hyung!” It sounded like an insane explanation, but he was already rushing out of the room. He heard the front door close and he was sprinting to the last room down the hall.
He knocked a little frantically. The door opened as if the other person was waiting on the other side.
Ricky. It was morning but still not a hair out of place? Not one sleep mark? He was still wearing his pajamas so it can’t have been up for long. It felt as though God picked favourites and it was absolutely Ricky Shen…
“Man, how do you just look like that?” Matthew blurted out.
Ricky just shrugged. “Ask my mom.”
“Is Hao hyung here?” Matthew was straight to the point. He probably only had about 30 minutes until Hanbin would be back and Hao and him would become attached by the hand again.
Ricky stepped back, letting Matthew in. He hadn’t actually been in this duo's room yet. It was slightly bigger than Matthew’s, but not drastically enough that Matthew felt jealous.
Hao was sitting on the floor, back against his bed frame. He had a book about learning Korean in front of him and a notebook open in his lap.
Amazing hyung. Matthew felt pride for ZB1’s center. Truly amazing.
This feeling of pride didn’t feel like the pride he had felt for Jiwoong before…
Human emotions were just crazy things, huh?
Anyway, Matthew bounced into the room, slipping onto the floor next to Hao. Ricky went back to his bed, pulling out his phone.
“Good morning, Matthew,” Hao smiled at him, his glasses slipping down his nose.
“Good morning, hyung!” Matthew pushed Hao’s glasses back up with his index finger. Hao went cross eyed for a second. Matthew beamed at him before turning to the other man. “Good morning, Ricky!”
Ricky dipped his head and smiled at Matthew.
“All the global members in one room! This feels like Planet Camp all over again!” Matthew glanced down at Hao’s notes. “Even has the Korean homework.”
“I feel like I wasn’t able to talk as much as I wanted to during the livestream. I want to feel more sure of my words,” Hao explained.
So admirable.
“I should probably come by and study with you too! I don’t really think through what I’m going to say. Whatever my first thought just comes out.”
“We know,” Ricky chimed in from his bed. “I hope you never get media training though. It makes it more interesting.”
“So everyone has media training except me then?” Matthew leaned back on his hands, looking at both men.
Ricky nodded as Hao spoke, “Yuehua had classes for us to take, and Jiwoong would have done some throughout his career. Hanbin told me he took a course at his university that covered interacting with the media too. I’m not sure about Gunwook or Taerae but I wouldn't be surprised if their companies did some training.”
Matthew pursed his lips into a slight pout. He didn’t want to embarrass the team. “Maybe I should come by and we can study together? Just a little bit?” Even if just to work on his ‘ng’ pronunciation. Jiwoong didn’t say anything, but Matthew knew he was still messing up his name a little bit.
“You’re always welcome to come by, Matthew,” Hao told him, lifting a hand to pat his hair lightly. Matthew squirmed a little, feeling like a wiggle puppy under his hyung’s hand. “Now, what can I help you with this morning?”
Oh, right! Step 2!
“I was just doing my hyung rounds this morning! Saying hello to all my hyungs. I had a sleepover with Taerae last night so I already saw Jiwoongie hyung.” Matthew explained, keeping it completely logical like always.
“Oh, yeah, Yujin texted me about that,” Ricky laughed. “I told him to talk to you after school today if he had a question for you.”
Matthew cocked his head, confused. “Question? It was a friendly ‘02 liner sleepover. I love a platonic and strictly only platonic sleepover… Right, Hao?”
Hao jumped at being singled out. “Sure, I don’t see anything wrong with that. Though, maybe not everyone knows about platonic sleepovers…” Hao said that last sentence slowly.
Oh no… Hao was trying to say that he knew about Matthew’s sleepovers with Hanbin and was questioning whether they were platonic or not. Not good!
“Has Jiwoong ever ta-” Matthew cut Hao off in his panic.
“Hanbin’s morning breath is the worst! I mean, wow, what’s up with that?”
“What? Matthew, what?” Hao blinked at him.
“Just the worst! I’m like ‘uh oh here comes stinky Sung Hanbin’... Y’know… When we run into each other in the morning by chance.” Just so smooth.
