Chapter Text
The war was ending. It was such a wild thought to think about, because for one…. Neither of them had ever lived in a world where they were free. There were a couple of people who knew, who were there when Panem was still free, but most were born in a world where the Capitol ruled over them.
But also, there was a weird disconnect, a lack of involvement from them towards the war. They were fighting in it, they weren’t important in the war.
They were outsiders, looking as the war slowly progressed but unable to do anything about it. They would hear updates sure, Karen was still actively working with the soldiers, working in the lab to help the rebels in any way she could. Both Chim and Hen had volunteered in the medical staff.
They weren’t sent out, but they would treat patients coming back in from missions, and Bobby and Athena were working on greeting new rescues from districts, making them feel safe and welcome and helping them settle in. Everyone was kept busy, but they weren’t actually on the front lines fighting the war.
Buck turns on his side, eyes still open despite the darkness around him. Everything was changing too soon, and he knew that that was a good thing, but it was too soon for him.
District 13 kept working on freeing up more living space for the refugees to live in, it was a task he sometimes helped with, the heavy lifting, or just looking after the children of people as they moved into the corridors. And some days he couldn’t get himself to even leave the bed, too exhausted or simply too scared.
And he was immensely grateful for the accommodation they had been given by District 13.
“N-No-” Eddie’s voice was soft, barely above a whisper but Buck hears it anyways. He turns his head to the side, seeing Eddie in his own bed, face pinched. Eddie whimpers, moving around, head side to side as if he’s trying to wake himself up. Buck slowly sits up, frowning slightly and for a second he glances at the door.
He knows they won’t be able to hear him, it was the middle of the night, everyone was supposed to be asleep in their own rooms.
“Eddie-” Buck softly calls out, getting out of the bed and walking over to him. The room used to be May’s before they got here, but she hadn’t hesitated to give up her room and set up a temporary space in Athena’s and Bobby’s bedroom. She understood the shortage of space in district 13 with the rebellion going on.
And so had Harry and Denny, who had both accepted the loss of their own space to give their room to Chris and Abuela to share. It made the most sense for Chris to stay with his Abuela, with Eddie still dealing with the nightmares from the arena and not wanting to be separated from Buck again.
“Eddie,” Buck tries again, putting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie’s eyes snap open. He immediately sits up, and Buck narrowly avoids Eddie headbutting him.
“Chris!” Eddie shouts with a strangled yell, eyes wide with panic and breathing heavily. “Chris, C-Chris h-he-” Eddie tries, and Buck reaches out again, grabbing Eddie’s hands and holding them close.
“Chris is okay, we all are,” Buck quickly tells him, feeling Eddie’s hands shake between his. Eddie focuses on Buck’s face, still breathing heavily but something settling in him as the words process.
“Okay?” Eddie asks shakily and Buck nods.
“He’s okay, sleeping in the next room,” Buck tells him, still looking right at Eddie. “We can check on him if you want?” He asks, but Eddie quickly shakes his head.
“No,” Eddie denies. “No I don’t want to wake him up, I-I’m fine.”
“You know he won’t mind,” Buck points out but still Eddie shakes his head, hanging his head and focusing on breathing. Buck doesn’t move, still holding onto Eddie’s hand as the older man gradually seems to calm down, until his breathing slowly evens out. Buck stays, not saying anything.
Eventually, he squeezes Eddie’s hand slightly before releasing the hand. Or at least, that was the plan, but Eddie tightens his hand before he can slip out.
“Stay?” He asks softly, and Buck can’t say no to that.
“Then scoot,” Buck says, and Eddie makes room for Buck to climb in. It takes a bit of manoeuvring but eventually Buck ends up with his head pillowed on Eddie’s chest, and Eddie’s arm wrapped around Buck and fingers carting through his curls. “Do you want to talk about it?” Buck asks softly after a short silence.
Eddie stills his movements, and Buck misses the fingers carting through his hair but he doesn’t mention it.
“In my dream… Chris was with me, in the arena,” Eddie says softly, and Buck hums, glancing up at Eddie.
“Has he seen your games?” He asks, equally as soft and Eddie frowns, meeting Buck’s eyes even in the dark.
“Not live, but they keep showing it, he’s seen it,” Eddie mutters, guilt all too recognisable on his face. Eddie takes a deep breath. Buck knew that Chris was too young when Eddie’s games happened, and it did not surprise him that the Capitol would keep showing games of the previous years to Eddie and his family.
Eddie was supposed to be safe from the games, but that didn’t mean he was safe from reliving them. From seeing the footage of him dragging Greggs out of the warzone, avoid his body being obliterated and allowing his family a body to bury.
“He’s not scared of you,” Buck counters, and it’s almost scary how easy it is to read Eddie’s expression.
“He should be, he saw a killer out there-” Eddie retorts, but Buck shakes his head, sitting up a little straighter.
“He saw a man fight for his allies, and save them countless times,” Buck retorts. “He saw a father trying to get back to his son,” He adds in a whisper, and for a moment…. Eddie closes his eyes.
