Chapter Text
Syndicate Agent: Crowfather
Reporting To: Goddess of Death
This is my third report from Hogwarts and I still don't know how to write reports properly. Why do I suck at writing these?! Moving on to the actual report, This time I have actual news to report. By news, I mean strange happenings that I can't [sensor] not include in a report nor make [sensor] sense out of it yet. Otherwise, my post in Hogwarts would be pointless. It all began about the next day after helping Pix, Joel, and Jimmy with managing their classes. After the epic Quidditch game that happened in flying class. Now this may be getting to you possibly a week later since it's less likely to track unwanted attention. Plus it's hard to send these reports out while working on teacher stuff without people consistently needing my help.
Anyway the morning after flying class, I received a letter from Professor Sausage. You know the divination professor? Yes him. I put it in the report for you to read.
-Professor Sausage's Letter-
Hello Phil,
I never thought writing a letter to a former student of mine (now a professor more or less) would actually be this hard. Guess writing to Joel a lot has made me too comfortable or something.
But never mind that right now. Rumors have spread that you are helping other teachers out such as Joel and Jimmy. Remember I do love me some gossip. I love hearing gossip on a day-to-day basis. It's my cup of coffee in the morning. Plus Joel also told me on the way back to his room in the faculty tower. Speaking of teachers, I humbly ask that you come and see me when you have the time. Remember my office is in the astronomy tower. (Don't forget to use the compass spell in case you get lost.)
Also, I would love to catch up and see what's been going down since you graduated. I'll have tea and cookies waiting. Maybe I'll even read your tea leaves. (Lol)
From,
Mythical J. Sausage
Professor of Divination
P.S. Yes I've been studying a bit of muggle lingo lately. So I'm not a total newbie.
-end of letter-
Sausage only ever writes to Joel, Jimmy, Pix, and so on. Naturally, I knew this had to be important. So I gathered my pencil and book. Just in case it might be needed. Remember I don't use quills like everyone else here in Hogwarts. Because if I teach muggle studies best use some of the things they use every day. Because it makes sense to me and it's also faster in the long run. Regardless I'll move on to what I overheard before walking in. Again I left a memory beaker for you to see. But as promised a written description of what you should have been able to see. Just in case things don't work or something. And before you ask, I got creative with the title. I know you have a pensive which is a way to see memories. You know how blood contains memories right? That's why there is a vial and descriptions. Lord knows anything can happen. I'm just the paranoid dumbass that wants to be extra sure.
-Memory Description about Omens-
I walk over to the Astronomy tower. Where Sausage's office is located. Just before I get to the door I hear voices coming from Sausage's office. One voice was Sausage and the other was a student but I didn't know his name. That's a given since I'm new and barely know anyone. I overheard them talking about something important.
Sausage spoke first, "Gem told me that you have been having bad dreams of late Fundy. You told her that they have been happening ever since the feast. Along with the fact that you've been having trouble focusing in classes since the dreams started. Care to tell me your dreams in your words." The other student named Fundy began speaking but he seemed scared when he spoke, "I don't know….. It's scary to think back to because of what they might mean." I got closer and found a window to see what was going on. Fundy looked scared out of his mind. He seemed stressed more than anyone else.
Sausage hugged Fundy to comfort him. "Hey, hey it's alright friend. Take your time. Breathe. Relax. I know it's scary but I can help. Just stay calm and tell me everything." Fundy looked at Professor Sausage and then took a breath. "Okay. It's hard to remember details but I saw two books. One made by gods?" Fundy was perplexed about this but continued anyway. "Anyway, the other book was made by wizards. At
least that's what I think." Sausage was listening with full concentration but something about all this made him look worried from my point of view. "Was there anything more to your dreams Fundy?" Fundy nods his head yes in response. "Yea, I saw a young boy that reminds me of that first year that got sorted into Slytherin. The other was to into the shadows to see clearly. Both had strings attached to them. Forcing them to use the books. Then a scale breaks. That's all I can remember." Sausage hugs Fundy to give comfort. Before giving his input, "Fundy" he pauses, "I believe you are a seer like me.
I've heard that last year you kept close to another student named Quackity. The reason for that was so you could save his life from another wizard poisoning him. Then you revealed that he wasn't solely responsible but someone else that used him. You had no proof but you were right. This was all due to dreams that you had right?" Fundy nods and Sausage continues, "Yep. Thought so. Don't worry about this. I'll look into this matter personally. In the meantime, I'll help you train your powers as a Seer. So you can better see without feeling overwhelmed." Fundy looked at Sausage with this happy look in his eyes. I think this was bothering him more than Sausage thought. Fundy spoke with a more relaxed tone than I've heard him use in this whole conversation. "Thank you, professor. This means a lot to me." Sausage smiles, "Of course. Now go to Ponk and ask him for some potions to help with sleeping. Tell him that I sent you." Fundy nods and walks out.