Hao took a second to respond. “Everyone gets morning breath? But I haven’t noticed Hanbin’s being bad?”
“I don’t,” Ricky claimed.
“What?”
“I don’t have morning breath.”
Even Matthew found that ridiculous. “Of course you do! Everyone does! Well, not like Hanbin’s, but everyone does.” Matthew jumped up and stormed over, Ricky was already opening his mouth for inspection.
So there Matthew was, shoving his nose in Ricky’s mouth, sniffing.
Wait.
“This can’t be possible…” Matthew sniffed again. “It just smells like nothing. How did you do that?”
Ricky shrugged. “Good gut health? Good genes, maybe.”
Matthew straightened back up, putting his hands on Ricky’s shoulders. “If I had any interest in science, I would want to study you.” Ricky just smiled at him.
Letting go, Matthew turned back around. “Okay, so Ricky doesn’t have morning breath, but Hanbin does and I find him very stinky. But if you, Hao hyung, don’t mind, then truly you’re made for each other. I wish you the best of luck!” Matthew bowed for some reason and scurried away, hearing a quiet ’thanks?’ on his way out.
Matthew was really just too good at this. Normalising platonic sleepover? Check. Making sure Hao knew that Matthew found Hanbin revolting in the mornings? Check!
All the dominos have been set in place today. Time to watch them fall.
But first he had to brush his teeth, because, unlike Ricky, Matthew did get morning breath.
______
It was another day of just practice and paperwork and photoshoots that wouldn’t be published for weeks. Matthew was actually getting a little bit anxious about the radio silence that the group was giving the fans. What if they forgot about them?
It had to be considered, right? Matthew couldn’t have been the only one anxious.
But when he brought it up to management he was brushed off. One of the managers even talked to Matthew slower than necessary as if he couldn’t understand. Matthew was boiling after that.
It wasn’t even part of the plan when he brushed Hanbin off. He had been the only one that had seen the exchange between Matthew and the manager and had gone to comfort Matthew or baby him, or whatever. Matthew had waved him off with a ‘not now, hyung,’ and stormed away to the bathroom.
He calmed himself down somewhat. Hands on the edge of the sink, head bowed and taking deep breaths.
Being an idol was his dream! One bad interaction isn’t the end of the world! Maybe Matthew was reading into it! He repeated these things like a mantra to himself.
The door to the bathroom swung open and Matthew groaned. “Please, Hanbinnie hyung, just give me another minute.”
“Just Hanbin? Am I okay to come in?” Jiwoong didn’t wait for a response as he entered. He leaned against the wall next to the sink.
“As long as you don’t pat my head and tell me that I’m doing great. I don’t need that right now,” Matthew grumbled, turning the water on and washing his hands. Just for something to do. “I know I’m being a buzzkill right now, hyung. I’ll come back once I can control my face a little better.”
Matthew wiped his hands on his sweats and brought his pointer fingers up to the corners of his mouth, pushing the sides into a smile. He turned like that toward Jiwoong.
“You know, you don’t always have to be happy? You can feel stressed and tired too.” Jiwoong took one of Matthew’s hands off his face, holding it. Matthew’s other hand dropped to his side.
His whole body sagged a little.
“I don’t know, the last time I was upset it was broadcasted and the fans stopped voting for me and I almost didn’t make it into the group. It kinda seems like I get to be happy or hated, huh?” It was dramatic. Matthew knew this was ridiculous. That didn’t mean this sort of doubt hadn’t been under the surface for a while now.
“Matthew…” Jiwoong’s voice was so soft. His hand tugged at him a little bit, then Matthew was being hugged.
Matthew really needed a hug apparently. He shoved his face into Jiwoong’s neck and gripped the back of his shirt tightly.
“The thing is, I love being smiley and the sunshine of the group,” Matthew was talking directly to Jiwoong’s collarbone. The hands on his back stroked soothingly. “I just don’t want my entire career to depend on that, y’know? They want happy, so they hate me when I’m not. They see bubbly and think stupid too. I’m not stupid, hyung.”
Jiwoong made a sound of agreement. “No, I know you’re very smart. The fans know you are too. I heard what happened from Hanbin, and you’re right. Giving them nothing so quickly after the show finished is the real stupid move.”