“I still feel guilty-” Eddie rasps, and Buck blows out a soft breath, eyes softening as he stares into Eddie’s eyes.
“I know, sometimes I do too,” Buck admits softly. “It’s not though, it’s the Capitol’s fault. You did what you had to survive, and Chris knows it,” He adds with a murmur, and for a moment he can’t help but let his eyes roam to Eddie’s lips, just a second but it’s enough for Eddie to notice. Buck can see him swallow thickly.
For a moment, neither of them even dare to speak, and slowly Eddie reaches up, cradling Buck’s face. Buck leans into the touch, fighting the urge to just close his eyes, to allow himself to drift off.
“Eddie-” Buck croaks, and a flicker of fear crosses Eddie’s face, a moment of hesitation.
“You deserve better, Buck, you deserve someone who….” Eddie trails off, and Buck frowns.
“Who what? Who doesn’t have nightmares? Who hasn’t gone through too much trauma?” Buck counters quickly, not breaking eye contact. “I don’t want better, Eddie. I want you, and I want everything you can give me, but-” This time it’s Buck who trails off, not finding the words to continue.
Eddie swallows again, thumb gently caressing Buck’s face and Buck feels so vulnerable, as if he's completely on display but not in a bad way. He feels taken care of, seen.
“But what?” Eddie asks softly, gently pressing him, and Buck closes his eyes.
“I’m not ready. I’m not ready and I don’t know if I ever will be,” Buck whispers with a broken face. “And I know what you’re thinking, you know I was sleeping around but those… those didn’t mean anything, they didn’t matter but I… I don’t know if I can ever-”
“Have sex?” Eddie finishes, and Buck nods. “Evan, I don’t need to have sex with you. Not because I don’t want to because I do, but having you is enough. I don’t need sex, especially if you don’t want to,” Eddie tells him, and Buck’s face twists.
“I do, I do want it… I just don’t know if I ever can, not with someone that matters to me,” Buck whispers, and Eddie wipes away a tear, giving him a soft smile as if to reiterate what he just said, I don’t need to have sex with you.
“And that’s okay, I meant it, Buck, I only need you,” Eddie affirms, and Buck lets the tears fall. “Besides, you’re putting up with my shit too, we’ve been awake for an hour,” Eddie points out and Buck lets out a soft laugh despite the situation.
“You’re a mess,” Buck chuckles fondly. “But you’re a hot mess,” Buck adds quickly and Eddie smiles too. And for a moment, the two fall silent, just looking at each other. Buck wants to kiss Eddie, wants him to hold him, and keep him safe but his mind just won’t let him. Not now… maybe never.
Buck sniffs, wiping the tears away and Eddie takes the opportunity to guide Buck back to his chest. “Bossy-” Buck huffs, but allows himself to be manhandled until he’s laying on Eddie’s chest again. “Are you going to be okay?” Buck whispers, and Eddie is silent for a moment, the nightmare not yet forgotten.
Buck doesn’t dare to breathe, but eventually Eddie seems to relax and he nods. “I got you,” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to Buck’s curls and he melts into Eddie’s embrace, closing his eyes as he soaks up the comfort.
“Always-” Buck murmurs, and he sighs as Eddie starts running his hand through his curls again. Eddie breathes deeply beneath him, chest rising and falling gently and Buck feels himself drift. It’s minutes before Eddie hears his breathing even out.
Eddie closes his eyes too, allowing the steady weight of Buck on his chest, and his breathing, to lull him back asleep.
*
*
*
It’s almost surreal when the war officially ends, and it sends the entire country into a state of chaos. A good chaos because finally they’re free, for the first time in 75 years… they’re free and it feels surreal. It takes weeks for District 13 to scramble together enough resemblance of a system to make sense of the chaos.
Despite all the planning, the years of rebellion… they weren’t ready yet to lead a free Panem.
They got there eventually, President Gerrard was locked up, and so were his loyal followers. The last months of the war had even turned most of the Capitol against him, and it was a struggle to figure out what to do with everyone. They had willingly cheered the Hunger Games on for years… but had helped them in the end.
It was a question that Eddie was grateful to not be a part of. He left that to the rest, and just let himself accept that the war was over finally.
Eddie’s family was flown to District 13 after a week, and Eddie had never cried so much as then as he was finally allowed to hug them again after so long. District 9 had suffered during the war, and their old home had blown up during the rescue, the one that led to Buck’s capture. It was an easy choice to abandon the district completely.
And settle down somewhere else entirely.
“Dad! Look!” Chris cries out from the water, and Eddie snorts at the irony of the statement, as if he wasn’t already watching Chris the entire time. Pride swells up as he watches his son in the water, Buck almost too close as he teaches him how to swim. Buck is there to catch him, save him if anything goes wrong.
But it never does, Buck is a good teacher, and incredibly attentive to Chris’ abilities. It’s the reason the choice to move to district 4 was such an easy one. Chris loved the water, and loved being here. District 4 hadn’t been targeted by the capitol during the war either, unlike their own district.