-memory ends here-
Okay, so I might have tested the length of this pensive memory thing. Thought it was somewhat hard to use in a script format. Then realized that using script form would have been better. I told you I was bad at writing these goddamn reports. So I switched back to using scripts for my meeting with Sausage. Also, it was because the memory can't show everything. So again I used the charm to write down everything I remember.
-Script of Meeting with Sausage-
Fundy: [leaves office]
[Sausage notices me and invites me in]
Sausage: I see you standing outside my office. Don't be shy Phil, come in.
Me: [shocked look on my face] How long have you known?
Sausage: The whole time. Also, I remembered how good you are at stealth. You tried to sneak into class without me looking a few times. [Starts giggling]
Me: What?! HOW COULD YOU HAVE KNOWN THAT? That was so long ago. [shocked look at my face]
Sausage: Did you forget that I'm a Seer Phil? [giggles with mischievous delight]
Me: [give this dumbfounded look on my face] Uhhhhhhh…… [long pause] yea I did.
Sausage: I remembered how much you love to hear gossip as much as me or was it something else?
Me: I just had a habit of being in places where I shouldn't be. Plus I got lost so easily back then.
Sausage: Ah! That's right. How could I forget?
Me: [choose to say nothing]
Sausage: Moving on, did you want coffee or tea?
Me: Coffee or black tea if you got any?
Sausage: tea? Are you taking up my offer to read your tea leaves?
Me: Bro it's been a minute since you did any form of reading around me. Also, I wanted to use this for future lessons.
Sausage: oh? Do muggles use divination?
Me: [having a long think about this] Yes and no. Yes, they do use it but most muggles don't think magic is real.
Sausage: ah yes! I forgot the magic world is supposed to be hidden from muggles. [expresses with innocence and a light air in his breath.]
Sausage: Do you think we could collab on this?
Me: Sure mate. Sounds fun.
Sausage: I forgot you say mate a lot. So tea yes? No? [says yes or no in Spanish]
Me: Yes I would love for you to read my tea leaves. Black Tea, please.
Sausage: Would green tea do? I ran out of black tea this morning.
Me: Sure. [I say with disappointment]
[Sausage makes tea and did have cookies ready for me. Apparently made them this morning so they were nice and fresh. We both sit down with our tea and had a nice chat]
Me: [sips tea and then places it down.]
Sausage: [sips tea as well then places the cup of tea on a saucer] So you did hear all that correct?
Me: yea I did. Do you think he's a Seer professor?
Sausage: Oh Phil you are a professor now. You don't need to call me by that anymore. Just Sausage is fine.
Me: [sips tea and then places it down.] Old habit Sausage.
Sausage: [smiles when he hears me saying his name. Then gets serious with a sad look on his face.] Let's get back to your question. [Gives some time to think.] I think Fundy is a Seer. What he saw isn't something a second-year student should see.
Me: What knowledge is that [paused before making the same mistake again of calling him professor.] Sausage?
Sausage: [sips his tea] Have you ever heard whispers maybe even a bit of gossip about the Book of Life or even death?
Me: I heard something about it in my travels. I think more on the Book of Death. Is it supposed to kill people or am I thinking of anime again?
Sausage: What's anime? [He says with such innocence. It hurts.]
Me: [I sit there dumbfounded and then realize that most wizards are not well aware of muggle culture still. Hence my teaching job.] It's a muggle thing. Some muggles watch anime as a form of entertainment. But that is only the beginning. Trust me I could talk your ear off and we wouldn't even be close to understanding muggle culture.
Sausage: I should stop by one of your classes then because I would love to learn more about muggle culture. I am aware of the entertainment they have in the muggle world. Though I'm confused on what Anime is but I'm sure you can introduce me to this new concept whatever it is.
Me: can we go back to the bit about the books of Life and Death?
Sausage: Oh right! Sorry! I get so easily distracted that time just flies on by.
Me: Yea I remember all the ramblings you would do. [sips my tea and takes a cookie to eat]
Sausage: Yep! [sips tea] Now to get serious for a minute. In answer to your question earlier, yes the book deals with death in many ways. It can kill and control lives. Mostly ghost lives to my knowledge. This book was created by the most powerful wizards in ancient times. [places the cup down because he has a serious look on his face.] The Book of Life has many uses which scare me.
Me: [eats my cookie listening to all the information being given.]
Sausage: One such use is controlling lives. Another is bringing people back to life and the last….. [pauses for a moment drinking his tea. He seemed deep in thought about this. Then looks at me with trust in his eyes and smiles. He places the cup down and gets serious.] The last one creates life. There is no limit to this meaning. Take it however you like.