“Right?”
Jiwoong’s one hand moved up from his back to run through his hair. “Mhmm. I did get a different manager to tell me that we will be filming a video tomorrow to announce Hanbin as leader. I wanted to come let you know.”
“Oh. Well, that’s good,” Matthew didn’t let go. Letting the tension release from his body during the hug.
Matthew just really liked hugs, okay? Jiwoong was just really good at them!
“And the Matthew from Boys Planet doesn’t have to be the exact same as Matthew in ZeroBaseOne. The fans loved one and they’ll love the other,” Jiwoong paused for a second, clearing his throat. “I mean, they would be crazy not to, right? I, uh, loved one and still love this one.”
Matthew’s brain screeched to a halt for a second. Hyung… loved him? Loved him? Like a hyung right? Like Matthew loved Yujinnie and Gyuvin and Ricky and Gunwook. Yes, more broadly than the love that Matthew usually associates with the word love.
Maybe Jiwoong was using the more common term from what he meant so that Matthew understood.
Yes, that all must have been it.
“Thanks, hyung,” Matthew finally said. He started to pull away. “You might be beating Hanbin out for best hyung sooner than you think.”
Jiwoong took a moment to remove his hands from Matthew. His face looked a little conflicted. Brows furrowed and jaw tight. He puffed out a slight laugh. “Yeah, good to know, Matthew.”
They rejoined practice after that. Matthew didn’t see the manager that had talked down to him around again that day, and that was a relief. He felt a little guilty about how he treated Hanbin, so he made sure to give him a smile, nod and a thumbs up when their eyes met as Matthew rejoined.
It wasn’t the hardest day they’ve had, but Matthew felt so drained when they returned to the dorm. He tried to be active during dinner, but everyone seemed to know he wasn’t quite up for it.
After cleaning up, everyone split off, Matthew headed straight to his room.
But he had a little shadow.
“Yujinnie, Gunwook’s in Gyuvin’s room, I think,” Matthew turned to talk to the maknae, his hand on his doorknob.
The boy looked startled, as if Matthew wasn’t going to notice him following directly behind him.
“I actually came because Ricky said I should just ask you my questions.”
This sounded familiar but Matthew couldn’t remember why. “Questions about what?”
“Taerae hyung.” Oh! The platonic sleepover!
Matthew opened the door to his room and invited the boy in. They sat on Matthew’s bed together, and he waited while Yujin seemed to try and find his voice.
He ended up taking a bit too long.
“So… Do you have a crush on Taerae? Because you don’t need to worry, the sleepover was 100% platonic between friends. Though, you are a little too young for him, Yujinnie.”
Yujin’s face was the colour of a tomato almost instantly. “What? No!”
“Oh, really? Usually, I have a pretty good sense for these things.”
“Do you?” Yujin shot back almost reflexively.
Matthew laughed at his audacity. “Hey! I’m your hyung!” He reached out to ruffle his hair. “But, that’s better! Why are you being so shy? What’s your question then?”
Yujin batted his hands away, fixing his hair. “I do like Taerae, but in a way where I think he’s cool. We hung out and sang together sometimes when we were on the show, but I find it harder now. I know you guys all think I’m a baby but maybe I could be invited to the friend sleepovers too…”
“Doesn’t Gyuvin sleep in your bed all the time? Why are you so shy about this, Yujin?”
Yujin made a face. “Gyuvin is Gyuvin.”
Oh yeah, he was right.
“Well, okay! Let’s go then!” Matthew had planned on curling up in his bed and just being a crybaby, but little Yujinnie needed his help? That superseded sulking!
“Go where?” Yujin let himself be dragged along a bit too easily.
“We’re going to make Taerae hang out with us!”
“I didn’t mean right now! I just wanted you to invite me next time or give me some advice,” Yujin whined, but still let Matthew pull him along.
“Well, there is no day like the present! Seize the day.” Matthew didn’t even knock, and burst into Taerae’s room.
Honestly, Matthew had grown to love Taerae’s fashion sense. Seeing him in his brightly colourblocked sweatpants and chromatic sweatshirt warmed his heart.