The Village was still a bit damaged, and virtually every person living there was privileged enough to afford to flee before things got really bad. Eddie was grateful for it, it meant they were safe here with people he trusted.
The rest of the district was still filled with people. It was so different than Eddie was used to in district 9 instead of acres of empty land, the people in district 4 were closer together. Cities is what Buck called them. Tiny communities where the people looked after each other, and still did.
It was one of the first districts they would try to rebuild, a better society this time around. The sea meant it was a perfect place for food, the nearby forests were perfect for hunting and the soil was rich enough to grow food on. Not to mention, the abundance of space.
Eddie waves at his son, and Chris turns back to Buck with a satisfied grin on his face, continuing their swimming lessons. And eventually Buck calls it for the day, helping Chris out of the water.
“Coming through! Coming through!” Buck announces loudly as he carries Chris over to dry land, and Chris laughs loudly before the sound is swallowed up by Buck throwing a towel over his face. Chris lets out a muffled laugh, scrambling to get the towel off.
“Buuuuck-” Chris whines, and Buck grins.
“Oh no, he’s escaping!” Buck laughs, pulling the towel over Chris’ face again before ruffling his hair, shaking it dry. Chris lets him, and Eddie watches with fond eyes as Buck fusses over Chris. He makes sure he’s completely dried off before Chris is ‘freed’ from Buck and he lays down on the grass next to Eddie.
“How was the water, bud?” Eddie asks, glancing at Buck still as he turns to dry himself off. Eddie’s eyes roam down for a moment, knowing his clothes were hiding the faint scars that were still littering Buck’s body, multiple scars that were from before he was even reaped. Accidents in an attempt to get his parents’ attention.
But attention they never gave to him no matter how much he wanted it. Those were long healed, scars still there but less prominent.
Buck twists his body slightly as he quickly shrugs off his wet shirt and Eddie swallows as he sees the beginnings of the scars on his back, the whip lashes he received when he wouldn’t talk, the pain they caused him when he was injected with more of the venom. They tried to break him, and the only physical reminder is the scars left behind.
Chris eventually seems to have tired himself out enough, falling asleep as he’s telling Eddie about what Buck just told him, a random fact about one of the sharks that were near the waters of district 4. Not close enough to be a threat, but they’ve seen the sharks before, and Buck knew all about them.
Eddie’s eyes connect with Buck, and he seems to realise what Eddie was looking at. Buck shrinks at the attention slightly, his shoulders pulling up and he reaches for a dry shirt to put it on.
“Buck-” Eddie starts, carefully standing up and walking over to him, wrap a gentle arm around him.
“I don’t like seeing them,” Buck mutters in the embrace, willingly letting Eddie pull him towards him. “I don’t like you seeing them, or Chris,” He adds too, and Eddie nods.
“I know,” Eddie breaths out, because he does. He’d seen them, had tended to the wounds when they were still healing, and Buck had trusted him with that. But that didn’t mean Buck was comfortable letting everyone see. Chris was smart, he knew about Buck’s capture and about the scars.
Buck just never wanted Chris to see them, too ashamed or maybe too afraid to scare Chris by showing him.
Eddie presses a kiss to Buck’s hairline, then his birthmark, his cheek, the side of his lips. Buck whines, letting out a soft laugh.
“Sap,” He murmurs, cupping Eddie’s face and kissing him gently on the lips. Eddie reciprocates the kiss, just holding him closer, keeping him safe. “I love you,” He says, looking into Eddie’s eyes with so much love and adoration. Pride swells up in Eddie’s chest at the ease with which he says it.
“I love you too dork,” Eddie snorts, pressing another quick kiss to Buck’s lips. He knows he’s addicted to it, to kissing Buck, but he doesn’t care. Buck puts up with too much from him, but maybe they both do. They both have nightmares more times than not, sleepless nights when all they can do is hold each other.
And sometimes even that is not enough, and sometimes it’s too much. There are nights when Eddie doesn’t want to be touched, too deep into a flashback where’s afraid he might lash out if Buck comes near him. Buck accepts everything, loves every part of him, and so does Eddie.
Eddie loves Buck, and he accepts everything Buck is willing to give him.
“We should get back, Abuela is making lunch,” Eddie eventually says, not wanting to remove himself from Buck but reluctantly doing so. “And you’re already turning red,” Eddie snorts, and Buck huffs at that.
“Not my fault the sun hates me,” He mutters, but accepts the concession, turning to gather the few things they brought, some water and food in case they needed it and the towels. “I got Chris,” Buck says, and without waking him up, he picks Chris up.
“Are you sure?” Eddie asks, but Buck gives him a soft smile, cradling Chris close. It had been months since he was rescued now, and Buck had thrown himself into working out after Eddie took him topside that day. It was showing, muscles bulging and Eddie feels something twist in his stomach at the sight.