Me: [I look at him knowing where this was going.] Like your son?
Sausage: Oh you've met my son already?
Me: Yea. I met him while teaching a lesson with Pix. He wouldn't stop talking about Joel clapping his cheeks.
Sausage: [almost spits out the tea laughing so hard. He was laughing so hard he cried.] Tell me he didn't say that to the whole class.
Me: [I smile having a giggle myself.] I [sensor] you not.
[We both began to laugh so hard after that.]
Sausage: [calmed down having a slight tear from laughing.] That's my boy. Please tell me you told Joel.
Me: Right in front of Jimmy!
Sausage: [gives the look of pure mischief and glee] Oh even better. Were they making bets?
Me: yep and Joel just said it was more debating than betting.
Sausage: [smiles even more] Yep sounds like my god daddy!
Me: [Gives a look that screams confusion.] I'm sorry but God Daddy?
Sausage: [blushes a little but uses his charm to make it hard to notice.] Oh, I forgot about that detail.
Me: [gives that I know your lying look but chose to say nothing about it. I decided to move back on topic.] Moving on, am I correct in assuming that your son is more than your average wizard?
Sausage: [looks at his tea] Yes [looks back at me.] I talked this over with Joel. So I'm not going to get in trouble if I let you in on our secret.
Me: does this secret relate to Fundy's prophetic dream?
Sausage: [sighs with heavy tension] Yes it does.
Me: [I had a hunch but said nothing and let Sausage continue.]
Sausage: [takes time finding the next words. Then looks at me right in the eyes.] Joel is one of the old gods that helped create the Book of Life. And also responsible for making our son using a combination of our blood, magic, and the book's immense power. [Ends with a smile but I knew was hiding his nervous energy.]
Me: [my eyes go wide.] So Hermès is a demi-god? [I lean back in my seat] Jesus Christ!
Sausage: Hearing Fundy talk about my boy makes me fear the worst. It is a good thing I asked you to come.
Me: oh?
Sausage: I just felt something in my gut telling me to see you again. Guess I know why.
Me: Fundy mentioned your son being controlled but also possibly another as well. Who would want to use them? More importantly, why do they want the books of life and death?
Sausage: good questions. You used to be an Auror right?
Me: [ nods]
Sausage: would you mind looking into this matter for me? I can't get into trouble. Joel wants me to keep a low profile.
Me: [I smile and finish my tea] Sure. I would be happy to do that for you mate.
Sausage: I will be stopping by flying class today. I want to keep an eye on my boy and warn Joel.
Me: good idea. I'll let you know of anything if I find out anything about this. Only if I know it's dire for you to know. I want to keep Hermes out of danger as well as you and Joel.
Sausage: [smiles and nods] Thank you [says it in Spanish] Now let me read your leaves.
Me: [smiles and chuckles] Go for it.
[Sausage reads my tea leaves with extreme interest]
Sausage: [looks at my tea leaves one minute more then gives the look of understanding. As if he's seeing my life through {sensor} leaves.] The leaves I see are ants and a bouquet. Ants are an evil omen in tea leaves that tells me that the path ahead of you will be full of hardship and difficulties.
Me: great [I say with such sarcasm that it would be obvious if you could see my face.] What about the bouquet?
Sausage: In your case this ties to luck and friendship. But I want to use my crystal ball to see more. Do you mind?
Me: Yea I'm committed man.
Sausage:
Cool Let me just set this up. Give me one second.
[Didn't take long to set up the crystal ball. Sausage was sucked into the crystal.]
Sausage:
[Had this look that meant he was enchanted by the crystal.] A trial hard to overcome alone. Three companions you will find. One has the soul of a musician but the mind of a scholar. The second bares the heart of a warrior and fighter. Last and most important bares the soul of a bold protector. The Protector will do what they can to protect but they are also reckless. They will guide you to the path you need. Regardless if you and they know it or not. One has a guitar. The Second has a sword or a weapon. Last has a scarf that bares the symbol of friendship. Find them and the path will reveal itself slowly. [he snaps out of it.]
Me: [I wrote this all down in my notebook. Because I knew this was important.]
Sausage: [looks tired] I haven't done that in a while. [Looks at the pocket watch] shame this had to end so soon. I, unfortunately, have work to finish.
Me:
[nods] Of course Sausage. I think you've given me quite a lot to process. I'll talk to you soon about that collab though.
Sausage: Oh for sure. You are going to hear from me soon. That I promise.
-End of script-
Going through all that script makes me understand why Joel and Jimmy have a long time chatting with him. The man just knows how to talk and it was something I noted down. Unfortunately, I can't send you the rest of this report or it will be too heavy for Brian to carry and I'll look sus with a crow holding a lot of papers. Rest assured I will send the next part soon.
Crowfather out