“Taerae! Give me that laptop,” Matthew (gently) pushed Yujin to sit on Taerae’s bed, and swiped the laptop out of Taerae’s hands. He instantly started typing in the search bar.
“What’s going on? Are you alright?” Taerae looked a little concerned and Matthew saw him shoot a look at Yujin, who just shrugged in response.
“You and I are going to bond with our maknae!” Yujin gave a little wave. “You know I’ve been a bit blah today, so what would help that more than a little Youtube karaoke?”
Matthew used to love doing Youtube karaoke with his sister in their living room. They never had a karaoke machine back in Canada, so they would just look up ‘karaoke version’ on Youtube and sing from there.
Both boys needed surprisingly little convincing.
Though, Yujin did just want to spend time with Taerae, and Taerae seemed concerned about Matthew, so really it all made sense.
They used hairbrushes, water bottles and shoes as microphones as they danced around and sang along to all of their favourites. Everyone was reasonably impressed when Matthew sang One Week by Barenaked Ladies practically just from memory, and Matthew felt a tear come to his eye when Taerae sang some old ballad about lost love.
Man, their lead vocal was good.
They froze for a second when the door opened and Jiwoong came in fresh out of the shower, surprise evident on his face. He made no move to stop them though, just smiling at the group and getting on his bed.
It was Yujin’s turn to sing and he was belting out some anime opening that Matthew didn’t know. His eyes slipped from the makane’s (honestly impassioned) performance, to the slightly damp hyung on the other bed.
He was writing in his journal, something that a few of the guys kept up after the show. Matthew felt like he would ramble a bit too much and gave it up when he started getting wrist pain.
Jiwoong was very focused on whatever he was writing.
This hyung was so pretty, so handsome, so every positive adjective that could be used to describe how someone looks. Jiwoong hyung was somehow all of them.
The team's visuals would never falter with Jiwoong with them.
Their eyes met for a second as Jiwoong glanced over. Matthew didn’t know why, but he hurried to look away. A little flustered to have been caught staring at his perfect side profile. Matthew didn’t like this feeling of panic in his stomach. Why did he feel so flushed?
Taerae wrapped up the fun a little bit after that. He had ‘respect for his roommate’ or something.
Matthew was fine with that. Suddenly wanting to be almost anywhere but in that room. They said a quick goodnight, Jiwoong waved them off, and Matthew escorted Yujin back to his room.
“Thank you, hyung,” Yujin’s voice was so quiet.
“No problem, Yujinnie,” Matthew gave into the urge and grabbed one of his cheeks. Yujin whined and pulled his face out of his grasp. “Come to this hyung anytime you need anything.”
They said goodnight and finally Matthew was able to go to bed. Washing up and crawling in bed, Matthew refused to think about anything.
Just straight up said, no brain, not tonight.
And, if by some miracle, it listened.
____
They didn’t have an early schedule the next day. A bit of extra time in the morning as the only thing they had on was filming the videos to announce their leader.
Matthew had planned on just lazily laying in bed. He didn’t really feel like actively avoiding Hanbin or trying to talk to Hao or doing whatever it was he was doing with Jiwoong.
That last one actually made his chest hurt a little bit. Probably not the best thing to do today if it was going to give him heartburn.
The relaxation that Matthew had planned was just curbed stomped by two specific members.
It was Gunwook’s room too, Matthew knew that. He couldn’t be mad that he was in there.
But why was Gyuvin here again?
They were currently wrestling on the ground in the middle of the room as Matthew just stared at the ceiling. He didn’t know why they were wrestling at 8am in the morning, but they were.
There was a thump, a yelp, some whispering, and then a head popped up directly next to Matthew’s.
Matthew let out a little squeal at how close Gyuvin suddenly was. His chin perched on the edge of Matthew’s bed.
“Hey, Matthew hyung?”
“Yeah?”
“Gunwook said I was the one that had to ask, so why have you been so weird the last two days?”
Oh no, they caught onto The Plan. Time to play it cool.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Perfect.
Gunwook’s head popped up next to Gyuvin’s. “No, you have been really weird for a couple days. Yujin told us that you didn’t actually see a ghost so then why did you run in here the other night?”