Sure Buck was hot, he saw it every single day, but Buck holding his son so he didn’t have to wake up… that’s what did it for him.
“What?” Buck asks softly as he notices Eddie staring at him, but Eddie just shakes his head fondly as he grabs the last of their stuff.
“Nothing, just that you’re very good with him,” Eddie explains, and Buck’s face softens as he looks down at Chris still sleeping soundly in Buck’s arms.
“He’s easy to love-” Buck murmurs, and Eddie can’t argue with that. They both are, he loved Chris the moment he was born, and he knows Buck doesn’t believe him but he’ll tell him as many times as he needs to hear it.
Buck was easy to love too.
*
*
*
Bad days were inevitable in their lives. All of them had gone through so much, and even if they were finally safe from the Capitol… the scars still remained and would likely never fade away completely. Athena still mourned her first fiancée Emmett, who was killed too soon. And still dealt with that one time she was beaten half to death.
She dealt with May’s attempt, and Harry’s kidnapping one time.
Bobby was still dealing with his games, and the guilt over killing his family. They had each other this time, knowing they could lean on each other if things got bad. Hen had her traumas too, growing up in the districts, the capitol looming over them, and being shot and almost dying.
Maddie dealing with Doug, Chim carrying around the guilt of not being able to save Kevin…. They all had trauma, so bad days were inevitable.
“Buck didn’t show up this morning.” And Maddie instantly knows it’s a bad day, and she feels like a bucket of ice cold water has been dumped over her head.
“Are you sure?” Maddie asks, staring at Bobby as she balances Jee in her arms. Bobby looks conflicted but eventually nods.
“He knew we were meeting today, I saw him yesterday too,” Bobby tells her almost reluctantly. “He already seemed on edge then, I think it has been building for a while,” Bobby adds, and Maddie shudders, closing her eyes for a moment as she tries to gather her thoughts about all of this.
It was far from the first time this happened, bad days were inevitable. She had them too, Chim had to help her through them way too much, and so did Buck. Maddie knows it’s inevitable but Buck… didn’t deserve them. He didn’t deserve to be constantly reminded of his past traumas.
It didn’t help that Buck’s bad days were frequent, maybe more so than the others after the torture he went through and the constant assault in his childhood…. and he would withdraw the moment it happened.
“Does Eddie know what set him off?” Maddie murmurs, walking to the couch to sit down. Jee-Yun blinks her eyes open warily but Maddie quickly shushes her back to sleep.
Bobby shakes his head. “He knew something was bothering Buck yesterday, but he didn’t know what and I haven’t spoken to him today,” Bobby supplies, and Maddie blows out a breath.
“Shit, I need to-” Maddie struggles to find the words, looking down at Jee with a conflicted look on her face.
“I can take her,” Bobby quickly offers, and Maddie’s face twists slightly at the offer. Chim was gone the entire day and wouldn’t be back until late, and Maddie knew he would come back if she asked, but that didn’t mean she wanted to.
“Are you sure?” Maddie whispers, and Bobby gives her an encouraging smile.
“It’s no problem, Maddie,” Bobby assures her, and Maddie presses a kiss to Jee’s head before handing her to Bobby. The other man carefully picks her up, cradling her close. She seems to startle for a moment at the transfer but quickly settles in again. Maddie stands up carefully, looking at the two.
Bobby loved Jee, he had watched her plenty of times in the past months when they were both busy helping the district rebuild itself. Jee loved him too, and Buck would also often bring her to Bobby too.
“Thanks Bobby,” Maddie says as she grabs a light jacket, and Bobby gives her a soft smile.
“Good luck,” He tells her, and Maddie shuts the door behind her. It’s a little colder outside than she’d like, Maddie knew temperatures in district 4 didn’t drop as low as in other districts, but she was still used to the persistent heat that lingered during the summer. So she’s glad she grabbed her jacket.
Maddie knows exactly where Buck is, the same place she found him all those years ago. It was his spot to hide away, and after moving back, that didn’t change.
Buck bounced around homes for a few weeks, unsure where he wanted to stay. Maddie and Chimney moved back into their old home, a little smaller than the other houses but one they were living in with Maddie’s wealth from the Buckley family. Buck refused to go back to his childhood house, and Maddie understood.
She knew what happened in that house, about the guards that would violate his privacy there and he couldn’t do anything to stop it in fear of angering the Capitol. He stayed with Maddie for a few weeks, which wasn’t a problem as they had two spare rooms now Jee was still sleeping with them.
Eventually, it was Eddie who convinced him to move in with Chris and him. It was difficult letting her little brother go, but she knows he’s still close enough that he can easily come to her if he needs her. Or if she needed him.
The entire 118 was living close together in fact. All near the end of the Village, more secluded from the rest.
It takes her a little over 10 minutes before she reaches the hiding spot, walking through the bushes that shielded it from sight and her face softens as she sees Buck sitting there like she predicted. And her heart breaks at the sight, her little brother sitting there on the dry sand, not looking at her.
