Chapter Text
Glaring down at the bottom of the bleachers, Evan was currently not enjoying a very useless assembly on the importance of ‘mental health’ and the awareness needed in regards to it.
Alana always had to stick her nose in where it was unwanted, and quite frankly unnecessary.
He had held a much better one, years ago. Well, his future selves past, which he supposed he was in right now. Though, it was built on lies, so really how much better could it have been. Probably more impactful than what he was currently sitting through right now.
Moving his gaze a couple rows, he noticed Jared staring at him. The other gave a strained glare, but Evan frowned pointedly and turned his attention away.
Ever since that night at the Murphy’s, he couldn’t bring himself to be amicable with his ‘friend’. He doesn’t understand what he did, but whatever it was it seemed to have made Jared more interested in annoying the absolute shit out of him.
They’ve had more conversations this time around than Evan had his entire life with him before he was brought back.
Under different circumstances, it might have been.. nice. If Jared wasn’t naturally such an asshole, who Evan hated for years. So, not under different circumstances per se, but in an entire alternate universe.
It didn’t help that Jared seemed hellbent on making his entire goal difficult, all he wanted was to save Connor Murphy, was that so bad?
Apparently to the universe, he deserved some cosmic karma for trying. Which, okay, he did lie about being friends with a dead kid, but that was in the old timeline. So what’s the big deal?
That karma he supposed just came in the physical embodiment of Jared Kleinman.
He wished he could forget that night.
“Uhm, well you see,” The air in the room was starting to feel too thick, as he began rubbing his hands on his pants.
“You’ll have to forgive him, he gets anxious very easily.”
Jareds’ voice cleared up some of his memory fog, giving him a thumbs up as Evan tried to find his words.
“Anxious? What would he have to be anxious of,” Mr. Murphy frowned, narrowing his eyes at Evan, “did you do something, boy?”
That perked his head up, panic coursing through him, “No, of course not! Sorry, I just..” Running a hand through his hair, he gulped before sighing.
“Okay, so.. really, it’s not all that important or exciting. It’s just..” Trying to find the right words, he rubbed his hands together, “well, it was the first day of school. I was talking with.. Jared.” Evan gave a nod towards him, watching as Connors’ parents flickered their gaze towards the boy.
“Uh, he got upset about something- Connor that is. I do this weird laugh when I’m nervous, and I guess he thought I was laughing at him..”
Mr. Murphy scowled, folding his arms, “He always thinks he’s the victim, this is what I’ve been trying to tell you Cynthia.”
Mrs. Murphy shook her head, letting out an annoyed sigh, “Well would you like someone laughing at you?”
“O-oh, but I didn’t-”
“Of course not, but Evan just said that Connor thought he was laughing at hi-”
“So he thought that, it’s not his fault really. If someone was near you and laughed while you were upset what would y-”
“STOP.”
Everyone turned to look towards Zoe, who was frowning with her eyebrows furrowed. She sighed, leaning back in her chair, “Aren’t we supposed to be listening to Evan..?”
That seemed to knock some sense into the two, who cleared their throats.
“Right.. Sorry, sweetie. Please, continue.”
Evan fearfully looked at them, before shaking his head, “Okay well.. After I told him I wasn’t, he apologized. He told me to meet him after school, in the computer lab..?” Remembering the experience put a smile on his face, it was so different from the first time they met.
“My therapist assigns me to write myself a letter every day, about how it’s going to be a good day? My mom couldn’t pick me up, so I decided to write my letter in the computer lab while I waited for Connor..”
He could feel Jareds’ gaze on him, an intense feeling, like bugs were crawling on him. Evan had gotten better with his anxiety in the future, much better, but for some reason right now he felt he was.. regressing.
“I pressed print on it, and just waited. Then, Connor showed up. It… was an awkward conversation, I’ll admit. We talked about my arm, and he offered to sign my cast!” Holding his arm out, everyone gave a small sound of acknowledgement, having already seen it before.
“He had my paper, I guess. The one I printed for therapy, and asked if it was mine. I said yes, and he started to read it.. I’m sure you guys already have? He was confused, I’m pretty sure he thought since I wasn’t writing good things that I would get in trouble.”
“I didn’t get to read it.”
Evan quickly looked at Jared, trying to make an expression that should have clearly signaled ’now is not the time’.
“I also didn’t get to.” Zoe said, her flat voice not showing any genuine interest, yet she decided to speak anyways. With an almost fondness, he shook his head, that was so like her.
“I’m sure you two wouldn’t find it that interesting,” Mrs. Murphy tightly smiled, clearly wanting the topic to be changed as much as Evan would hope for.
Jared clearly had other plans, and no manners apparently, “Do you both still have the letter? You know, as Evans’ best friend I can’t help but worry.” He shot Evan a smug smile, and he felt the urge to push him out of his chair right there and then.
Mr. Murphy cleared his throat, “If it will get you both to be quiet.. We gave it back to Evan. However, I believe the words within it were.. what was it..” he seemed to rack his brain for a while, before nodding, “right, ‘I wish that anything I said mattered. Just mattered, to anyone.’”
Zoe froze, quickly looking towards Evan. Embarrassment filled his head quite fast, his face heating up.
“No, no. That wasn’t just it dear, I believe it was also ‘No one would even notice if I just disappeared tomorrow.’” Mrs. Murphy spoke up, the need to one-up her husband clearly still a flaw she entertains in herself.
This time, Jared froze. The stare he was given was deafening, and he knew he wasn’t going to get out of that confrontation later.
“Yes well, Cynthia, I clearly left that part out for a reason.. just as I left out the other parts.” Mr. Murphy ground out, his frown deepening.
“Uhm..” The two glanced back at Evan, “Oh, I’m sorry dear.. how about you get back to your explanation?”