Gyuvin didn’t let Matthew reply as he added, “Also, you’ve been kinda mean to Hanbin hyung and that’s weird too.”
“I haven’t been mean to Hanbin!” Matthew gasped, sitting up in his bed. Crossing his arms, he stared down at the two on the ground.
Gyuvin frowned as he sat back up. “You’ve been leaving the room when he comes into it and I saw you ignore him trying to give you a hug and then we heard from Ricky that you’ve been saying some weird stuff to Hao hyung about Hanbin being smelly. Is this because of your crush on him? If so, it’s not cool, hyung.”
Matthew was gaping at the two. “I do NOT have a crush on Hanbin hyung!” Matthew somehow whispered and yelled this. It was too embarrassing to say loudly but Matthew was also so offended at this moment.
All his hard work! For what?
Gunwook looked a little confused. “Crush on Hanbin? Isn’t Matthew dating Jiwoong hyung?”
“What?!” That was an actual screech.
“No, I told you that Jiwoong hyung is in love with Matthew but Matthew hyung doesn’t notice and is always hurting his feelings.”
“Oh yeah!”
“Woah, woah, woah, woah! I think I just forgot how to speak Korean.” Matthew was out of breath! He was panting for some reason!
The look Gyuvin just gave him! So unimpressed, oh man.
“Hyung, I feel like Gunwook and I have to be the ones that just lay this all out for you,” Gyuvin was sounding so grown up. This was comical.
Maybe this was a fever dream? Matthew was actually just trapped in a nightmare and would wake up any second.
He subtly pinched his arm.
Damn.
“If not us, then I don’t think anyone will ever say anything,” Gunwook agreed. “And then we’ll have to deal with Jiwoongie hyung’s sad eyes all the time.”
Sad?
“Sad?”
Gyuvin groaned, covering his eyes for a second. “Okay, hyung, Jiwoong likes you a lot. Like in love with you and wants to kiss you. I’ve seen how he’s been around you since Love Killa and it honestly is nauseating.”
“Since Love Killa?” Matthew could only parrot. He was probably going into shock right now.
“Mhmm, just the other night he was asking about you and Hanbin hyung because he thinks you had feelings for him.” Matthew opened his mouth to argue, but Gyuvin put a hand up. “You say you don’t, so okay I believe you. Then why are you being weird?”
“Yeah, do you like Jiwoong or Hanbin? Or neither? That’s fine, but then what’s going on?” Gunwook added. “Because Yujin said there was no ghost... But was there a ghost? Be for real.”
Matthew swallowed. Maybe telling the truth would be good. “So, no, there was no ghost,” Gyuvin rolled his eyes but Gunwook looked a little disappointed. “That night, I was actually going to the, uh, kitchen to get a snack and I might have overheard… something.”
A little bit of understanding bloomed on Gyuvin’s face.
“And I heard that Jiwoong hyung and, ah, you, Gyuvin, thought that I was in love with Hanbin. You guys asked whether Hao hyung knew and I started to worry that maybe Hao would think that I was getting between them or that I was too touchy with Hanbin… And, I don’t know, I made a plan,” Matthew explained all this while looking over both their heads. He couldn’t look them in the eye right at that moment. He could feel how red his face was.
“I’m sorry, a plan?” Gunwook asked.
“Yeah, y’know… Step 1: Avoid Hanbin, Step 2: Subtly let Hao know I’m not interested in Hanbin, and then, um,” Matthew was now just hearing this all out loud. “Then Step 3: Make sure that Jiwoong hyung knows that I’m not interested in Hanbin. That used to be Step 4 but I switched them… Step 4: Ask Jiwoong for help. I never actually got to that one.”
Gunwook and Gyuvin just stared at him in silence.
“So, yeah, that was the plan.”
Gunwook cleared this throat. “What was the reason for Step 3?”
Matthew looked at them a little confused. “So that Jiwoong doesn’t get the wrong idea.”
“And why does that matter?” Gyuvin questioned him that time.
“Because he thought I liked Hanbin.”
“Why does that matter?”
“Because he’s a good hyung that was trying to make sure I didn’t humiliate myself in front of Hanbin and hurt Hao’s feelings?”