She carefully walks around him, making sure to not sneak up on him or startle him. He’s sitting on the sand with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his limbs. He’s staring blankly ahead at the water, tears streaming down his face and eyes red rimmed because of it.
“Buck?” Maddie whispers softly, and Buck doesn’t react at first. She can see Buck’s fingers digging into his own flesh, no doubt leaving indents. Maddie crouches down in front of him, keeping her movements slow so she doesn’t scare him. “Hey Buck, I’m going to touch your arm okay?” She asks, waiting for a moment but Buck doesn’t react.
She tries to reach out, and this time Buck flinches from her, eyes widening and frantically shaking his head.
“No no, bad … dirty, ‘m dirty-” He mumbles, trying to move away from Maddie’s touch. She immediately puts her hands up.
“Hey, it’s okay Evan, I won’t touch you,” She tries to assure him, and Buck is still shaking his head, rocking back and forth a little and clawing at his arms now. Maddie can see faint red streaks from his nails scratching over the surface of the skin, and she wants nothing more than to stop him from hurting himself.
Maddie is silent for a moment, knowing she can’t touch Buck right now and it’s clear he’s not listening to her. She shifts, sitting down in front of him.
“Hey, Evan?” Maddie starts again, and Buck doesn’t seem to hear her. Maddie swallows, opening her mouth again to talk. “Jee started babbling today, Chim and I were talking to each other and I think she felt left out cause she just started making these sounds to mimic us, you should’ve been there Buck-”
She doesn’t even know what exactly she’s saying, but it doesn’t matter. She knows Buck just needs to hear something, needs to hear her voice and give him something to focus on. So she continues to ramble about Jee, about her milestones, what she did this morning, or how she was growing up too quickly.
The dress Buck had bought for her after the war was too small now, they’d need another one soon.
Maddie talks, not letting up as Buck rocks himself back and forth, eventually slowing down as he listens to Maddie’s voice. Slowly but surely the movements seem to stop, until he’s sitting still on the ground, vacant eyes staring at nothing.
“Buck?” Maddie whispers, and for a moment he doesn’t respond, a few seconds pass before Buck takes a shuddering breath. Buck’s eyes are red rimmed still, but they slowly slide over to Maddie, acknowledging her presence. Maddie cracks a soft smile at that. “There you are-” She murmurs.
Buck blinks swiftly, his mind slowly processing that Maddie was right in front of him. He sags slightly, eyes shining with unshed tears.
“Can I touch you?” Maddie asks softly, and Buck’s face twists. For a moment Maddie is afraid that Buck will say no. And she’d respect that, of course she would, but she’s so glad when Buck nods. Maddie immediately reaches out, wrapping her arms around her little brother and he fully collapses onto her.
Maddie lets out a soft breath as Buck puts his full weight on her, barely able to keep them both upright. “Buck-” Maddie murmurs, reaching out to cart her fingers through his curls.
“I feel dirty,” Buck whispers softly, and Maddie cranes her neck to look at him. She stays silent, not pushing Buck to continue before he’s ready. “They….- I dont want to make you dirty too, Maddie,” Buck struggles with his words, unsure how to explain himself.
“Am I dirty?” Maddie whispers sadly, and Buck shakes his head. Maddie tightens her arms, shifting slightly so Buck is leaning on her shoulder instead. “I can never know what it was like, I only had Doug who hurt me but… I know what it’s like to have that part of you taken away. And that doesn’t make you dirty, cause it didn’t make me dirty either,” Maddie whispers almost hesitantly.
She doesn’t doubt her words in the slightest. It had taken her years to realise that Doug didn’t break her, and didn’t damage her beyond repair. And more importantly, she wasn’t dirty, there was nothing wrong with her. She didn’t doubt herself, Chimney, Buck, and later Jee, they had all showed her that.
But Buck refused to talk about anything, and Maddie didn’t want to scare him off by pressing too much.
Buck is silent for a moment, minutes pass, and all Maddie can do is sit there in tense but comfortable silence as Buck gathers his thoughts. His eyes are still staring at the water, and Maddie doesn’t press him, doesn’t push him to talk before he’s ready. And Buck takes comfort in her presence, that she’s there.
“Jeffery Hudson was killed yesterday-” Buck eventually croaks, not looking at Maddie.
“What?” She can’t help herself, the question slipping out before she can stop herself. Buck… he hadn’t told her much but she knew that Jeffery was the most frequent guard who’d force himself onto Buck… the head guard stationed in district 4 and who’d travel with them to other districts if the Capitol demanded it.
Buck shrinks slightly in on himself, and Maddie clamps her mouth shut at that, not daring to breathe as Buck takes a few steadying breaths himself.
“He managed to escape yesterday-” Which suddenly explained Buck’s behaviour yesterday, how tense he seemed. Buck closes his eyes, and Maddie notices he’s trembling slightly. “They…. He- He wasn’t going back to prison so he fought and the police shot him…. He died, they killed him-” Buck finishes with a shudder.