Evan just stared at her, his gaze occasionally flickering to Zoe, then Jared. The humiliation he felt wasn’t something he experienced for many years, not since his lie had gotten out back then.
“W-we.. I told him it.. wasn’t something a therapist can c-control..” Struggling to breathe evenly, he put a hand on his chest, “Connor seemed to like that, h-he.. told me that he’ll be my friend..”
The dam seemed to break, and tears quickly filled his eyes.
“Oh! Uh, Zoe why don’t you go get um.. some tissues, from the bathroom alright?” Mrs. Murphy directed, standing up from her chair to make her way towards him.
He faintly heard her acknowledge the task, and some footsteps, but other than that it was as if he was in his own little world. What was happening? Sure, it wasn’t as if his anxiety was cured, but he hadn’t had an anxiety attack in a long time, at least a month or so..
“I wouldn’t touch him if I were you.” Jared spoke out just as Mrs. Murphys’ hand was about to touch Evans' shoulder.
Ignoring him, thinking it was some silly stranger danger, she tried to soothe him.
That clearly wasn’t a good idea.
Evan quickly jumped back, almost falling out of his chair and knocking into Jareds’. The other put his hands out, not touching him in the slightest, “Dude, chill out!”
He couldn’t breathe, everyone was too close, everyone knew his inner thoughts, everyone was judging him. Looking around through the tears in his eyes, he spotted the front door, and stood up quickly, practically making a run for it.
“Evan!”
Ignoring the call, he swung the door up, stepping outside. Not bothering to close the door, he made his way downward, not even bothering to go near the car.
Ironically the one thing he was avoiding instantly beeped though, the headlights flashing twice.
Fast footsteps rushed after him, and suddenly Jared was in his face, “Dude, where are you going? If you’re leaving, I’m leaving. Get the fuck in my car, now.” he swung his car keys in his face, causing the other to blink.
He must have unlocked his car while Evan was distracted.
“I- I can’t do this,” His voice shook, the tears still falling.
Jared sighed, “Look, I don’t know what exactly shook you up, but I already knew you were fucked in the head anyways. I don’t give a shit. You scared the hell out of the Murphys, and I don’t give a shit about them either.”
“Do.. do you give a shit about me?”
His voice sounded small, he sounded weak. He sounded like his old self.
How pathetic.
Jared paused, eyebrows furrowing, “I.. stop getting weird on me, just get in the car.” he got out of Evans’ sight, the sound of a car door opening filling the silence. Turning towards the car, the wind of the evening started chipping at the tear streaks down his face.
Rubbing them away, he made his way towards the passenger door, slumping himself onto the seat.
With a few clanks, the car rumbled to life, before speeding off.
It was quiet, too quiet, for a long long time. Jared wasn’t driving him home, he realized at some point during the ride. He wasn’t going to his own house either.
The silence was deafening. He didn’t know what to say, or what to do.
At some point, they came to a stoplight, and the car stood still.
“What.. the fuck was that, Evan?”
Jared was running a hand down his face, leaving it over his mouth as he frowned at the windshield. All Evan could do was stare, sniffling the snot back up into his nose.
“I mean, really. Connor apologizing to you? Him signing your cast, you guys being friends? Your note?”
Evan frowned, looking away back out towards the window.
“Were.. they paraphrasing? Is that what your letter actually said?” Evan sighed, scowling as he continued to not look towards him, which seemed to annoy Jared even more.
“In more words or less.”
Jared groaned, “I can’t do this, Evan.”
“Then don’t! I don’t know why you’re suddenly so invested in my life!”
The car instantly started speeding off again, the light having turned green while he was lost in thought.
“You forget you’re the one who involved me! I didn’t give a shit, you called me! You kept telling me all this stupid shit in your life.”
The wind whizzed through Evans' hair, his eyes squinting against the force.
“You didn’t have to listen, you could have hung up. It’s not like you’ve ever shown an interest in what I’ve had to say before anyways.”
Jared honked the horn, letting out a frustrated yell, “Yeah well…! Ugh!” he glared down all the cars that passed.
“It’s just.. you’ve been so different lately!” Jared threw a hand into the air, which quickly made it into his own hair to tug at.
“You’ve been more outspoken since the last.. I don’t know, decade? Lifetime?! I was confused, I was interested! I thought, hey,” Jared threw a quick glance his way, “he’s improving, he’s got something interesting going on! What’s his deal?”
Evan turned, and he stared. He doesn’t remember the last time Jared was this stressed, at least.. Not since before or after the Connor Project.
“You were fighting back against me, you were being openly snarky! You were seeking people out, like Alana!” Jared snapped his finger at her name, “And you told me you didn’t like Zoe anymore, which by the way, what the fuck?!”
“Jared..-”
“No, Evan! What is going on, I don’t understand. What happened this summer? You weren’t like this before, you’re like a different person. I would say your mental bullshit improved, but clearly after tonight that isn’t the case!” He slammed his hands onto the wheel, and only then did Evan realize they were parked somewhere.
Glancing around, he realized it was a parking lot, an empty one.
“Jared, I..” Evan turned his gaze back onto him, noticing he was already looking at him. He looked.. scared.
It was almost too much. Why did he suddenly decide to care now? Where was he all those years he needed him, needed a friend?
“I don’t know why you.. suddenly care so much.”
Jareds’ expression paused, before crumbling. Quickly turning away, he pulled out of the parking lot, casting a look of anger at Evan.
“Take me home, Jared.”
“Was already planning on it, fucker.”
So, yeah. That night was a bust, and so was their friendship- alliance? Whatever they had. This day was also a bust, and so was this assembly, and this whole fucking situation.
He wanted to go home, his home.
What a joke this whole thing was.