“No, that’s not true.”
Damn, Gyuvin was not backing down. He was right though. None of that felt true. Not 100% at least.
Think Matthew. Hmmmm. Matthew had to close his eyes as he concentrated. Why did he care about Step 3 so much? Jiwoong was important to the plan, but why? For some reason a lot of the plan stemmed from Jiwoong and what he knew and how Matthew would correct him. But why?
Then it clicked.
Oh, no.
No, no.
“Oh my God, I’m in love with Jiwoong hyung!” Matthew felt like throwing up. “What am I going to do? This is so embarrassing.” Matthew flopped down, arms thrown over his face. If he screamed a little bit against his forearm, that was between him, God and the two next to him.
“What do you mean? You could literally punch Jiwoong in the face and he would say thank you.” Gunwook was no help it seemed.
“Just go up and kiss him or something!” Gyuvin was also no help.
Matthew knew who he needed. Sitting back up, he rolled his eyes at the two. “Yeah, I’ll go do that right now.”
They instantly started congratulating each other, and Matthew left them there. He had somewhere to be.
Stalking down the hall like a man on a mission, Matthew threw open a door. He stood there, his breath a little shaky.
In the bed, two figures were glued together in a close cuddle. They sat up a little when he entered, obviously concerned.
Matthew instantly started crying. “Hyung,” He wailed and dove onto the bed between them.
Immediately two sets of arms wrapped around him. “Hanbinnie hyung, Hao hyung, I’m sorry!” He didn’t know how understandable he was through his blubbering. He might have sounded like Yujin during the finale for all he knew. “I’ve been so mean to you the last few days, Hanbinnie, and I’ve said some really weird stuff to you Hao hyung.”
“Matthew, what is going on?” Hanbin was desperately wiping Matthew’s tears away and shooting panicked glances at Hao, who just shook his head and hugged Matthew a little tighter.
Great, now they were even more worried!
Matthew cried harder. “I-I-I didn’t want to ruin your relationship so I was m-mean to you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.” Hao was straight to the point.
Matthew took a few deep breaths to calm himself.
Now, he just felt silly again.
He had planned to talk to Hanbin, but when he saw the two of them together, the guilt really was overwhelming.
Hanbin was the one to break the silence. “I’m not going to pretend you haven’t been… off the last few days. I just thought that maybe I had upset you in some way, or maybe you were just stressed.”
“Hanbinnie, that makes the fact I was so cold to you even worse. Why are you being so nice? I told Hao hyung your breath stinks.” Matthew whined as he curled up between them.
“Okay, so that one is strange. I brushed my teeth four times yesterday after Hao told me.” Matthew snorted. Of course Hao told him.
Then he sighed. “I’m sorry, hyungs. This is really embarrassing and I just went over all of it with Gunwook and Gyuvin- oddly enough- but I overheard Jiwoong and Gyuvin talking about how sometimes I sleep in Hanbin’s bed and were wondering whether I, like, y’know, was interested in Hanbin… Romantically.”
Hao was the one that couldn’t hold back a snort that time. “Sorry, but why would they think that?”
Matthew whipped his head towards Hao. “Right? You can have platonic sleepovers with your best friend! And then they got to talking about ‘does Zhang Hao know?’ and I was like ‘know what?’ but apparently they thought that maybe you thought that I was in love with Hanbin too! I couldn’t come between you guys!” His eyes teared up again at the thought.
Hao smiled softly at Matthew. “I don’t think you’re in love with Hanbin. I hope you love him as much as he loves you, but I don’t think you want him in that way.” Hao pushed Matthew’s hair back off his forehead. “Also, you did tell me just how unattractive you find him the last few days.”
Matthew closed his eyes with a groan. “I must have seemed crazy.”
Matthew could feel Hao shrug against him. “I could tell something was wrong. Honestly, I thought you were trying to talk to me about your boy problems but just kept leading with Hanbin.”
“What boy problems?” Hanbin was the one to ask.
“So, that’s the reason I came actually…” Matthew started. “Well, the reason I came after apologising for being so rude and weird and mean. Which, yeah, I am really sorry about. It was a hard couple days for me too.”