Jeffery Hudson… dead. It’s such a wild thought to imagine, after everything he put her little brother through. Jeffery Hudson, the headguard in district four, the person who had raped her little brother… was dead.
“How do you feel about that?” Maddie asks softly, because she knows.. She knows better than to brush it off as a good thing, something positive that Buck should be enjoying. She didn’t either when Doug was killed, maybe it was different because she was the one to kill him, but she knew how complicated it was.
Buck seems to think for a moment, deep in thought… but he wasn’t pulling away, he wasn’t trying to be a hero and protect her from whatever monster Buck had made of himself.
“I don’t know-” He eventually whispers, and Maddie can’t help but tighten her hold on Buck, a silent message that she was here for him. “I should hate him for everything he did… celebrate that he’s dead but I… I don’t know if I can,” Buck pushes out, still not looking at Maddie.
“That’s okay, Buck, there’s no right way to react. Whatever feels right for you,” Maddie tries, and Buck nods softly, a tiny whimper slipping past his lips.
“I just… There’s so much going on, I feel relieved that he’s dead because it means he can’t hurt me anymore. But I also feel anger because he got away so easily, he got off easy by dying while he leaves me to deal with everything he did to me. And I feel bad for him because I can’t help but feel like he didn’t deserve to die, and I’m mad at myself for thinking that-” Buck rants softly, voice rising.
Maddie listens quietly, feeling her own eyes burn with unshed tears. There’s so much pain hidden in Buck’s words, so much to be talked about. But Maddie isn’t surprised when Buck falls silent, hesitation clear on his face and Maddie glances at him.
“Talk to me, Evan,” She rasps, voice tight but Buck shakes his head, another whimper leaving his lips.
“I can’t, Maddie, I can’t do that to you, not with-” He trails off.
“With Doug?” She asks, and this time it’s Buck that flinches at the name, not expecting Maddie to be so open about it. “Evan, you don’t have to hide it from me. I know you want to protect me from what he did, but you listened to me when Doug died, you were there for me… now let me be there for you, please-”
And Maddie pleads, wanting Buck to open up, needing him to let go of everything he’d been carrying.
Buck snorts, a self-depreciating sound, and Maddie hates it. “How long do you have?” He asks, voice laced with self-loathing and sarcasm. And Maddie’s heart break a little at the sound.
“As long as you need, I’ll listen as long as you want me to,” She tells him, nudging him gently. Buck doesn’t look up, face twisting in a frown and for a moment he’s silent again. And for that same moment… Maddie is afraid he’s going to shut down again as he always did when they talked about it.
Buck never told her, Maddie figured out what was going on by herself. Buck never told her about Jeffery Hudson, Maddie had figured that out herself. And every nightmare since then, every breakdown he had… he would shut down before he could ever say anything, before he could talk about it.
Maddie could do nothing but be there for him as he threw himself into one-night stands with the people in the Village, or on trips to the Capitol. She had to suffer in silence as she saw Jeffery accompany him on the train, and everywhere they went. She had to watch as Buck was painted as a womaniser.
Someone who was happy to sleep around, when in reality, it was all a facade created by himself and the Capitol as he was passed around for money like he was nothing more than an object to be used.
And she’s afraid he’s going to shut down again, like he always did-
“I was fourteen when-” Buck starts softly, and Maddie doesn’t dare to move, doesn’t dare to breathe as Buck takes a shuddering breath. “M-Mom took me to the Village for a job and there was this woman… Dr. Wells-” And Buck talks, softly, hesitantly… but he talks.
And both of them cry as Buck tells about that first time, how she forced herself onto him and worst of all, how their mom had let her because she promised them cash for it. They cry as Buck talks… finally talks about how the guards were ogling at him and how his parents took advantage of that.
And Buck cries as he finally talks, finally letting go. And Maddie is there to keep himself from falling apart, holding him as he cries and screams and clings to her. But he finally talks.
*
*
*
“Dad-” Chris startles him from his thoughts, and Eddie blinks at Chris with confused eyes before his nose registers the faint smell of something burning.
“Shit!” Eddie scrambles for the pan, and quickly flips the pancake. He winces slightly at the slightly too brown pancake, but it was still fine to eat. “Sorry Chris, I was thinking,” Eddie mutters, glancing at Chris where he was sitting at the table, focusing on his drawing still. Eddie can’t help but smile as Chris continues to draw.
He never thought they’d get here, have a life where they can be so carefree, and where his son can finally just be a little kid. He tried in district 9, but with the threat of the Hunger Games over them… he never could.
It was an easy choice to get out there after the war and move to district 4, Chris and Eddie were already familiar with it, and it was clear that Buck wanted to return, so they did. It took some planning but they were allowed to move into the Village, settling in a more secluded part of the Village.
One of the houses had been damaged during the war months ago, leaving the top floor damaged but the rest of the house was still okay to live in. With Chris not being a fan of stairs, it was an obvious choice for Eddie and Chris to move in.