“Matthew, it’s fine! I was a little hurt, but I was more worried that I had done something. Now knowing that you were trying to look out for me and Hao makes me feel a lot better. It was not a great way to look out for us though and you should have just come talk to one of us.” Hanbin finished his lecture and smirked a little. “Now what boy problems?”
Matthew whined, covering his face with his hands again. His voice was a little muffled as he talked. “It’s come to my attention that I might like Jiwoong hyung. Like a lot. Like I might be in love with him and, for some reason, I needed Gyuvin and Gunwook to tell me that.”
“Oh Matthew, that’s great!” Hanbin sounded much too happy.
“It’s not great because I think I rejected him? Or he told me he loved me yesterday and I just brushed him off as being a good hyung!”
“Oh Matthew, that’s not as great…” Hanbin sounded much less happy.
“No, this is fine,” Hao assured. He sounded so confident it put Matthew at ease. “If Jiwoong is anything, it’s dedicated. He finally became an idol after the first failed attempt, he’s a successful actor, he’s gotten Yujin to take food with him instead of skipping lunch everyday at school, and he has been unwavering with you, Matthew. I think you need to go to him, after your face gets a little less puffy, and just tell him what you told us.”
Matthew sniffled, sighed and nodded. “Can one of you get me a cold face cloth?”
_____
New plan.
Old plan was scrapped.
Step 1: Lay under the face cloth until the puffiness goes down.
Step 2: Go to Jiwoong’s room.
Step 2.5: Ask Taerae to leave, if he was there. This step was necessary because Matthew would die of embarrassment if he somehow witnessed Matthew confessing.
Step 3: Confess.
Step 4: Pause for reaction.
This plan felt a lot less foolproof than the last one.
Then again, that plan ended up being horrible so maybe Matthew wasn’t the best judge of plans.
Hao and Hanbin both seemed to think that the new plan would go off without a hitch. Matthew supposed that trusting the people that were happily in a relationship wouldn’t hurt.
“Matthew, you were good to go about 5 minutes ago,” Hao picked the cloth off his eyes. “If you don’t go now, you’ll have to wait until after the schedule today.”
The idea of having to interact with Jiwoong at the practice room after figuring all this stuff out made Matthew’s stomach turn.
“Okay, yeah, I’m going. I am going… right now.” With that, he was up and moving. Going to go to the door, to then go through it and to then go confess to Jiwoong. He was doing that, absolutely.
“Mattchu,” Hanbin called softly right before he was out the door. “You know you can climb into bed with me whenever you want, right?”
Matthew nodded. “Thanks, hyung. I do love you, just not in that way.”
“We know.” Hanbin smiled, his arm around Hao’s waist.
And he was off. Was he walking quickly? No. But he was heading in the right direction, so....
The dorms weren't that big, so honestly dragging his feet didn’t buy him anytime.
Knock, knock.
Standing there, waiting for the door to open actually felt longer than waiting for his name to be called in the finale. But like then, his mind was once again filled with moving back to Canada and getting a part time job if this didn’t work out.
Taerae opened the door, a smile starting to form on his face, but Matthew just grabbed him by his neon hoodie and dragged him out of the room, and held him against the wall. A very gentle wall holding.
“Is Jiwoong hyung inside?” Matthew whispered to the shocked man.
“Yes? What’s up?” Taerae had the decency to also whisper.
“I’ll be honest with you because we’re friends and you’re the best, but I need you to go away because I’m about to confess to Jiwoong and I will pass away if you watch me do that.”
Taerae nodded and shrugged. “Sure, tell me later how it goes.” Matthew let him go, and nodded to himself. ‘02 line was the best line.
That was Step 2.5 checked off.
Had to get through the plan.
Grabbing the doorframe, Matthew swung into the room. “Oh, hello, hyung!” Matthew smiled his best smile. His cheeks were puffy (in the good way, not in the ‘I’ve been crying’ way), his eyes squinted, his teeth were shining.
“What happened to Taerae?” Alright, not what Matthew expected the first thing out of his mouth to be but, honestly, fair. Jiwoong stood by his bed, as if he had just stood up. Possibly to check on where Taerae was pulled to.