The rest of his family also moved to district 4, basically everyone did. The village was big enough to host multiple large families. It was built to house all the victors and all the rich folks after all. Eddie’s parents and sisters chose a house a little further away near one of the fields, they would use it to build up another farm.
They were still working on it, and most days Eddie found himself helping them around the house. It felt good, familiar, but better this time.
Pepa and Abuela were living downstairs in the same house, and they would help whenever they could. They all did, wherever they could. It would take years, if not decades, for Panem to restore itself, but for now there was a resemblance of a democracy, something so foreign to all of them.
“Dad?” Chris calls out eventually, and this time Eddie manages to get to the pancakes before they burn. “Can we go swimming again today?” He asks, and Eddie glances at him.
“Didn’t you plan something with Harry and Denny?” Eddie counters gently, and Chris huffs out a breath. Eddie has to remind himself that Chris was growing up, he was almost a teenager. “You know your education is important Chris, maybe another time. Buck said he was going to be busy today too,” Eddie tells him.
He’s grateful that the rest of the 118, the name still sticking, had moved with them. Chris loved hanging out with Denny and Harry, or at least when they didn’t have to work on their education. May had joined Sue, Linda and Josh by setting up an education plan for the children in district four.
It allowed the parents to focus on rebuilding the cities, and their children were allowed to be children for once.
“You have to come too dad, Buck said you’re scared of the water but it’s not scary,” Chris tells him, and Eddie chuckles.
“Not even a little bit?” Eddie teases, nudging Chris and the younger boy laughs, shaking his head. “Are you absolutely sure?” Eddie asks, poking Chris’ side and the boy lets out another laugh, squirming away from his touch. Eddie loved hearing Chris laugh, to be so carefree for a moment.
Eddie never thought that he would have this, be with Christopher and be safe.
Eddie pokes Chris again, but eventually relents and stands up again. “Maybe I’ll join next time, but your Abuela needs my help with something today. I’m dropping you off at Bobby and Athena’s house first,” Eddie tells him, walking back to flip the pancake again, this time not burnt.
He continues making the pancakes, setting them on the table in front of Chris before he hears a knock on the door. Eddie frowns, glancing at Chris.
“I didn’t do anything,” Chris tries, and Eddie rubs his arm quickly.
“Eat your pancakes,” Eddie chuckles, pushing the plate closer and walking over to the door. The house wasn’t that big, which Eddie liked. Originally it was bigger before the top level was destroyed, but there was still plenty of space for them to live in. A kitchen at the back of the house leading to some sort of yard.
There was a table in the kitchen itself, where Chris was sitting on, but another table in the room next to it. The living room was next to that, both connected to the hallway. There was a smaller bathroom at the end of the hallway, next to Eddie’s room, and Chris’ room was next to the front door.
Originally it served as another space, and bedrooms were exclusively upstairs, but Eddie didn’t mind, he was just glad to have a home to live in.
“Maddie?” Eddie frowns as he opens the door.
“Can we come in?” She asks softly, and it’s only then that Eddie realises Buck’s standing a little bit behind her, eyes still red from crying.
“Buck?” Eddie asks instead, and Maddie steps into the home so Eddie can reach out for Buck instead. Buck willingly steps into his arms, and Eddie brings him close, tightening the hug. Buck buries his face in Eddie’s embrace, but he doesn’t cry, just sagging against Eddie as if someone cut the strings holding him up.
Buck shudders, and for a moment Eddie can only look at Maddie with wide eyes as she watches them sadly.
“It’s a bad day,” Maddie reveals softly, putting a gentle hand on Buck’s back. “I didn’t want to leave him alone, I can stay if you need to be somewhere but he wanted to go home,” Maddie tells him, and Eddie’s heart swells at the way she says home. Because it was, this was Buck’s home, even if he didn’t want to accept it.
He was here most of the time, looked after Chris, cooked for them, and helped him with his PT and whenever they went swimming.
“No, it’s okay,” Eddie shakes his head, turning to Buck instead. “What do you need, cariño?” He asks softly, and Buck slowly pulls out of the hug, staring at him with red rimmed eyes.
“I’m sorry-” Buck whispers, but Eddie shakes his head again, putting a hand on Buck’s cheek.
“None of that, we have each other’s back, remember?” Eddie asks, carting his fingers through Buck’s hair, and Buck nods hesitantly. “Thank you, Maddie,” Eddie directs at Maddie, sending her a grateful smile for bringing Buck back to him. Maddie smiles back at him, walking over to Buck.
“I love you, little brother,” She says.
“Love you too, Mads-” He murmurs back, smiling softly as she presses a kiss to his birthmark before leaving the house, and leaving Buck with Eddie.
“Let’s get you into something more comfortable,” Eddie tells him, and Buck let’s him. Even Chris manages to eventually convince his dad that he can skip school this once, and the three of them end up in the giant bed. Chris in between them, surrounded by Buck and Eddie on either side.