“Oh, he went to give Ricky guitar lessons,” Matthew lied. Jiwoong turned his head, Matthew followed his line of sight to where it landed on Taerae’s guitar. Which was still there. “Ricky bought a new one and doesn’t know how to tune it or play it or anything… Yeah.”
Jiwoong didn’t look totally convinced, but he nodded anyway. “Alright, that’s fine.” He turned to smile at Matthew, but, oh, Matthew didn’t think it reached his eyes.
Like, Matthew had been very wrong about a lot of things the last few days, but he felt like Jiwoong didn’t seem as thrilled to see him there as usual. Ouch.
“What can I do for you, Matthew?”
“Just coming by to see my favourite hyung!” Matthew knew he messed up when he saw the flicker of something across Jiwoong’s face. That was probably not the best thing to say after yesterday and Matthew was man enough to admit that. Possibly, honesty was going to be the best route here.
Matthew dropped his smile. “So, hyung, I think we need to talk.”
Jiwoong made a face. A not happy face. “I would prefer we didn’t, but yeah, we probably do.” He sighed and turned around to sit on his bed. “Just come sit down.”
He looked like Matthew was about to tell him someone died. He was very resigned to whatever it was that Matthew was going to say.
Guilt twisted in Matthew’s stomach.
He was the cause of that.
He didn’t want to be the cause of that anymore.
“So, hyung, you probably know what I want to talk about,” Jiwoong nodded but he still had that horrible expression on his face so Matthew wasn’t sure if he did actually know.
Unless he regretted confessing to Matthew yesterday and was dreading this conversation with Matthew bec–
No! Stop that!
Matthew thought his inner voice would sound like his mother, his sister, maybe even Hanbin hyung… But for it to be Gunwook and Gyuvin?
He knew this had gone on too long.
“Alright, straight to it, I don’t think you actually do know why I’m here,” Matthew asserted. His shoulders were back, hands in his lap. He was taking this very seriously as one would be able to tell from his incredible posture.
“Matth-”
Matthew cut him off with a finger on his lips. “No, shush.” Pulling his hand away, Matthew restarted. “I’m here because we have been made a fool of by the classic miscommunication trope. Yes, I said we.” Jiwoong looked confused but he didn’t try to interrupt again.
“This is a trope that I thought I could recognise and avoid, but once miscommunication has her claws in you, you can’t tell up from down.” Matthew shook his head. How had he been so blind? “Anyway, I think we have both said things that the other has misconstrued. Well, mainly me, but I’m here to clear that up.”
Matthew had to look away for a second. A little overwhelmed about what he was about to do.
But he knew that if he chickened out? If he didn’t follow through right now?
Gunwook and Gyuvin would never let him live it down. Now, that was real motivation.
Taking a deep breath, Matthew spoke again. “Yesterday, you said you loved me and I brushed you off by implying you meant it ‘like a hyung’, but I don’t want you to have meant like a hyung. I want it the other way.” There was a quiet choke but Jiwoong didn’t say anything yet.
Matthew looked at him from the side of his eye, not able to face him directly. His eyes were wide, his ears were turning red. “I like you, Jiwoong. A lot. In a romantic way. And not in the way I like Hanbin, which is completely not romantic at all. I need you to know that I would like to hear you say what you said yesterday again because I have a different response prepared…”
Step 4: Pause for Response.
Oh, that was his face in Jiwoong’s hands.
Oh! That was his mouth on Jiwoong’s mouth!
Those were his hands in Jiwoong’s hair.
Well, this was working out well!
They kissed for a minute. It was a little awkward because of the way that Matthew’s neck was bent and they bumped their teeth a few times.
Also, it was perfect.
Pulling back, Jiwoong didn’t let Matthew move too far away. Matthew was panting way too much and he would have been embarrassed if Jiwoong wasn’t just as out of breath as he was.
“So…” Matthew drawled.
“As long as it’s not the same way as you like Hanbin, I can be happy with that.”
“Oh no, he’s my hyung. You’re my boyfriend?” Matthew’s voice lilted up, making it a question.
Okay, so Step 5: Kiss Jiwoognie hyung until they have to leave for their schedule.