Buck doesn’t talk, just allows both Diaz boys to manhandle him without any complaint. And he closes his eyes as Chris reads a story from one of the books he was given, written long before the first uprising, before the Capitol even took over.
Eddie’s hand still carts through his hair, and he lets himself be pulled under knowing he’s safe in this room, with his family.
*
*
*
He watches them play, chasing each other as they laugh loudly. Everyone seems so carefree, and for a moment they are, all that matters is now.
Harry laughs, using his arm to splash water at May, who gasps loudly. “You little brat! I’m gonna get you!” She exclaims, and before Harry can even run, May grabs her little brother and throws him straight into the water. Harry splutters, breaching the surface of the water and May grins at him.
“Oh she’s in for it now,” Buck laughs, sitting down on the grass with a soft smile as he watches Harry and Denny team up to take on May. And Buck can see the smile on May’s face as she’s chased through the water, managing to outswim both of them for a while before they eventually manage to get to her.
Even Athena lets out a fond chuckle from the side, safely out of the water and sitting next to Bobby as they continue preparing the food. It’s been almost a year since the end of the war, almost a year of peace and a year where they were finally safe from the Capitol after 75 years of oppression.
They all knew how much chaos there was in the Capitol still, and in the districts but everything was settling down. The districts were being rebuilt, District 13 was working on a way to punish the prisoners and get justice for everything that was done but also find a way to move forwards.
The 118 was outside of that, not wanting to be involved any more than they had to, so they didn’t.
“I can’t believe we’re all really here,” Maddie eventually whispers, loud enough for Buck to hear. He glances at her, and then Jee who’s happily babbling in her lap. Buck chuckles, sticking out his tongue at her and Jee giggles at that.
“Ba!” She cheers, and Buck grins.
“That’s right, Ba!” He affirms, leaning over to tickle her tummy. Jee lets out another squeal, repeating what she just said, ba ba ba. It was the closest she could get to his name, but it already meant the world to Buck. She was speaking more and more, but she only knew mama and dada so far.
So she may not be able to say his name, but she knew him, tried to say it.
“I’m gonna let her swim for a bit, you wanna join?” Maddie eventually asks, already picking up Jee and balancing her on her hip. Buck glances at the water, but eventually shakes his head.
“I’m good,” Buck says, settling back down again as Maddie walks away with Jee to the water. She passes Eddie quietly, whispering something to him and causing him to look at him. Buck can’t help but smile, stomach twisting when Eddie gives him a small smile as well before turning back to Chris.
They were both sitting on the sand, building some sort of sand castle.
“You okay, kid?” Bobby asks eventually, walking up to him and handing him a plate. Buck accepts gratefully.
“Perfect,” Buck answers, and he means it. This, the entire 118 together, safe… it’s perfect.
“I’m proud of you, kid,” Bobby tells him, and Buck blushes slightly at the praise, looking up at the person who has almost become like a father figure to him.
“Thanks Bobby, and I don’t just mean for the food, uhm-” He stops, face twisting slightly as he tries to find the words. “Thank you for being there, you know with all the nightmares and the recovery… I know I wasn’t always the easiest person to be around-”
“No, you weren’t that bad,” Bobby says, and for a moment he hesitates before sitting down next to Buck. “Listen kid, you don’t have to thank me for that, we were there for each other,” Bobby adds. Bad days… they all had them, including Bobby. He still mourned his family, still dealt with the scars of surviving his Hunger Games.
There were days where the roles were reserved and it was Bobby who needed someone to lean on.
“Still, thank you for being there,” Buck eventually settles on, and Bobby smiles at him.
“How about you help me with the food, I can use my sous chef?” Bobby asks, and Buck laughs at that, a grin appearing on his face.
“Always-” And Buck follows Bobby back to Athena, sticking to Bobby’s side as he puts Buck to work on flipping the meat as Athena continues to prepare the rest of the food with the help of Karen. Hen had been roped into a water fight, along with Chimney. And Buck watches with a content smile on his face.
His family was here, and they were all safe. And eventually, Buck knew that they would be okay.
And Buck watches slowly as the sun continues to set, and Chris ends up falling asleep next to him, cuddled safely between both Eddie and Buck and Buck smiles up at him.
“Why are you smiling?” Eddie asks, voice slightly raised as he looks at Buck with a curious expression. Buck just grins wider, glancing back at the rest of his family. Jee fast asleep on Chim’s chest, who had fallen asleep too. Maddie was sitting with her feet in the water, talking softly with Karen.
Denny was attached to Hen, clinging to her like a koala but also fast asleep after such a long day. Harry and May were also near the water, still awake and talking softly. Athena was wrapped in Bobby’s arms watching the kids silently, and Buck turns to Eddie again.
“I love you-” He murmurs, and Eddie’s face softens at that, shaking his head fondly.
“I love you too, Buck,” He says, and Buck lets Eddie wrap him up in his arms. And Buck closes his eyes, knowing he’s truly safe.
They all were.